My son told me today he is a furry. He was sent away and we searched his room. His Google Chrome history was full of this group. I have seen unholy drawings and sick jokes that he posts here. We found a folder full of pornographic comics and something called based department. This group has destroyed my son. His mind is filled with naked animals. Groups like this need to be shut down and banned. That's all. Took me an hour to figure out how to post here - I hope you read this and see the lives you destroy. We will be having a VERY stern chat with him and he's not going to have social media access for a LONG time.
I (54 M) live alone in a remote area. My new neighbor had moved in pretty recently, and i noticed they had begun construction on the house. All of the houses in my neighborhood had wooden roofs, although, the roof my neighbor was installing seemed odd. I looked it up and oh my god. Once i clicked on the images, i felt the blood rush to my little guy. It was as if i could cum on the spot. Their curviness, the terracotta color, everything was so erotic. I found myself touching my lower regions. I knew it was wrong, but it felt so good. The next day, my neighbors roof was still being installed. I had an excellent idea. I grabbed the latter from my garage and sneakily brought it over to their house. While avoiding the cameras and guard dogs, I climbed on top of their roof. Lord have mercy. I was dripping the second i saw those tiles in real life. No longer keeping my excitement, i began forcefully ripping off a few tiles. I needed to use them now. I couldnt wait. I pulled my pants down. You can guess what happened next by the title. I shoved 4 1/2 roof tiles up my anus. It felt so good. No woman or man had ever pleasured me like this. My moans and whimpers were so loud my neighbor eventually came out of his house to see cum dripping off his roof with 4 1/2 of his roof tiles shoved up my anus. He called the cops on me. They didnt want to touch me so they couldnt arrest me, right? That was my plan until one of the officers informed me their prison had roof tiles similar to the ones shoved up my anus. I got down and let them arrest me. Because the officers were so repulsed by the 4 1/2 roof tiles shoved up my anus, i went the whole drive to prison with 4 1/2 roof tiles shoved up my anus. I was charged with Public Nudity, Exposure To a Minor (my neighbors 4 year old daughter had seem me) and Indecency. Im now going to prison for 8 years. So, Reddit, am i the asshole?
How many bitches do you get? I derived a formula to calculate the answer to my question. Using the formula:
B = G (A·S) / d²Where:
B: Number of bitches you bring in (BϵN)
G: Grass constant. The natural logarithm of the number of times you should have touched grass in the past year plus one [G := ln(350+1)]
A: Your age rounded to 2 decimal points
S: Number of showers you’ve taken this year
d: Number of days since your father left to go get some milk
As we can see, even if you’ve touched grass and showered daily, your father being gone for more than half a decade (d≥3652.5), the denominator juxtaposes all products on the numerator.
In summary, rounding off B to nearest natural number, we can conclude that you get zero bitches, which is completely unrelatable to all others here, who engage in daily sexual intercourse with all female members of your family above the age of 18 (and trust me, there is no upper boundary – your nan is fair game).
5:45 AM – Mohamed Atta and Abdul Aziz al-Omari, two of the intended hijackers, pass through security at the Portland International Jetport in Maine. They board a commuter flight to Boston Logan International Airport, they then board American Airlines Flight 11.
7:59 AM – Flight 11 takes off from Boston, headed for Los Angeles, California. There are 76 passengers, 11 crew members, and 5 hijackers on board.
8:15 AM – United Airlines Flight 175 takes off from Boston, also headed for Los Angeles. There are 51 passengers, 9 crew members, and 5 hijackers on board.
8:19 AM – A flight attendant on Flight 11, Betty Ann Ong, alerts ground personnel that a hijacking is underway and that the cockpit is unreachable.
8:20 AM – American Airlines Flight 77 takes off from Dulles, outside of Washington, DC, headed for Los Angeles. There are 53 passengers, 6 crew members, and 5 hijackers on board.
8:24 AM – Mohamed Atta, a hijacker on Flight 11, unintentionally alerts air controllers in Boston to the attack. He meant to press the button that allowed him to talk to the passengers on his flight.
8:37 AM – After hearing the broadcast from Atta on Flight 11, Boston air traffic control alerts the US Air Force’s Northeast Defense Sector, who then mobilize the Air National Guard to follow the plane.
8:42 AM – United Flight 93 takes off from Newark, New Jersey, after a delay due to routine traffic. It was headed for San Francisco, California. There are 33 passengers, 7 crew members, and 4 hijackers are on board.
8:46 AM – Flight 11 crashes into the World Trade Center’s North Tower. All passengers aboard are instantly killed, and employees of the WTC are trapped above the 91st floor.
9:03 AM – Flight 175 crashes into the WTC’s South Tower. All passengers aboard are killed instantly and so are an unknown number of people in the tower.
9:05 AM – President George W. Bush, in an elementary school classroom in Florida, is informed about the hit on the second tower. His chief of staff, Andrew Card, whispers the chilling news into the president’s ear. Bush later wrote about his response: “I made the decision not to jump up immediately and leave the classroom. I didn’t want to rattle the kids. I wanted to project a sense of calm… I had been in enough crises to know that the first thing the leader has to do is to project calm.”
9:28 AM – Hijackers attack on Flight 93.
9:37 AM – Flight 77 crashes into the Pentagon. All passengers aboard are instantly killed and so are 125 civilian and military personnel in the building.
9:45 AM – US airspace is shut down under Operation Yellow Ribbon. All civilian aircraft are ordered to land at the nearest airport.
9:55 AM – Air Force One with President George W. Bush aboard takes off from Florida.
9:57 AM – Passengers aboard Flight 93 begin to run up toward the cockpit. Jarrah, the pilot, begins to roll the plane back and forth in an attempt to destabilize the revolt.
9:59 AM – The South Tower of the World Trade Center collapses.
10:02 AM – Flight 93 plows into an empty field in Shanksville, Pennsylvania. Although its ultimate target is unknown, it was likely heading for either the White House or the US Capitol.
10:18 AM – President Bush authorizes any non-grounded planes to be shot down. At that time, all four hijacked planes had already crashed but the president’s team was operating under the impression that Flight 93 was still in the air.
10:28 AM – The North Tower of the World Trade Center collapses.
10:53 AM – Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld orders the US military to move to a higher state of alert, going to DEFCON 3.
11:45 AM – Air Force 1 lands at Barksdale Air Force Base near Shreveport, Louisiana.
12:15 PM – Airspace in the United States is completely free of all commercial and private flights.
1:30 PM – Air Force 1 leaves Barksdale.
2:30 PM – Rudy Giuliani, the mayor of New York City, visits the fallen Twin Towers of the World Trade Center at what becomes known as Ground Zero.
3:00 PM – Air Force 1 lands at Offutt Air Force Base in Nebraska, and President Bush is immediately taken to a secure bunker that is capable of withstanding a nuclear attack.
4:30 PM – Air Force 1 leaves Offutt and heads back toward Andrews Air Force base near Washington, DC.
5:30 PM – Building 7 of the World Trade Center collapses.
8:30 PM – President Bush addresses the nation.
