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My roommate keeps fucking his bed.

    Original post
    My roommate keeps fucking his bed. How do I approach this?

I honestly don’t know how else to put it.

So for context, my roommate warned me that he “sometimes sleeptalked” at night, but I had gotten extremely unlucky with my first two roommates… they were absolutely terrible. Inconsiderate, spoiled, and disgusting. Therefore, a clean, tidy, hygienic roommate sounded great and I thought that a little sleeptalking wouldn’t hurt anyone.

The sleeptalking I can handle. The sleepfucking, on the other hand, I cannot handle. For clarification, the “sleeptalking” went from a few mumbles and groans (the first month) to nightly violent spring squeaking coming across the room.

This man will literally be pounding his mattress at 4 in the morning (it’s currently 4:30 and he’s just woken me up after rawdogging his mattress again). It got to the point where I had to use earplugs to sleep… but that caused me to miss my alarm and therefore, a class.

The other disturbing part is that he calls out names. He is currently single, and unfortunately, we have the same friend group. So occasionally, I’ll hear one of their names moaned out in the middle of the night. Here’s what woke me up half an hour ago.

squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak “uuuunghhhhhh Lauren” squeak squeak “oh fuck yeah” squeak

It only stops when 1: he climaxes. 2: he fucks the bed so violently that he bounces his himself up the bed and hits his head on the wall.

I have no idea how to approach this with him, since he’s very shy and tends to avoid/get quiet when there are sexual discussions (when he’s awake, at least.) I wouldn’t want to make it awkward, but I can’t deal with him waking me up all the time. How should I approach this?

    Damn lil mama! Haha I would do anything and I mean ANYTHING to get a sniff lmfao!

      Damn lil mama! Haha I would do anything and I mean ANYTHING to get a sniff lmfao!... I'm jk heh 😣 unless you don't mind then I'm fs down girl Hahaha jk jk. HOT DAMN you are so beautiful 🤤. I know we have been friends for years but I've been waiting till you were single to say something to you gourges 😍 let's say... I take you out sometime? Movie? Dinner? It's on me! Or maybe just maybe let's say we skip all those steps and head straight back to my place and go all the way to 2nd base.... HA just kidding I joke I joke, don't take me so seriously, I just don't know how to compose myself when I see your beauty and that beautiful body of yours OwO. Please respond when you can I would love to hear from a perfect angel as yourself ❤️

      Gooning

        Definition of gooning
        "Gooning" may be most simply defined as that state usually achieved after a prolonged edging session, when a man becomes completely hypnotized by the feeling radiating his penis. Since a gooning state can only be achieved after edging, the man's dick will have become mightily aroused at this point and every caress the male genitals are subjected to will trigger potent elation. As the man keeps edging and thus keeps experiencing intense pleasure, he enters a state of trance where his mind intimately merges with his cock : the gooning state, where he and his dick become one. To be even more accurate, when the gooning state is achieved, the man's body becomes for all intents and purposes an appendage to his erection. When this state is achieved, the male becomes freed of all social codes of conduct, and his arousal, alone, dictates his reactions. As a result, a gooned out man will become very expressive and demonstrative : he may become very vocal, while his body and face might take on undignified expressions and poses, all in response to the intensely exquisite caresses his penis is exposed to. Hence the term "goon", since at this point the man effectively looks like a silly, foolish, or eccentric person.

Gooning is not a narcissistic manifestation. Narcissism is extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one's own talents. Rather, gooning is closer to a meditation experience, where the mind and the body align, focused on a single thought (or feeling, in this case).

I spent 10 hours gooning over the weekend.

        Official Statement Regarding My Mom.

          Official Statement Regarding My Mom.

Ok, I’m sorry for the off topic thread, but I feel like this needs to be said. Yesterday, at around 6:46 PM Eastern Time, a fellow redditoir in this sub- who I won’t name- claimed that they “slept with my mom”.

Let me get something straight. This anonymous redditoir didn’t sleep with my mom. In fact, none of you have ever and will never do something liek that. I know that for a fact.

So, please, nobody believe them. If you’ve seen the comment in question, just ignore them. Ok? Thanks

I’m sorry for derailing the chicanery but this needed to be said.

          I keep seeing Landorus-Therian everywhere and it’s ruining my life.

            Landorus-Therian
            Original post
            This post is a cry for help. I can’t stand this anymore. Everywhere I go, this stupid orange shitstain somehow finds me and ruins my life. No matter how many defense mechanisms I have, it always come back.

Yesterday, I was working at my job when I heard it. That fateful sound of a stat drop. I quickly leaped out of my chair and turned around, but the fucker had already used intimidate on all of my coworkers. I ran towards the bastard to punch him, but he set up stealth rocks in my cubicle, preventing me from working again. I quickly bolted to the office fridge to grab some ice cubes, but by the time I screamed “KYUREM USE ICE BEAM” the fucker had already u-turned out the window. I couldn’t work anymore because of the stealth rocks, so I had to leave so I could get a defog tm from my car.

As I grabbed the defog tm from my car, the thing jumped me from behind and used knock off, smacking the tm into the middle of the road. Before I could go grab it, a car raced by and crushed the tm, making it worthless. As I was standing there, shocked by what happened, the orange demon used earthquake on my car, giving me 4 flat tires simultaneously. Filled with rage, I grabbed a keldeo plush from my car, shoved a pair of spectacles onto its face, and hurled it at the thing, while screaming “KELDEO USE HYDRO PUMP.” Just like always, however, my hydro pump missed, and the fucker u-turned away again.

After I took a bus home, I was exhausted. As I was lying in my bed, depressed, my 6-year old daughter came into the room. She started talking about her favorite TV show, when suddenly, her face began to change. No. NO. As she continued talking, her face continued to morph, until it was identical to Landorus-Therian. I was ready this time, though. I quickly kicked off my shoes, revealing that I had duct-taped ice cubes to my feet. I then proceeded to triple axel the ever loving shit out of that thing. I looked up and screamed with joy, thinking it was all over. However, as I came to my senses, I saw my daughter unconscious on the floor and realized what I had done. The orange bastard had tricked me. My wife stood in the doorway, shocked, before she pulled out her phone and dialed 911. I’m writing this in the woods right now, the police are probably going to find me soon.

Fuck Landorus-Therian.