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My gf said my family is “a little too close”

    My (18M) gf (18F) surprise visited my house on Sunday. She knocked on the door and Mom let her in and told her I was up in my room. My gf comes into my room and jumps on the bed, right on top of me and sis (20F) cuddling. My gf screams and told me to explain. I calmly said sis and I have always slept together and share the same room as our home is modest in this economy with only two bedrooms, the other is my parents’. My gf says that us cuddling/hugging each other while asleep is “disgusting.” But I think she just doesn’t understand as an only child. I calmed her down and got her to come downstairs for dinner. I set the table and Mom kissed me on the lips. This was too much for my gf and she screams wtf. Mum got upset and asked her to explain herself. My gf said that our family is “way too close” bc Mom kisses me and my sis 'spoons' me while sleeping. Mum became angry and asked her to apologize but my gf just ran out of the house.

Now my gf won't respond to my texts or calls. I texted her several times that we only kiss on greetings, and sometimes we surprise lick each other’s lips to tease each other. Idk why having a close family is an issue. I feel depressed that the love of my life won’t talk to me. But she’ll come around. I’m sure she’s just nervous and not used to normal behaviors.

Edit- I think people are misunderstanding me. We don't lick each other on the lips all the times. We only do it sometimes to tease each other. Kinda like tickling but on the lips.

    I have plans that I cannot share with you right now

      I'm telling you now, I have plans that I cannot share with you right now because the haters will sabotage me.

I have plans that I cannot share with you right now, because the haters will sabotage me.

I have plans that I will not share right now, because the haters will sabotage me but I got some stuff in the works

      Por que os camaleões mudam de cor?

        Por que os camaleões mudam de cor? Por que as abelhas fazem mel? Que bicho faz esse som aqui, hein? *frifrifrifrifri* Se você é uma criança curiosa, ou um adulto curioso, vai adorar o nosso podcast coisa de criança! Eu sou o Thiago e junto com a Anne, vamos desvendar os mistérios da natureza! Somente aqui, gratuito no Spotify. E dá até pra baixar os episódios pra ouvir quantas vezes quiser! É só clicar no banner que a gente se encontra no podcast coisa de criança!
        por que os camaeloes mudam de cor?
por que as abelhas fazem mel?
que bixo faz esse som aqui hein? [b҈҇͜a̷҇͜r̵̨͠u҈͢͡l̸̨͝h҈̕͜o̵͜͡d҈̧͞ę̶͞p̸̕͜ą̶͝s̵͢͞s̴̨̛a҈̢͠r҈҇͜o҈̕͜]
se vc é uma criança curiosa
um um adulto curioso
vai adorar o nosso podcast coisa de criança
eu sou o tiago e junto com a anne
vamos desvendar os mistérios da natureza
somente aqui, gratuito no spotify
dá até pra baixar os episódios para ouvir quantas vezes quiser
é só clicar no banner que a gente se encontra no podcast coisa de criança!
*sample do r2d2*

        My gf loves mommy roleplaying a little too much…

          So this is going to be a doozy and I'm probably going to regret writing this out to Reddit World but here goes:

I'm a 31-year-old guy living in the SF Bay Area. I'm not going to say my real name for obvious reasons. I'd really just like to hear some helpful feedback or maybe assurance that I'm not totally crazy for feeling a particular way with her role-playing.

Okay, so I met this beautiful, attractive woman in her late 30s two years ago. I was 29 and haven't been in a long-term relationship for a few years so it kind of felt like a weird turn of fate that I would hit it off someone like her, especially during the craziness of post-COVID land . I met Alyssa (not her real name of course) during a get-together one of my co-workers was throwing at his house. It was one of those mutual friends gatherings where all these mutual friends happened to trickle in and join the party. Alyssa was one of those.

She actually approached me and I remember her being pretty flirty from the get-go. At first I thought she was either drunk or fucking with me, so I tried to awkwardly (and kindly) break away from her during convos but then one of my buddies told me (out of earshot) she doesn't drink at all and "is just like that." So I figured she was just one of those super extroverts you hear about and basically spent some time getting to know her. After about an hour or so of hanging out at the party, I actually found she was really cool. Lot of joking and smart as hell. After the party, I asked her out and within a month or so of dating, we were pretty serious. It didn't bother me she was older or that she was quirky (even more so than me lol), and I was happy to be with someone I clicked with again.

So to fast forward, we've settled into our couple phase and things are pretty good. And then one day, things started to get a little strange. So, I love roleplay in the bedroom. It makes sex fun. And she loves it, too. The thing is, she has this very specific fetish where she loves to "play mommy." I'm all for the MILF stuff and getting into that (it's especially a turn on for me that she is older than me), but she started getting obsessed with being this kind of angry mom character during sex. And when I say "angry mom," let me break down how it went down one night:

So we're messing around and we're basically having a good time and then out of nowhere (and I fucking kid you not) she tries to pin me down on the bed and she growls in my ear "I heard what you did at school today." And then she slaps me so fucking hard and then kisses me. I'm like "um, okay." It was weird but still hot. But then, she grabs my chin forcefully, looks me dead in the eye, and says "Do you hear me, young man? Do you want to get the belt?" And guys, I'm honestly at a crossroads where I'm turned on and kind of spooked because she slaps me again and says "alright fine. We're done." I'm laying there confused and she jumps off and grabs the belt off my pants laying across a chair. I'm still letting her indulge in this but I regret it the next second when she comes flying at me swinging the goddamned belt like Zorro. She smacks me twice with it and she sounds angry as fuck, too! I'm thinking she's gotta be fucking with me and I start to laugh and I try to wrestle her back onto the bed, and she whips me right in the ass with the belt! HARD! Like I broke Grandma's fine china or something. I'm howling and jumping over the bed to get away from her. She's standing there heaving and staring at me like she's not done but then she looks at me remorsefully and says "oh, I'm sorry, baby. Come here. Mommy will make it better."

At this point, I'm confused as to where she's taking this but I go and embrace her and she brings me over to the bed and starts caressing my head slowly, purring in my ear like a freaking cat. This went on for like 10 WHOLE MINUTES! I tried to move at one point and she told me "mommy isn't done." I realized the night wasn't going to end the way I thought so I said I was tired and we went to bed shortly after.

After that, she loves to incorporate this "angry mom" RP in the bedroom. It got to a point where one night she was chasing me throughout my apartment with the belt and I had to hide in the damn bathroom while she calmed down. We spoke about this and I told her that while I enjoy it, she needs to tone it down with some of that stuff. She doesn't see a problem with it and tells me it gets her really hot to be playing that role. But when I told her beating the hell out of me with a belt and saying "that's for taking the car out without my permission!" isn't doing it for me, she actually started rolling up her sleeves and walked over to me, and said "give it to me NOW!"

Guys, I honestly don't know what to do. She only does this stuff when she's in the mood (the majority of the time), so I'm wondering if she's just really trying to live out this power fantasy or that she might be having some other feelings crop up that could be an issue. She's not a bad person but whenever she's in the mood, I gotta worry about getting my ass beaten with the belt. I've tried talking to her multiple times already but she loves doing it. Thoughts?????

          I laughed so hard I thought I died

            The earliest version of the “Crazy? I was crazy once” copypasta was actually “I laughed so hard I thought I’d die” taken from an excerpt of Brunvand, Jan Harold. The Study of American Folklore: An Introduction. pg 118. 1968. See here.

            I laughed so hard I thought I'd die.
I did die.
They buried me, and a flower grew on my grave.
The roots grew down and tickled me.
I laughed so hard I thought I'd die.
I did die…

            See the full history of “Crazy? I was crazy once” copypasta

            Crazy? I was crazy once.
They put me in a rubber room.
A round rubber room
And told me to sit in the corner.

Corner? There was no corner
So I sat in the middle of the floor
Surrounded by rats.

Rat? I can't stand rats.
They tickled my feet.
They made me laugh.
I laughed so hard I thought I would die

Die? I did die in there.
They buried me in a hole.
A hole six feet under the ground
And that's when the worms came.

Worms? I hate worms.
They burrowed into my skull And started to eat my brain.
They drove me crazy!

Crazy? I was crazy once.
They put me in a rubber room.
A round rubber room
And told me to sit in the corner.
            Omg this video is so funny, this video is so funny I laughed so hard, I laughed so hard I threw my phone, my stomach hurt, my nose started bleeding and I fell of of my bed and then I laughed so hard that the vibration from my laughter caused me to slide across the floor like some kind of fucked up caterpillar. Then I laughed so hard that I cried. Then I laughed so hard that I began flying. I flew threw the roof of my house and continued to fly up up up, up into the sky and I continued flying upwards until I went to outer space, I laughed so hard I went to outer space. Then I continued to laugh and the radiation from outer space started to disintegrate my body, my body disintegrated but I continued to laugh. Then I met God, God wasn’t a man or woman, God was two different cubes with different colors and I transcended God because I laughed so hard. I transcended God into a world of light and laughter. I could not stop laughing, all I could do is laughter now. I miss my friends, I miss my home I hope that I can see them again but I know that I never will, because I will never stop laughing I will laugh for eternity.
            😄haha😅😅 lol that's hilarious bro 😅😅😆😆😆 HAHAHAHHA 😩 OMG I can't stop 🚫 laughing 😫😫😫😫😫😫 HOLY FUCKIN SHIT 😲😲😲 I laughed so hard at that that I died!!1!1!!! OMG 😲😲 I"M FUCKIN DEAD-wait I see a light 💡 👼 OMG I'm an angel 👼 I'm going to Heaven 😶 Holy shit it's god!! 🌝 Hey god 😀 have I been a good devoted follower?🙏 🌝 no, u scrolled past that 👍Like if u love 😍 Jesus facebook post, so ur ass is goin to hell son 😱no please goD no 😟😟😟 OH NO I"m falling into hell 💥🔥🔥🔥😰🔥🔥🔥 It's so hot 😰 😱 Holy fuck it's satan 😈 Hey u little fuccboi u wanna fuck 👄the dark lord? 😍😍Hell yeah satan 😈 turn around and present me ur anus 🍑🕳 😉😉 oh yeah stick ur big throbbing horn in my tight asshole satan 🍆 🍑🕳 😈 yeah u like that ☺️oh fuck👍 yeah👍👍👌👌 satan that feels so good 😝😝😝 OH FUCK YEAH IT FEELS SO FUCKING GOOD 💓 OH 😋😆 FUCk 😝😝 YES AH 😝 AHHHH😝 OOHHH YEAH!😍😍 😈u want me to cum on ur ass u little slut 😍oh yes give me 💦💦 cummies 💦💦 satan! 😈 here it fucking cums(lol haha get it)😈🍆💦💦💦 😛yeah let me lap those cummies up like a cat 🐱 drinking milk 🍼satan😈🍆💦💦💦💦💦💦💦😨 holy shit 💦💦💦 2 😫😫 many 😈🍆💦💦💦cummies💦💦💦😫💦💦💦💦 I'm drowning in cummies 💦💦💦💦💦😲💦💦💦 holy shit I died from too many cummies!😱😲

Being daddie's 👸 princess and getting 👅💦💦 cummies is cool 👍👍👌 but remember too many 💦💦cummies 💦💦 is not 🙅🙅 good make sure ur daddy 👱 is responsible 👍👍 with his cummies or else u die 💀💀 and death means no more cummies 💦💦🚫👎😱
            Oh my god. Your comment was so unbelievably funny that I cannot physically stop laughing. My vocal cords are vibrating so violently that I’m throwing up blood. My throat is producing so much sound for so long that parts of my spine have shifted out of place through the sheer vibration, causing me indescribable pain. My entire body from the shoulders up is visibly shaking due to the sound I am producing. My lungs are running out of air by the second. My entire body is screaming in pain. Anyone to see me in this state would assume I’m having a horrible seizure. The laughter reverberating in my ears has driven me to madness. The sheer hilarity of your comment, the pure and untainted comedy that you typed with your holy fingers blessed by the Lord has thrown me up the stairway to Heaven and delivered me to death’s door. I am well and truly dying laughing.
            I laughed so hard i committed several war crimes that included the mass genocide of many civilians from a small town in Afghanistan. My war crimes of course will never be told to anyone outside of the soldiers who were with me at the time that the war crimes were committed. I am able to maintain not going to military prison because I am threatening the life of anyone who shows the smallest signs of them reporting me to the authorities.

            okay, kid im done. i doubt you even have basic knowlege of hacking

              okay, kid im done. I doubt you even have basic knowlege of hacking. I doul boot linux so i can run my scripts. you made a big mistake of replying to my comment without using a proxy, because i'm already tracking youre ip. since ur so hacking iliterate, that means internet protocol. once i find your ip i can easily install a backdoor trojan into your pc, not to mention your email will be in my hands. dont even bother turning off your pc, because i can rout malware into your power system so i can turn your excuse of a computer on at any time. it might be a good time to cancel your credit card since ill have that too. if i wanted I could release your home information onto my secure irc chat and maybe if your unlucky someone will come knocking at your door. i'd highly suggest you take your little comment about me back since i am no script kiddie. i know java and c++ fluently and make my own scripts and source code. because im a nice guy ill give you a chance to take it back. you have 4 hours in unix time, clock is ticking. ill let you know when the time is up by sending you an email to [redacted] which i aquired with a java program i just wrote. see you then