Baeowyn’s Soup
Its a response to the “stew scene” in LOTR: Two Towers Extended where Eowyn brings Aragorn a bowl of stew that is clearly terrible.
Don’t you dare
Don’t you
FUCKING DARE
besmirch Eowyn’s name like that
You know how many cookbooks they have in Edoras? How many culinary classes? They don’t, that’s how many. You learn to cook from your family and guess what, Eowyn doesn’t get to hang around her mom and dad, her duty is to take care of the king, who for god knows how long has been 60 going on 160, totally fucking useless and only takes advice from an escaped convict from Madame Tussaud’s, no one can even be bothered to fix the fucking flag and Eowyn’s job has been to pretend like all of this is a-oh-goddamn-kay all the while training with a sword, and on top of that she’s pretty damn light on good cooking influences - Eomer, the only family she’s got that doesn’t have fucking Saruman‘s hand up their ass is Eomer, who eats a goddamn brick of meat off a knife. You really expect her to learn to make a good vichyssoise from The Meat Marshal? No fuckin way, Eowyn is stressed af and she’ll be damned if you’re gonna give her shit for not being able to Gordon Ramsay on the road with nothing edible but lumps of whatever the hell that was in the soup. Tbh it’s a fucking miracle considering the circumstances that Eowyn managed to conjure soup out of nothing - you’re not gonna give her shit because she didn’t add enough flour to the base, you take it and are fucking grateful.
Aragorn understood this. Did he complain like some shitty suburban parent at an Olive Garden? No he fucking didn’t, because that would be a grade A ~dick move~, and because Eowyn would’ve probably just fucking lost it and killed him on the spot and then we wouldn’t have gotten a third movie, and if Aragorn understands one thing it’s box office ka-ching. He’s not stupid, he wants his $$$ and to not die and to not be a piece of shit.
So you don’t. Talk. Smack. Bout. Baeowyn’s. Soup. 😤
