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Comi o cu da pastora da igreja evangélica

    Lá estava eu, novamente sentado assistindo ao culto, quando notei que havia uma contenda entre o pastor e a pastora, os quais eram casados. Provavelmente tiveram alguma briga naquele dia e inevitavelmente não puderam esconder a fervorosa e raivosa troca de olhares durante o culto. O nível de estresse dos dois era altíssimo e eu pude captar isso de longe.
    
    Assim que o culto acabou, fui rapidamente ao púlpito e disse aos presbíteros da igreja que eu precisava falar com a pastora sobre um assunto urgente. Afirmei aos presbíteros que era um assunto que deveria ser tratado somente com ela, e ainda acrescentei que era sobre uma revelação divina que deus tinha me dado sobre a vida dela.
    
    Pedi à pastora que ficássemos à sós e ela aceitou. Trancou-se comigo na sala de orações dela. Lá dentro eu expliquei que tive uma revelação divina sobre a briga dela com o marido e deus havia mandado eu comer o cu dela em cima do púlpito para aliviar o estresse gerado pela briga. Ela imediatamente disse ter amado a proposta, deu graças a deus e concordou que aquilo seria altamente benéfico para apaziguar a situação e aliviar o estresse. Mas, ela preferiu que o ato fosse feito em sigilo, pois poderia parecer algo "profano" diante dos demais fiéis. Demos um aperto de mãos, entramos em um consenso e começamos.
    
    Assim que eu tirei o pau pra fora, ela já começou a dar graças a deus e caiu de boca no mesmo instante. Dava pra ver que o estresse dela já havia diminuído 75,7% só com aquela mamada. Ela dava glórias e glórias nas alturas enquanto gemia muito alto e rebolava no meu pau. Jamais imaginaria uma pastora rebolando tão bem como ela fez. Parecia até uma dançarina de funk. Nos beijamos muito, ela lambuzou meu pau de tanto que mamou e, por fim, gozei tanto, que a sujei as paredes, o cabelo dela, os peitos, a roupa toda dela, bem como a bíblia do marido. Ela deu uma risadinha e disse que estava tudo bem, enquanto lambia até as paredes para engolir toda a porra que disseminei pelo local.
    
    Após isso, ela saiu toda descabelada, e eu, com o pau mais duro que a haste da bandeira do Brasil da Praça dos Três Poderes. Era tão difícil esconder, que usei a bíblia para tentar cobrir a haste erguida.
    
    Ela saiu com os olhos revirados de tanto prazer que sentiu, respiração ofegante, cabelo todo bagunçado, descalça (pois já nem conseguia se equilibrar nos saltos) e me implorando para fazer aquilo de novo.

    Open English translated

    There I was, again sitting watching the service, when I noticed that there was a quarrel between the pastor and the pastor, who were married. They probably had a fight that day and inevitably couldn't hide the fervent and angry exchange of glances during the service. The stress level of the two was very high and I could see it from afar.
    
    As soon as the service was over, I quickly went to the pulpit and told the elders of the church that I needed to speak with the pastor about an urgent matter. I assured the elders that it was a matter that should be dealt with only with her, and even added that it was about a divine revelation that God had given me about her life.
    
    I asked the pastor to be alone and she accepted. She locked herself with me in her prayer room. Inside I explained that I had a divine revelation about her fight with her husband and God had told me to eat her ass on top of the pulpit to relieve the stress generated by the fight. She immediately said that she loved the proposal, thanked God and agreed that it would be highly beneficial in defusing the situation and relieving stress. But, she preferred that the act be done in secrecy, because it could seem something "profane" in front of the other faithful. We shook hands, came to a consensus, and got started.
    
    As soon as I took the dick out, she already started to give thanks to God and immediately fell out of her mouth. You could see that her stress had already decreased by 75.7% just with that feeding. She gave glories and glories in the heights while moaning very loudly and wiggling on my cock. I would never have imagined a shepherdess wiggling as well as she did. She even looked like a funk dancer. We kissed a lot, she smeared my dick so much she sucked and, finally, I came so much, that I soiled the walls, her hair, her breasts, all her clothes, as well as her husband's bible. She giggled and said it was okay, as she licked up the walls to swallow all the cum that spread around the place.
    
    After that, she came out all disheveled, and I, with a dick harder than the flagpole of Brazil in Praça dos Três Poderes. It was so difficult to hide that I used the bible to try to cover the upraised rod.
    
    She left with her eyes rolled back from the pleasure she felt, breathing heavily, hair all messed up, barefoot (because she couldn't even balance on her heels anymore) and begging me to do it again.
    
    

    Me sinto mal após gozar na minha tartaruga

      Me sinto mal após gozar na minha tartaruga..
      
      Por que diabos eu faria isso? Eu nunca deveria ter me masturbado na frente da minha tartaruga. Então, basicamente, eu estava assistindo pornô na minha TV de 55 polegadas e minha tartaruga estava ao meu lado no sofá. O pornô era muito antigo, era um DVD de 2002. Provavelmente foi o pornô mais gostoso que eu já assisti e honestamente eu provavelmente vou assistir pornô em dvd ao invés da internet. A única razão pela qual eu tinha minha tartaruga comigo era porque sempre que gozo, me sinto muito deprimido e solitário, então pensei que se minha tartaruga estivesse comigo eu não me sentiria sozinho. Bem, comecei a acariciar minha piroca, usei loção, tirei todas as minhas roupas, mas tive a tendência de esquecer os lenços. Percebi que esqueci de pegar os lenços, mas era tarde demais. Eu ia gozar. Eu não queria gozar em todos os lugares, então eu tinha que pensar rápido. Foi quando vi minha tartaruga que percebi o que tinha que fazer. Eu gozei pra caralho, como um filho da puta. Minha tartaruga foi pintada inteira com meu esperma, incluindo seu pequeno rosto e seu casco. Ele não disse uma palavra sobre isso, ele não se moveu, ele apenas ficou lá olhando para mim como se eu tivesse matado um monte de crianças. Eu nunca esqueceria o olhar que minha tartaruga me deu. Seu rosto decepcionante partiu meu coração. Vesti minha roupa, levei minha tartaruga para o banheiro e limpei-a. O que aconteceu, aconteceu. Mas minha tartaruga nunca esqueceria o que aconteceu. Minha tartaruga, Tommy, nunca me perdoaria. Hoje, passei por ele e sei que ele ainda se lembra do que fiz com ele 3 horas atrás. Meu único desejo é que um dia Tommy, a tartaruga, me perdoe por meus pecados horríveis.

      Open English translated

      I feel bad after cum on my turtle..
      
      Why the hell would I do that? I should never have masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn on my 55 inch TV and my turtle was next to me on the couch. The porn was very old, it was a 2002 DVD. It was probably the best porn I've ever watched and honestly I'll probably watch porn on dvd instead of the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I come, I feel very depressed and lonely, so I thought if my turtle was with me I wouldn't feel alone. Well, I started petting my dick, I used lotion, I took off all my clothes, but I tended to forget about the tissues. I realized I forgot to get the tissues, but it was too late. I would enjoy. I didn't want to come everywhere, so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle that I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted all over with my sperm, including its little face and its shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I'd killed a bunch of kids. I would never forget the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned it. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forget what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today I passed him and I know he still remembers what I did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish is that one day Tommy the Turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.

      Como eu faço pra conectar o meu plug anal bluetooth com o twitter do Bolsonaro?

        Bolsonaro copypasta
        Como eu faço pra conectar o meu plug anal bluetooth com o twitter do Bolsonaro?
        
        Basicamente, eu quero configurar o meu plug anal pra vibrar toda vez que o Bolsonaro twittar alguma coisa. Só o pensamento dele comendo o meu cuzinho já me dá uma ereção enorme, então eu quero sentir ele dentro de mim sempre que ele twittar algo.
        
        Eu estou trabalhando remotamente por causa do coronga, então eu posso ficar o dia inteiro com ele enfiado lá. Se alguém souber como configurar, por favor me diga!

        Open English translated

        How do I connect my bluetooth butt plug with Bolsonaro's twitter?
        
        Basically, I want to configure my butt plug to vibrate every time Bolsonaro tweets something. Just the thought of him eating my ass gives me a massive hard-on, so I want to feel him inside me whenever he tweets something.
        
        I'm working remotely because of the coronga, so I can spend all day with him cooped up in there. If anyone knows how to configure it, please let me know!

        meu avô foi de base

          sem meme, vou mandar o pprt tava marcado pra no FDS (final de semana) eu ir pra cg (capital) dar um look no meu vô que tava miado healando no hospital (mto noggers), aí eu fui e mandei "segue a call meu velho, se quiser quitar tá tranks que nois segura pq tamo na vantagem e temo ult" aí eu já aproveitei que tava lá e como sou alpha minded já larguei o beta spirit e fui na house da minha mina aí eu tava lá no kekw com o dick na pussy e recebo uma call midlane, era minha tia que disse "seu vô não tankou a gankada e foi de base" aí foi omegalul total no dia seguinte já loguei no enterro e vi que meu vô não ia dar respawn e o padre já lançou "ele era based e mto sigma" e eu fiquei tipo "slk hablou muito poggers dms" no final foi meio gore e cringe mas eu tankei pq não sou bluepill

          Open English translated

          no meme, I'm going to send the pprt it was scheduled for the FDS (weekend) I went to cg (capital) to take a look at my grandpa who was meowing healing at the hospital (too noggers), so I went and said "follow the call old man, if you want to get rid of it, it's tranks that we hold because we are in the advantage and I fear ult" then I took advantage of being there and as I'm alpha minded I already dropped the beta spirit and went to my girl's house there I was there at kekw with dick at pussy and i get a call midlane, it was my aunt who said "your grandpa didn't tank the gankada and went with base" then it was total omegalul the next day i already logged in to the funeral and saw that my grandpa wasn't going to respawn and the priest already released "he was based and a lot of sigma" and I was like "slk spoke a lot of poggers dms" in the end it was kind of gore and cringe but I tanked because I'm not bluepill

          ITS FINALLY FALL 🍁🍁🍁

            ITS FINNALLY FALL🌬🍁🍂. You know what that means! Jump ⬆️⬆️in the PILE👬👭👫because it’s 🚨CUFFING🚨 ⛓🔑🔒season. Time to SPREAD⬅️➡️🤸‍♀️ your LADY 🫦LEAVES🍂🍁 and FALL 🙇‍♀️on this DICK🍆🍆. But don’t forget to WRAP🤞 up! It’s SWEATER weather 🧥🧣🧤for a reason. The pumpkin 🍑❓ CREAMPIEs💦 may be SPICY🌶☕️, but you DONT ‼️🙅‍♀️want an early 🤰SCARE 😰before THIS⬇️🕓 SPOOKY 👻season. So light 🔥your fall 🍃SCENTS🌿🤔, take a hay RIDE🚜🌾 on this DICK😤, and BEND OVER 😳and BOB⬆️⬇️🧎‍♀️for apples🍎🍏. If you want to RAKE🧹 in BITCHES👯‍♀️ this year, SEND🔜 THIS to 10 😍potential CUFFED-up CUMmers💦😩 OR ELSE ‼️🫣you’ll be drinking FAPple ✊🍆🤏cider ALONE 😱this CUFFING SEASON😤😤😤.

            Can I shower with my AirPods in my butt

              So I’ve been a huge fan of Travis Scott for quite some time now (since his collaboration with Fortnite) and I was hoping to listen to Sicko Mode while scrubbing myself down in the shower. But as I undressed to bathe the thought occurred to me that if I wanted to really internalize Mr. Scott’s songwriting, the obvious choice is to do this anally. So next thing I know I’ve got two AirPod Pros lodged in my butt, blasting Sicko Mode at full volume (almost accidentally played Mo Bamba lol :P ). But then I realized that maybe AirPods shouldn’t be used while in the shower. So, I’m wondering, does anyone know if I can do this? Will my AirPods be ok? I just popped them in my ears and they sound a little funny.
              
              Regards,