I love science, me. Without it we'd never have been able to comprehend what at one point were life's great mysteries. From Newton's theory of gravity to the splitting of the atom, throughout history scientists have pushed the boundaries of human consciousness and experience, enabling us to learn more about this thing we call existence. For whatever questions we have - great or small - it is there to provide an answer.
And those questions just keep coming. Recently a man posted to Reddit: "I don't know if all guys do it, and I don't do it in public or around people. But if I'm alone and scratch my balls, I definitely do it.
"Also when I get done working out and jump in the shower I also my sniff my sweaty briefs where my balls rested, then I'll scratch my nuts and smell my fingers. The answer as to why I do this is actually pretty simple: I like the smell of my balls."
And - as always - science once again came forward, puffed its chest out and offered a reply.
Biopsychologist Nigel Barber, who specialises in sexual and reproductive behaviour, told MEL Magazine men do it - and wait for this because it's actually fucking brilliant - #to feel alive'.
"I doubt that sensing our own odors or pheromones is related to hygiene," he said. "Perhaps it's an example of self-referential behavior analogous to looking at oneself in a mirror. In each case, the perception of self may elevate mood and boost self-esteem.
"Presumably, people who preen before a mirror feel better as a result and perception of body odors may be similar. Interestingly, though, dogs - that aren't self-aware - have little interest in their own scent."
Related video:
undefined undefined Apparently our instinctive attraction to our own stench is an example of egoism, a philosophical theory that puts the self above all else. And ironically it's one of the things that separates us from the animals.
So there we have it, sniffing your sweaty bollocks reassures us that we're special little snowflakes, individual and unique, and totally not cogs in the cold, unforgiving machinery of life.
I WANT A MONKEY TO RIP OPEN MY ASSHOLE AND RAPE ME SO FUCKING HARD AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I WANNA GO BAREBACK WITH A SILVERBACK
I WANNA COOM WITH A BABOON
I WANNA GET FUNKY WITH A MONKEY
I WANNA EAT THE FETUS OF A RHESUS
I WANNA HAVE A VERVET BE MY PERVERT
I WANNA HAVE A MANDRILL'S MAN-DRILL
I WANNA PYGMY TO PEG ME
I was only twelve years old. I loved Suisei so much, I had all the merchandise and watched all the concerts. I'd pray to Suisei every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "Suisei is love", I would say, "Suisei is life". My dad hears me and calls me a simp. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Suisei. I called him an anti. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Suisei. I'm so happy. She whispers in my ear, "Suisex". She grabs me with her small fingerless-gloved hands, and puts me on my back. I spread my mouth wide for Suisei. She sprays Suipiss all over my face. I'm suffocating, but I do it for Suisei. I can feel my nostrils burning as I choke on the Suipiss. I endured against her stream. I want to please Suisei. She sings Stellar Stellar, as she fills my mouth with her love. My dad walks in. Suisei looks him straight in the eye, and says, " Otsumachi". Suisei turned into a comet and leaves through my window. Suisei is love. Suisei is life.
Yeah I’ll start fucking jacking off and smearing my jizz all over my face and hair and chest and stomach. It’ll be like a daily ritual for me. Three pumps and I’ll smear it all over myself. Just think of that American psycho scene: I live in the Midwest. Out in the country. I wake up in the morning, because the early bird gets the worm. I like to begin my day by jacking off five times into a towel, and then I rub the towel over my face. This gives my face a soft glow. Many women have complimented me on my soft face..
I live in the American Gardens Building on W. 81st Street on the 11th floor. My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine. In the morning if my face is a little puffy I'll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do 1000 now. After I remove the ice pack I use my deep pore clensing semen. In the shower I use a water activated cum cleanser, then a honey cum body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating jizz scrub. Then I apply an semen-mint facial mask which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave seminal lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective cum.
Stop saying the word cum so much are you fucking retarded? What's so funny about semen? AHAHAHAHA CUM COOM CAM CAM HAHAHA LOOK AT ME. SEXSEXSEXX AAAHHAAHAH!!!!!!SHUT THE FUCK UP MAKE IT STOP. Me (M18) and my gf (F19) were doing the good sexy sex when I decided to browse Reddit and then I see it: CUM!!!!!!! WHYYYYYYY??? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS????? THATS SO FUCKING DISGUSTING AND IMMATURE AND MY GF LEFT ME AFTER SHE READ THAT! THATS SO FUNNY FOR YOU ISN'T IT???? ISNT IT WHAT YOU WANTED??? NOONE RUINS MY SEX SEXY SEX SEX WITH MY FEMALE COMPANION.
Sincerely, FUCK YOU
Weird fact: the Easter Bunny was the source of a significant amount of theological debate during the 1200's, as Catholic philosophers debated why God would create a creature in a constant state of labor (and thus suffering). The Catholic Church ultimately resolved this question by declaring that the Easter Bunny orgasmed every time it laid it an egg (which it was doing constantly). This is now codified in Canon Law (the legal code of the Catholic Church and much of Europe in the pre-modern era) and saying that the Easter Bunny does not orgasm with every egg laid is considered blasphemy and grounds for excommunication from the Church.
