When we were in highschool, me and my best mate use to sleep over or hang out at each other's houses often. So one night at a sleep over, we're playing dares and he looks to me and goes.
"Bet you won't suck on my balls"
Not wanting to back down I said yes and watched him drop his pants, I never seen such a beautiful, saggy ball sack in my entire life. I sorta lost myself as I was sucking on on his balls. He must've too, cause he pulled me off and had been a good 3 minutes. We both just laughed it off and went to sleep for the night.
But it was different between us, we pretend like it didn't happen for a long time. But then out of nowhere as I was at his house, he comes up to me and I look up to see that beautiful ball sack waving slightly in front of me, he asked me to suck on his balls again and I can't believe I said yes so fast.
From that moment on, it was different. Each time we were at each other's house, he's ask "Can you suck on my balls." Or I'd go "Want me to polish your nuts" It got to the point, that we knew that by the day ended, his nuts were going to be in my mouth a couple of times. He even got more bold, asking me to stay on his balls as he jerked off. Making me suck and lick his nuts clean after a work out. He began to just demand I suck on his balls and I agreed to it. It was amazing, of course we were still friends.
But the fact he had this control over me was sexy. All he had to do was flash his balls and my mouth would be watering. I'd be weak in the knees and all he had to say was "Down" And my mouth was open and i'd be sucking his fat sack.
Edit: The fact this has gotten soo much attention concerns me 😂😂
be me
21
super straight male
get horny one night and decide to go use the local glory hole
actually kinda enjoy it
half way through person on the other side moans
it's a guy's moan
realize ive been sucking a man's cock this entire time
mfw
Last night after my gay sex session I decided to turn on my Nintendo Switch™ and play some Animal Crossing: New Horizons™. I was trying to progress as quickly as possible so I can see Isabelle on my 4k 60 inch TV. I was catching bugs to give to Blathers, because Blathers is a bitch who is scared of bugs, until I couldn’t believe my eyes.
I caught...
A Monarch Butterfly.
A MONARCH Butterfly!
I threw my Pro Controller™ right at my TV and screamed in absolute horror.
Is that a fucking political word I see? Why the fuck is there a MONARCH Butterfly? What the fuck is Nintendo™ trying to do putting their right-wing ideals in their games? Wasn’t Animal Crossing™ supposed to a peaceful game? It surely can’t be when they stuff their political cocks down our throats. Why isn’t there a Marxist Butterfly? I’m in pure shock that Nintendo™ will go to such lengths to brainwash people into agreeing with their political values. I am never buying a Nintendo™ game again, until they formally apologize to me admitting that it was wrong to promote political ideals in their games.
Actually, I have my little 1 inch buddy over here. She's adorable. (I call my cock a she) You know, what I lack in inches, I make up for in width. My cock is fucking 2 feet wide, 1 inch long. Reminds me of my old cow betsy. Now that I think about it, I don't think Betsy was a cow, in fact, I think Betsy was a guy. Huh. Now I know I wasn't milking some udders, this changes everything. Guess I'm gay now. Fuck. Alright, back to jerking the old ween. I bet this relates to politics in some way. I don't know how, but I bet it does. You know, speaking of politics. I don't really like talking about it, but here I go talking about my political views. I personally believe that taxes should be raised for our government. Fuck you libtard. Suck my 1 inch cock.
FAQ
What does this mean?
The amount of shit (and cum) on my computer and floor has increased by one.
Why did you do this?
There are several reasons I may deem a comment to be worthy of feces or ejaculation. These include, but are not limited to:
- Being gay
- Dank copypasta bro, where'd you find it
- walter
Am I going to shit and cum too?
No - not yet. But you should refrain from shitposting and cumposting like this in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to shit and cum again, which may put your shitting and cumming privileges in jeopardy.
I don't believe my comment deserved being shit and cum at. Can you un-cum it?
Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I put shit back into my butt. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot me a hot load explaining what I got wrong. I tend to respond to retaliatory ejaculation within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of semen dies before it can fertilize the egg, and yours is likely no exception.
How can I prevent this from happening in the future?
Accept the goopy brown and white substance and move on. But learn from this mistake: your behavior will not be tolerated in my mom's basement. I will continue to shit and cum until you improve your conduct. Remember: ejaculation is privilege, not a right.
Buddy, did you really just say “poop” in the middle of your discord call to get all of your fucking fat ass call me carson watching, gay ass friends to start laughing? You think that’s funny? You’re a fucking disgrace to society, you fat fuck. You think you’re fucking funny by saying either “poop, cock, or balls” and somehow manages to get laughs from your -12 IQ group of troglodytes. I wish you would fucking stop. Its not funny, you make 0 effort to produce any form of real comedy, and why I, an intellectual, am unable to find that funny. You are so unfunny that you have to resort to saying “cum” because your pea sized brain cant find anything else, you have to make these cringey ass jokes and this is why you have no friends at school. You are unpopular, cringey, and a fucking gamer. Get the fuck out of my igloo, you fucking non-membership penguin.