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I think I rizzed too hard 😭😭😭😭

    I think I rizzed too hard 😭😭😭😭

I slid into this femboys DMs by saying "Are you Mrs. Butterworth cuz you're hella sweet and you got that hourglass figure" and it went so well, and we had the common interest of playing guitar so I thought why not ask him "Do you wanna play guitar together? I could do the fingering then you could do the stroking." But now he's not responding 😭😭😭😭 He had told me he liked pistachio, so naturally I tried saving it by saying "Are you pistachio mochi? Cuz you look smooth, soft, and squishy, but sweet on the inside too," but he's still not responding 😭😭 Did I fumble? 😭 Did I rizz too hard? 😭

    To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Taylor Swift.

      Taylor Swift copypasta
      To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Taylor Swift. Her genius lyrics are extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of tayoretical physics most of the meanings will go over a typical listener’s head. There’s also Swifts’s nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into her characterisation- her personal philosophy draws heavily from Swiftie folk literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these lyrics, to realize that they’re not just meaningful- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Taylor truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the understanding in Taylor’s existential song catchphrase “Me-he-hee hoo-hoo-hoo” which itself is a cryptic reference to Taygenev’s Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Becky’s genius wit unfolds itself on their computer screens. What fools. How I pity them.

And yes, by the way, i DO have a Taylor tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It’s for the straight white guys’ eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they’re within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid
      The original variation of the “To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ” was for Rick and Morty

      Oh my god it’s insane how unfunny you guys are

        Source
        Oh my god it’s insane how unfunny you guys are

Like, all you guys do is spam the same phrases over and over again, it’s insane how unfunny that is, while you think it’s still funny! Let’s go through them all one-by-one

Google en passant

Where do I even begin with this god awful offense to humanity itself, we get it, funny pawn move, but how about you google how to get some bitches! Or maybe you should google how to get your father to come back with the milk, because that’s the only way I could ever dream of you idiots thinking this shit is so funny when it’s not, it’s as if you guys think you have the answer to life itself in the palm of your hand but it’s not, it’s just a dumb ass joke that’s been done a billion times

Holy hell

We get it, funny pawn move, haha, so funny, you googled lef en passant, funny funny! Not. I think you would need to have brain damage to think that any of this is worth any of your time, how about you actually do something with your life you worthless sons of bitches!

New response just dropped

No it fucking didn’t you moron! This is the trillionth time today that you’ve made this joke, and it was never funny, if the fucking black plague came back and started killing off the entire population of the earth, I would pray that you idiots would die first just so I don’t have to deal with all of this dumbass bullshit from you

Actual zombie

This one i actually don’t have any complaints about, because this perfectly describes all of you, you’re all just a bunch of mindless idiots doing the same thing over and over

Call the exorcist

Of course you need to call an exorcist! You should’ve called one to destroy the shit hole called anarchy chess! You guys think that you need an exorcist to get rid of the infection, but maybe what you really need to call is your father OH WAIT YOU CANT! And I count even blame him for wanting to leave such an idiot behind

Bishop goes on vacation, never comes back

What the fuck does this one even mean? Oh wait, nothing, just like the rest of this god forsaken joke, it doesn’t mean anything because for it to mean anything it would require a fucking brain, something you idiots clearly don’t have! Jesus Christ it’s hilarious how fucking stupid you all are

Queen sacrifice anyone?

At this point in the joke I’m pretty sure you’re just saying words to keep it going, it hasn’t been funny for ages at this point, but you idiots are like a fucking hydraulic press to a cows udder, trying to milk it for any tiny bit of validation this might give you, but by doing this, you must have not realized that you sacrificed you’re chance at a happy future, oh my fucking god, just like how your father sacrificed his marriage to get away from you

Pawn storm incoming!

At this point the joke has somehow devolved even further, from mindless stupidity to actually just retarded, I don’t even think you guys know what the fuck words mean anymore, how about you try to get a happy life incoming huh?

And don’t even get me started on how much you guys love to say “en passant is forced, it’s time to brick your PIPI” as if that’s any funnier then anything else you’ve said before, and don’t even get me started on that dumbass copypasta

Are you kidding ??? What the **** are you talking about man ? You are a biggest looser i ever seen in my life ! You was doing PIPI in your pampers when i was beating players much more stronger then you! You are not proffesional, because proffesionals knew how to lose and congratulate opponents, you are like a girl crying after i beat you! Be brave, be honest to yourself and stop this trush talkings!!! Everybody know that i am very good blitz player, i can win anyone in the world in single game! And "w"esley "s"o is nobody for me, just a player who are crying every single time when loosing, ( remember what you say about Firouzja ) !!! Stop playing with my name, i deserve to have a good name during whole my chess carrier, I am Officially inviting you to OTB blitz match with the Prize fund! Both of us will invest 5000$ and winner takes it all! I suggest all other people who's intrested in this situation, just take a look at my results in 2016 and 2017 Blitz World championships, and that should be enough... No need to listen for every crying babe, Tigran Petrosyan is always play Fair ! And if someone will continue Officially talk about me like that, we will meet in Court! God bless with true! True will never die ! Liers will kicked off...

Like, I don’t even think a fucking 5 year old would be dumb enough to think this is funny, I swear to god, if you idiots had anymore addiction to fucking stupid copypastas I would say you’re Italian! At least how to fucking spell before you try to be funny, holy shit it’s amazing how stupid you all are

        Onision Meltdown

          Onision is an American Youtuber
          Original
          Wow. Wooooooow. Wow. So you guys are SO INTO YOURSELVES, like you are so committed, so CENSORING INNOCENT PEOPLE, that you're just gonna go, and try to get my patreon deleted now. Oh you have an opinion of me, so you're just gonna try and, RUIN MY ENTIRE CAREER. REALLY? Is that what you're going to do? Oh I'm sorry, the FBI never showed up Oh I'm sorry, the cops are all about onion boy because it turns out didn't break a single LAW. So what do we do? "Oh well our opinions have been invalidated so many times of him that we're gonna disable his patreon." Wooow, wow you would really do that - YOU WOULD REALLY DO THAT?! ... DRRRRGHHHH! YOU TRRRIIIEID TO DO THE FBI, DIDN'T WORK! YOU TRRRIIIIED TO DO THE POLICE! DIDN'T WORK! So instead, you resort to the paycheck. AND YOU GOT IT! YA GOT IT! All my patreons have been hrrng DELETED. Are you happy? NOW? Daugh! HRRRRRRRNNNGGG HRRRRNNHHGGGGH! Is this what you want, huh? You want a total - MELT DOWN?! Ya like - kombucha? I LOVE KOMBUCHA! Woo WOO WOOO WOOOOO OH MY PATREON, OH OOH OH MY PATREON'S BEEN DELETED OH OH - What am I gonna do, WHAT AM I GONNA DO NOOW? Ugh ackgh ackgh ackgh, ackgh ackgh. WOOOOW YOU DID THIS TO MEEE - ALL OF YOUUUUUUUU!
          wow. woOoOoOw. WOW. SO you guys are SO INTO yourselves, like, you are SO committed to CENSORING innocent people that you’re just gonna go and try to get my patreon DELETED now. oh, you have an OPINION of me, so you’re just gonna try and RUIN my entire career. REALLYmmmm
          WOW. Wow, so you guys are SO into yourselves, Like you are SO commited to CENCORING innocent people, that you're just gonna go and try to get my patreon deleted now. Oh you have an OPINION on me, so you're just gonna try and RUIN my entire career. REALLY? Is that what you're trying to do? Oh, I'm sorry. The FBI never showed up, Oh im SORRY. The cops are ALL ABOUT onion boy because TURNS OUT, DIDNT BREAK A SINGLE LAW. SO WHAT DO WE DO? OH WELL OUR OPINIONS have been invalidated SO many times, THAT WERE GONNA DISABLE HIS PATREON! WOW! wow, You would really do that- YOU WOUD REALLY DO THAT? ... THHHAUGHH!!! ..YOU T R Y TO DO THE FBI, DIDNT WORK! YOU T R I E D TO CALL THE POLICE, DIDNT WORK! ..So INSTEAD, you RESORT to the PAYCHECK.. and you GOT IT! YOU GOT IT!! ALL MY PATREONS HAVE BEEN D E L E T E D. ..Are you HAPPY?? NO!!! ..GNNAH!

..AAAAUHHAAAAUAAAHAAAAAUHAAAUAAA!!! UAAAAAUAAA!! ...Is this what you want, HUH? is THIS WHAT-.. YOU WANT A DDUEGHHDULL, NNUAAAGGGH DDAAUGGHHH!! DO YOU LIKE KOMBUCHA??? I L O V E K A M B U C H A !!! KOMBUCHA!!! WEOOOUGH, WEOOOUGH, WOOOOOOEEEGH, ooOOOOOUGGH, OOOOOOH, OOOOH, DRINKS LIKE PEE AND SMELLS EVEN WORSEE!! OOOAOAOAGHHH! OOOOAAAH, OOOOOOOOAAAAAGH, OOAHMYPAETREONISDELETED, OOOOOAGHH, MYPATERON!! OOOHHE, OOOOOOOH!!! WHAT AM I GONNA DO? WHAT AM I GONNA DO NOW??? AEUAUEUAUEUAAAAAH, MMHHHHEEEEEEH, HHEUUUEUH,, WHATTAMIGONNADDDEEEEEEEWWW, WHADDEHEEH, WHATTAMIGONNADDDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWW.. IMCOVVEREDINKOMBUCHA, ANDIHAVENOPAAYTREEONNH, AAEEEEH, AAEEEAEEAEEEHH, UUEEAAAHEUUAUUEUAHH, GGHHHUUUEEAAAAAAAHHHHH, UUUUUEAAAAHHH, ...YYYYAAAWWDDIIDDTHISTOHMMMEEEEEEEEEH!! GNAAAAHAHHAHEEEAHAHEEEHEAAH...

          Eu tenho sorte que eu não moro no mundo de pokemon.

            "I'm lucky that I don't live in the pokemon world" copypasta
            Eu tenho sorte que eu não moro no mundo de pokemon, se não eu já teria sido preso 134 vezes diferentes por zoofilia com todas as espécies existentes. Não sobraria um único monstro de bolso que não tivesse sentido o toque do meu pênis, e no final, eu me deixaria ser preso. diria à policial jenny: "Faça o que tiver que fazer, afinal, eu já ganhei", afinal de contas, já teria criado um híbrido com cada raça de pokemon existente nesse mundo. Eu seria mundialmente famoso em todas as regiões e cultuado por companheiros comedores de pokemon como um deus. Eu seria proibido de chegar dentro de 50m de uma gardevoir sem supervisão nos primeiros 3 dias de estadia no mundo pokemon. Em um mês, nenhuma eeveelution estaria segura, e em um ano, a data de minha execução seria marcada para preservar a pureza dos pokemons ainda não violados. Mas não seria o suficiente. com tamanha vontade de fazer sexo com pokemons, meu espírito certamente seria forte o suficiente para me transformar em um tipo fantasma, com uma anatomia ectoplásmica voltada completamente para o único e singelo propósito de espalhar meu DNA para a maior quantidade de pokemons possíveis.

            Open English version

            I'm lucky that I don't live in the pokemon world, otherwise I would have been arrested 134 different times for zoophilia with every existing species. There wouldn't be a single pocket monster left that hadn't felt the touch of my cock, and in the end, I'd let myself be trapped. he would say to police jenny: "Do what you have to do, after all, I already won", after all, he would have already created a hybrid with every existing pokemon race in this world. I would be world famous in all regions and worshiped by fellow pokemon eaters like a god. I would be banned from coming within 50m of an unsupervised gardevoir for the first 3 days of staying in pokemon world. In a month, no eeveelution would be safe, and in a year, my execution date would be set to preserve the purity of pokemons not yet violated. But it wouldn't be enough. with such a desire to have sex with pokemons, my spirit would certainly be strong enough to transform me into a ghost type, with an ectoplasmic anatomy completely focused on the sole and simple purpose of spreading my DNA to the greatest amount of pokemons possible.