>There's a school shooting.
>Put on all of my tactical gear. Rush to the scene
>Hear gunshots from inside the school.
Kids inside the school calling 911 for help
>Establish a perimeter. Parents begging us to storm the school and save their children
Tell them it is not a safe environment, police officers could get shot
>Kids keep calling 911 for help
>Parents get rowdy. Start screaming and trying to rush the school themselves
ITS LAW ENFORCEMENT TIME
>Start screaming at parents to back up
>This one guy tries rescue his kid, so I tased him
>Had to handcuff and taze a few parents for their own protection.
>Good thing I got all that tactical gear.
>Police Chief releases a statement that they are thankful that no officers sustained life threatening injuries.
I had a squirter gf once and dude let me tell you. She would just squirt so fucking much and it legit just felt like she was peeing on me a ton if she were on top.
And dude the fucking bed would get fucked. Sometimes I'd stay up all night cleaning it with peroxide and baking soda and vacuuming up the liquid or laying a fan on it and waiting hours for it to dry.
It was fucked.
It was just so fucking much. An absolute huge lake in my bed.
Well, one time I pissed the bed a little. Don't even know what happened but I peed and I woke up and was very embarrassed and told her and she had the audacity to be disgusted with me about it.
And I'm thinking like, bitch, you've been fucking pissing on me for two years now.
And I ain't never been in to that.
But I let you piss on me out of love and you are gonna shame me because I dreamt I was pissing in a toilet and then pissed the bed ONE TIME.
Fucking wild the nerve on that girl and let me tell you, that cum piss smells weird and if you don't get those blankets washed, oh boy. Gross smell.
But dude, not even a plastic lining helped, it was so much. Went right through.
To this day, I just want to fucking understand why she squirted so much.
It was legit like a waterfall or a broken geyser.
I just want to understand. I straight got PTSD over this. I just wanna learn what was going on with her vagina and where she stored all that liquid.
Keeps me up at night sometimes as I try and figure it out but Google ain't like it used to be.
🚨ALERT🚨 🚨ALERT🚨
PRIDE 🏳️🌈 MONTH🗓 IS OFFICIALLY OVER❌
MEN ♂️ AND WOMEN ♀️ OF THE NATION🇨🇮🇧🇼🇧🇿🇨🇲🇧🇷🇨🇨🇨🇲🇨🇰🇨🇫🇨🇮🇫🇰🇪🇦🇪🇹🇫🇮🇩🇯🇫🇲🇭🇲🇬🇵🇮🇪🇮🇱🇮🇲🇬🇹🇮🇴🇭🇰🇬🇾🇲🇵🇱🇷🇲🇴🇲🇨🇱🇻🇲🇱🇲🇱🇳🇮🇵🇭🇴🇲🇳🇺🇴🇲🇳🇪🇵🇪🇵🇫🇳🇦🇸🇭🇸🇽🇶🇦🇸🇬🇶🇦🇸🇪🇸🇸🇸🇽🇸🇭:
IT IS NOW ILLEGAL TO BE #GAY 🏳️🌈 ANYWHERE ON STRAIGHT📏 MOTHER EARTH 🌎🌐🌍🌏
BISEXUALS MUST HEAD TO YOUR NEAREST GOVERNMENT BUILDING 🎟 AND RECEIVE A "Bi-Ticket Admission Allowance System Check in Mark" TO BE PUT UNDER EXAMINATION 🔍 TO DETERMINE IF YOU ARE TO BE LEFT IN THE GENE POOL. 🤽♂️🤽♀️
THE 🏳️🌈❌GAYSTAPO❌🏳️🌈 👮♂️👮♂️🚔🚔 WILL BE INSPECTING ALL RESIDENTS🏘 OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 🇳🇺🇳🇺🇳🇺 TO SEARCH FOR ANY GAY ACTIVITY
ANY HOMOSEXUAL ACTIVITY CAN WARRANT ARREST🔒👮♂️OR POSSIBLE ☠DEATH☠ PENALTY
STAY VIGILANT AND STRAIGHT📏📏❌🏳️🌈❌🏳️🌈❌🏳️🌈❌🏳️🌈❌
pride month is over. All gay people instantly begin to spontaneously combust, trans people begin to morph into various citrus fruits and are sold as novelty items from a different time. Bisexual people are instantly split in half by the invisible blade of corporate disinterest and the non-bianries are legally banned from using the number 0 in any scenario.
The pride flags and corporate twitter profile pictures are instantly detonated to make room for more advertisements, posters promoting diversity and inclusivity are ripped down and destroyed by once-inclusive teachers all across the country. and the price of lube decreases by an average of 76% worldwide.
Pride month is over. Greed month is upon us. May all who savoured their taste of freedom, cower in the face of pure capitalism
If you're not careful and you noclip out of reality in the wrong areas, you'll end up in the Backrooms, where it's nothing but the stink of old moist carpet, the madness of mono-yellow, the endless background noise of fluorescent lights at maximum hum-buzz, and approximately six hundred million square miles of randomly segmented empty rooms to be trapped in
God save you if you hear something wandering around nearby, because it sure as hell has heard you
I am a New Yorker. I wake up at 5am every day of the week in my 50 square foot run down apartment in Harlem where the rent is $9,695,748 per week. When I wake up I see 5 rats on the side of my uncovered kid mattress stealing pizza from my fridge. I disregard my crappy living conditions and start heading for work. Not even 5:10 in the morning and the traffic is as congested as the nose of a protestor enduring tear gas. There are more cars on the road than bills to pay. I squeeze my way to work through constant honking and finally get to my hellish office job in downtown Manhatten at 8pm. I sit in a little cubicle (the one with the pillar) while my boss screams racial slurs at incoming customers. I have to cope with this bullshit, as I was for 23 years in this job with $5 an hour pay and no promotions. After getting home at 6am, I time travel with my yankee hat to 5am as that is the time I wake up. Such is the life of an average New York City resident.
