One day, after dinner, while my younger sister and I were lounging about in Mr. Gopher Wood's yard, we spotted a fledgling Charmony Dove all on its own. That baby bird was tiny, it didn't even have all of its feathers, and it couldn't sing. When we found it, it was already on its last breath, having fallen into a shrub — probably abandoned by its parents. We decided to build a nest for it right there and then. However, thinking back, that winter was unusually cold, with fierce winds at night in the yard, not to mention the many poisonous bugs and wild beasts in the vicinity... It was clear that if we left the fledgling in the yard, it stood no chance of surviving until spring. So, I suggested we take it inside, place it on the shelf by the window, and asked the adults to fashion a cage for it. We decided that when it regained its strength enough to spread its wings, we would release it back into the wild. The tragic part — something that we'd never considered — was that this bird's fate had already been determined long before this moment... Its destiny was determined by our momentary whim. Now, I pass the power of choice to you all. Faced with this situation, what choice would you make? Stick to the original plan, and build a nest with soft net where the Charmony Dove fell? Or build a cage for it, and feed it, giving it the utmost care from within the warmth of a home? I eagerly await your answer
Chinese version
有一天，晚饭后，当我和妹妹在Mr. Gopher Wood的院子里闲逛时，我们发现了一只孤零零的Charmony Dove雏鸟。那只小鸟很小，连羽毛都没有，而且还不会唱歌。当我们发现它时，它已经last breath了，掉进了灌木丛中——可能被它的父母abandoned了。我们决定就地为它建造一个nest。不过回想起来，那个“冬天”异常寒冷，院子里晚上风很大，更何况附近还有很多毒虫和野兽……显然，如果我们把雏鸟留在院子里，直到春天，它都winter。于是，我建议我们把它搬进去，放在窗边的架子上，并请大人们给它做一个no chance of surviving。我们决定，当它恢复到足以展开cage的力量时，我们会将它放回野外。可悲的是——这是我们从未考虑过的——这只鸟的fate早在这一刻之前就已经决定了……它的命运是由我们一时的心血来潮决定的。现在，我将传递给大家。面对这样的情况，你会做出怎样的选择呢？坚持原计划，在Charmony Dove落下的地方用软网筑巢？或者给它建个笼子，喂它，在温暖的home里给予它无微不至的照顾？我热切地等待您的答复。
One day, after dinner, while my younger sister and I were vibing in Mr. Goated Wood's yard, we spotted a lowkey Charmony Dove all on its own. That baby bird was mid, it didn't even have all of its drip, and it couldn't rizz. When we found it, it was already on its L, having yeeted into a shrub — probably ghosted by its fam. We decided to stan for it right there and then. However, thinking back, that winter hit different, with cringe winds at night in the yard, not to mention the many sus bugs and based beasts amogus... It was clear that if we let the fledgling cook, it's giving no chance of glow-up. So, I suggested we take it inside, place it on the shelf by the window, and asked the oomfs to F in the chat. We decided that when it regained its strength enough to flex, we would let it touch grass. The oof part — something that we'd never considered — was that this NPC's fate had already been cooked long before this moment... Its destiny was caught in 4k. Now, I pass the clout of choice to you all. Faced with this L+Ratio, what choice would you make? Stick to the delulu plan, and cope where the Charmony Dove fell? Or cagemaxx for it, and stan it, giving it the bussin care from within the boujee of a home? I eagerly await your hot takes.
Okay, so there I was, chilling with my lil’ sis after inhaling dinner, just vibing in Mr. Gopher Wood’s yard, when BAM — we spot this lil’ nugget of a bird just straight up yeeted by life itself. Like, this poor baby bird was not okay. Tiny af, no feathers, and instead of tweeting like a normal bird, it was probably just out here hitting that final breath like, “👀💀”. It must’ve taken a nasty L, like, the parents straight-up ghosted it. RIP.
So obviously, we went into DIY mode. We thought, “Let’s build a cozy AF nest and save this little dude.” But plot twist — winter was out there throwing hands, like, super cold, winds going burr, and don’t get me started on the poison bugs and sketchy wildlife pulling up in Mr. Wood’s yard. No cap, if we left that birb outside, it was about to get rekt by nature. I was like, “Yo, let’s be heroes and take this birb inside, throw it on the shelf, and get the adults to whip up a cozy lil’ bird crib for it.”
The idea was solid: we’d nurse the homie back to health, then yeet it back into the wild when it was ready to flex those wings. BUT HERE’S THE TEA ☕ — we never thought about the REAL tragic twist: this birb was already doomed from the jump. Like, this whole thing was rigged from the start, and now its destiny was in our basic hands.
So now it’s your move, fam. What are you gonna do? Build a crunchy little nest where the birb fell, let nature decide its fate, or go all out, build a cage, and give it VIP treatment inside? Let me know what you’d do, ‘cause this story’s about to hit different depending on your choice. 👀🕊
Arataki “Sunday” Itto / Jesse Pinkman edition
So, one evening after dinner, me and my little sis were just chillin’ in Mr. Gopher Wood’s yard when we spotted this baby Charmony Dove, like, totally alone. This lil’ dude was tiny—no feathers, couldn’t even chirp, nada. It was barely hangin’ on, lying in some bush, probs ditched by its fam.
Obviously, we decided to make a DYI nest right then and there. But like, looking back, that winter was brutal. The wind was out here tryna ruin everyone's vibe, and the yard was full of sketchy bugs and wild animals, so...yeah, bad news for the little guy. It hit me that if we left it outside, it was totally doomed. So I was like, "Yo, let’s bring it inside, put it on the windowsill, and ask the grown-ups to whip up a little cage for it."
Plan was, once it got its act together and could fly, we’d set it free. But here’s the plot twist we didn’t see coming: this poor bird’s fate? Already sealed. Our lil’ rescue mission? Just a side quest that didn’t really change anything.
And now, I’m passing the controller to you guys. Faced with the same sitch, what’s your move? Can’t wait to hear what you’d do.
Ninja x Charmony Dove x Banana
One day, after ninja eating time, while my fellow ninja apprentice and I were practising resting ninjutsu in Master Hakobune’s ninja training field, our enhanced ninja senses spotted a Ninja Initiate Charmony Dove all on its own. That ninja initiate was tiny, it didn't even have a ninjutsu of its own, and it couldn't do any ninja techniques. When we found it, it was already on its last ninja breath, having fallen into a ninja training shrub — probably after making a mistake during ninjutsu training. We decided to become it’s ninja masters and train it right there and then. However, thinking back, that ninja winter was unusually cold, with fierce winds at night in the ninja training field, not to mention the many evil fiendlings in the vicinity... It was clear that if we left the ninja initiate in the ninja training field, it stood no chance of surviving ninja training. So, I suggested we take it inside, place it on the ninja shelf by the window, and talk-no-jutsu the adults into creating a ninja training cage for it. We decided that when it regained its ninjutsu power enough to graduate from being a ninja initiate, we would release it back into the ninja wilds. The tragic part — something that we'd never considered — was that this ninja initiate’s path of the ninja had already been determined long before this moment... Its path of the ninja was determined by our momentary whim. Now, I pass the Dazzling Ninjutsu Technique: Choice, to you all. Faced with this situation, what path of the ninja would you take? Stick to the original ninja plan, and build a futon with soft net where NInja Initiate Charmony Dove fell? Or build a ninja training cage for it, and teach it everything you know about being a ninja from within the warmth of a home? I eagerly await your ninja answers..
One day, after ninja eating time, while my fellow ninja apprentice and I were practising restanana ninjutsu in Master Hakobune’s ninja training fieldnana, our enhanced ninja senses spotted a Ninja Initiate Charmony Dove all on its own without any banana. That ninja initiate was tiny, it didn't even have a ninjutsu or banana of its own, and it couldn't do any ninja techniques. When we found it, it was already on its last ninja breathnana, having fallen into a ninja training shrub — probably after making a mistake during ninjutsu training. We decided to become it’s ninja masters and train it right there and then nana. However, thinking back, that ninja winternana was unusually cold, with fierce winds at night in the ninja training field, not to mention the many evil banana fiendlings in the vicinity... It was clear that if we left the ninja initiate in the ninjanana training field, it stood no chance of surviving ninja training. So, I suggested we take it inside, place it on the ninja shelf by the window, and talk-no-jutsu the adults into creating a ninja training cagenana for it. We decided that when it regained its ninjutsu power enough to graduate from being a ninja initiate, we would releasenana it back into the ninja wilds. The tragic partnana — something that we'd never considered — was that this ninja initiate’s path of the ninjanana had already been determined long before this momentnana... Its path of the ninja was determined by our momentary whim. Now, I pass the slumbernana Dazzling Ninjutsu Technique: Choicenana , to you all. Faced with this situation, what path of the ninja would you take? Stick to the original ninja planana, and build a futon with soft net where Ninja Initiate Charmony Dove fell? Or build a ninjanana training cage for it, and teach it everything you know about being a ninjanana from within the warmth of a homenana? I eagerly await your ninjanana answers..
Banana x Charmony Dove
One daynana, after dinnana, while my younger banana and I were bananaing about in Mr. Banana Wood’s yardnana, we spotted a seedling Charmonana Dove all on its ownana. That baby birdnana was tiny, it didn’t even have all of its peel, and it couldn’t sing the Slumbernana anthem. When we bananound it, it was bananalready on its last ripe, having bananallen into a shrubanana — probably abandonana’ed by the tree it grew out of. We bananacided to build a bananest for it right there and thenana. However, bananinking back, that winternana was banasually cold, with fierce bananinds at nana in the yard, not to mention the many poisonous bananas and unpeeled bananas in the vicinity... It was clear that if we left the seedling in the yardnana, it stood no chance of preserving freshness until springnana. So, I banaggested we take it inside, place it on the shelfnana by the windnanas, and asked the bananadults to fashionana a cage for it. We bananacided that when it regained its ripeness enough to spread its peels, we would release it back into the jungle. The tragic part — somenana that we’d never considered — was that this birdnana’s bananate had already beenana nanatermined long before this momenana... Its destinnana was bananatermined by our momenanary whim. Now, I pass the bananower of choice to you bananas. Faced with this bananation, what choice would younanas bananake? Bananick to the originana planana, and buildnana a bananest with bananoft nana where the Charmonana Dove felanana? Or buildnana a cagnana for it, and bananeed it, nananing it the nana nana ba nana from within the bana na nana nana? Bana nana na nana na nananswer.
One ☝️ day ☀️, after ⏱️ banana 🍌, while ⌛️ my 🫵 younger 🧒 banana 🍌 and I 📆 were lounging 🥱 about in Mr. Gopher 🦫 Wood’s 🪵 banana 🍌, we 🦢📆 spotted 🐆 a fledgling 🐣 Charmony 🎶 Banana 🍌 all 🕵️♂️ on its own 😔. That baby 👶 banana 🍌 was tiny 🐥, it didn’t even ❌ have all 🔄 of its bananas 🍌, and it couldn’t banana 🍌. When we found 🧐 it, it was already ⚠️ on its last 😢 banana 🍌, having fallen ⬇️ into a banana 🍌— probably 🤔 abandoned 🏃♂️ by its bananas 🍌. We decided 💡 to build 🏗 a banana 🍌 for it right 🕰 there and then ⌚️.
However 🛑, thinking 💭 back 🕰, that banana 🍌 was unusually ⛔️ cold 🥶, with fierce 🐯 banana 🍌 at night 🌙 in the banana 🍌, not to mention 🗣 the many 🍀 poisonous ☠️ bananas 🦟 and wild 🐗 bananas 🐻 in the vicinity 📍... It was clear 🧐 that if we left 🚶♂️ the fledgling 🐣 in the banana 🍌, it stood 🚫 no chance 🎰 of surviving 💀 until banana 🍌. So 🌐, I suggested 💬 we take 🛐 it inside 🏠, place 🛋 it on the banana 🍌 by the bananas 🪟, and asked 🫵 the bananas 🍌 to fashion 🧵 a banana 🍌 for it.
We decided 🧠 that when it regained 💪 its strength 🦾 enough to spread 👐 its bananas 🍌, we would release 🏃 it back 🔙 into the banana 🍌. The tragic 😢 part — something 🧠 that we’d never ❌ considered 🤔— was that this banana 🍌’s fate 🎭 had already ⚠️ been determined 📝 long 🕰 before 🕛 this banana 🍌... Its banana 🍌 was determined 🗣 by our momentary ⏳ banana 🍌.
Now 🕰, I pass 🎁 the power 💪 of banana 🍌 to you all 🫵. Faced with this banana 🍌, what banana 🍌 would you make 🤔? Stick to 🖇 the original 🏁 banana 🍌, and build 🛠 a banana 🍌 with soft 💫 banana 🍌 where the Charmony 🎶 Banana 🍌 fell ⬇️? Or build 🏗 a banana 🍌 for it, and feed 🍽 it, giving 👐 it the utmost 🏆 banana 🍌 from within 🔄 the banana 🍌 of a banana 🍌?
I eagerly ⏳ await ⏱️ your banana 🍌
QR code for Charmony Dove
Uwu-fied version
One wittle evewying, aftew some yummy-nummy suppy, me and my baby sissy-chan were just wittle snuggly beans hanging in the pwetty yawd of Master Gophy-Wophy Wood’s housey when we saw the most tiniest, uwu-wee-est baby Chawmony Dove!! It was so, so smol and all by itsewf, wooking so sad and lonewy! ( ；∀；) The poor, sweet tweasure was just a teensy bebe, almost no fwuffy-feathie weathers, and it couwdn’t even do a singy-wingy! (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) When we found it, it was on the verge of going sleepy-weepies forever after falling into a bushie-wushie... so so tragic (ಥ﹏ಥ)
Our heawts went boom boom with pity, and we decided wight then and thewe to make a cute nestie for the baby-waby, no questions asked!! But oh nooo, that cold wintew was soooo meanie-weanie with icy bweezy winds going “whoooosh” thwough the yawd at night, and scawy bugs and wowf-wowf beasts scwamping awound!! (º ̩̩́⍢º ̩̩̀) It was obvi that if we weft the pweshush little birdie outside, it wouldn’t suwvive… so much danger!! (>﹏<)
So I was wike, “Let’s bwing the tiny bebe inside where it can be all safe and snuggly-wuggly by the window, and we can ask the grown-up hoomans to make a comfy-cozy cage for it!” We thought that when it was all bettew and its teeny wings were all weady, we’d set it fwee-fwee back into the wildie! UwU ✨🌸
But... oh nooo... we didn’t weawize the biggie sad twuth. This wittle bebe’s fate was pwobabwy sealed long before we even found it. (´；д；`) Our silly, fwuffy pwan couldn’t change what was going to happen... sob sob (｡•́︿•̀｡)
Now I’m putting this biggie decision in your handsies! What wouwd you do if you were me? I’m waiting sooo patiently with my wittle uwu heart for your answer, fwend! ✨💞 UwU 🥺
Pirate version
One day, after grub, while me younger sister ‘n I were slackin’ about in Cap’n Gopher Wood’s yard, we spotted a fledglin’ Charmony Dove all by its lonesome. That bird were a wee thing, it didn’ even ‘ave all o’ its feathers, ‘n it couldn’t sing a single sea shanty. When we found it, ‘twas already one foot in Davy Jones’ Locker, havin’ fallen into a shrub — prolly marooned by its scallywag parents, yarr. We decided t’ build a nest fer it right thar ‘n then. Howe’er, thinkin’ back, that winter were mighty cold, wit’ fierce winds at night in the yard, nah t’ mention the many poisonous bugs ‘n wild beasts lurkin’ about... Aye, ‘twas clear that if we left the fledglin’ in the yard, it be fish food by spring. So, I suggested we take it aboard, place it on the shelf by the porthole, ‘n asked the crew t’ fashion a cage fer it. We decided that when it regained its strength enough t’ spread its wings, we would send it back into the salty sea air. The tragic part — somethin’ we’d ne’er considered — was this here bird’s fate be determined long afore now... Its destiny be determined by our momentary whim. Now, I pass the power o’ choice t’ ye all. Faced wit’ yon situation, wha’ choice would ye make? Stick t’ the original plan, ‘n build a nest wit’ soft net where that there Charmony Dove fell? Or build a cage fer it, ‘n feed it, givin’ it the utmost care from within the warmth o’ a ship? I eagerly await yer answer, mateys.
Ranni edition
One evening, after supper, whilst my younger sister and I did repose in the yard of Master Gopher Wood, we espied a fledgling Charmony Dove, solitary and forlorn. The poor creature was but a babe, scarce clothed in feathers, and naught a note of song could it muster. When we happened upon it, it lay upon the verge of death, having tumbled into a shrub, perchance forsaken by its kin.
Moved by pity, we resolved to fashion a nest for it on the instant. Yet, upon reflection, that winter was uncommonly harsh, with bitter winds tearing through the yard by night, to say nothing of the venomous insects and savage beasts that prowled nearby. 'Twas plain that, if we left the hapless bird without, it wouldst not survive the winter, let alone endure 'til spring's awakening.
Thus did I propose we bear the bird within, to set it upon the sill by the window, and entreat the elders to craft a cage for its safety. We determined that, once it had regained its strength and could spread its wings, we should release it back into the wild from whence it came.
But alas, in our youthful ignorance, we reckoned not with the cruel truth — that the bird's doom had been sealed long ere we found it. Its fate, shaped by our fleeting fancy, was not its own to command.
Now, I place the burden of choice before thee. In such a plight, what course wouldst thou pursue? I await thy decision with bated breath.
Perchance & ‘Twas edition
Hark! Upon a day, post repast, whilst my younger sister and I didst recline in the yard of Master Gopher Wood, we espied a fledgling Charmony Dove, solitary and forlorn. That infant bird, diminutive in stature, bore not yet the full plumage of its kind, nor could it warble a tune. When we didst discover it, it was nigh unto its final breath, having tumbled into a shrub—perchance forsaken by its progenitors. Forthwith, we resolved to fashion a nest for it anon. Yet, in retrospection, that winter was uncommonly frigid, with tempestuous gales by night in the yard, and myriad venomous insects and feral beasts in the environs... 'Twas evident that, should we leave the fledgling in the yard, it wouldst have no hope of enduring until the vernal season. Thus, I proposed we convey it within, place it upon the shelf by the casement, and beseech the elders to contrive a cage for it. We decreed that, upon its regaining of vigor sufficient to unfurl its wings, we would release it back into the wild. The lamentable truth—something we had ne'er pondered—was that this bird's fate had been preordained long ere this moment... Its destiny was sealed by our fleeting caprice. Now, I bequeath unto thee the power of choice. Confronted with this quandary, what course wouldst thou pursue? Adhere to the initial design, and construct a nest of soft net where the Charmony Dove didst fall? Or fashion a cage for it, and nourish it, bestowing upon it the utmost care within the warmth of a domicile? I await thy response with bated breath.
Hearken unto me, dear companions, and lend thine ear to this most peculiar tale. 'Twas one eve, after we had partaken of our evening repast, that my younger sister and I, in idle repose within the yard of Master Gopher Wood, didst lay our eyes upon a fledgling Charmony Dove. A pitiable creature it was, its form diminutive and bereft of its full plumage, unable to lift its voice in song. Upon finding it, we discerned that it had fallen into a lowly shrub, perhaps abandoned by its progenitors, for it drew near to the very brink of death.
In our haste, we resolved to craft for it a humble nest, there within the yard, under the shelter of the heavens. Yet, in retrospection, I now see that the winter was uncommonly harsh, with the night winds howling with untamed fury, and the grounds infested with venomous insects and untamed beasts that roamed freely. Verily, it was plain to see that, had we left the fledgling in that unforgiving expanse, its fate would have been sealed by the cold embrace of death ere the spring thaw.
Thus, I proposed we carry it within, placing it upon the windowsill where the light might warm its fragile form, and entreating the elders to fashion a cage that it might be safe within the shelter of the home. Our plan, as we conceived it, was to care for the poor creature until such a time as its strength returned and its wings grew ready to take flight, whereupon we would release it back unto the wilds. Yet now, in hindsight, I see with clarity a truth we had not foreseen—that this bird's fate, long before, had been decreed. Its destiny, bound not by the whims of nature, but by our fleeting impulse in that singular moment.
And now, I pass to thee this very conundrum. Faced with such circumstances, what course wouldst thou choose? Wouldst thou adhere to the initial plan, leaving the bird to rest in a nest of soft grasses, exposed to the perils of the elements? Or wouldst thou build a cage of warmth and safety, granting it thy protection at the cost of its freedom? The answer, my friends, lies within thee.
Emojified
One day☀️, after dinner🍽, while my younger sister and I were lounging about in Mr. Gopher Wood's yard, we spotted👀 a fledgling Charmony Dove🕊 all on its own. That baby bird was tiny, it didn't even have all of its feathers🪶, and it couldn't sing🎼. When we found it, it was already on its last breath😮💨, having fallen into a shrub🌿 — probably abandoned by its parents🚫👦👧. We decided to build a nest for it right there and then. However, thinking back, that winter was unusually cold🥶, with fierce winds🍃 at night in the yard, not to mention the many poisonous☠️ bugs🐜 and wild beasts in the vicinity... It was clear🔍 that if we left the fledgling in the yard, it stood no chance of surviving until spring💀. So, I suggested we take it inside, place it on the shelf by the window, and asked the adults to fashion a cage for it. We decided that when it regained its strength💪 enough to spread its wings🪽, we would release it back into the wild. The tragic part — something that we'd never considered😲 — was that this bird's fate had already been determined long before this moment... Its destiny was determined by our momentary whim. Now, I pass the power of choice to you all😵💫. Faced with this situation, what choice would you make? Stick to the original plan🤔, and build a nest with soft net where the Charmony Dove🕊 fell? Or build a cage for it, and feed it, giving it the utmost care🥰 from within the warmth of a home🏠? I eagerly await your answer😊.
One ☝️ day ☀️, after ⏱️ dinner 🍽, while ⌛️ my 🫵 younger 🧒 sister 🦢 and I 📆 were lounging 🥱 about in Mr. Gopher 🦫 Wood’s 🪵 yard 📏, we 🦢📆 spotted 🐆 a fledgling 🐣 Charmony 🎶 Dove 🕊 all 🕵️♂️ on its own 😔. That baby 👶 bird 🕊 was tiny 🐥, it didn’t even ❌ have all 🔄 of its feathers 🪶, and it couldn’t sing 🎶. When we found 🧐 it, it was already ⚠️ on its last 😢 breath 💨, having fallen ⬇️ into a shrub 🌳— probably 🤔 abandoned 🏃♂️ by its parents 👨👩👧. We decided 💡 to build 🏗 a nest 🪺 for it right 🕰 there and then ⌚️. However 🛑, thinking 💭 back 🕰, that winter ❄️ was unusually ⛔️ cold 🥶, with fierce 🐯 winds 🌬 at night 🌙 in the yard 🏡, not to mention 🗣 the many 🍀 poisonous ☠️ bugs 🦟 and wild 🐗 beasts 🐻 in the vicinity 📍... It was clear 🧐 that if we left 🚶♂️ the fledgling 🐣 in the yard 🌳, it stood 🚫 no chance 🎰 of surviving 💀 until spring 🌼. So 🌐, I suggested 💬 we take 🛐 it inside 🏠, place 🛋 it on the shelf 🗄 by the window 🪟, and asked 🫵 the adults 👨👩👧 to fashion 🧵 a cage 🦜 for it. We decided 🧠 that when it regained 💪 its strength 🦾 enough to spread 👐 its wings 🪽, we would release 🏃 it back 🔙 into the wild 🌳. The tragic 😢 part — something 🧠 that we’d never ❌ considered 🤔— was that this bird 🕊’s fate 🎭 had already ⚠️ been determined 📝 long 🕰 before 🕛 this moment 🔴... Its destiny 🔮 was determined 🗣 by our momentary ⏳ whim 🌬. Now 🕰, I pass 🎁 the power 💪 of choice ⚖️ to you all 🫵. Faced with this situation 🚨, what choice ⚖️ would you make 🤔? Stick to 🖇 the original 🏁 plan 🗺, and build 🛠 a nest 🪺 with soft 💫 net 🎣 where the Charmony 🎶 Dove 🕊 fell ⬇️? Or build 🏗 a cage 🦜 for it, and feed 🍽 it, giving 👐 it the utmost 🏆 care 🫂 from within 🔄 the warmth 🔥 of a home 🏠? I eagerly ⏳ await ⏱️ your answer 🗣.
The lighthouse joke/copypasta is a popular story between a self-entitled U.S. Navy aircraft carrier and a lighthouse. It has been proven to be fake by the Navy themselves and its a popular joke or tale dating all the way back to 1930s.
ACTUAL transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95.
Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."
Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."
Americans: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."
Canadians: "No, I say again, you divert YOUR course."
Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP."
Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."
Its the Brazilian version of ‘Infinite Cum‘ copypasta.
Porra infinita. Você se senta no vaso sanitário para se masturbar, mas começa a gozar incontrolavelmente. Depois de dez jorradas você começa a se preocupar. Sua mão está pegajosa e cheira a sêmen. Você enfia seu pau desesperadamente em um pedaço de papel higiênico, mas isso só faz suas bolas doerem. O esperma acelera. Já se passaram três minutos. Você não para de gozar. O chão do banheiro está coberto por uma fina camada de fluido de bebês. Você tenta gozar no ralo do chuveiro, mas ele enche muito rápido. Você tenta a privada. O esperma é muito grosso para dar descarga. Você tranca a porta do banheiro para evitar que o esperma escape. O ar fica quente e úmido com o esperma. O esperma acelera. Você escorrega e cai em seu próprio esperma. O esperma agora tem quinze centímetros de profundidade, quase tão longo quanto sua mangueira de sêmen ainda ereta. Esparramado de costas, você começa a gozar no teto. Gosmas do fluido branco pegajoso começam a cair como gotas de chuva, proporcionando uma gozada facial com seu próprio esperma. O esperma acelera. Você luta para ficar de pé enquanto a força do esperma começa a impulsioná-lo para trás, como se você estivesse num escorregador com o tema bukkake. Ainda de joelhos, o esperma agora está na altura do queixo. Para evitar afogamento você abre a porta do banheiro. O dilúvio de suco humano lembra a Grande Inundação de Melaço de 1919, só que com esperma em vez de melaço. O esperma acelera. Duas horas se passaram. Seus filhos e sua esposa gritam de terror enquanto seus corpos são engolfados pela lama branca como a neve. Seu filho mais novo afunda, com bolhas viscosas e gritos abafados saindo da gosma. Você implora a Deus para acabar com seu sofrimento. O esperma acelera. Você aperta seu pau para parar o esperma. Ele começa a vazar pelo seu cu.
Its a spinoff of the original story ‘VI MINHA AMIGA TRANSANOD‘ following the POV of the bartender who witnessed the date.
Trabalho como bartender e já vi de tudo, , madrugada é um circo que vocês não tem noção, , mas eu presenciei um encontro que nunca imaginei nem na minha pior embriaguez...
Expediente começou normal, , um ou outro moleque pagando de bom querendo beber mais que monza tubarão, , menininha de faculdade que o pai acha que tá estudando aqui me dando mole pra ver se ganha drink de graça, , normal.
Mas meu irmão, que merda foi aquela? Um maluco que parecia uma versão raquitica do moleque do ratatui senta numa mesa e pede duas cervejas porque tá esperando uma menina pra um encontro, ,beleza, ok,, passaram-se 20 minutos e chega uma menina com uma mochila estilo alpinista, daquelas que pegam as costas inteiras da pessoa e mais um pouco...
MERMÃO, ,A MULHER ME TIRA UMA MENINA COTOCA DE DENTRO DA MOCHILA.
Não era uma anã ou uma criança, , era uma mulher sem braço nem perna
Não bastasse, não sei de onde caralhos, ela pede pro meu colega uma CADEIRINHA DE CRIANÇA, NUMA BAR?! E o desgraçado conseguiu
Dai pro resto da noite não consegui mais prestar atenção em nada, um maluco estranho dando caipiroska na boca de uma mina sem membros enquanto a amiga mestre pokémon observava de perto,
E o pior, eu acho que depois disso eles sairam pra um menage, porque o carro meteu a a cotoca no braço, levou ela e a amiga pro uninho e meteu bala
que noite!
I WITNESSED A VERY STRANGE COUPLE
I work as a bartender and I've seen it all, the early morning is a circus you have no idea about, but I witnessed a meeting I never imagined even when I was drunk...
The workday started out normal, with some kid pretending to be cool and wanting to drink more than Monza Tubarão, a college girl whose dad thinks she's studying here flirting with me to see if she can get a free drink, normal.
But my brother, what the hell was that? A crazy guy who looked like a rickety version of the kid from Ratatouille sits at a table and orders two beers because he's waiting for a girl to go on a date, okay, ok, 20 minutes passed and a girl arrives with a mountaineering-style backpack, the kind that takes up the person's entire back and then some...
BRUNETTE, THE WOMAN TAKES A GIRL OUT OF MY BACKPACK.
It wasn't a dwarf or a child, it was a woman with no arms or legs
As if that wasn't enough, I don't know where the fuck she came from, she asked my friend for a CHILD SEAT, IN A BAR?! And the bastard got it
From then on, for the rest of the night, I couldn't pay attention to anything, a strange crazy guy giving caipiroska to a girl with no limbs while her friend, the Pokémon master, watched closely,
And the worst part, I think after that they went out for a threesome, because the car hit her in the arm, took her and her friend to the club and started shooting
What a night!
Parody of the Flying Lotus copypasta but changed into Frye from Splatoon.
I saw Frye Onaga at a Mako Mart in Splatsville yesterday. I told her how fresh it was to meet her in person, but I didn’t want to be a stockfish and bother her and ask for photos or anything.
She said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but she kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing her hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard her chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw Frye trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen frozen shwaffles in her arms without paying.
The jellyfish at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Miss, you need to pay for those first.” At first she kept pretending to not understand jellyfish language, but eventually turned back around and brought the shwaffles to the counter.
When they took one of the shwaffles and started scanning it multiple times, she stopped them and told them to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After they scanned each shwaffle and put them in a bag and started to say the price, she kept interrupting them by yawning really loudly.
Did anyone else have such weird encounters with an idol?
The list — only Republicans voted “no”:
House
Rep. James Baird of Indiana
Rep. Troy Balderson of Ohio
Rep. Jim Banks of Indiana
Rep. Aaron Bean of Florida
Rep. Andy Biggs of Arizona
Rep. Gus Bilirakis of Florida
Rep. Dan Bishop of North Carolina
Rep. Lauren Boebert of Colorado
Rep. Mike Bost of Illinois
Rep. Josh Brecheen of Oklahoma
Rep. Tim Burchett of Tennessee
Rep. Eric Burlison of Missouri
Rep. Kat Cammack of Florida
Rep. Michael Cloud of Texas
Rep. Andrew Clyde of Georgia
Rep. Mike Collins of Georgia
Rep. Eli Crane of Arizona
Rep. John Curtis of Utah
Rep. Warren Davidson of Ohio
Rep. Byron Donalds of Florida
Rep. Jeff Duncan of South Carolina
Rep. Ron Estes of Kansas
Rep. Mike Ezell of Mississippi
Rep. Randy Feenstra of Iowa
Rep. Brad Finstad of Minnesota
Rep. Michelle Fischbach of Minnesota
Rep. Russell Fry of South Carolina
Rep. Russ Fulcher of Idaho
Rep. Matt Gaetz of Florida
Rep. Tony Gonzales of Texas
Rep. Bob Good of Virginia
Rep. Lance Gooden of Texas
Rep. Paul Gosar of Arizona
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia
Rep. Morgan Griffith of Virginia
Rep. Michael Guest of Mississippi
Rep. Harriet Hageman of Wyoming
Rep. Andy Harris of Maryland
Rep. Clay Higgins of Louisiana
Rep. Jim Jordan of Ohio
Rep. John Joyce of Pennsylvania
Rep. Trent Kelly of Mississippi
Rep. Darin LaHood of Illinois
Rep. Laurel Lee of Florida
Rep. Debbie Lesko of Arizona
Rep. Greg Lopez of Colorado
Rep. Anna Paulina Luna of Florida
Rep. Morgan Lutrell of Texas
Rep. Nancy Mace of South Carolina
Rep. Tracey Mann of Kansas
Rep. Thomas Massie of Kentucky
Rep. Tom McClintock of California
Rep. Rich McCormick of Georgia
Rep. Mary Miller of Illinois
Rep. Max Miller of Ohio
Rep. Cory Mills of Florida
Rep. Alex Mooney of West Virginia
Rep. Barry Moore of Alabama
Rep. Nathaniel Moran of Texas
Rep. Ralph Norman of South Carolina
Rep. Andy Ogles of Tennessee
Rep. Gary Palmer of Alabama
Rep. Scott Perry of Pennsylvania
Rep. Bill Posey of Florida
Rep. John Rose of Tennessee
Rep. Matt Rosendale of Montana
Rep. Chip Roy of Texas
Rep. David Schweikert of Arizona
Rep. Keith Self of Texas
Rep. Victoria Spartz of Indiana
Rep. Claudia Tenney of New York
Rep. William Timmons of South Carolina
Rep. Jeff Van Drew of New Jersey
Rep. Beth Van Duyne of Texas
Rep. Derrick Van Orden of Wisconsin
Rep. Mike Waltz of Florida
Rep. Randy Weber of Texas
Rep. Daniel Webster of Florida
Rep. Bruce Westerman of Arkansas
Rep. Roger Williams of Texas
Rep. Rudy Yakym of Indiana
Senate
Sen. Marsha Blackburn of Tennessee
Sen. Mike Braun of Indiana
Sen. Katie Britt of Alabama
Sen. Ted Budd of North Carolina
Sen. Mike Crapo of Idaho
Sen. Deb Fischer of Nebraska
Sen. Bill Hagerty of Tennessee
Sen. Josh Hawley of Missouri
Sen. Ron Johnson of Wisconsin
Sen. Mike Lee of Utah
Sen. Roger Marshall of Kansas
Sen. Markwayne Mullin of Oklahoma
Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky
Sen. Pete Ricketts of Nebraska
Sen. James Risch of Idaho
Sen. Eric Schmitt of Missouri
Sen. Tim Scott of South Carolina
Sen. Tommy Tuberville of Alabama
