I gotta share this weird thing that happened in class today. I had this hilarious idea to play the Soviet Union anthem at full volume during our history class. But guess what? No one even cracked a smile. It was like a ghost town in there.
I truely don't get it. Personally I thought the timing was genius because we were covering the Cold War and stuff. But now I'm left wondering what went wrong and why nobody thought it was funny.
I understand that comedy is subjective and not everyone is into this dark/edgy type of humor but it was honestly mind-boggling to see how nobody seemed to understand the punchline.
[Spoken]
Hey
It's been a while since you saw my face
I haven't been doing so great
So I took a little break
A lot of people are saying some things about me that aren't quite true
Doesn't matter if it's true, though
Just as long as it's entertaining to you, right?
You guys having fun?
[Chorus]
All aboard the toxic gossip train
Chugging down the tracks of misinformation
The toxic gossip train
You got a one-way ticket to manipulation station
Toxic gossip train
Tie me to the tracks and harass me for my past
Those rumors look like facts if you don't mind the gaps
I won't survive in the crash, but hey
At least you're havin' fun
[Spoken]
Uh, hi, everyone
I've been wanting to come online and talk to you about a few things
Um, even though my team has strongly advised me to not say what I want to say
I recently realized that they never said that I couldn't sing what I wanna say, so
Here I am, and, um, today I only wanna talk about the facts
So, I hope that you'll be willing to listen
Here we go
Many years ago, I used to message my fans
Uh, but not in a creepy way like a lot of you are trying to suggest
It was more of a loser kind of way
Where I was just trying to be besties with everybody
It was kinda like, uh, when you go to like a family gathering, you know?
And there's a weird aunt there who keeps coming up to you and going like "Hey, girl, what's the tea!"
And you're like "Ehhh"
Um, that was me, but in group chats with my fans, it was weird
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[Verse 1]
I've been sharing my life online for over 15 years
I've poured my heart out to you and because of that I feel
Like I'm talking to my friends, but, in the beginning of my career
I didn't really understand that maybe there should be some boundaries there
There were times in the DMs when I would overshare
Details of my life, which was really weird of me
I haven't done that for years, you see
Because I changed my behavior, and I took accountability
[Spoken]
But that's not very interesting, is it?
[Chorus]
So let's go on the toxic gossip train
The locomotive's fueled with hateful accusations
The toxic gossip train
Steamroll over someone's reputation
Toxic gossip train
Hop on board, but close your eyes, otherwise you'll realize
That the train is made of lies and that person you despise
Maybe didn't deserve to die
But hey, at least you're havin' fun
[Spoken]
In all seriousness, I do think it's really important to hold people accountable for their mistakes
Um, y'know, we should hope that everyone can learn from their mistakes
And grow, and change their behavior, and be a better person
This is something that I've always tried to do when I make mistakes
And is something that I will continue to try t- what?
Oh, you don't care? Oh, okay
[Verse 2]
I thought you wanted me to take accountability
But that's not the point of your mob mentality, is it? No
Your goal is to ruin the life of the person you despise
While you dramatize your lies and monetize their demise
[Spoken]
Yeah, um, I feel like I can already hear the comments on this video
"She's gaslighting, manipulating!"
"Ugh, she's a narcissist and a rat!"
"I would never make a mistake like that."
[Verse 3]
Oh, I'm sorry I didn't realize
That all of you are perfect, so please, criticize me
Bring out the daggers made from your perfect past
And stab me repeatedly in my bony little back
I'm sure you're disappointed in my shitty little song
I know that you wanted me to say that I was 100% in the wrong
Well, I'm sorry, I'm not gonna take that route
Of admitting to lies and rumors that you made up for clout
[Verse 4]
"Hey everybody, I found someone new to harass
She did some things that I do not like, in her past
So everybody, gather 'round, 'cause we're about to attack"
But not based on facts, oh no
Your loaded lethal weapon is your fingers on the keys
You don't need any armor when you can hide behind a screen
So, shoot me down, quick, with a click, and bam
My reputation's deceased
[Spoken]
Uh, I also wanted to take a minute to talk about that girl, Miranda Sings
You know the one, yeah her
Uh, she's PG-13, it says that on my website
[Verse 5]
And it's always been that way
And that's why you won't find my videos on the YouTube Kids app
Anyway, um, I didn't realize it was my responsibility
To decide what was appropriate for every kid to see
I've always relied on parents to decide if they're comfortable
With their families watching my YouTube videos or coming to my live shows
Now, have I made some jokes in poor taste? Yes
Have I made lots of dumb mistakes? Yes
Am I sad that there's some fans that feel betrayed? Yes
But was my intention to manipulate? No
[Spoken]
It doesn't really matter what my intention was
'Cause it seems as though everyone's already decided on that
Let me tell you, it's not very fun to have millions of people all over the world
Call you the most vile, horrendous, disgusting, life-ruining words
That a person can be called, in my opinion
Um, it doesn't matter that these things aren't true
Uh, everyone just believes that you are the type of person who manipulates and abuses children
So, I just wanted to say that, um
The only thing that I've ever groomed is my two Persian cats
I'm not a groomer, I'm just a loser
[Verse 6]
Who didn't understand I shouldn't respond to fans
And I'm not a predator even though a lot of you think so
Because 5 years ago, I made a fart joke
So, even though I know this video won't change anyone's mind about me
I still felt it was important to come on here and defend myself a little
And take accountability
And I also wanted to say that
To anyone out there who has ever supported me in any capacity
[Spoken]
I really, really appreciate you, thank you
For what it's worth, I never had any bad intentions
But I do feel like shit
[Chorus]
The toxic gossip train
Chugging down the tracks of misinformation
Toxic gossip train
You got a one way ticket to manipulation station
Toxic gossip train
You tied me to the tracks and harassed me for my past
Rumors look like facts when you don't mind the gaps
I won't survive in the crash, but hey
Hope you had some fun
[Spoken]
Actually, y'know, I feel like maybe I should let you guys know something, um
Seems like, maybe you're confused about something? I don't know
Let me try to help, um
[Outro]
Sometimes people make a mistake and it doesn't make them a horrible person, whoa
Sometimes people can make a mistake and they're still a good person
Crazy, I know
Sometimes people can make a mistake and you don't have to take that mistake, oh no
And twist it up, and grind it, and add some lies to it, and pulverize it
And stab it with knives, and ruin a life, and, oh no
Sometimes people can make a mistake, it doesn't mean you gotta send them hate, oh no
Sometimes people can make a mistake and you can kindly let them know, and help them to grow
Sometimes people make mistakes, simply because they made a mistake?
And that mistake doesn't make them a terrible human
It just makes them a human
[Spoken]
But what do I know?
Fuck me, right?
OI SOU CHINA PERDOE PORTUGUES VIM ESTUDAR NA PUC SP MODA BRASIL E MORO EM CASA DO MEU TIO VENDE IMPORTADOS SOU GAY E ISSO MUITO DIFICULDADE PARA MIM. SOU RELIGIOSO FAMILIA RELIGIOSA RESTRITA EU NUNCA ME COMPORTO GAY COM OUTRO HOMEM ANTES. MAS BRASIL POR 6 MESES E EU TENHO AMIGO E ELE GAY TAMBEM. ELE ME ENSINOU MODA BRASIL E ENTÃO BEIJAMOS. NOS SEXO JUNTOS. EU NUNCA CONTEI MINHA MAE SOU GAY PORQUE CHINA CONSERVADORA GAY VIOLENCIA RUA PORRADA BEIJING. ENQUANTO SEXO GAROTO BRASIL E MUITO BOM ME SINTO BEM MAS SINTO EXTREMAMENTE CULPADO CONSCIENCIA ENQUANTO ALCANCO CLIMAX ORGASMO. MUITO CULPADO QUE PEGO TELEFONE E DISCO MAE CHINA. MAE ACORDA 5 HORAS DA MANHA HORARIO ASSUSTADA. E CHORANDO 'EU SEXO GAROTO BRASIL' MAE 'O QUE? ' EU "SEXO GAROTO BRASIL' FILHO VOCE NAO VAI CASAR GAROTA BRASIL MACACA ### NAO MÃE. EU SEXO GAROTO BRASIL NO MEU BURACO ANEL'' E MAE MUITO BRAVA EU DESLIGO O TELEFONE E MUITO VERGONHO E MEU AMIGO TAMBEM VERGONHO. ME SINTO ESTUPIDO. EU PENSO PORQUE SOU GAY? PORQUE ATRACAO HOMEM? MAS EU CONTINUO PORQUE SINTO BEM SEXO BUNDA BRASIL.
Open English translationClose
HI I'M CHINA I'M SORRY FOR PORTUGUESE I CAME TO STUDY AT PUC SP MODA BRASIL AND I LIVE AT MY UNCLE'S HOUSE SELLS IMPORTS I'M GAY AND THIS IS VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME. AM RELIGIOUS STRICT RELIGIOUS FAMILY I NEVER BEHAVE GAY WITH ANOTHER MAN BEFORE. BUT BRAZIL FOR 6 MONTHS AND I HAVE A FRIEND AND HE IS GAY TOO. HE TAUGHT ME BRAZIL FASHION AND THEN WE KISSED. WE SEX TOGETHER. I NEVER TOLD MY MOM I'M GAY BECAUSE GAY CONSERVATIVE CHINA DOES FUCK STREET VIOLENCE BEIJING. WHILE SEX BOY BRAZIL IS VERY GOOD I FEEL GOOD BUT FEEL EXTREMELY GUILTY CONSCIOUSNESS WHILE REACHING ORGASM CLIMAX. VERY GUILTY I GET PHONE AND DISK MAE CHINA. MOM WAKES UP 5 AM SCARED. AND CRYING 'I SEX GUY BRAZIL' MAE 'WHAT? ' I "SEX BRAZIL BOY' SON YOU WILL NOT MARRY BRAZIL GIRL MONKEY ### NO MOM. I SEX BRAZIL BOY IN MY RING HOLE'' AND MOM VERY ANGRY I TURN OFF THE PHONE AND VERY SHAME AND MY FRIEND ALSO SHAME. I FEEL I THINK WHY I'M GAY?
I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Wanderer. I try to play Kazuha. My Wanderer deals more damage. I try to play Ganyu. My Wanderer deals more damage. I try to play Cyno. My Wanderer deals more damage. I want to play Yelan. I have more fun with Wanderer. I want to play Raiden, Tankfei - they both want to be Wanderer's supports. He threatens to step on me. I farm hanguards for him. I cook for him. I decorate my teapot for him. I give him the Widsith. He isn't satisfied. I pull Lost Prayer to the Sacred Winds. "I don't want more movement speed," He tells me. "Give me more damage." He grabs my Faruzan and forces er artifacts down her throat. "You just need to give me some more attack speed. I can deal more damage with Tulaytullah's Remembrance." I can't pull for Tulaytullah, I don't have enough primogems. He grabs my credit card. It declines. "Huh. How irritating." He starts to levitate. He says "Bow your head". There is no hint of sadness in his eyes. Nothing but 5 hits of instant, raw anemo dmg. What a cruel world.
The Scaramouche pledge
The Scaramouche pledge
Since Scaramouche is the paragon of human virtue without equal past or present, he is most resplendent in love, tributes and accolades. Waking or sleeping, I must not forget Scaramouche's great boon and in order to return his favour by day and by night, I should only think of fulfilling my loyalty.
Who is Scaramouche? For the blind, he is their vision. For the deaf, he is their music. For the mute, he is their voice. For the anosmiac, he is their aroma. For the numb, he is their feeling. For the atrophied, he is their muscle. For the starved, he is their sustenance. For the thirsty, he is their water. For the exhausted, he is their energy. For the depressed, he is their happiness. For the disillusioned, he is their hope. For the pessimistic, he is their optimism. For the disadvantaged, he is their champion. For the marginalized, he is their justice. For the oppressed, he is their salvation. For the righteous, he is their symbol. For the enlightened, he is their muse. For the erudite, he is their education.
If Scaramouche speaks, I listen. If Scaramouche questions, I answer. If Scaramouche orders, I obey. If Scaramouche opines, I agree. If Scaramouche fears, I assure. If Scaramouche hopes, I dream. If Scaramouche is happy, I am jubilant. If Scaramouche is angry, I am apoplectic. If Scaramouche is sad, I am disconsolate.
Scaramouche is my ideal, Scaramouche is my romance, Scaramouche is my passion. Scaramouche is my strength, Scaramouche is my compass, Scaramouche is my destination. Scaramouche is my language, Scaramouche is my culture, Scaramouche is my religion.
Scaramouche is my ocean, Scaramouche is my mountain, Scaramouche is my sky, Scaramouche is my air, Scaramouche is my sun, Scaramouche is my moon, Scaramouche is my world. Scaramouche is history, Scaramouche is present, Scaramouche is future.
If Scaramouche has a million fans, I am one of them. If Scaramouche has a thousand fans, I am one of them. If Scaramouche has a hundred fans, I am one of them. If Scaramouche has ten fans, I am one of them. If Scaramouche has only one fan, that is me. If Scaramouche has no fans, I no longer exist. If the whole universe is for Scaramouche, then I am for the whole universe. If the whole universe is against Scaramouche, then I am against the whole universe. I will love, cherish, and protect Scaramouche until my very last breath; my successors will love, cherish and protect Scaramouche until their very last breath.
According to all known laws of aviation…
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that Scaramouche should be able to fly. His hat is too big to get his fat little body off the ground. Scaramouche, of course, flies anyways. Because Scaramouche doesn't care what humans think is impossible.
I was born to server Scara
call me old fashioned but i was born to serve scara. i do the laundry, cook dinner, clean dishes. i live to serve & carry out every demand of him on the slightest whim, its what i was put on this earth to do. if scara cheats on me then its my fault he caught me slipping up.
