I smoke crack twice a week. You stay sober everyday. Guess which one of us is winning?
Let me break something down for the willfully average: not all drug use is created equal. Not everyone who smokes crack is a “crackhead.” That’s a word you use to simplify a world you don’t understand. I smoke crack twice a week. Like clockwork. Not out of addiction, not out of desperation, but because I’ve discovered something 99% of you never will: how to weaponize intensity.
Let me paint a picture.
I wake up at 5:12 a.m. I don’t need an alarm. My body just knows. I drink a glass of water (with electrolytes, obviously), I stretch, I thank God or the simulation or whatever runs this world, then I sit cross-legged in complete silence until I feel it’s time. Then I smoke crack. One or two hits. Not to get "high." I’m not chasing a feeling. I’m tuning my brain like a Formula 1 car before a race.
And then the day begins.
By 6:00 a.m. I’ve already reorganized my entire file system, built out a Notion template for the next five years of my life, cleaned the grout between every bathroom tile, and written three emails that get read like poetry.
You know what the average sober person is doing at 6:00 a.m.? Snoozing an alarm on a mattress that smells like anxiety and broken dreams. You stumble to the kitchen and think you’re a warrior because you made black coffee without sugar. That’s your peak. That’s the big flex for your day.
Meanwhile I’ve already conquered tasks you’ve been procrastinating for a year.
Let’s keep going.
The mailman walks by my apartment every morning. He’s got that defeated look in his eye. Like his soul left his body in 2009 and nobody told him. He moves like time is a punishment. I wave to him. He doesn’t wave back. I don’t blame him. He probably saw me through the blinds, shirtless, typing 160 WPM while doing calf raises and thought, “Why isn’t that me?” But he’ll never ask. Too much pride. Too little energy.
Cops drive by. I nod. I have nothing to fear. You think they’re scary? I’ve stared into the core of my psyche on a Tuesday afternoon while my oven made whispering noises. I’ve already made peace with chaos. A badge doesn’t scare me. A Glock doesn’t scare me. I've fought ego death with nothing but a cracked screen and Bluetooth jazz.
My neighbor is a sober guy. He drinks kombucha and listens to Joe Rogan. He meal preps. He’s got a vision board and a 401(k). He also has dead eyes. I asked him once what he thinks about when he’s alone. He said “usually just work stuff or fantasy football.” I almost cried. That’s it? That’s the entire inner world of the "healthy" man? No visions? No cosmic jokes? No wars between angels and intrusive thoughts?
You ever feel your cells vibrate like a symphony of pure intent? No? I have. Last Thursday. On crack.
I’ve had moments on this substance where time split open like a rotten fruit and I saw everything. Every lie, every truth, every reason we fear honesty. I’ve smoked crack and realized I was still in love with a girl from 6th grade, then laughed about it and rewired the emotional circuit live on the spot. Can kombucha do that? Can cold showers do that?
I doubt it.
I’m not saying you should smoke crack. In fact, most of you shouldn’t. You don’t have the structure, the ritual, the respect for power. You’re the type of people who drink six beers and text your ex like a feral animal. You can’t even handle McDonald’s responsibly. Crack would eat you alive. But me? I broke it down. I studied it. I conquered it. And now it serves me.
My brain is sharper than yours. My thoughts are faster. My fears are smaller. My output is massive. You fear “losing control.” I lost it once and realized there was nothing to fear in the first place.
So next time you judge a smoker like me, remember: you’re not better because you’re sober. You’re just slower, duller, and probably still lying to yourself about why you wake up tired every day despite 8 hours of sleep.
Enjoy your avocado toast and your podcasts. I’ll be in the Clarity Zone, rewriting the software of existence with a smile on my face and a Bic in my hand.
Its an infamous old copypasta about sexing the Flame Atronach from Oblivion. It originally came from an anonymous comment on a NSFW artwork of the Flame Atronach on R34 site back in 2012. The comment got reposted everywhere and eventually became a meme within the Elder Scrolls community.
The released of Oblivion Remastered has reignited its popularity.
I am going to have sex with this female Flame Atronach from Oblivion. I find the Flame Atronaches in The Elder Scrolls IV Oblivion sexy. However, their body is made up of 87% fire, and 100% fire surrounds them. That could kill me if I tried to have sex with one. To remedy this, the Flame Atronach casts a spell on me making me resistant to fire. Keep in mind, resistant is not the same as immune. I still take damage. It is either 1 point or 0 points of damage each second I am having sex with her. Just because a particular second caused 0 points of damage, does not mean that I did not feel anything, it just means I took no damage. I am not going to rush through having sex with this Flame Atronach. I make sure I pleasure anything I have sex with-especially non-humans! I'd rather take damage than not pleasure the Flame Atronach. The Flame Atronach and I go to the Planes of Oblivion to have sex. When having sex with non-humans, it is ALWAYS sexier to have sex in their natural habitat rather than a human's natural habitat. The Planes of Oblivion is the Flame Atronach's natural habitat.
Original full version
Old atronach
I am going to have sex with this female Flame Atronach from Oblivion. I find the female Atronaches in The Elder Scrolls IV Oblivion sexy. However, their body is made up of 87% fire, and 100% fire surrounds them. That could kill me if I tried to have sex with one. To remedy this, the Flame Atronach casts a spell on me making me resistant to fire. Keep in mind, resistant is not the same as immune. I still take damage. It is either 1 point or 0 points of damage each second I am having sex with her. Just because a particular second caused 0 points of damage, does not mean that I did not feel anything, It just means that I took no damage. I am not going to rush through having sex with this Flame Atronach, I make sure I pleasure anything I have sex with, especially non-humans! I'd rather take damage than not pleasure the Flame Atronach.The Flame Atronach and I go to the Planes of Oblivion to have sex. When having sex with non-humans, it is ALWAYS sexier to have sex in their natural habitat rather than a human's natural habitat.Before we went into the Planes of Oblivion, the Flame Atronach let all the Daedra know that we are just here for sex. The Daedra will not attack us because they know I am here at the Planes of Oblivion on sexual business. This includes the Dremora. However, the Dremora Marknyaz thinks that I am going to be an easy recruit for becoming a follower of Mehrunes Dagon considering that I am having sex with a Flame Atronach. However, I have no interest in becoming a Daedra.
New remastered atronach
I am going to have sex with this female Flame Atronach from Oblivion. I find the female Atronaches in The Elder Scrolls IV Oblivion sexy. However, their body is made up of 87% fire, and 100% fire surrounds them. That could kill me if I tried to have sex with one. To remedy this, the Flame Atronach casts a spell on me making me resistant to fire. Keep in mind, resistant is not the same as immune. I still take damage. It is either 1 point or 0 points of damage each second I am having sex with her. Just because a particular second caused 0 points of damage, does not mean that I did not feel anything, It just means that I took no damage. I am not going to rush through having sex with this Flame Atronach, I make sure I pleasure anything I have sex with, especially non-humans! I'd rather take damage than not pleasure the Flame Atronach.
The Flame Atronach and I go to the Planes of Oblivion to have sex. When having sex with non-humans, it is ALWAYS sexier to have sex in their natural habitat rather than a human's natural habitat.
Before we went into the Planes of Oblivion, the Flame Atronach let all the Daedra know that we are just here for sex. The Daedra will not attack us because they know I am here at the Planes of Oblivion on sexual business. This includes the Dremora. However, the Dremora Marknyaz thinks that I am going to be an easy recruit for becoming a follower of Mehrunes Dagon considering that I am having sex with a Flame Atronach. However, I have no interest in becoming a Daedra.
Flame Atronach (Good ending)
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flame Atronach is objectively the most huggable Daedroth? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of cake, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that's not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won't mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm Mortal and Flame Cloak, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again.
Next year, I'd have been swinging Kbells for 20 years. Do I look cut? Am I an Adonis? Am I the physical equivalent of a Ferrari? No! I'm an old Volvo. Hit me and you'll bounce the f*uck off again. Muscles are vanity, strength is sanity. Breathe, move, lift, press...often. Be well all.
How to grind my junk (respectfully) on a ladies trunk?
So I go to raves solo fairly often, as I’m Pringle, but I like to get down and I shake my little ass all night. Ironically though I’m very shy and I give people a wide berth most times. However, every now and then a slick lil mama will sort of position herself near me, like right on me sort of egging me on, like her friends will be behind me and say “I know you want to(?) and when I just keep to myself she moves away and laughs with her friends about how I’m a pussy that wouldn’t go for it. So how can I make that leap? I don’t wanna be all “umm excuse me miss, you seem to be very near my penis” but I also don’t wanna be out here grabbing cat. So tell me, how can I be smooth with it?
Edit: For more context, last night was a dubstep show and at one point a pit opened up and one of the ladies that was kind of dancing on me from before picked me out from across the pit and full on tackled me! I thought “oh my goodness what are these feelings? Who is this person? I love you” and then the pit closed and she was gone :( what then, huh??
Edit edit: if girl from rave last night is reading this…flutters eyelashes blows kiss
