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Reminds me of the time where I was haunted by centipedes

    The ‘Haunted by centipede‘ copypasta came from a comment on Reddit where a user reveals his trauma of centipede before ending the story with being edge.

    i fucking clicked on this fic faster than usains ass when i saw this update which reminds me of the time where i was haunted by centipedes when i was younger because i thought it would be funny to bURN A CENTIPEDE ALIVE when i was 14 because i was a little fuckwad but anyways that ugly creepy little fucker deserved the horrible death i gave it i even recorded it and sent it to all my friends who probably think back to that moment and wonder why the hell anyone would ever do that but i wanted to be special and shit and assert my dominance over everyone by burning a 2 inch centipede alive. but i actually hate centipedes because they remind me of my dads pet centipede he would keep in his house because my dad liked things with a bunch of legs but he was a shit caretaker so the centipede got out of its cage bcs my dad is an idiot and i was sleeping one day as a tiny little 7th grader and i feel something crawl up my hand and it's my dads fucking centipede who he named dorito because it was orange which might be the worst part bcs what kind of grown ass adult names their pet centipede dorito. anyways i screamed and my dad put her back in her cage but that was my last straw and i told my dad i wanted to stop going to his place and live with my mom which might seem like an overreaction but this fucking centipede was giant and i was crying so hard i puked. after i burned the centipede i realized i was actually the king of centipedes because everywhere i looked there would be centipedes which reminds of the time where i was alone at home trying to code this website for my schools charity drive and i wanted to go take a shit but while i was going up the stairs I SAW A CENTIPEDE ON THE WALL and i screeched so loud because this fucker was so big and i just want to let you know that house centipedes are 169300x more scary than regular centipedes bcs house centipedes have legs that fan out and that shit is the type of stuff you see in horror movies also have you seen the shining? you know that one scene where that furry sucks that man off? that traumatized me as a kid. anyways back to the centipedes i didn't really do anything but i had gathered up the courage to try and catch the centipede but i realized it was bathing and i felt kinda bad because i felt like a pervert for watching it bathe but i decided to wait for it to stop bathing but after that it started running and damn that centipede is a runner he a track star and i soon realized i was totally outmatched. i couldn't sleep for days after that. after that all my occurrences with centipedes were at my dads house where i kept having these frisky occurrences with them and one time there was a centipede right outside my door and i made my dad kill it and i was crying so hard and he told me stop being such a pussy but then he looked at the centipede and his face went white as a sheet bcs this house centipede wasnt 2 inches long, it wasn't 3 inches, it wasn't even 4 inches long. IT WAS 5 INCHES LONG which is actually crazy because i just googled it and that's literally impossible but i know what i fucking saw this centipede came right out of my nightmares like my nipples were so hard they could cut diamonds and my asshole was clenched like my life depended on it anyways my dad looked at me and i could see him debating whether or not to just leave me here but i told him not be a fucking pussy and that a grown ass man shouldn't be afraid of some centipede and plus weren't centipedes literally his thing? but anyways turns out he's ass in every way bcs he ripped 3 of the centipedes legs off and it got away and he looked and he was like aight lil bro ur just gonna have to deal bcs i can't catch this fucker and then he went to bed but i was like FUCK no so i snuck out of window and i ran to my moms house which was 3 miles away. my second encounter was when i was getting water for myself and i felt something on my foot and i look down it's this kind of smallish centipede just crawling on my foot violating me and i was like GET FUCKED because hell nah and i picked the centipede up by one of its antennae bcs it was tiny and i wasn't scared of no tiny centipede and i flushed it down the toilet and i had officially asserted my dominance over centipedes i was so proud of myself i could die. anyways i love your fic it reminds of the feeling when u really want to cum but you have to piss so you're just being edged by your own bladder this a compliment btw i love being edged

    Can we please stop sending lesbian touhou porn in the sub?

      Uhhhmmm, g- guys? I have a little favor to ask, and I promise it won't take much of your time. Can we please stop sending lesbian touhou porn in the sub?

You see, my mom checks my phone every now and then (she's a bit of a gap youkai parent), and she already took it away once. It was really not fun, and she even went as far as blocking my favorite YouTuber, Dream, on our home network. I really don't want that to happen again, and I'm sure you guys can understand.

O- on a lighter note, can we talk more about My Little Pony and bronies? They are so cool, and I think we can all have a great time discussing our favorite characters, episodes, and fan theories. Plus, it's a topic my mom would be totally fine with, and I know many of you love MLP too!

So, to sum it all up, please let's stop sending lesbian touhou porn, and try to focus on more kid-friendly topics like My Little Pony and bronies. I really appreciate your understanding, and I hope we can keep having fun in this awesome subreddit!!!

      I am new to GitHub and I have lots to say

        Started from the r/github subreddit, the original post has since became a copypasta and meme within the programming community.

        I am new to GitHub and I have lots to say

I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE FUCKING CODE! i just want to download this stupid fucking application and use it https://github.com/sherlock-project/sherlock#installation

WHY IS THERE CODE??? MAKE A FUCKING .EXE FILE AND GIVE IT TO ME. these dumbfucks think that everyone is a developer and understands code. well i am not and i don't understand it. I only know to download and install applications. SO WHY THE FUCK IS THERE CODE? make an EXE file and give it to me. STUPID FUCKING SMELLY NERDS

        Shorter version

        I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE FUCKING CODE! I just want to download this stupid fucking application and use it https://github.com/sherlock-project/sherlock#installation WHY IS THERE CODE??? MAKE A FUCKING .EXE FILE AND GIVE IT TO ME. these dumbfucks think that everyone is a developer and understands code. well i am not and i don't understand it. I only know to download and install applications. SO WHY THE FUCK IS THERE CODE? make an EXE file and give it to me. STUPID FUCKING SMELLY NERDS

        I have a math fetish.

          I have a math fetish. Nothing makes me hornier than calculus and statistics. This makes math class hard for me because I have to sit through the whole class with no way to relieve my urges. Instead of porn, I jerk off to my math textbook and my parents have noticed. They wish I would just watch porn like a normal child but I can't get off without thinking about math. My boyfriend left me because I would shout mathematical formulas during sex. This came to its worst today when my calc and stats teachers were having a discussion of the calculus of the normal curve and I had to excuse myself to the bathroom because I just couldn't handle it. It's ruining my education and my life.

          I’m sick of Ruan Mei

            Based on the Xiangling copypasta from Genshin Impact.

            I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Ruan Mei. I try to play Tingyun. My Ruan Mei provides more damage. I try to play pela. My Ruan Mei provides more damage. I try to play Bronya. My Ruan Mei provides more damage. I want to play Jingliu. Her best team has Ruan Mei. I want to play Kafka, Topaz. They both want Ruan Mei.

She grabs me by the throat. I babysit creations for her. I kill an emanator for her. I give her S5 memories of the past. She isn't satisfied. I pull Past self in mirror for her. "I don't need this effect if my ult will still take 4 turns" She tells me. "Give me any 5% err planar ornament set." She grabs my sustain and forces them to receive every point of damage from enemies. "You just need an err rope. I can do a 3 turn ult rotation without external energy sources."

“Pull e1” she says. I can't pull e1, I don't have enough Stellar jades. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." She grabs her Ruan. She says "Sound lingers." There is no hint of sadness in its eyes. Nothing but pure, 68% damage boost, 50% weakness break efficiency and 25% res pen. What a cruel world.