I had a brief interaction with him this past summer. I was walking my dog on the beach and passed a house that he must’ve been renting for vacation. He was screaming on the phone to someone, possible Ayuik’s agent, and in the middle we made eye contact. He mouthed “these motherfuckers” and I yelled go niners even tho I’m a chargers fan. He did not seem like the kinda guy I’d want yelling in my face.
I had a brief interaction with Kelvin Benjamin this past summer. I was walking my dog on the beach and passed a Golden Corral that must’ve opened recently. Kelvin was screaming on the phone to someone, possibly the Golden Corral regional manager, and in the middle we made eye contact. He mouthed “these skinny motherfuckers can't cook” and I yelled all-you-can-eat even tho I’m on a diet. He did not seem like the kinda guy I’d want to be upset about my cooking.
Its a story from the /vt (virtual Youtubers) board on 4chan that managed to spread to mainstream Hololive thanks to reposts by fans. Like many other 4chan posts, its most probably fake so people share the story as a joke.
I'm actually manipulating my wife into becoming Ina. I convinced her to take art lessons and lied that her voice hurts my ears so she could speak more softly. I picked her on purpose because she was a petite Korean girl with a flat chest: the perfect candidate. Lately I have been playing sounds during her sleep and whispering "the cucumbers will kill you only the ancient ones can save you" on weekdays and on weekends, I read a book full of terrible puns I found on amazon and to my surprise it worked. She now hates cucumbers and has started developing a wit for puns. She isn't exactly sure what "the ancient ones" means but she'll know when I'm done brainwashing her. Soon I will start subtly changing my body language around her to reflect approval towards outfits Ina would wear and things Ina would say. I've also been keeping her on a strict diet which keeps her slim while allowing her to drink Dr.Pepper or as I call it around her "Dr Oopsie". By next year the project should be done and I will hand sew her a replica of Ina's debut outfit so that I will be the first man on earth to try Ina's back in real life. I will then gift her a crowbar so she can gently bonk me any time i sekuhara her in our home.
Seeks hostile, filthy whore, for unfulfilling sex, future divorce, and co-dependency.
Looking for a whiny, crazy lady with misplaced sense of entitlement and lots of expectations. Bonus points if you just finished dating every guy in town but now want to take it slow with me. I would be open to an unsatisfying fling but prefer a long-term, soul crushing descent into booze and pills.
Okay, look. I love straight people. My best friend’s neighbor’s sister is straight, so don’t come at me like I’m some heterophobe or whatever. Some of my favorite characters are straight (Captain America? Iconic. He’s so brave for being openly heterosexual in this climate).
BUT, like… why y’all gotta make everything about being straight? Every damn book, movie, video game… it’s like, kiss kiss*—“Oh no, Becky, you complete me, Brad.” Like, girl, I get it, y’all wanna hold hands and make babies and do missionary every Thursday night before 9 PM. We get it, I swear! But damn, does the plot need to revolve around Chad’s desire to put a ring on Jessica’s finger while she wears a floral sundress and they sip lattes on a date? Is that really pushing the story forward? I came for the zombies, and y’all giving me a Hallmark wedding special.
And don’t even get me started on the kissing. The constant kissing. Like, can we have ONE damn fight scene without two straight people almost dying but then deciding NOW, in the middle of war, is the perfect time to “prove their love” through lip-locking? The world is burning down and y’all over here playing tongue twister because straight love conquers all. Meanwhile, the villain is literally recharging his powers with heteronormative PDA energy.
Look, I’m not saying straight people shouldn’t exist in fiction—I’m just asking for, you know, some subtlety? Like, could Chad be straight without needing to shout it from the mountaintops? Does Janet really need to tell her coworker for the 50th time how “the right man” will come around? Straight people always acting like their sexual orientation is a plot point. We’re just here for the dragon slaying, and suddenly the protagonist is dropping hints like “oh, by the way, I’m super into boobs.” Bro, WHO ASKED? Where’s the story justification?!
Just keep it private, you know? Like, idk, let Chad be straight in his own damn living room. Why do we have to see it? Straight marriage? Okay, fine, but why bring it into every conversation? Can’t they just live happily ever after in the background? Why y’all making everything about straight love like it’s revolutionary?
I mean, it’s 2024. No one’s mad that you’re straight; we just don’t wanna see it. Save it for the bedroom. Or better yet, save it for your suburban cul-de-sac BBQ where y’all can discuss mortgage rates and baby showers while pretending The Notebook is peak cinema. 😒
Last Rizzmas, I gave you my gyatt
But the very next day, you got Fanum taxed.
This year, to save me from mewing,
I'll give it to someone rizzful.
Last Rizzmas, I gave you my gyatt
But the very next day (Very next day), you rizzed it away (You rizzed it away)
This year, to save me from Fanum tax
I'll give it to someone sigma (Sigma)
Last Rizzmas, I rizzed up your gyatt
But the very next day, you mewed it to Kai Cenat
This year, to save me from Fanum tax
I'll give it to someone sigma (Sigma)
LASTTT RIZZMASSSS 🤓 😩 🥵
I GAVE YOUUUU MY GYATTTTT 🍑 😏
BUT THE VERYY NEXT DAY I GOT FANUM TAXXEDDDD 😭 🚕
THIS YEARRRR
TO SAVE ME FROM MEWWINNGGGG 🥴 🐱
ILL GIVE IT TO SOMEONE RIZZFULL 🌝
i don’t gyatt a lot for chrizzmas
I don't gyatt a lot for Chrizzmas
There is just one skibidi
Someone fanum tax the toilet
Cause Kai Cenat has to pee
I'm more a sigma than you know
I only edge in Ohio
I saw Speed there too
All I gyatt for Chrizzmas
Is you
I don't gyatt a lot for Chrizzmas
There is just one skibidi
Someone fanum tax the toilet
Cause Kai Cenat has to pee
I don't need to mew and lock in
Just for chat to see I'm based
Mr Beast won't give me Lunchly
With the prime on Chrizzmas Day
I'm more sigma than you know
I only edge in Ohio
I saw Speed there too
All I gyatt for Chrizzmas
Is you... you chat
12 days of Rizzmas
On the first day of Rizzmas, my Diddy gave to me A Lunchly from Mr. Beast.
On the second day of Rizzmas, my diddy gave to me Two Hawk Tuahs, And a Lunchly from Mr. Beast.
On the third day of Rizzmas, my diddy gave to me Three fine shyts, Two Hawk Tuahs, And a Lunchly from Mr. Beast.
On the fourth day of Rizzmas, my diddy gave to me Four feining feins, Three fine shyts, Two Hawk Tuahs, And a Lunchly from Mr. Beast.
On the fifth day of Rizzmas, my diddy gave to me Five Skibidis! Four feining feins, Three fine shyts, Two Hawk Tuahs, And a Lunchly from Mr. Beast.
On the sixth day of Rizzmas, my diddy gave to me Six glizzies glazing, Five Skibidis! Four feining feins, Three fine shyts, Two Hawk Tuahs, And a Lunchly from Mr. Beast.
On the seventh day of Rizzmas, my diddy gave to me Seven simps-a-simping, Six glizzies glazing, Five Skibidis! Four feining feins, Three fine shyts, Two Hawk Tuahs, And a Lunchly from Mr. Beast.
On the eighth day of Rizzmas, my diddy gave to me Eight edging sessions, Seven simps-a-simping, Six glizzies glazing, Five Skibidis! Four feining feins, Three fine shyts, Two Hawk Tuahs, And a Lunchly from Mr. Beast.
On the ninth day of Rizzmas, my diddy gave to me Nine Moggers mogging, Eight edging sessions, Seven simps-a-simping, Six glizzies glazing, Five Skibidis! Four feining feins, Three fine shyts, Two Hawk Tuahs, And a Lunchly from Mr. Beast.
On the tenth day of Rizzmas, my diddy gave to me Ten Gyats-a-shaking, Nine Moggers mogging, Eight edging sessions, Seven simps-a-simping, Six glizzies glazing, Five Skibidis! Four feining feins, Three fine shyts, Two Hawk Tuahs, And a Lunchly from Mr. Beast.
On the eleventh day of Rizzmas, my diddy gave to me Eleven Fanums taxing, Ten Gyats-a-shaking, Nine Moggers mogging, Eight edging sessions, Seven simps-a-simping, Six glizzies glazing, Five Skibidis! Four feining feins, Three fine shyts, Two Hawk Tuahs, And a Lunchly from Mr. Beast.
On the twelfth day of Rizzmas, my diddy gave to me Twelve Diddys draking, Eleven Fanums taxing, Ten Gyats-a-shaking, Nine Moggers mogging, Eight edging sessions, Seven simps-a-simping, Six glizzies glazing, Five Skibidis! Four feining feins, Three fine shyts, Two Hawk Tuahs, And a Lunchly from Mr. Beast.
Created by Ken Cheng, a comedian on LinkedIn, its a circlejerk story meant to poke fun at the hustler mentality of most LinkedIn users.
I owed a friend £22.91 for an Uber.
I transferred them £22.19 by accident.
They never brought it up.
Nobody would bring up 72p.
I did it on purpose.
I've been doing it for years.
Every time I have to transfer someone money, I "accidentally" leave off a bit.
I call it the Plausible Deniability Typo.
£24.37 instead of £24.73.
£9.38 instead of £9.83.
£3.46 instead of £3.64.
Sometimes if I'm feeling really risky, I'll do £18.54 instead of £19.54.
They'd look like a complete tool to quibble over this.
Instead, they are a tool in a different way.
A tool for me to get to the top.
I've probably made £100 over 5 years.
