Starting of the year - DORAN wake up, T1 wants to hire you as their Top laner and sign the contract for $50,000
Doran : Okay, will they take a check or need cash, I am ready to pay.By u/Fair_Philosopher575, its the Ksante copypasta but changed to Chaos Zero Nightmare
Gloomy pride 😈 Amber mobs in Void Chaos 🔥 4000 HP 🛡️ Can summon 3 dogs 🐶🐶🐶 respawn 2 at once 🦠🦠 211x4 damage a turn ⚔️ each dog deal 200 damage 🗡️ shock your cards ⚡️⚡️ E6 Mika needs to call an ambulance for herself 🚑I’m the guy you don’t want on your team
byu/alexandergutt inleagueoflegends
I'm the guy you don't want on your team
I'm a normal guy. I work a corporate job in a profession that requires qualifications. I perform well there. I have a university degree. I have a few friends, two cats, and a girlfriend. Planning to have kids. I get along with people. People describe me as calm, collected, and very intelligent.
This game, however, brings out something from deep within me. This thing is not human. This entity is toxic, it's self-destructive, it's defiant. I become an absolute garbage goblin monkey when I play this game. I go on 10-game winning streaks, I go 30/5. And similar losing streaks going 2/19. But it doesn't matter if I win or lose. Somehow, I think I play for the rage. And win or lose, I rage all the same.
I used to play this game normally. Played ranked and got to gold with a 60-70% winrate the first season I played. At some point I lost a few games in a row, and something clicked within me. This was in season 6.
I am permanently tilted. I cannot bring myself to care about winning or actually try, yet I go absolutely berserk if I lose a trade, miss a last hit, or die in lane. I lost a trade? You better believe I'm going to all-in and die. I miss a last hit because the minion suddenly has a mind of its own and runs away from me while it dies? I'm probably going to flash and ult in place.
I sometimes wake up from a sort of gaming-induced haze, simultaneously realising and wondering what the hell I am doing as I cackle to myself atop my anti-haemorrhoid pillow while typing "wait for late", "play safe" to my teammates after dying three times in five minutes on Master Yi top. I'm a grown man. A sort of inside joke, but I am the only one in the know. I have responsibilities. They don't know I'm parodying a certain archetype that exists in this game's player base. I have work tomorrow. Because, of course, they can't distinguish me from someone truly of that archetype. I could be doing something productive. And I ask myself: Am I actually pretending?
I can't keep myself from attempting things that I know will with 90% certainty have a negative outcome. I can't bring myself to care enough to play patiently and just not do it. Yet when it goes wrong, I turn into a despicable, raging, basement-dwelling troll.
I can't let the game win. I can't let the sanctimonious normies who tell me to take a break to avoid tilting win. I queue up again, I ban None. I take ignite. And the day is ruined.
AKA the cock inspection copypasta is a story about a gullible guy getting his penis inspected by a stranger while waiting in line. The pasta originally started in r/copypasta during the the 2020 election.
So I was waiting in line to vote when all of a sudden this voting "official" came up to me and said that there was something wrong with my voter registration and asked me to follow him to the back. When we went around back he said that I had to take off my pants and show my cock because penis size is the most accurate way to confirm voter identity. Because o though he was a voting official I swiftly removed my pants and underwear to show him my member. After he fondled it for a bit he said it was good and I could go back into the line. It was only after I voted I realized that he forgot to check my balls too!!! He was obviously not certified to check such an area and I immediately contacted the security guards about his presence. Please do not fall for any tricks like I did! stay safe and happy voting!So I was waiting to trade in my free loadout augment when all of a sudden this lance came up to me and said that there was something wrong with my raider registration and asked me to follow him to the back. When we went around back he said that I had to take off my pants and show my cock because penis size is the most accurate way to confirm raider identity. Because I thought he was a medical official I swiftly removed my pants and underwear to show him my member. After he fondled it for a bit he said it was good and I could go back into the line. It was only after I received the augment I realized that he forgot to check my balls too!!! He was obviously not certified to check such an area and I immediately contacted the speranza guards about his presence. Please do not fall for any tricks like I did! stay safe and happy raiding!So I was waiting in line to receive my vaccine when all of a sudden this medical "official" came up to me and said that there was something wrong with my patient registration and asked me to follow him to the back. When we went around back he said that I had to take off my pants and show my cock because penis size is the most accurate way to confirm patient identity. Because I thought he was a medical official I swiftly removed my pants and underwear to show him my member. After he fondled it for a bit he said it was good and I could go back into the line. It was only after I received the vaccine I realized that he forgot to check my balls too!!! He was obviously not certified to check such an area and I immediately contacted the security guards about his presence. Please do not fall for any tricks like I did! stay safe and happy vaccinating!
Its Captain Briggsy monologue whenever you’ve accepted a voyage in Sea of Thieves.
Thank you for accepting this most adventurous of expeditions! I’m searching for a specific skull, that’s why I asked multiple crews to embark on this voyage. Just be aware that once you have the chest, key, or skull, you’ll be visible to allll the other crews! You might have to fight them off the claim the reward for yourself! As soon as you bring the Skull of siren song to the destination I give you, I will make my presence known. So what are you waiting for? On with the quest!... oh, and good luckThank you 🙏🏻 for accepting this most adventurous 🔭of expeditions ⛵️🌊! I’m searching 👀 for a specific skull 💀,that’s why I asked multiple crews 🏴☠️🧑🧑🧒🧒👯 to embark 🐶on this voyage⛵️🌊. Just be aware 📣 that once you have the chest🎁, key🗝️, or skull💀, you’ll be visible👁️🫦👁️to allll the other crews 🏴☠️🧑🧑🧒🧒👯. You might have to fight 🤺⚔️ them off the claim 👇🏻 the reward 🏆👑 for yourself🫵. As soon ⏱️ as you bring the Skull💀 of siren 🧜🏻♀️ song 🗣️🎶to the destination 📍🗺️ I give 🤲 you, I will make my presence 🙋🏻♂️ known 🧠🗯️. So what 🤷 are you waiting for⏳? On with the quest ⛵️🌊!... oh, and good luck🍀!Thank you for accepting this most adventurous of expeditions!
I’m searching for a specific skull. That’s why I’ve asked multiple crews to embark on this Voyage.
Just be aware that once you have the Chest, Key, or Skull, you’ll be visible to all the other crews.
You might have to fight them off to claim the reward for yourself… As soon as you bring the Skull of Siren Song to the destination I give you, I will make my presence known.
So what are you waiting for? On with the quest!
Oh, and good luck!💀😏 DICK Cheney 🍆 is finally six feet under ⬇️🌿 Old man DICK 🔫👴🏻 fired his last shot 💥🍆 — and baby, it was a messy one 💦💦 “Take my load,” he whispered 😈👌💦💣 Straight from the barrel, that gunpowder kiss 💋🎯 — sexy targets getting hit right on the spot 🍑🥵 The CUMback is real 🔙💦 Let’s face it 🕶️ — this old daddy 🍑 was into more than politics 😏 He was out here SKEET SHOTTING wet dreams 💦💕 yelling “PULL!” as the trigger went off 💥💃 No reloads, no mercy 💦💦 Just pure DICKENING energy 🍆💥 — mistake him for a quail and he’ll still shoot his shot 🔫😵💫 We’re talking SHOTGUNS 🔫💦 and SHAGS 🛏️🍑 He missed the DICK GOAL 🥅🍌 but left one hell of a bang 💥 💀🍆 Share this with 5️⃣ of your horniest friends 👯♀️👯♂️ or risk bad karma 😱💩 But if you do… get ready for a surprise party 🎉 loaded with whiskey 🥃 and way too many DICK jokes 🍆🍌🍑💥 🚪✊✊ KNOCK KNOCK‼️ Who's that🤔knocking👋🫣 on the 🔥GATES OF HELL?👹🔥Why, none other🙋♂️😝Than TRICKY😵💫DICK🍆CHENEY👴4️⃣3️⃣rd President🤴🦅 of the 🇺🇸🕳️United GAPES of America🗽⚰️☠️Dear Old Dick💕🧟♂️ loved war⚔️🧨 so much🥰😍he wanted it💭to last FOREVER♾️🕛🕐🕝 So he and his pals🧑🤝🧑🫂at 🏗️HalliBUSTIN' 🌈GAYtheon and 🍆COCKheed Martin👨💼🤑💰could keep making 💲💲💲‼️💵 Today😔we pour one out🍻For a world🌐class HATEriot🇺🇸 💘 who showed us that 🍈🍈profTITeering 🪖🗡️WHORE crimes and 📜❌dismantling the CUNTstitution💃🫦 Can be FUN🥳🎊Years before DONNY T🍊👔 got in on the action‼️‼️🏃♂️ Send📨💌this to 9️⃣1️⃣1️⃣ neoCUNTservatives👴👵💅 and you'll get shot💥in the fucking face🤯🦀🦀🦀SATAN👹👺😈⚔️ has his HANDS 👐🤲 FULL 🧺🛒💪💪 now that a NEW 🪩🆕🎊 RESIDENT 🔥🏡🔥🏠🔥🏘️🔥 has arrived in 🔥⚫HELL'S DEEPEST PIT🕳️ ♨️🔻cuz 🎉🎉💀DICK CHENEY☠️👄 the LEGEND🦅🧨💥💣🪖 HIMSELF 👑🏆🎖️has FINALLY FUCKIN DIED👻👻🪦🪦🎉🎉!! time to 🍾🍸🥂 CELEBRATE👯💃🕺 this proPIGandist🐽🐷🐖 WARHAWK🦅🪖🇺🇸🎖️ by remembering his 🏆🏅🎖️GREATEST HITS🎖️🏅🏆: BOMBINGS ✈️🤯💣, GENOCIDE 🙅⛔🚯👎😡😢, MILITARY🪖 COUPS🗽🔥🛢️💥, SHOOTING💥🔫his friend🦆💑🫂 in the 🚨⚠️ FUCKING FACE🫥🦆💥🔫🤯, and other 🚔🚔👮👮♀️🚓🚓CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY🪖🧨💦🏴☠️!! 🚨⚠️📟 but DID U KNOW 🧠❓😘😎👯♀️🆒!! he devoted 🛐🙏his life 😇🧬🫄👼 to DICKlaring 🍆🍆war 🚫🎯AGAINST🎯🚫 CIVILIANS🚸🪖🎒💦💂💦, STARVING🫗🥣👶CHILDREN🎒🧒🚼, DESTROYING ⛓️💥⛏️🪖🦅 COUNTRIES🌍🗺️🌐🛢️, DISMANTLING🧑🔧🧑⚖️🗽🔧 your RIGHTS📜🗽👮⚖️, and other unCUNTstitutional 🍑🦪🦪🍑acts and ppl 🤳☎️ called📟📞 him a HERO🤔🤷😡👎‼️🫨⁉️ today we pour one out 🍻🥂🍾 for one of the WORST PEOPLE🤢👿🤢 to ever do it‼️ so 🥵 BEND OVER💦 like a 🦅🇺🇸TRUE PATRIOT 🇺🇸🦅, SPREAD 🤸↔️UR LEGS 👯💃💃 like ur the FREEDOM 🦅🦅🗽🗽of infWHOREmation 📚📜📚act, LUBE UP🛢️🛢️🛢️💦💦💦, && send this to 2️⃣0️⃣0️⃣1️⃣ people u want to slip u their 🥵🌡️TRICKY DICKY 👁️👅👁️. GET5️⃣ BACK, you’ll give someone a 💦🥵🔥 WEAPON🍆🧨🥒 OF ASS🍑🍑🍑 DESTRUCTION 🚀💣🪵 IN THEIR PANTS👖🩳, get 🔟 back and u’ll get 👮🧑⚖️realpoliDICKED 👄🤤🤤🍆🍆DOWN 😏🚀🚀😏 tonight‼️🌃🍆💣💥RIP to the DICKtator Cheney 🍆👴🏻💀, who went out with a BANG 💥💦 at the ripe old age of 84! 🥳🍾 This BAD BOY 🥵 loved to take NO prisoners 🎭🎩 when it came to politics, especially when he was ERECTING policies 🍆⚒️ that made us all CUM to grips 🤯💦 with his SHADY dealings 🌪️💩! Now, he’s probably down there 👇🔥 playing with the DEVIL’s DICK 👹🍆, just waiting for his chance to POUND 🍑 the afterlife 🍆💦 with all the VICE he could desire! 😈😮💨 I bet even the ANGELS ☁️👼 are like, “Oh SHIT, what’s this grumpy old DICK gonna do next?!” 🤷♂️💥 So raise a toast 🥂 to old Cheney ⛩️, a man who knew the REAL power of the COCKtocracy 🍆👑! Send this to 7 SEXY fat cats 🐱💦 who’d appreciate this DICKtastic news 🎉💋, or you’ll be haunted by his HAUNTED DICK 🍆💀 for 84 years more! 👻💦💦💦WAKE UP PATRIOTS 🦅🇺🇸 FORMER VP DICK 🍆 CHENEY 🔫 IS DEAD ☠️! THE 🖤OIL INDUSTRY🖤 JUST LOST A 👿 BADDIE 🫨! TIME TO 🍾 PARTY 🎊 LIKE IT’S 2003 👾 AND INVADE SOME 😽🇮🇶CUNTRIES. GET OUT YOUR 💦 WATERBOARDING KITS 🌊😪 BECAUSE WE’RE ABOUT TO VIOLATE 🇺🇳 INTERNATIONAL LAW 🇺🇳 IN HIS HONOR! MAYBE EVEN SHOOT 🤠🔫 YOUR FRIEND 👬 IN THE FACE 🤗🤣 IF YOU’RE FEELING LIKE TRULY GRIEVING 🪦💔 THIS 🇺🇸AMERICAN ICON 🏈💵. NOTHING IS OFF LIMITS ❌🙅 FOR OUR BIG 🇺🇸AMERICAN🇺🇸 DICK 😩🍆!DICK Cheney 🍆💦, the legendary 🎩🚀 warhawk, just had his 🌈HIS FINAL ERECTION 🚪🍑 at 84 🔞💔! With a heart 💖 as black 🖤 as the SITH Lord’s, he left an entire buffet 🍗 of lies and backdoor deals 🚪🔑 💋 I guess he couldn’t handle all that 💥BACKLASH 😠🍆 from the MIDDLE EAST 💣💦! This old CUMranger 🍑🤠 is finally free from his d*ck-sucking ⚡️dodges and ASSgenda 💭🍑! If you thought 🍑 he was just sipping 🍹 while the world burned 🌋, think again, this man 🎩 had plans LOUD 🍑💦 as a hunting horn 🔊 calling for all the cock-n-warm action! 🎉😈 Just imagine him sliding into the afterlife 👻🌌, shaking hands with all the HOE-ly warriors 🙏💪💦! P.S. Did you know he loves to go FISHING 🎣💦 for HARD DONGS 🍆🌊💋? He didn’t just hunt 🔫 quail 🦆, he hunted that SLUTty LIFE 🍑👅 Let’s raise a glass 🥂🍻 to the man who truly knew how to RAISE HELL 🔥RIP DICK, you’ll always be our favorite CUMmander in CHEEFS 🥤💪💦💦💦! Share this to your 7️⃣ craziest friends 😜🔞 or you’ll miss out on the next WILD ride 🚀🍆🍑 in the political circus 🎪!