Kafka: "Take it. You sissy bitch. Let me DESTROY your ass pussy." Me: "UGH~! MMPH! OOOOGH~! MOMMY KAFKA, PLEASE, S-ST-" Kafka rips her hand across my ass like a rubber band, leaving a tarnishing red mark. Kafka: "Did I say you can talk? No." *PLAAAP PLAAAP PLAAAAP!* Kafka's strap-on continued on.
I'm a lesbian, let me come out
🥵 I love Kafka so much, whenever I think of Kafka scolding me for being soft, I feel elated from the inside because I know she likes me and cares about me 🥰 Kafka said she likes to look at the puffy clouds outside the window with me, so I'm going to listen to Kafka and get up early every day and look at the puffy clouds with her 🥰 It's a great feeling, as sweet as chocolate falling into a honeypot. Kafka said that if someone called, she would feel very concerned, so I would purposely frantically answer the phone in front of her. When I see her getting jealous, I can't help but feel an unstoppable delight 🥵 Kafka I love you so much, the feeling of having a gentle older sister as a wife keeps me awake all night, constantly thinking about you, tossing and turning 😭 Kafka's meticulous care is about to turn me into a useless person in society, Kafka I can't live without you, I don't know what to without you 😭 ooooooo Kafka my Kafka 😭😭😭😭😭😭
Listen, I don't have much time, I've been held captive as a sex slave on the nearl's family house now some of you might raise your eyebrows and said "lol dude, why are you distressing over a good time?" so let me tell you this IT IS NOT
So like most of you guys, I dreamt of continuing the nearl family bloodline, I volunteered immediately without hesitation, I dreamt about this for so long, when a horse is in heat they will show signs such anxiety, squealing, signs of aggression, frequent urination, and looser bowel movement, did you know how hot is that? I could literally receive gallons upon gallons of golden showers and I would happily help with any bowel problem that they has, a horse could also exert a kick up to 2000 psi, I really want to have that amount of force right in my nuts, their aggression also means you could have a really rough seggs all night long
So there I am waiting eagerly in the bedroom naked for either Maria, Margaret, or zofia, or best case scenario all three of them at once. But... Imagine my surprise, when I heard the door creaks open there's no sign of any three of them, instead what I saw was uncle mlynar, all naked, with a huge throbbing horse cock, DID YOU KNOW HOW BIG IS THAT?! I SWORE ITS MORE THAN 50CM LONG WITH 6CM GIRTH I panicked but mlynar is just there not even looking at me, he's reading a goddamn newspaper, he didn't talk much and just slam my head into the bed while that huge throbbing horse dick just keep pounding my ass, I screamed and begged for mercy, but he didn't even seem to care, he's just casually reading that newspaper while keep pounding me mercilessly, after for a long time, I could see the light from the sun coming up he finally stops and calmly said "that's all for today, I need to get to work" I can't even speak anymore and just lie down there thinking about the life choices I made that I ended up in this situation, this has been going for days so please, help me
Elon Musk saw this in one of the slack channels
https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/031/634/guy-fired-over-meme-job-work-post-facebook-cody-hidalgo-fb.png
And he replied to it with a giant wall of text basically saying that he's 44 billion dollars in debt, made a bunch of sacrifices, and the employees are the ones making money.
But that's not all.
Elon Musk now has been going into bathrooms now and if he see's someone sitting in on the stalls, he pops his head over to talk to them about their projects in order to make sure they aren't pooping longer than necessary and stealing company time.
The meme seems to really gotten under his skin.
after Elon started doing it he bragged to mark zuckerburg about it, but then mark sent him this meme
https://i.imgflip.com/77us2q.jpg
context
In the early days of facebook Mark Zuckerburg would wander into the company bathrooms and if he noticed someone sitting down in the stalls he would pop his head over and try to talk to them about their projects. Or if he was taking a poop he would host an emergency meeting and he would tell them to come over and pop their head over the stall to talk it out.
Everyone just went along with it because it was either YOLO SILICON VALLEY LMAO or they were just too intimidated.
That all stopped when Michael Moritz, legendary silicon valley investor, and one of Facebook biggest early investors and shareholders, was at the campus doing research for leading a 2nd round of funding. He was doing diligence all day and at one point had to poop and that's when Zuckerburg popped his head over with a smile to ask how's the diligence coming along.
Michael Moritz, not one to mince words, was apoplectic. 'GET THE FUCK OUT HERE YOU IDiiOT LIZARD LOOKING FUCKER.' Mark Zuckerburg nervously tried to laugh it off and persisted, because he really loved intimate poop conversations 'Aw c'mon Michael, it's silicon valley'. Zuckerburg then withdrew after Moritz flung his cellphone into his eye socket.
30 minutes later, Mark was in a very import meeting (where he banned questions about his black eye) when Moritz walked into the conference room. 'Everyone except Mark Zuckerburg, OUT'. As intimidated as they were of Zuckerburg, at the time Moritz was the bigger deal, and they all scurried out of the room.
Zuckerburg, however, is not one to be intimated by anyone. Not the Winkewoz twins, not Eduardo Savarn, not Peter Thiel, and not one of his biggest shareholder Michael Moritz. Zuckerburg passionately defended his practice, but Michael Moritz was having none of that. Moritz told him that it was a ticking PR and HR nightmare, and threatened to pull out of leading the 2nd round of funding if Mark continued, which would have been a catastrophe for the company.
Zuckerburg pretended to arbitrate 'Ok fine, but you need to give me a good reason, because if it were normal, there would be no problem'.
Moritz was flabberghasted at this response. Was this a serious question? He answered with the most obvious answer 'Because.... it's not FUCKING NORMAL'.
Unknown to Moritz, Zuckerburg had guessed a conversation like this would happen as soon as he was kicked out of the toilet stall, and began formulating a strategy to counter Moritz demands. Zuckerburg knew that Moritz would have all the leverage, but Zuckerburg was a master strategist.
Zuckerburg went for the pounce. 'Okay, I'll lets write out an agreement, in writing I'll rescind the policy because it's not normal'. Moritz was dumbfounded, but he was used to being dumbfounded by eccentric tech founders, afterall he was also an early investor in Apple, and he still found Zuckerburg tame compared to Steve Jobs. Moritz had a long day of work so they signed the agreement so that he could go back to doing his due diligence.
When Moritz left, a broad grin spread across Zuckerburg's face. " 'Not Normal' eh? " Zuckerburg said with a menacing laugh. Ever since then, Mark Zuckerburg has been on a life-long crusade to normalize poop conversations.
He had a checklist of what he needed to accomplish in order to realize this. His advisors would tell him it's impossible, but one by one Zuckerburg checked off the list. From normalizing smart phone use on the toilet (actually a collaboration between Mark Zuckerburg and Steve Jobs), to trusting Mark with their private photos, to normalizing people giving up their internet browsing privacy.
In 2015, Zuckerburg knew he would hit a wall, having people watch you while you poop was still too much of a leap. That's when Zuckerburg decided to buy Occulus, and eventually shift his company towards virtual reality. If he could coax people into having life-like conversations while they were pooping in a virtual reality, then doing it in the real world wouldn't be too big of a leap.
Do you read facebook or instagram while you're pooping? Ever consider what urges you to do that? It's not your personal preference, it's by Mark Zuckerburg's design.
Zuckerburg only has 3 more boxes to check off before poop conversations are normalized.
Mark Zuckerburg wants to watch you poop.
Are you going to let him?
https://i.imgur.com/KVq4mMF.jpg
EDIT, UPDATE
I just got this in my DM.
I am a ex Facebook worker. Everything you said rings true. I speak to you at the risk of consequences for breaking my NDA. When I was at Facebook I was involved in a program called Project PooPal. Mark Zuckerburg was planning on Meta entering the exploding tele-therapy space, but targeting people who are not ready to talk to an actual person. You talk to a virtual reality therapist who responds with what is described as the greatest AI (though whatever you tell it, it only responds with 'wow, tell me more'). The thing is, the virtual reality assistant has a striking resemblance to Mark Zuckerburg himself. But the most damning aspect is that it's supposed to used only when you're pooping. This feature is described as optional, though uses the most advanced AI for your phone camera to check if you're actually on a toilet, and if not, says 'It looks like you're not pooping. Please start pooping and try again'. I always wondered what is the purpose and origin of the project. Now I know.
Stellar is the most good looking valorant player ever. He is the only white boy in history to get it popping. Genetically he is a chad, on and off the server. Oh my god, talking about him gets me light headed. I just want to see my cute boy win.
Ardiis stared at the burger in his hand. Normally, he loved chowing down on his Big Mac like he chowed on these beta players like Cned or Nukkye or Sayf. But not today. Today, this burger was a sign of his failure. The double patties of meat reminded him not of succulent juicy beef but only the mighty veiny vascular muscles of Stax. The seeded bread buns? It was Stax’s cheeks as he squatted on Ardiis’s face. The tomato? It was his blood dripping off Stax’s knife. The mayo? You know what it is.
