Comment
byu/MayaAlex from discussion
inwhatisitcirclejerk
When I was 6 my grandpa used to plant Whore Plants in our garden. My favorite species was the Malus Puella variety next to Femina Sordida. Such amazing plants
I miss those days pickin' whores off the hoevines. We used to squeeze the ripest ones until they popped into a deep red paste we called Whore jelly.
Man I miss a good ole southern Slutnut Butter & Whore Jelly sammich 😢
The tree simply could not believe. At first the man had only touched it, run a finger along its bark, and then without warning the man was masturbating on the tree. The tree found this a disagreeable experience and wished it would stop. The tree shook its limbs, tried to stop the man, shook and shook as if to say, No, Stop that, Bad man. But the man mistook the shaking as a sign of encouragement and began to masturbate daily on the tree.
The tree now tried reasoning with the man. It offered up lesser beings, ferns and flowers and mushrooms, all the understory of the forest, to be sacrificed to the man, this bipedal fiend. They look nice don’t they, shook the tree, but the man neither spoke nor understood Tree, and flapped his meat in response.
After Reason then the tree tried Anger. It shook free its least favorite branches, to strike the man dead, or better yet, knock him out and let the scavengers have their way with him. But the man was young, and with the agility of youth, of two-legged youth, he dodged and went on masturbating.
The years passed. The man came less often. Once a week, and then monthly, and some years the man didn’t come at all, but always he returned and the sperm soaked into the tree’s bark and the tree cried out in anguish as its spirit withered. It grew demented, yearned for suicide, but found itself surviving the periodic forest fires and thunderstorms, and no wind seemed capable of toppling it.
The years came and went. Years of drought, years of atmospheric rivers pouring down upon the tree. And each year the tree weakened and one day there was a storm and the half-mad tree shook obscenities into the storm and the storm was affronted and attacked the tree. The next day, with the storm past, the man showed, old decrepit man, scrotum for a neck, liver-spotted hands and chicken legs with gnarled veins. This old man, thin and weak, but still capable on a good day of rubbing one out. Pantless, the man was concentrating deeply when there was a loud crack and the tree fell and crushed him. 
I am not kidding when I'm saying this. She is literally an angel sent from the heavens and I love her more than anything and anyone. She is my everything. There are just so many things I could say about her. I swear to fucking god, she is the most wonderful and perfect girl to have ever graced the face of the universe since time immemorial. She is an angel that has come down from heaven to bless us mere mortals with her divine beauty. Just the thought of her can fill me with a deep sense of bliss and joy, I feel as if I am in a blissful bubble where nothing else matters but her. Kallen's beauty is otherworldly and jaw-dropping. She is a vision of beauty that transcends description and human understanding, and every time I lay my eyes upon her, my heart skips a beat. Her luscious crimson hair, her deep, blue eyes are reminiscent of the skies themselves, and her beautiful lips evoke a sense of deep, passionate love and desire. Even the mere thought of her makes my heart flutter. Her body is a work of art, every curve and angle perfectly chiseled, as if the gods themselves crafted her with the utmost precision and care. Sometimes, looking at her, I can’t help but feel as if I'm witnessing a divine being. She is perfection personified. However her beauty isn't just superficial, it goes all the way down to her soul. She is intelligent and strong, brave and fearless, loyal and kind, strong and fierce like a cougar. I swear to god, I will actually fucking die for Kallen Kozuki. I am ready to face the worst of pains to protect her smile. Kallen Kozuki is the light that shines in my dark world, the warmth that embraces me in the coldest of nights. Her smile is like a beacon of hope, illuminating the path ahead of me. When I see her happy, my heart is filled with the greatest joy, as her happiness is what I live for. Her smile gives meaning to my otherwise pitiful existence. Her laughter like the most beautiful melody to my ears. Seeing her cry, seeing her in pain, seeing her sad is like a stab in the heart to me, it gives me agonizing pain, worse than testicular torsion. Because deep in my heart, my soul, my very essence, I simply live for her happiness. She is simply perfect. She is a force of nature beyond the comprehension of us mere mortals. Words cannot even begin to describe how much I love Kallen. From the moment I first laid my eyes on her, I was bewitched, bewildered by her otherworldly beauty. It was like the cupid shot his dart right through my heart, and I simply had no choice but to love her. Once I fell for her, there was no coming back. My heart, my soul, everything I am and everything I have is hers. I am her pet, her possession. My very essence, my being, my entire existence, it is all hers. I laughed with her, I cried with her, I grew with her, I was devastated with her, and I also loved with her. I swear to god, Kallen Kozuki is my heart. She is the beating heart that keeps me alive. Words cannot begin to describe the sheer depth of my love and devotion towards this beautiful angel. My devotion towards Kallen Kozuki is boundless, it is infinite, it is the very definition of the word "endless". I love you, Kallen Kozuki.
I am in Challenger. There is no prestige, only public humiliation.
byu/RectalBallistics13 inCompetitiveoverwatch
I am in Challenger. There is no prestige, only public humiliation.
I used to love those numbers on my player icon. Inarguable markers of my skill and achievement, displayed to all who played with me. How I loved winning games and watching it go lower, closer to that pinnacle of overwatch, the solitary number 1.
The numbers are on my icon again, but they have changed. I'm only gm5 and admittedly having a pretty bad season with a 48% winrate. Instead of conveying my skill, they tell everyone that I am playing this game way too fucking much.
The chats roll in
"Get a job"
"Get laid bro"
I'm not a fast enough typer to explain myself in every lobby. I would like to tell everyone that yes, I'm not working right now. But I have a job. I'm a seasonal worker. In fact, not only do I have a job, but its very cool and respectable. I'm a fisherman, an adventurous and tough sailor of the open seas. So yeah, I'm playing like a ton of overwatch right now, but its my time off. And obviously I'm not a virgin. I mean maybe im having a bit of a dry spell but the dating market is tough and really it's not my fault.
But i cant explain. And the chats keep rolling in, and the number keeps going down, closer and closer to the dreaded number 1.
I think I'm going to have to make an alt account. The shame is too much. That one will probably end up in challenger too.
From a Youtube comment satirizing the Pay-2-Win (P2W) meta of Clash Royale with Mega Knight.
The year is 2067. My opponent drops a super heroic evo mystic omega mega knight in the back. I am astounded, because that takes $41 to place. I spend to activate my ultra super x-princess towers to defend, and spend $3 to place triple evo heroic golden skeletons. Unfortunately, supercell just gave the super heroic evo mystic omega mega knight a 500% range and damage buff last season, so I am unable to defend and it one shots my tower. I spend $14 to activate my divine triple champion king tower, but it goes down to 1 hp in one hit. I know what I must do. I take out my super ultra mega heavenly quadruple heroic evo season shop credit card, and spend $420 to instantly 3 crown my opponent and win! What a game! 
It was originally for AZER (an OSU player) back in 2017 which then got adopted for Alex19 in CSGO and so on. Nowadays its often used for whichever player people are cheering on.
AZER isn't so great? Are you kidding me? When was the last time you saw a player with such aim ability and movement with a tablet? Alex puts the game in another level, and we will be blessed if we ever see a player with his skill and passion for the game again. Cookiezi breaks records. Rafis breaks records. Azer breaks the rules. You can keep your statistics. I prefer the magic.Are Commercial Azerbaijan? You have fun? At the end of the minute you can see a player? Alex will sell a game anywhere, and if you want to see talents and fans, they are divided into teams. By deleting the selected URL, complete the menu. Assarba does not comply with the rules. You can save your data. I want to be afraid. TenZ isn't so great? Are you kidding me? When was the last time you saw a player with such an aim and movement? Tyson puts the game in another level, and we will be blessed if we ever see a player with his skill and passion for the game again. aspas breaks records. zekken breaks records. TenZ breaks the rules. You can keep your statistics. I prefer the magic.Alex19 isn't so great? Are you kidding me? When was the last time you saw a player with such an ability and movement with fox? Alex puts the game in another level, and we will be blessed if we ever see a player with his skill and passion for the game again. mang0 breaks records. Armada breaks records. Alex19 breaks the rules. You can keep your statistics. I prefer the magic.