Okay so hear me out. If you are a man blessed with a millimeter defeater you have ultimate powr. Everyone says "no mircropenis bad" and "female get no plesur." One would think these things mean you have less success as the alpha male you are but this is the complete opposite truth. With the amazing micropenis, you can imparaganate all the females your heart so desires.
How to imparaganate: You have yor micropenis, but you wanna knoe how to use it right. Imagine this- you are at the club and see all the amazing maidens surrounding you. You just know you haev to imparaganate at least one of them. Quietly, you unzip yor pants and reveal your mini marvel. You walk around and find the most fertile female at the party. You accidentally bump her from behind. She thinks that this is just mistaek since there are so many peeple. Little does she know however that you have rammed your tiny injector all 2.346 millimeters insid her. Instantly from all the amaezing plesur that you feel you bust a massive load. But she feels nothing cause yor weenor is so smol. After this 0.00000000001 second exchange you pull out and apalogize for your silly silly mistakey bump. She dusts off and walks away. As you also step back from the scene you smile because you know that you just gave this female the fruit of your loom. She shall be the wonderful bearer of your child.
With this amazing knowlidge, you know run around imperaganating all the females of the world while they have not a clue. Your micropenis has singlehandedly carried on your bloodline for thousands of millennia.
The takeaway: Micropenis = stealthmode = fertilization = carry on the legacy of the great father of the new generations
A few days ago, after ejaculating, I noticed that my cum had a delicious aroma and decided to give it a taste. I both regret it more than any other decision I have made in my life and see it as a positive, life-changing experience.
Cum has a taste like no other. It has both a subtle sweetness that I didn’t know was possible to achieve and a tangy, bitter aftertaste that I can’t describe as anything other than divine. The consistency depends on my fluid intake, but the viscous yet fluid type is what I like. I have noticed that I need to have 1.5-2 liters of water, 6 hours before ejaculation to achieve this consistency, which is neither too runny, nor too jelly-like. This is the kind that can be consumed straight after ejaculation, without any additives.
The runny kind does have its uses, though, unless it is too runny. I’ve tried making cumlettes with it and they’ve turned out really well, except for the quantity, of course.
I like to have the spongy, jelly-like stuff (which comes out when I’m dehydrated) with a bit of powdered sugar on top as dessert and it is absolutely scrumptious.
The bad thing about this is that I can only cum so much every day, which makes it harder to secure nutrition, as normal food seems bland to me now.
Before you do anything, they have to check pretty much everything. You need a weight check, you need to get a lot of blood drawn, you need to get felt up by a nurse, the whole nine yards.
You have to sign a document labeling what to do with it in case you die before using it. One of the options was giving it to somebody for their own personal use. I have no fucking idea what that meant, but it scared me that anyone wouldn't just toss it once they died.
I had a doc tell me I have wildly high sperm production in density and amount. You ever have a medical practitioner tell you that you cum buckets of premium jizz? I have!
They had fucking charts on the walls with instructions and diagrams. Detailed descriptions, instructions what to do in case of a spillage, and literally seven signs telling people to wash their hands before and after.
They had an entire cupboard filled with bottles of lube. They restocked the room after every patient. There was a button you could use to call someone in case you RAN OUT OF LUBE!
The couch was the LEAST SKIN FRIENDLY MATERIAL ON THE PLANET. Idk what it was but it was terrible in every way.
There was a sink. There was not a paper towel dispenser.
It was not a soundproof room but they had a fucking world class sound system to watch porn on. IT WAS SURROND SOUND! FOR PORN!
There was 5 locks on the door.
There was a lamp. I have no fucking idea why or in what context the lamp would be used for. There were no magazines.
They had no instructions for the confusing as hell TV. 80% of the videos they had were gay porn.
When you're done, you had to take your sample out of the room to bring to the nurse. The hallway to the nurse was in full view of the waiting room. You would have to walk by at least one innocent citizen holding a cup of your jizz.
I was deeply uncomfortable for the entire process.
I could go on and on about this enigma of an experience.
oh my god drop the porn addict shit dude A porn addict would have their dick in their hand on the constant. They would be unable to stop and they would be unable to focus unless they have their hand on their dick or a finger in their puss. Your painting me as someone who watches people fuck like a 4 year old watches cocomelon. And to that I say, I listen to porn not watch it. It's more stimulating. But thats besides the point, right now I wanna focus on the fact that your painting me like someone who wont shut up about it, can't not talk about it, wont talk about anything else other than sex. Which isn't true. Of course your kind of forcing my hand to talk about it, but fun fact! I do talk about other things. When it comes to people I actually, oh Idunno, care about, I do talk about other stuff and throw in a horny joke because its FUCKING FUNNY. I make jokes about current conversation and if I can turn it from T for Teens to M for Mature with one sentence and its tasteful? Hell yeah i'm gonna do it. You've obviously never talked to (woman) with her filter off, or her friends, or my friends, or really anyone at this school. Sex really isn't that taboo of a subject especially when TEACHERS ARE MAKING JOKES ABOUT IT TOO. Is it common? No not at all, but i've been at the forefront of these jokes before. Front and center, best seat in the stadium to (teacher) making a sex joke, or that one time on the VERY FIRST FUCKING DAY someone made a daddy kink joke to (teacher). Directly to him and the entire class, no hesitation. So yeah. it may be my fault, but it sure as hell aint only my fault. I'm surrounded in it and one consistent thing i've seen with ALL THE PEOPLE LIKE THIS, including myself... We all stop if someone speaks up about being uncomfortable.
So yeah, your gay.
* guitar riff *
🗣️🔥 OMBG GUESS WHAT 🔥 Teddy K 🧸 our FAVORITE SEXY LITTLE BOMBER 💣 💥 has taken his 👨🏻 final bow 🙇♂️. The industrial 🏭 revolution🤡 was a DISASTER 🙅♂️ for the human race 🏃♂️🏃♀️ & daddy 😏 KNEW it. As he approaches the big pearly gates 🌤️🌈 and DAPS 🤜🏿🤛up GOD 👴🏿, send this to 10 of your SEXY 💋💄 FERAL🦦 WOODLAND 🌲SURVIVALISTS. Get 5️⃣ back and you’re camping ⛺️ in a tiny little tent all alone ⛈️🏕️ , 🔟 back and you’re 🫵 on the naughty 😈 watch list 🕵️♀️🗒️, 1️⃣5️⃣ back and you’re💟 glamping 🧨🔫with the best 🎪⛹️♂️
So you guys know how the beginning cutscene of Elden Ring has the narrator say Elden Ring in such a weird moaning way? Well and me and my brother started saying Elden Ring in that exaggerated gasping-moaning way as a joke for whenever something incredible or really sucky happened. It became a force of habit, for memes with my brother and some other friends.
Anyways I was with my girlfriend and we were having sex, and when I reached the climax, I instant connected the way the Elden Ring Guy said Elden Ring to the moan sounds and I kinda scream-moaned Elden Ring when I finished. She looked at me super weird (she doesn’t play video games at all) and left early. Did I mess up really bad? And if possible, how do I recover?
