Obunga
Wasp stings don’t usually kill you.
Wasp stings don’t usually kill you. However, the only reason a wasp doesn’t kill you is because it can’t. If it could, it would.
“They’re just territorial!” So am I. Turns out, I am the more dangerous territorial animal, which makes this my territory. It can either leave, or die.
“They’re incredibly important and useful!” So is a neurosurgeon. If one walked into my backyard and started poking me with a needle angrily, I’d rock their shit, too.
“They’re just little animals living their life.” Me too, homie. And part of the human life experience is running the fades of anything that attacks us.
“The chemicals on your skin confuse it!” See the earlier neurosurgeon example. I don’t care if I’m wearing Eau De Fightclub #7, you attack me, it’s on.
I offer the same rule to all animals, big or small: You wanna hang out near me, cool. You enter my home or attack me, you die. I don’t care if you’re a person, a spider, or two flies in a coat.How to Cum So Hard You Trigger Another Cambrian Explosion
We all love cumming! Unfortunately, even the best cum rarely result in a global surge of biodiversity comparable to that of the Cambrian Explosion, a diversification of modern life that occurred approximately 540 million years ago and created nearly all species that are alive today. If you feel like there’s simply no way you can cum hard enough to change the course of geologic history, don’t worry. Here are four tips for bringing your cum to the next level by triggering a major evolutionary event:
Cum in a highly oxygenated environment.
Scientists have hypothesized that an increase in atmospheric oxygen prior to the Cambrian Explosion may have facilitated the ability of different species to grow and develop. If your cum isn’t resulting in the desired surge of flora and fauna, check to make sure you’re not cumming in an oxygen-starved environment.
Fuck and cum in a bird.
This one may sound a little sexually adventurous, but The Cambrian Explosion is believed to have been partially triggered by a sex race between predators and prey. By bringing the current sex race between humans and birds to the next level when you cum in a bird, you could set off a new wave of evolutionary chaos in which birds can breed with humans.
Drink milk before, during, and after cumming.
Some scientists have argued that an increase in the amount of calcium in the Cambrian seawater made it possible for a wider variety of organisms to build their skeletons, resulting in increased biodiversity. Do your part to increase the calcium content in your environment by drinking milk so that any cum released from your scrotum can be used by nearby clams or mollusks to generate new skeletons for themselves.
Finally, try cumming in a bog or mud pit.
Without fossil evidence of the increased biodiversity caused by your Earth-shaking cum, future scientists will be unable to pinpoint when and how your cum gave rise to an explosion of biodiverse life. So by cumming in a peat or mud pit your cum can be fossilized for future generations to discovered.
So there you have it! four tips for cumming so hard that you bring about a new wave of unprecedented biodiversity on Earth.MCU movies
The Year is 2050. Go to movies, it's the weekly MCU movie. Disney logo on screen. It's phase 12 of the story. Movie starts, Tobey Maguire is in a wheelchair. A burglar comes into his house, steals his Funko Pops. Tobey says "it's peterin time" (this is a reference to the hit 2022 film morbius). Also says "that sounded better in my head." He puts on his mask, the crowd screams until my ears ring. He swings at the man as he's running away. A portal opens and captain Europe steps into the scene. Tobey accidentally swings into him He says "it's all good I have healthcare". Crowd cheers, captain Europe had his own TV show in 2048 and this is a reference to his prostate exam episode in season 6 where he makes the same joke. Tom Holland and Andrew Garfield come through the portal and point at each other, making the funny Spider-Man meme again. They all start jerking each other off as the camera zooms out, revealing the Death Star and the Star Wars theme briefly plays. Crowd cheers again before the screen cuts to black and Darth Vader's laugh plays. Post credit scene shows Thanos reappear, and he says, "I'm coming for you Redditors." Crowd cheers one last time, before news sources are saying this is one of the best movies of all time. Thank you Disney for saving the film industry.Pronouns In War
Please consider pronouns before going to war
Remember that, in the fog of war, people will likely refer to you by the gender assigned to you at birth.
So make sure you wear a badge with your preferred pronouns so that you don't suffer unnecessary verbal violence and bigotry in the field.
The last thing you want to hear is someone mis-gendering you as you bleed out after a fire fight.
Expect to encounter a lot of heteronormative language - typical of the chauvinist environment in which you will find yourself.
Shouts like "watch out, lads", "listen in, boys" and other micro-aggressions will wear you down as the white male dominated armed forces attempt to erase your lived experience.
If you can, be the change you want to see. You can do this by shouting "Zhere coming from the south!", or "two possible BIPOC folx taking cover at your 6!".
People will respect your efforts to be inclusive in the theatre of war.
Ultimately, silence is violence, and you'll be wanting as little additional violence as possible.