Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is actually not the most compatible Pokémon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however Vaporeon has it's human on Pokémon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, Umbreon. Umbreon weights approximately 60 pounds, or around 27 kilograms, and is 3'3" tall (About a meter), making it not only large enough to appropriately handle human genitalia, but also light enough to easily be lifted, and promptly set back down repeatedly. It's relatively small size would also prove a tight entry, which is always a good thing. Umbreon also boasts an extremely impressive defensive stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, Defense, and Special Defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, Inner Focus, allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability Synchronize, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels COMBINED with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect breedable Pokémon. Umbreon also has the capability of seeing perfectly in pitch-black darkness, allowing it to effectively attend a midnight fornication session. Even if you do manage to drain Umbreon's energy with all the furious thrusts, it can recover very quickly with its access to the move Moonlight. Its black fur is also a giant positive attribute, allowing all the excretions you make to be easily seen all over its body. A great fun fact, Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat, which would in turn soak into your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your Umbreon as well (Which with Synchronize, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). Umbreon's wide movepool also supports the hypothesis that Umbreon is the best Pokémon to breed with. It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn Guard Swap; it could give YOU its insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, Umbreon also has access to Endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within Umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use Taunt, in turn making you ONLY able to to attacking moves such as Slam, Pound, etc; none of that foreplay shit, right into the action. It also has access to Sleep Talk, giving it the ability to not only give consent in its sleep, allowing access to any of its ports and any time, but also move in it's sleep, making it an effective 24/7 fuckmate. Umbreon still has even more great moves that good to have while smashing, such as Quick Attack, allowing swift slams and bounces, which can have even greater power if Umbreon uses Curse beforehand. Curse would also raise Umbreon's defense, making it able to take powerful thrusting for almost any duration. Looking back, Umbreon's slightly small size ensures a gorilla grip cavity and easy physical manipulation. Its ungodly bulk allows it to take poundings for hours on end and resume after recovering with moonlight (Which works even better when it's sunny). It's access to the abilities Inner Focus and Synchronize allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other Pokémon, or even FOUR TIMES, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with its extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes Umbreon the Pokémon most qualified to breed with humans; able to take dick of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.
Damn lil mama! Haha I would do anything and I mean ANYTHING to get a sniff lmfao!... I'm jk heh 😣 unless you don't mind then I'm fs down girl Hahaha jk jk. HOT DAMN you are so beautiful 🤤. I know we have been friends for years but I've been waiting till you were single to say something to you gourges 😍 let's say... I take you out sometime? Movie? Dinner? It's on me! Or maybe just maybe let's say we skip all those steps and head straight back to my place and go all the way to 2nd base.... HA just kidding I joke I joke, don't take me so seriously, I just don't know how to compose myself when I see your beauty and that beautiful body of yours OwO. Please respond when you can I would love to hear from a perfect angel as yourself ❤️
Genuinely, there are a myriad of pretty girls on campus. I'm in awe every time I enter because they're all gifted with remarkable genetics. I can't help but admire all the beautiful girls at school because l've never seen so many before lollil
"Gooning" may be most simply defined as that state usually achieved after a prolonged edging session, when a man becomes completely hypnotized by the feeling radiating his penis. Since a gooning state can only be achieved after edging, the man's dick will have become mightily aroused at this point and every caress the male genitals are subjected to will trigger potent elation. As the man keeps edging and thus keeps experiencing intense pleasure, he enters a state of trance where his mind intimately merges with his cock : the gooning state, where he and his dick become one. To be even more accurate, when the gooning state is achieved, the man's body becomes for all intents and purposes an appendage to his erection. When this state is achieved, the male becomes freed of all social codes of conduct, and his arousal, alone, dictates his reactions. As a result, a gooned out man will become very expressive and demonstrative : he may become very vocal, while his body and face might take on undignified expressions and poses, all in response to the intensely exquisite caresses his penis is exposed to. Hence the term "goon", since at this point the man effectively looks like a silly, foolish, or eccentric person.
Gooning is not a narcissistic manifestation. Narcissism is extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one's own talents. Rather, gooning is closer to a meditation experience, where the mind and the body align, focused on a single thought (or feeling, in this case).
I spent 10 hours gooning over the weekend.
Official Statement Regarding My Mom.
Ok, I’m sorry for the off topic thread, but I feel like this needs to be said. Yesterday, at around 6:46 PM Eastern Time, a fellow redditoir in this sub- who I won’t name- claimed that they “slept with my mom”.
Let me get something straight. This anonymous redditoir didn’t sleep with my mom. In fact, none of you have ever and will never do something liek that. I know that for a fact.
So, please, nobody believe them. If you’ve seen the comment in question, just ignore them. Ok? Thanks
I’m sorry for derailing the chicanery but this needed to be said.
This post is a cry for help. I can’t stand this anymore. Everywhere I go, this stupid orange shitstain somehow finds me and ruins my life. No matter how many defense mechanisms I have, it always come back.
Yesterday, I was working at my job when I heard it. That fateful sound of a stat drop. I quickly leaped out of my chair and turned around, but the fucker had already used intimidate on all of my coworkers. I ran towards the bastard to punch him, but he set up stealth rocks in my cubicle, preventing me from working again. I quickly bolted to the office fridge to grab some ice cubes, but by the time I screamed “KYUREM USE ICE BEAM” the fucker had already u-turned out the window. I couldn’t work anymore because of the stealth rocks, so I had to leave so I could get a defog tm from my car.
As I grabbed the defog tm from my car, the thing jumped me from behind and used knock off, smacking the tm into the middle of the road. Before I could go grab it, a car raced by and crushed the tm, making it worthless. As I was standing there, shocked by what happened, the orange demon used earthquake on my car, giving me 4 flat tires simultaneously. Filled with rage, I grabbed a keldeo plush from my car, shoved a pair of spectacles onto its face, and hurled it at the thing, while screaming “KELDEO USE HYDRO PUMP.” Just like always, however, my hydro pump missed, and the fucker u-turned away again.
After I took a bus home, I was exhausted. As I was lying in my bed, depressed, my 6-year old daughter came into the room. She started talking about her favorite TV show, when suddenly, her face began to change. No. NO. As she continued talking, her face continued to morph, until it was identical to Landorus-Therian. I was ready this time, though. I quickly kicked off my shoes, revealing that I had duct-taped ice cubes to my feet. I then proceeded to triple axel the ever loving shit out of that thing. I looked up and screamed with joy, thinking it was all over. However, as I came to my senses, I saw my daughter unconscious on the floor and realized what I had done. The orange bastard had tricked me. My wife stood in the doorway, shocked, before she pulled out her phone and dialed 911. I’m writing this in the woods right now, the police are probably going to find me soon.
Fuck Landorus-Therian.
