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Wow bro you’re so original

    Wow bro you're so original, here, take all of my money, actually you know what, have my car too, and since your joke was funny, just take my girlfriend and fuck her. Fuck my girlfriend because your joke was so good. You are the funniest person on the internet and in the world. I can't think of anyone else who's even a little bit funnier than you. You know what? Just whip it out and I'll go down on you right here. Fuck you're so funny. I bet your dick is huge because you're that hilarious. I'll tickle your balls while I do it too. Work both at the same time for the King of comedy. Shit man I'm still laughing so much that I'll just swallow your load because you're just that witty.

    Bro thinks he’s tough talking on TikTok 😭

      listen here lil bud❌️💀🔥‼️‼️i will put you on my 𓀐 𓂸 list if you yap allat 1 more time‼️🔥💀🙏 i betta not catch u lacking in these comments ever🤞🤞💀🔥❌ 
      Bro thinks he’s tough talking on TikTok 😭 if you ever see me in the streets you better run because I don’t play no games dawg
      I will spread ur cheeks lil bro 😭🙏🏾🙏🏾I betta not catch you in my comments again or it’s finna gon be OVER for you 👾
      ngl id smack df outta you son…😭☝️🪦 i dont play that typa shi💯 never let it happen again..🪦🐍😭if I catch you in these streets it’s OVER
      BLUD is tough talking on tiktok😭💯💯💀if you ever see me in the STREETS🦖🐲 YOU better gorilla glue those CHEEKS or else im going WILD 
      Don't ever disrespect me cus on my dead homies I will swing my balls across your face like a grandfather clock 🕰️😭
      You think your safe commenting this‼️⁉️🙅‍♂️Better keep your Butt Cheeks 🍑 closed❌ cus I'm coming for you‼️
      What’s all this yimmer yammering you been talking bout to the gang💀👆 if I EVER catch you on these streets again I’d hate to slap you son❌💀😭🙏💯
      I will do some malicious gestures to your Buttocks small gentleman. If I dare see your profile in the comment section ever again your demise will come
      BLUD is tough talking on TIKTOK😭💯💯💀 if you ever see me in the STREETS🦖🪬 YOU better gorilla glue those CHEECKS or else im going WILD
      I shall spread thy cheeks little boy, It would not be splendid to see you in my comment chamber ever again 🤑🤑🤑🤑😡😤👾
      Pal thinks he's wicked chattering on TikTok 🤓. If you identify me on the roads, sprint because I'm a treacherous individual 🐺💯
      Thy insinuates that he is menacing communicating on tiktok. 🤓 If you glance at me on the roads, observe cautiously, as I am a terrifying individual.
      u thought u was safe commenting this on tiktok lil bro 😭😭🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️better pray u ain't catching me on these streets dawg 💯💯🙏🙏
      lil bro thinks he's on the game dawg😭😭🔥🔥💯💯 you better watch out on the streets cause you know I ain’t playin these games🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️💯
      You puny earthling 👽🙏 dont ever let my radar detect your heat signature on my homeworld or i will have to anally probe you 🔥💯🛸
      BLUD is talking tough on tiktok😭💯💯💀if you ever see me in the STREETS🦖🐲 YOU better gorilla glue those CHEEKS or else ima go WILDYou think you safe in the comment section⁉️🙅You betta hope you dont🐍catch me in these streets cause my desire for cheeks🍑 dont play no games😈I will swing ma balls on you like a grandfather clock🕰️😭🙏 betta not catch you in these comments again or its finna gon be OVER for youI will sever those glutes young lad😭🙏🏽🙏🏽 I better not discover you committing notorious deeds or it gonna be over🗣️🗣️😭I will proceed to spread the gluteus maximas 😭🙏🙏 My consciousness best not capture your presence in one of my feedback sectionsI will spread ur cheeks lil bro 😭😭🙏🙏 I betta not catch you in my comments again or it's finna gon be OVER for you 👾 😭😭🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️ betta pray you aint catchin me on these streets dawg 🙏🙏💯💯💯 you finna regret it talkin crazyy stuff like dat look man ill slap da goofy out ur ass cheeks 💯 dont dilly dally between my insolence😈😈
      if you dare say a single syllable you shall beyou’re a chipper young lad😭🌽 you wouldnt dare holler such whimsical nonsense to my face💀💯 dont ever try such buffoonery with me ever again😂🫵I will create a gap amongst thou’s turbulence creators if I catch this dubious dialogue being spread again 😭🙏‼️I will tickle ur pickle for a nickel bro🤑🦟🙏🏽 I better not catch u in my comments again or it will be the end of your era🧑‍🎤👩‍🎤🗣️🤑 Don’t ever disrespect me cuh on my dead homies 🙏🏼🕊️I will swing my balls across your face like a grandfather clock 🕰️😭 dawg you think your safe commenting this‼️⁉️🙅‍♂️Better keep your Butt Cheeks 🍑 closed❌ cus I'm coming for you‼️ Betta hope u not talkin to my homie like dat young slime🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️💀 Ill play with your asshole hairs like a banjo if you keep talkin crazy😭🤦🏽‍♂️🪕🪕
      I will buckle your cheeks lil bro😭🙏 this lil bro thinks he on the game dawg😭🔥 dont let me catch you in my comments again or its OVER for you👾😭🦅
      Listen here fella🫵 we do not MESS with this online writing section🙅❌ Better gorilla glue those cheeks or else ima feel DEVIOUS👾💯💯
      BLUD is talking tough on tiktok😭💯💯💀if you ever see me in the STREETS🦖🐲 YOU better gorilla glue those CHEEKS or else ima go WILDYou think you safe in the comment section⁉️🙅You betta hope you dont🐍catch me in these streets cause my desire for cheeks🍑 dont play no games😈I will swing ma balls on you like a grandfather clock🕰️😭🙏 betta not catch you in these comments again or its finna gon be OVER for youI will sever those glutes young lad😭🙏🏽🙏🏽 I better not discover you committing notorious deeds or it gonna be over🗣️🗣️😭I will proceed to spread the gluteus maximas 😭🙏🙏 My consciousness best not capture your presence in one of my feedback sectionsI will spread ur cheeks lil bro 😭😭🙏🙏 I betta not catch you in my comments again or it's finna gon be OVER for you 👾look man ill slap da goofy out ur ass cheeks 💯 dont dilly dally between my insolence😈😈 if you dare say a single syllable you shall beyou’re a chipper young lad😭🌽 you wouldnt dare holler such whimsical nonsense to my face💀💯 dont ever try such buffoonery with me ever again😂🫵I will create a gap amongst thou’s turbulence creators if I catch this dubious dialogue being spread again 😭🙏‼️
      you’re a chipper young lad😭🌽 you wouldnt dare holler such whimsical nonsense to my face💀💯 dont ever try such buffoonery with me ever again😂🫵 You think your safe commenting this‼️⁉️🙅‍♂️Better keep your Ass Cheeks 🍑 closed❌ cus I'm coming for you‼️ I will spread ur cheeks lil bro 😭🙏🙏 I betta not catch you in my comments again or it’s gon be OVER for you 👾 i will swing my balls across your face like a grandfather clock 🕰️🙏don’t ever let me catch you commenting again lil bro😭💯🔥🦡🫃🫃 i am ℝ𝔼𝕂𝕋ANGULAR😂😂👌🅱️🅱️😂👌😂😂👌🅱️🅱️ GIMME 😋 GIMME 😛 GIMME 😝 GIMME 😜 GIMME 🤪 GIMME 🤑 𝕊𝕋𝕀𝕄𝕄𝕐 🤤 On my way! On my way! On my way! On my way! look man ill slap da goofy out ur ass cheeks 💯 dont dilly dally between my insolence😈😈 if you dare say a single syllable you shall be I will tickle ur pickle for a nickel bro🤑🦟🙏 I better not catch u in my comments again or it will be the end of your era🧑‍🎤👩‍🎤🗣️🤑
      :😯bro I will tickle your pickle for a nickel🤑 🦗 I better not catch you again ight?😂😂😂keep them cheeks tight🗣️💯💯💯💯
      I ᴡɪʟʟ ꜱᴡɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ʙᴀʟʟꜱ ᴀᴄʀᴏꜱꜱ ʏᴏ ꜰᴀᴄᴇ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ ɢʀᴀɴᴅꜰᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ᴄʟᴏᴄᴋ 🕰️🙏🏻 ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴇᴠᴇʀ ʟᴇᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴄᴀᴛᴄʜ ᴜ ᴄᴏᴍᴍenting ᴀɢᴀɪɴ ʟɪʟ ʙʀᴏ😭💯🔥
      Buddy, you’ve made a big mistake‼️because when I show up🚘😶‍🌫️at your door🚪 spread your butt cheeks😈and get on the floor👇 cuz ur done for 😭🙏
      shall stretch thy gluteus Maximus skin flaps scallywag😭🙏🏾🙏🏾 you for the best shall not ever get caught in my talkive section👾
      You shall not get into my talkive section ever again😭🤫☝🏻cuz if i catch u one more time there will be a gigantic pickle rick 🗣️🗣️✅up in yo diddle click😑🫠🤫🤔
      😬Sleep with one eye open lil buddy👽👽 be aware of these balls swinging on your face when you wake up 😭🙏😹😹😭🙏🙏🤭🤭
      if you say help one more time I will go ham on those cheeks 😭😭🙏🔥🔥 they'll grow lips and start screaming help 💯
      You naughty little boy🎅🙏Keep misbehaving and your gonna take a ride on Santa's lap🎅🛷
      Are you joking? You said your phone was taken away, and I see you commenting this? nah its over with us..💔

      I got arrested for fucking my 17.99999998 years old girlfriend.

        So I (currently 18.0000472M) have been dating this cute girl for 8 months now. She's really special to me because apparently we share the exact same birthdate, even the same hour and minute.

For our 18th birthday she invited me over to share this special day together and her mom cooked us dinner. Everything was going great. Then we went to her bedroom to watch some Netflix and as you might've guessed, things got a bit spicy. We started cuddling and kissing and decided to have sex. We were already both so horny and I pulled my rock hard 12 inch cock. As I put my dick inside her pussy, I started hearing very loud sirens and cops broke into her house right after and arrested me.

Apparently, I turned 18.0000000000000 at the exact time I was putting my dick inside her, meanwhile she was still 17.99999999998 years old. Therefore I technically had sex with a minor. I might even get a life sentence now for grooming a minor. My life is fucking ruined and idfk what to do. How tf am I even gonna tell my parents and friends about it? Now all my friends are gonna go "hahah richard fucked a kid, PEDO richard", my nickname is gonna be fucking "groomerichard"

        IS THAT A STELLARIS REFERENCE???

          ‼️‼️HOLY FUCKING SHIT‼️‼️‼️‼️ IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING STELLARIS REFERENCE??????!!!!!!!!!!11!1!1!1!1!1!1! 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 STELLARIS IS THE BEST FUCKING PARADOX GAME 🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 BUBBLES IS SO BLESSEDDD 😎😎😎😎😎😎😎👊👊 ALISN SCUM ALIEN SCUM ALIEN ALIEN SCUM ALIEN SCUM 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩 😩😩😩😩CONSTRUCTION COMPLETE CONSTRUCTION COMPLETE CONSTRUCTION COMPLETE 🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬🤬😡🤬🤬😡EVADING HOSTILE FLEET EVADING HOSTILE FLEET EVADING HOSTILE FLEET EVADING HOSTILE FLEET IT’S NOT A HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATION IF THERE NOT HUMAN IT’S NOT A HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATION IF THERE NOT HUMAN Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 They voted to kick me out of the Federation? I AM THE FEDERATION *Leaves Federation and Declares War*❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓SAVE THE TIYANKI SAVE THE TIYANKI So Long...‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂 PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN?  😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂Fortress world in chokepoint? Fortress world in chokepoint? Fortress world in chokepoint? Fortress world in chokepoint? Fortress world in chokepoint? Fortress world in chokepoint? Fortress world in chokepoint? Fortress world in chokepoint? 🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰 I hate Xeno Scum 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 I hate Xeno Scum 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 I hate Xeno Scum 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 I hate Xeno Scum 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 I hate Xeno Scum 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 Militarism and Materialist best ethics for Stellaris r/Stellarisr/unexpectedStellaris r/ExpectedStellaris perfectly balanced as all things should be r/unexpectedthanos r/expectedthanosfor balance r/DSRfunny

          SO THAT WAS YOU!!!

            SO THAT WAS YOU!!!

I was all set on having a nice quiet dinner with my girlfriend to celebrate our first year together...

I’d bought some fresh tomatoes to make my homemade pasta sauce, and I’d gone to the small boutique bakery to buy some filo pastry for dessert. I was quietly going through the recipes in my mind when I heard your slurred grumbled announcement, “...You’re about to loot my balls...” I tried to ignore it but, I couldn’t ignore the furious grunting like a drunk man having a seizure. As I looked up I could see the fury in the other commuters eyes. A man looking like a professor had stood up and was about to reproach you when the dull clatter of your phoned on the train car floor seemed seemed to pause all movement in the carriage. The professors eyes widened, sweat suddenly beaded on his forehead and with fevered anguish he started undoing his belt and fly like a man who thought a hornet was caught in his pants.

I was bewildered as all the other men in the car started convulsing like extras in Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ video. A woman sat across from me was doing her best to emulate a Russian gymnast trying to grate cheese from her crotch with the sole of her Nike running shoe.

I bolted upright, panicked but prepared to fight, when in the corner of my eye the neon glow of your phones LCD screen drew me sight.

I suddenly felt a bizarre euphoria fill my mind and a white hot heat electrify my spine and form a prism of pure desperate release in my loins.

I can’t remember much else, I awoke from some kind of fever dream in a public toilet cubicle. My jeans and underwear had disappeared, but I was still wearing my Myrell slip ons, shirt and now crusted overcoat, like a cross between Donald Duck and a homeless student.

I can hear another man weeping in the cubicle, keeps muttering he just wanted to fly.

I feel so cold and drained. My organ is so mangled it could unpick the locks of wooden medieval doors. There’s filo pastry all over my thighs and knees.

But despite all this I feel a warm contentment like I’d found ‘the’ answer. I don’t know what this means, I know there will be questions, that there should be much to fear. But truly I am grateful. Thank you.

            My sister found my account through this subreddit. (long live nemlei!)

              Writing this the day after with her permission. Not sure if this is even allowed here but fuck it.

I’ve always been very close with my twin sister. She is one of the greatest things in my life and one of the most Beautiful women I’ve ever seen. We both use Reddit but she is much more private and doesn’t comment nor post. She knew what my Reddit avatar looked like from passing by my computer buy never my username. A month ago she saw me playing Coffin and I told her what it was.

Fast forward to yesterday and I see her playing the game as I’m heading to somehwere. When I comeback and sit on our couch she comes to me and tells me that she joined the subreddit since she loved the game and asks me to meet her on our balcony, which is basically the only private space in our apartment. It was dark out and we were on the fourth floor. Whrn the balcony door closes, she tells me that she saw the shit I say online, specifically in this sub and that she’s always found me attractive but never wanted to say anything since she thought it would be weird. We then proceded to have quiet, but very good sex outside, and afterwards she says she loves me.

So, from the bottom of me and my beautiful sisters heart, thank you all for providing such a unhinged place for me to speak in, and giving my sister the oppportunity to find out about me. God bless you all!