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I think I fucked up… (Balatro at casino)

    Balatro casino copypasta
    source
    Guys, the other day I was playing at a casino, you know, using all my +18 Balatro gambling skills, as Pegi advertises, but it was weird.

First there were no bosses, second I was playing with other players (since when Balatro has multiplayer?), and finally, everyone was using the same deck, and neither a fancy one, I kept asking for a Yellow Deck, but everyone was like “Why do you keep asking for 10 dollars? Do we look like a bank?”

Anyway, things go well, and I keep winning chips, some folks were confused that my chips keep growing when I was not even “betting” (I don’t even know what that means. They keep saying you needed to take chips and put in some kind of hot pot? Sounded they either eat chips or smoke it, which sound horrible and stupid.).

The problem was, I was becoming bored of playing the same basic hands, so at some point I had enough, and put in the table a Banana, Ramen, a dice, a heartstone and some half-eaten popcorn. I pulled a booster pack, picked a polychrome ace heart card and used four death cards to make a Five Flush. I know, I know, not very optimal, I should have kidnapped four burger kings and a mime.

So suddenly, everyone is screaming at me for being a cheater, even though I keep telling my hand was a legit hand as I learned in Balatro, the gambling teacher game for adults, the casino refuses to me to pay me my money I won fair and just (Heck, is only 2 dollars for my two hands. I don’t why they keep counting nervously my trillion chips and sobbing half-way everytime I ask for my money), and now guys in black suits and dark glasses keep chasing me and keep repeating something something about “Level 3 reality threat”. What do I do? I just want to play Balatro, but they keep hijacking my internet and backseating me into playing flushes, is a fucking nightmare.

    Throwing Shoe at George Bush Day

      On this day in PISStory, according to DICKipedia… "On 1️⃣4️⃣ DICKcember 🍆😂 2008 ✌️👌👌🎱 , Iraqi 🇮🇶 journalist 🤓📰✍️ Muntadhar al-Zaidi removed his shoes 🫳👞👞 and YEETED THOSE THANGS 🤾‍♂️ at US 🇺🇸🤢 presidussy 🙄😏🤪 George W 👙🦵BUSH🦵🫢 !‼️‼️!!" 🤣🤣🧓🏻💥👞 Take a lesson 👩‍🏫💭 from Mr. al-ZADDY 🙌🙌 today… if someone's 🧓🏻giving you and your homies 👪🇵🇸 a tough time 😡, hit em with the the ✊️👢FOOTWEAR OF JUSTICE!✊️!👢!🩴‼️‼️ Send this to your shoe-clad 👠👡comrades 👯👯‍♀️👯‍♂️ in the fight against fascism 🙅‍♀️🇺🇸🇮🇱🙅‍♀️💣🙅‍♀️. Get none 🔙 and you're sucking old Georgie's toesies!👄🦶🤮 Get 🖐🖐🖐 🔙 and you wield🤺⚔️ LA CHANCLA PODEROSA🩴⚖️✊️‼️‼️ either way… FREE PALESTINE!! 🇵🇸 🍉 🇵🇸🍉 🇵🇸🍉 🇵🇸

      Boston Tea Party anniversary

        Life 💋 liberty 🎉 and the pursuit of CUNTness 🏳️‍🌈✨ 💋✨🫖 The OG tea 🫖🍵 spill was on 🎉✨🏴‍☠️💅 12/16/1773 🌊💔👀 when some mASSHOLES 💃🌈 said "No taxes 💸❌, no tyranny 👑🔥!" and yeeted that tea 🍵🚢💅 right overboard ⛵🍃 they served Boston Harbor realness 💦💄✨and there was no milk 🥛👎🙅🏻‍♂️ they said King George⁉️ we don’t know her 💅👑❌🤡🔥 👠💅 Fast-forward ⏩🕒 to today 🗓️📅 12/16/24 and baby 😏✨ we queens 🏳️‍🌈💋 are still spilling tea 🍵💣🍷like it’s brunch 👠💃🍳✨ It was 🎂🎆 a revolution 💥🏳️‍🌈 for bottoms 🍑✨ and Boston alike 🚩🏴‍☠️ No taxation 🤑❌, only serving 🍸🍹✅ a side of Daddy Issues 🫦💔 💥👑 Tea Party FOREVER 🎉💅👑 Send this to 10 GAYtriots 🇺🇸🦅🏳️‍🌈if you get none back you’ll get tea bags 🫖🍑 flyin’ in your face 😉😏🍆🍑💦if you get 5 back your tea 🫖🍵 will be SPILLED 💦 if you get 10 back your whigs will be SNATCHED 👩‍🎤🔥if you get 15 back you’ll RECLAIM your HERSTORY 📜✨ 🏳️‍🌈

        Wright Brother’s day

          Happy ⛄ Daddy 😘😍 Wright Brother’s 👨 day 🌞💐 from 👉 one 1️⃣ FREAKquent flier to another. 4️⃣ They 💁 may 🌌 have 🔵😤 altered aerospace history, 📜 but YOU 👀👈 altered ally-space HERstory with your 🚹 own panty dropping 👄🍑 mechanical 🤖🦾 propeller. Hope 🏿🙏 someone 💀 takes 💅 you 👈🏼😂👉🔥 down 🔽⤵️🔽⤵️🔽⤵️ to the KITTY 🐱 hawk dunes and shows 📺📦 you 🤟 twelve 🕧 seconds 🥈🥈🥈 of sky 🤡 high 🔊 PLEASURE. 🙏 Send 🔥 this to 10 of your 🍆 best 🏆🥇 WINGwomen or be 🐝 faced 👦 with a ROUGH ✋🏼 landing. 🛬

          National Maple Syrup Day

            GOOD 👌👍🏾 EVENING 🌝🌃 YOU 😊 DIRTY GUZZLERS IT’S NATIONAL 😝 MAY-POLE SYRUP DAY 💯🙎🏼💁🏼‍♂️ AND WE’RE 👪👏 GETTING 🍌💦 PREPARED CLIMB 🧗‍♂️ THOSE 😘 TREES 🎄 AND SUCK 🍭 THE TREE-CUM OUT 😛😝 RIGHT 🎊 FROM 😮🐣 THE SOURCE 🚨😔 DID 👏 U 🦿🦿 KNOW 👌 THAT 😳 IT TAKES 💅 40 🎂🤪😈 LITERS OF DICK 🍆 JUICE 🥤 TO TURN 🦷 INTO 🤓 ONE 🔂 LITER OF THAT 💂🏽‍♀️ ROPEY LIQUID 🚰 GOLD 🥇 YOU 👈 ALSO 😶 BE 🐝 READY 🤗😎 TO SHOUT 😡🤬💢 OUT 🤟 DADDY 👨👀🍆👅💦 BECUZ THESE 📀😍 POLES TAKE 👦😥 WHORE-TY YEARS 🥵 TO BECUM 🎉📈 ERECT 🚸⚠️⛔ ENOUGH 💦 TO SQUIRT 💦 THE NECTAR IS ALSO ➕ COCK-FULL OF NATURAL ⛰️🏞️🏕️ MINERALS AND ANTIOXIDANTS MEANING 👀😏 IN 📥 ADDITION TO SUCKING 💆🏻‍♀️🍆👅 DOWN ⬇️ THAT ❗ GOOD 👌 GOOD 😇 UR 👖 ALSO 👨 GETTING 🉐 HEALTHIER SO RAISE 🙋🏽‍♀️ A GLASS 🍸 PUCKER YOUR 😥🏼 MOUTH 😄 LIPS 💋 AND SUCK 👅👄 LIKE 👍 MRS. 🤶 SLUTTERWORTH’S LIFE 💓 DEPENDS ON 🔛 IT

            Friday the 13th

              It’s Friday the 13th💀💀📅 U 👻superstitious 👻 ass hoes!👩‍👩‍👧‍👧 U better watch 👀 UR back🍑🦂🦂today!!📅 Jason🎭🏒☠🔪🗡 big dick 8==✊🏻=D💦 👅 Vorhees is on the prowl🐕 and he’s ready 2 pound🍆🔥⚒ 🙀🙀!! Send📨🔜🔜📬 this 2, 10 of UR Daddy hungry👨🏻👅, Sugar Baby👶🏼👶🏼 friends or he’s going to 🐏🐏 Ram 🐏🐏it deep in Ur ass🗡🍑🗡. Get None back and U an Unlucky 🚫🍀 Dead ass bitch💀💀⚰⚰!! Get 5 back and Ur a Bloody ASS mess🔪🍑💢💦❣ Get 10 back 🆒🆒 and U 1 lucky thot ASS Hoe!🍀💦👅💁🏻💯 Hurry before Ur Luck runs out! 🎭🚷🍀☠ Cuz He’s Cumming 4 U 💦💦👅🏃🏽!!
              Are you ready 🤔❓to get SPOOKED👻😱😱👻? In the ASS! 🍆💦🍑😏😏. Friday the 13th is CUMMING 💦💦👅 up soon! Go out and get you a Freddy👹🙀 or Jason👀👅 to MURDER🔪 your PUSSY 🐱👅You may have some bad luck 😟😖and no good DICK🍆💦👎🏼👎🏼, but if you pass this on to 1️⃣3️⃣ spooky💀👽👻 floozies👄, you'll have some GOOD FUCK! 😩😩🍆💦😜😜. Get 3️⃣ back and you'll have SPOOKY SEX🍆💦👅. Get 7️⃣ back to be the SPOOKIEST 😱 little bitch 🙎🏼the DEVIL 😈 ever FUCKED! 👅💦. Get 1️⃣3️⃣ back and you'll be orgasming😫😵 into another realm 😈🕳by some SPOOKY ASS DICK🍆💦😩Send this to 1️⃣3️⃣ SPOOKY ASS HOES💀💅🏼 who want that MONSTER 👹COCK🍆💦👅
              Today 👉🏼🗓 is Friday the 13th!👻🔪 That means BAD LUCK ❌🍀❌ is everywhere today.
Don’t walk 🏃🏼 under ladders, climb up 📈👆🏼them and hop on that DICK! 🍌💦😫 Even difficult times 😤⏰can be full opportunity✨, keep hustling! 💯💪🏼
Send 📲 this to 1️⃣3️⃣ of your friends👯 to get lucky 😏👅🍑. Get 7️⃣ back, you’re a true hoe-rror fan! 💚🎃💚 Get 0️⃣ back, and you have triskaiDICKaphobia! 💔🙀
              Its Friday the 13th sluts 🗓 🤡 and daddy Leatherface is full from all the juicy flesh 🥒💦 he’s been eating 😋😩👅 and is going to explode all over you thots 👄🍆💥! You sluts love his juicy liquids 🍌💦💦! Daddy Krueger 😩🤡 is going to visit you tonight 💤🙀 and nut inside you 😜😍💦 with his deep long thicc gripper 🤜👅👀 only if you’re a slutty girl 🤰🤰👄. So don’t ❌ disappoint daddy ❌ else no ❗️long machete up your ass ❗️Get your wet diaper on 💧🚼💧 and scream at scary ⚠️Jason Vorhees⚠️ as he crawls 🙀👣👅 with his crystal dick 👅💦💦 into your tight ass 🙀🙀 💦💦😱🔪 . Send this to 🔟 of your wettest 💦😫💧 sluttiest 🤰👅💦 hoes who are begging 🙏🙏👀 for a big presence! Else no 🔞⚠️ hot cummies tonight ❗️❗️Get 3️⃣ back and you get a helping hand 💅👈✊ from Freddy, 5️⃣ back and Leatherface will eat 👄😈💦 your dick, 🔟 back and Jason will put it up ☝️🤤🤤 your tight ass 🔝🔜🔛. Hurry, only one yummy night 🤤😈🍆🍑
              🆘BITCHES🆘 It's Friday👍🏼📅 the THOT-teenth🙀😩😛 it's time ⏳🕑 for all the cock gobbling thotties 🍆👀 to suck some Freddy Krueger DICK🔪, but only if you read this👅💦💦! send this to🔟of your sluttiest👌👈💦 Elm Street hoes👯 👄who want😁🙋🖐 to get nutted 🌰👅 on tonight 😩🙌 👌or get NO🙅🏼🚫scary cummies👻☠💦 from your ⚠️serial killer⚠️ daddy😈🙀😩💦 If you get 5️⃣ back, you're a chainsaw MASSACRE🙀🤐😵 If you get 🔟 back, you're a true HORROR slut👻😼😩Now go get some monster cock you thotties🙀🍆👻😛 
              Hey you, 🎃🕷️spooky lil' slut🎃🕸️! It's 🩸FREAKY FRIDAY🩸, aka 😈Friday the Thirst-Teenth😈, you already know what time it is—time to let that bad luck 🍆🪓🍆 bend you over and wreck your weekend, you busted broken mirror bitch🪞🔪😈. Back in the day, witches🧙🏾‍♀️🪄✨💫 and cock-starved goblins🧛‍♂️🦇🍆 were out here hexing husbands💍🔮🕯️👻 and stealing big demon dicks from hell👹🔥🍑😈. If you don’t send this to 1️⃣3️⃣ of your trashiest haunted hoes👠👻🦇💀🦴, get ready to swallow 👅7️⃣ years of soft dick 🍆😭and zero orgasms💀😵‍💫

Get 6️⃣ back and you’re a basic-ass crystal slut🔮🌙✨💫 with a cursed coochie🍑🌚🕳️🕸️. Get 1️⃣0️⃣ back and you’re a ladder-licking freak🪜. Get all 1️⃣3️⃣ and you’re the baddest luck-sucking hoe👑🍆👅🕯️, with blessed bussy powers that keep you gagging on ghost cock 🍆👻💀💦🕳️ for eternity🕯️🔮🦇🖤.

Happy 🕯️🕸️FUCKED UP FRIDAY THE 13TH🕯️⚡️🕸️🎃, and don’t forget: if you ain’t breaking mirrors🪞🪴🌿🌙 and sucking that unlucky dick🍆🌩️🌀🌪️, are you even a freaky hoe? Go out there and fuck with the dark magic🌑🔮🦇🖤, you tragic slut💀🖤🌙🦴.
              Hey you, 🕷️spooky lil sluts 🕸️! It's 🩸FREAKY FRIDAY🩸, aka 😈Friday the FREAK-Teenth 🗓1️⃣3️⃣😈 There's only 48 days until THOT-O-WEEN🎃‼️so celebrate early and go out and get your 👀👅 hole 8️⃣8️⃣8️⃣👅🕳️Just because 👀you'll have bad 😰luck🍀🚫doesn't mean you can't have a good👌fuck 💏🛌If you don’t send this to 1️⃣3️⃣ of your superstitious sluts👠👻🦇💀🦴, get ready for a 👅7️⃣ years of a dry spell 🌵and bad luck. Get 3️⃣ back and you get fingered 💅🗡️ by Daddy Krueger🩸👺 Get 5️⃣ back and you'll get a phat plate 🍽️of Fettuccine Afraid-O 🍝🧀😱 
              Do not stop reading🔦 or we will cum 💦💦for you. ITS Friday the 1️⃣3️⃣!! This👇🏼day is 🙆🏻unlucky😩QUICK‼️Get lucky bi 🍑sending➡️ this message 2 🔟of ur sexiest thots💦if u do👉🏼then u will get lucky everyday🗓in DICKCEMBER🍆🍆if🍆you🍆know👄what😫i💋mean…👀 watch out🏃🏽if u don’t send this 😨 then uR vape 🌬will not workANYMORE😵HURRY😳u only hav 5️⃣ minutes 2 sav ur 👄💨Vape and get sum🍆🍆dick in ur🍑😫😫😫this DICKCEMBER
              👻💀🎃 OH HELL NO! It's FRIDAY the 13th 🍆🔪👀 and you KNOW it’s time to summon that SPICY PUSSY 🔥💦🔥 and get your ghostly groove ON! 🕺🏽👻😏 Freddy Krueger wants to take a ride ☠️🎢 on your magic COCK 💨🍌 and Jason is just looking to SLAY that ASS 🍑 with his sharp machete 🔪😈! Don’t let a little bad luck 💩💔 ruin your night, summon your freaky friends 🤪👯‍♀️ and get down with some BOOtylicious fun! 🎉🕉️🎉 If you don’t send this to 13 🔪🍑👅 filthy fiends, you’ll find yourself getting haunted 👻💔 all night long, and ain't NOBODY want that ghost 👻 groping your junk! 🍆😱💦 So, conjure up those sexy spirits 💋✨ and let’s make this a night to REMEMBER 😈💦💦—cuz when the clock strikes midnight 🕛, you better be ready to get LIQUID NASTY! 🍭💦😜💋
              🎃🔪 HAPPY 🎉 FRIDAY 🍆 THE 13th 🗓️ in MARCH 🌧️, where BAD LUCK 🍀 means GOOD L*CK in BED 🛏️💦👀! Be careful ⚠️ of those SCARY 🍑 BROOMSTICKS 🧹 that are CURSED to STAB 🍆you in the ass 🍑💔. It’s a night for some HEXXXY fun 🌙🧙‍♀️, so get your HOO-HAA 🥵 ready to ride the ROLLER COASTER 🎢 of FEARS 😱💋! Don’t forget your BIBLE 📖, because we gonna pray to the COCK-GOD 🙏🍆 for good MEMORIES 😜🍀 and perhaps an undead 🧟‍♂️ DILDO that will knock you OUT 💥💦🥵! If your partner 👩‍❤️‍👨 doesn’t CUM HARDER than Jason VoorHEES 🥵🔪, then PULL OUT like a spooky ghost 👻💔, or risk a night filled with SCREAMS ✋😱! Send this wicked WISH to ALL your 👅 sexiest friends 😏, and may your LUCKY 🍀 charms 🧿 lead you to a night of ghostly ORGASM ⚰️💥💦!!