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Colleen Ballinger’s Apology Song

    [Spoken]
    Hey
    It's been a while since you saw my face
    I haven't been doing so great
    So I took a little break
    A lot of people are saying some things about me that aren't quite true
    Doesn't matter if it's true, though
    Just as long as it's entertaining to you, right?
    You guys having fun?
    [Chorus]
    All aboard the toxic gossip train
    Chugging down the tracks of misinformation
    The toxic gossip train
    You got a one-way ticket to manipulation station
    Toxic gossip train
    Tie me to the tracks and harass me for my past
    Those rumors look like facts if you don't mind the gaps
    I won't survive in the crash, but hey
    At least you're havin' fun
    [Spoken]
    Uh, hi, everyone
    I've been wanting to come online and talk to you about a few things
    Um, even though my team has strongly advised me to not say what I want to say
    I recently realized that they never said that I couldn't sing what I wanna say, so
    Here I am, and, um, today I only wanna talk about the facts
    So, I hope that you'll be willing to listen
    Here we go
    Many years ago, I used to message my fans
    Uh, but not in a creepy way like a lot of you are trying to suggest
    It was more of a loser kind of way
    Where I was just trying to be besties with everybody
    It was kinda like, uh, when you go to like a family gathering, you know?
    And there's a weird aunt there who keeps coming up to you and going like "Hey, girl, what's the tea!"
    And you're like "Ehhh"
    Um, that was me, but in group chats with my fans, it was weird
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    [Verse 1]
    I've been sharing my life online for over 15 years
    I've poured my heart out to you and because of that I feel
    Like I'm talking to my friends, but, in the beginning of my career
    I didn't really understand that maybe there should be some boundaries there
    There were times in the DMs when I would overshare
    Details of my life, which was really weird of me
    I haven't done that for years, you see
    Because I changed my behavior, and I took accountability
    [Spoken]
    But that's not very interesting, is it?
    [Chorus]
    So let's go on the toxic gossip train
    The locomotive's fueled with hateful accusations
    The toxic gossip train
    Steamroll over someone's reputation
    Toxic gossip train
    Hop on board, but close your eyes, otherwise you'll realize
    That the train is made of lies and that person you despise
    Maybe didn't deserve to die
    But hey, at least you're havin' fun
    [Spoken]
    In all seriousness, I do think it's really important to hold people accountable for their mistakes
    Um, y'know, we should hope that everyone can learn from their mistakes
    And grow, and change their behavior, and be a better person
    This is something that I've always tried to do when I make mistakes
    And is something that I will continue to try t- what?
    Oh, you don't care? Oh, okay
    [Verse 2]
    I thought you wanted me to take accountability
    But that's not the point of your mob mentality, is it? No
    Your goal is to ruin the life of the person you despise
    While you dramatize your lies and monetize their demise
    [Spoken]
    Yeah, um, I feel like I can already hear the comments on this video
    "She's gaslighting, manipulating!"
    "Ugh, she's a narcissist and a rat!"
    "I would never make a mistake like that."
    [Verse 3]
    Oh, I'm sorry I didn't realize
    That all of you are perfect, so please, criticize me
    Bring out the daggers made from your perfect past
    And stab me repeatedly in my bony little back
    I'm sure you're disappointed in my shitty little song
    I know that you wanted me to say that I was 100% in the wrong
    Well, I'm sorry, I'm not gonna take that route
    Of admitting to lies and rumors that you made up for clout
    [Verse 4]
    "Hey everybody, I found someone new to harass
    She did some things that I do not like, in her past
    So everybody, gather 'round, 'cause we're about to attack"
    But not based on facts, oh no
    Your loaded lethal weapon is your fingers on the keys
    You don't need any armor when you can hide behind a screen
    So, shoot me down, quick, with a click, and bam
    My reputation's deceased
    [Spoken]
    Uh, I also wanted to take a minute to talk about that girl, Miranda Sings
    You know the one, yeah her
    Uh, she's PG-13, it says that on my website
    [Verse 5]
    And it's always been that way
    And that's why you won't find my videos on the YouTube Kids app
    Anyway, um, I didn't realize it was my responsibility
    To decide what was appropriate for every kid to see
    I've always relied on parents to decide if they're comfortable
    With their families watching my YouTube videos or coming to my live shows
    Now, have I made some jokes in poor taste? Yes
    Have I made lots of dumb mistakes? Yes
    Am I sad that there's some fans that feel betrayed? Yes
    But was my intention to manipulate? No
    [Spoken]
    It doesn't really matter what my intention was
    'Cause it seems as though everyone's already decided on that
    Let me tell you, it's not very fun to have millions of people all over the world
    Call you the most vile, horrendous, disgusting, life-ruining words
    That a person can be called, in my opinion
    Um, it doesn't matter that these things aren't true
    Uh, everyone just believes that you are the type of person who manipulates and abuses children
    So, I just wanted to say that, um
    The only thing that I've ever groomed is my two Persian cats
    I'm not a groomer, I'm just a loser
    [Verse 6]
    Who didn't understand I shouldn't respond to fans
    And I'm not a predator even though a lot of you think so
    Because 5 years ago, I made a fart joke
    So, even though I know this video won't change anyone's mind about me
    I still felt it was important to come on here and defend myself a little
    And take accountability
    And I also wanted to say that
    To anyone out there who has ever supported me in any capacity
    [Spoken]
    I really, really appreciate you, thank you
    For what it's worth, I never had any bad intentions
    But I do feel like shit
    [Chorus]
    The toxic gossip train
    Chugging down the tracks of misinformation
    Toxic gossip train
    You got a one way ticket to manipulation station
    Toxic gossip train
    You tied me to the tracks and harassed me for my past
    Rumors look like facts when you don't mind the gaps
    I won't survive in the crash, but hey
    Hope you had some fun
    [Spoken]
    Actually, y'know, I feel like maybe I should let you guys know something, um
    Seems like, maybe you're confused about something? I don't know
    Let me try to help, um
    [Outro]
    Sometimes people make a mistake and it doesn't make them a horrible person, whoa
    Sometimes people can make a mistake and they're still a good person
    Crazy, I know
    Sometimes people can make a mistake and you don't have to take that mistake, oh no
    And twist it up, and grind it, and add some lies to it, and pulverize it
    And stab it with knives, and ruin a life, and, oh no
    Sometimes people can make a mistake, it doesn't mean you gotta send them hate, oh no
    Sometimes people can make a mistake and you can kindly let them know, and help them to grow
    Sometimes people make mistakes, simply because they made a mistake?
    And that mistake doesn't make them a terrible human
    It just makes them a human
    [Spoken]
    But what do I know?
    Fuck me, right?

    Vergil quotes

      Every Vergil quotes in DMC
      "Foolishness, Dante...foolishness. Might controls everything...and without strength, you cannot protect anything...let alone yourself"
      "No one can have this, Dante. It's mine. It belongs to a Son of Sparda."
      "I was so excited too see you, I couldn't focus on preparations for the bash."
      "How many times have we fought?"
      “You will regret... being born useless and human. I will show you... your worst nightmares. I will give you... despair and death!”
      "I've come to retrieve my power."
      "I need more power!"
      "You are not worthy as my opponent"
      "The Flames of Revenge? Couldn't even melt a marshmallow."
      "Show me your motivation."
      "Let me be clear Dante. I will never pay."
      "I seem to recall you crying every time father raised his voice."
      "No one can have this Dante. It's mine. It belongs to a son of Sparda. Leave me and go, if you don't want to be trapped in the Demon World."
      “It’s past your bedtime”
      "All things end, Dante. Even us."
      "If our positions were switched, would our fates be different? Will you have my life, and you mine?"
      "Shchuuum"
      "If you want it, then you'll have to take it. But you already knew that."
      *plastic chair screeching sound effect*
      "Not very classy for someone's dying words."
      "Now I’m a little motivated."
      “That amulet give it to me”
      
      "No way you got your own”
      
      “I know but I want yours too"
      "My sincerest apology brother, I was so eager to see you, I couldn't concentrate on the preparations for the bash."

      Oi sou china🇧🇷🇨🇳🏳️‍🌈

        OI SOU CHINA PERDOE PORTUGUES VIM ESTUDAR NA PUC SP MODA BRASIL E MORO EM CASA DO MEU TIO VENDE IMPORTADOS SOU GAY E ISSO MUITO DIFICULDADE PARA MIM. SOU RELIGIOSO FAMILIA RELIGIOSA RESTRITA EU NUNCA ME COMPORTO GAY COM OUTRO HOMEM ANTES. MAS BRASIL POR 6 MESES E EU TENHO AMIGO E ELE GAY TAMBEM. ELE ME ENSINOU MODA BRASIL E ENTÃO BEIJAMOS. NOS SEXO JUNTOS. EU NUNCA CONTEI MINHA MAE SOU GAY PORQUE CHINA CONSERVADORA GAY VIOLENCIA RUA PORRADA BEIJING. ENQUANTO SEXO GAROTO BRASIL E MUITO BOM ME SINTO BEM MAS SINTO EXTREMAMENTE CULPADO CONSCIENCIA ENQUANTO ALCANCO CLIMAX ORGASMO. MUITO CULPADO QUE PEGO TELEFONE E DISCO MAE CHINA. MAE ACORDA 5 HORAS DA MANHA HORARIO ASSUSTADA. E CHORANDO 'EU SEXO GAROTO BRASIL' MAE 'O QUE? ' EU "SEXO GAROTO BRASIL' FILHO VOCE NAO VAI CASAR GAROTA BRASIL MACACA ### NAO MÃE. EU SEXO GAROTO BRASIL NO MEU BURACO ANEL'' E MAE MUITO BRAVA EU DESLIGO O TELEFONE E MUITO VERGONHO E MEU AMIGO TAMBEM VERGONHO. ME SINTO ESTUPIDO. EU PENSO PORQUE SOU GAY? PORQUE ATRACAO HOMEM? MAS EU CONTINUO PORQUE SINTO BEM SEXO BUNDA BRASIL.

        Open English translation

        HI I'M CHINA I'M SORRY FOR PORTUGUESE I CAME TO STUDY AT PUC SP MODA BRASIL AND I LIVE AT MY UNCLE'S HOUSE SELLS IMPORTS I'M GAY AND THIS IS VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME. AM RELIGIOUS STRICT RELIGIOUS FAMILY I NEVER BEHAVE GAY WITH ANOTHER MAN BEFORE. BUT BRAZIL FOR 6 MONTHS AND I HAVE A FRIEND AND HE IS GAY TOO. HE TAUGHT ME BRAZIL FASHION AND THEN WE KISSED. WE SEX TOGETHER. I NEVER TOLD MY MOM I'M GAY BECAUSE GAY CONSERVATIVE CHINA DOES FUCK STREET VIOLENCE BEIJING. WHILE SEX BOY BRAZIL IS VERY GOOD I FEEL GOOD BUT FEEL EXTREMELY GUILTY CONSCIOUSNESS WHILE REACHING ORGASM CLIMAX. VERY GUILTY I GET PHONE AND DISK MAE CHINA. MOM WAKES UP 5 AM SCARED. AND CRYING 'I SEX GUY BRAZIL' MAE 'WHAT? ' I "SEX BRAZIL BOY' SON YOU WILL NOT MARRY BRAZIL GIRL MONKEY ### NO MOM. I SEX BRAZIL BOY IN MY RING HOLE'' AND MOM VERY ANGRY I TURN OFF THE PHONE AND VERY SHAME AND MY FRIEND ALSO SHAME. I FEEL I THINK WHY I'M GAY?

        Scaramouche Copypasta

          I’m sick of Wanderer

          I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Wanderer. I try to play Kazuha. My Wanderer deals more damage. I try to play Ganyu. My Wanderer deals more damage. I try to play Cyno. My Wanderer deals more damage. I want to play Yelan. I have more fun with Wanderer. I want to play Raiden, Tankfei - they both want to be Wanderer's supports. He threatens to step on me. I farm hanguards for him. I cook for him. I decorate my teapot for him. I give him the Widsith. He isn't satisfied. I pull Lost Prayer to the Sacred Winds. "I don't want more movement speed," He tells me. "Give me more damage." He grabs my Faruzan and forces er artifacts down her throat. "You just need to give me some more attack speed. I can deal more damage with Tulaytullah's Remembrance." I can't pull for Tulaytullah, I don't have enough primogems. He grabs my credit card. It declines. "Huh. How irritating." He starts to levitate. He says "Bow your head". There is no hint of sadness in his eyes. Nothing but 5 hits of instant, raw anemo dmg. What a cruel world.

          The Scaramouche pledge

          The Scaramouche pledge
          
          Since Scaramouche is the paragon of human virtue without equal past or present, he is most resplendent in love, tributes and accolades. Waking or sleeping, I must not forget Scaramouche's great boon and in order to return his favour by day and by night, I should only think of fulfilling my loyalty.
          
          Who is Scaramouche? For the blind, he is their vision. For the deaf, he is their music. For the mute, he is their voice. For the anosmiac, he is their aroma. For the numb, he is their feeling. For the atrophied, he is their muscle. For the starved, he is their sustenance. For the thirsty, he is their water. For the exhausted, he is their energy. For the depressed, he is their happiness. For the disillusioned, he is their hope. For the pessimistic, he is their optimism. For the disadvantaged, he is their champion. For the marginalized, he is their justice. For the oppressed, he is their salvation. For the righteous, he is their symbol. For the enlightened, he is their muse. For the erudite, he is their education.
          
          If Scaramouche speaks, I listen. If Scaramouche questions, I answer. If Scaramouche orders, I obey. If Scaramouche opines, I agree. If Scaramouche fears, I assure. If Scaramouche hopes, I dream. If Scaramouche is happy, I am jubilant. If Scaramouche is angry, I am apoplectic. If Scaramouche is sad, I am disconsolate.
          
          Scaramouche is my ideal, Scaramouche is my romance, Scaramouche is my passion. Scaramouche is my strength, Scaramouche is my compass, Scaramouche is my destination. Scaramouche is my language, Scaramouche is my culture, Scaramouche is my religion.
          
          Scaramouche is my ocean, Scaramouche is my mountain, Scaramouche is my sky, Scaramouche is my air, Scaramouche is my sun, Scaramouche is my moon, Scaramouche is my world. Scaramouche is history, Scaramouche is present, Scaramouche is future.
          
          If Scaramouche has a million fans, I am one of them. If Scaramouche has a thousand fans, I am one of them. If Scaramouche has a hundred fans, I am one of them. If Scaramouche has ten fans, I am one of them. If Scaramouche has only one fan, that is me. If Scaramouche has no fans, I no longer exist. If the whole universe is for Scaramouche, then I am for the whole universe. If the whole universe is against Scaramouche, then I am against the whole universe. I will love, cherish, and protect Scaramouche until my very last breath; my successors will love, cherish and protect Scaramouche until their very last breath.

          According to all known laws of aviation…

          According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that Scaramouche should be able to fly. His hat is too big to get his fat little body off the ground. Scaramouche, of course, flies anyways. Because Scaramouche doesn't care what humans think is impossible.

          I was born to server Scara

          call me old fashioned but i was born to serve scara. i do the laundry, cook dinner, clean dishes. i live to serve & carry out every demand of him on the slightest whim, its what i was put on this earth to do. if scara cheats on me then its my fault he caught me slipping up.

          National Punch An Emo Kid In The Face Day

            Looks 👀👉 like ☃ l'm 💰😂 gonna 🅱🔥 have to 💦 hit a ☢ Hollywood junkyard and dig ⛏ out 🎮 a 🐶👌 Delorean to travel 🛫 back to ➡ June 6, ❓❗ 2006 for 🙌📀 the 💌 National "Punch 👊 An ⬅ Emo ☹☹ Kid In The 🍑😎 Face" 😭😳 Day. 🌞 I 😩💰 mean, 😉😡 I get the 👏🕍 fact 🛡👩 that 💦😐 it 😞 no doubt 🙅👅 has to suck 😜 being 😑😑 so 👏 socially awkward that 🕵 you 👦🤖 had 💋🅰 to pretend 😢 to be 💀 depressed 🅱 just 🏻 to ⛪😱 fit in 📥 with Majic The Gathering dorks addicted to 💦 Lithium and ➕ Adderal, who 👶😂 totally 💯🚥 duped you 😬👀 into thinking that 🚟 listening 👂🎧 to My 🔌 Chemical Bromance will 👊😠 help 💁🚨 you score 💯 with hot 🔥 chicks. 🐔 And 📡🔟 don't 🚫🚫 try 😐 lying 🤥 to 💦⚠ kick it 🍆👏 homeboy. All 🏷 the 🔥 scene sluts ‼ who 👀 weren't lesbians 😱😲 or morbidity obese, were scooped up ♀ by Chaos Punx, Bootboys, and 🕰👏 Skinheads. That's 😐😐 the 👨 cold hard 💦🍆 truth. Anyways, my 😎💯 point ⬆ is 😩 that 🆚 just 💪 because 🍆📖 you're 🙅👏 not all 🌎🌎 that ✔🚟 awesome on 🔛💦 an intellectual level 🆙🔻 due 👅👅 to 💦😩 staying away 🌪💨 from 🙍😂 people 📣😑 and Sunlight, that's truly 🔝 no excuse 🚶 for 🍆 this complete 💯✅ lack of 💥 basic communication 📰🗣 during a 👏 simple online 💻💻 business transaction.

            Femboy Island

              I wanna be a billionaire so I can buy a private island, get ripped with a personal trainer until I can bend fucking steel beams, and capture the most attractive onlyfans femboys, pump them full of estrogen until they grow boobies, lose all body hair and most muscle mass, and they can barely maintain an erection, and set them free on my island. Then, I will hunt them by myself, naked, with a big ass knife and a tranquilizer gun and when I catch them one by one I rape their assholes until their butts look like an asteroid impact crater. Then, repeat the process until they develop such a severe case of Stockholm syndrome that they can’t move ten feet away from me without having a total mental breakdown and falling into a coma.