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I got arrested for fucking my 17.99999998 years old girlfriend.

    So I (currently 18.0000472M) have been dating this cute girl for 8 months now. She's really special to me because apparently we share the exact same birthdate, even the same hour and minute.

For our 18th birthday she invited me over to share this special day together and her mom cooked us dinner. Everything was going great. Then we went to her bedroom to watch some Netflix and as you might've guessed, things got a bit spicy. We started cuddling and kissing and decided to have sex. We were already both so horny and I pulled my rock hard 12 inch cock. As I put my dick inside her pussy, I started hearing very loud sirens and cops broke into her house right after and arrested me.

Apparently, I turned 18.0000000000000 at the exact time I was putting my dick inside her, meanwhile she was still 17.99999999998 years old. Therefore I technically had sex with a minor. I might even get a life sentence now for grooming a minor. My life is fucking ruined and idfk what to do. How tf am I even gonna tell my parents and friends about it? Now all my friends are gonna go "hahah richard fucked a kid, PEDO richard", my nickname is gonna be fucking "groomerichard"

    IS THAT A STELLARIS REFERENCE???

      ‼️‼️HOLY FUCKING SHIT‼️‼️‼️‼️ IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING STELLARIS REFERENCE??????!!!!!!!!!!11!1!1!1!1!1!1! 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 STELLARIS IS THE BEST FUCKING PARADOX GAME 🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 BUBBLES IS SO BLESSEDDD 😎😎😎😎😎😎😎👊👊 ALISN SCUM ALIEN SCUM ALIEN ALIEN SCUM ALIEN SCUM 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩 😩😩😩😩CONSTRUCTION COMPLETE CONSTRUCTION COMPLETE CONSTRUCTION COMPLETE 🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬🤬😡🤬🤬😡EVADING HOSTILE FLEET EVADING HOSTILE FLEET EVADING HOSTILE FLEET EVADING HOSTILE FLEET IT’S NOT A HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATION IF THERE NOT HUMAN IT’S NOT A HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATION IF THERE NOT HUMAN Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 Yo Khan! 🇲🇳 They voted to kick me out of the Federation? I AM THE FEDERATION *Leaves Federation and Declares War*❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓SAVE THE TIYANKI SAVE THE TIYANKI So Long...‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂 PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN? PLANETARY INVASION REWORK WHEN?  😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂Fortress world in chokepoint? Fortress world in chokepoint? Fortress world in chokepoint? Fortress world in chokepoint? Fortress world in chokepoint? Fortress world in chokepoint? Fortress world in chokepoint? Fortress world in chokepoint? 🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰🏰 I hate Xeno Scum 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 I hate Xeno Scum 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 I hate Xeno Scum 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 I hate Xeno Scum 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 I hate Xeno Scum 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 Militarism and Materialist best ethics for Stellaris r/Stellarisr/unexpectedStellaris r/ExpectedStellaris perfectly balanced as all things should be r/unexpectedthanos r/expectedthanosfor balance r/DSRfunny

      SO THAT WAS YOU!!!

        SO THAT WAS YOU!!!

I was all set on having a nice quiet dinner with my girlfriend to celebrate our first year together...

I’d bought some fresh tomatoes to make my homemade pasta sauce, and I’d gone to the small boutique bakery to buy some filo pastry for dessert. I was quietly going through the recipes in my mind when I heard your slurred grumbled announcement, “...You’re about to loot my balls...” I tried to ignore it but, I couldn’t ignore the furious grunting like a drunk man having a seizure. As I looked up I could see the fury in the other commuters eyes. A man looking like a professor had stood up and was about to reproach you when the dull clatter of your phoned on the train car floor seemed seemed to pause all movement in the carriage. The professors eyes widened, sweat suddenly beaded on his forehead and with fevered anguish he started undoing his belt and fly like a man who thought a hornet was caught in his pants.

I was bewildered as all the other men in the car started convulsing like extras in Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ video. A woman sat across from me was doing her best to emulate a Russian gymnast trying to grate cheese from her crotch with the sole of her Nike running shoe.

I bolted upright, panicked but prepared to fight, when in the corner of my eye the neon glow of your phones LCD screen drew me sight.

I suddenly felt a bizarre euphoria fill my mind and a white hot heat electrify my spine and form a prism of pure desperate release in my loins.

I can’t remember much else, I awoke from some kind of fever dream in a public toilet cubicle. My jeans and underwear had disappeared, but I was still wearing my Myrell slip ons, shirt and now crusted overcoat, like a cross between Donald Duck and a homeless student.

I can hear another man weeping in the cubicle, keeps muttering he just wanted to fly.

I feel so cold and drained. My organ is so mangled it could unpick the locks of wooden medieval doors. There’s filo pastry all over my thighs and knees.

But despite all this I feel a warm contentment like I’d found ‘the’ answer. I don’t know what this means, I know there will be questions, that there should be much to fear. But truly I am grateful. Thank you.

        My sister found my account through this subreddit. (long live nemlei!)

          Writing this the day after with her permission. Not sure if this is even allowed here but fuck it.

I’ve always been very close with my twin sister. She is one of the greatest things in my life and one of the most Beautiful women I’ve ever seen. We both use Reddit but she is much more private and doesn’t comment nor post. She knew what my Reddit avatar looked like from passing by my computer buy never my username. A month ago she saw me playing Coffin and I told her what it was.

Fast forward to yesterday and I see her playing the game as I’m heading to somehwere. When I comeback and sit on our couch she comes to me and tells me that she joined the subreddit since she loved the game and asks me to meet her on our balcony, which is basically the only private space in our apartment. It was dark out and we were on the fourth floor. Whrn the balcony door closes, she tells me that she saw the shit I say online, specifically in this sub and that she’s always found me attractive but never wanted to say anything since she thought it would be weird. We then proceded to have quiet, but very good sex outside, and afterwards she says she loves me.

So, from the bottom of me and my beautiful sisters heart, thank you all for providing such a unhinged place for me to speak in, and giving my sister the oppportunity to find out about me. God bless you all!

          are you Nah I’d Win because-

            Prove that Lobotomy Kaisen is real
            Are you the nah id win because you're the strongest or are you the stand proud because you're the with this treasure I summon? Always bet on hakari
            Are you strong because you Nah, I'd win, or did you leave it all behind and stand proud because with this treasure I summon always bet on Hakari. I'M YOU
            Are you the exception because you stand proud or do you stand proud because you are the exception?
            Is Jujutsu folk because they're Nah I'd Win? Or is Folk Jujutsu because With this treasure I summon JoGoat, who always bets on Hakari and with his Domain Expansion he says "I'm You" while bringing out 120% of their potential?
            are you strong because that’s how losers think or did you leave it all behind because you always bet on hakari and his overwhelming intensity
            Your honor, are you strong because your nah id win or do you always bet on hakari throughout heaven and earth with this treasure I summon the one who left it all behind.
            Are you Stand proud, You're Strong because your Nah I'd Win, or are you Nah I'd Win because you're Stand Proud, You're Strong?
            im left im right are you strong nah id win stand proud always bet on the volume to the honoured one who left it all behind
            Nah I’d with this treasure i summon or are you always bet on hakari because I alone am strong because.
            are you nah id win or are you id win nah because malevolent shrine or infinite void nah id win stand proud because honored one or mahoraga
            are you thoughout heaven and earth I alone am the kagurabachi because your nah I'd win or are you nah I'd win because your stand proud you are strong
            Are you the strongest because you’re Nah, I’d win or are you Nah, I” win because you’re the strongest
            those who inherited the curse of always betting on hakari the one who couldnt fully say nah id win they would all bear witness to the bare flesh...

of stand proud sukuna, with this treasure i summon im you are you stand proud or are you nah id win because ur the strongest king of curses
            then he shrugged back in fear, "stand proud nah I'd win because you left it all behind, you're in his overwhelming intensity"
            After stand proud opened up his domain he said, are you, you are strong because you are I am you or are you the one who left it all behind and his ove
            After Stand Proud opened up his domain he said are you you are strong, because you are I'm you? Or are you the one who left it all behind and his overwhelming intensity! because... with this treasure I summon...?

The fingered simply answered... Nah, I'd win.
            Are you strong because your nah i'd win or did you leave it all behind and stand proud because with this treasure I summon always bet on hakari?
            Are you AHH because you're A? Or HH because you're HHA?
            Are you the win because you’d nah? Or stand proud because this treasure is how farmers think? Perchance.
            "Are we friends because we get no bitches or do we get no bitches because we're friends?"
            Are you the one who left it all behind because I’m you or are you 4 minutes and 11 seconds of throughout the farmers and the crops I alone am the potentialed one because stand proud you’re fucking monkeys because nah, I’d win
            NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN NAH, I'D WIN.

            Every Jujutsu Kaisen copypasta

            Pearl Harbor Day

              It’s December 7th so Make 🖕 sure 💯 you 👈 don’t 🚫🚫 get 🉐 ‼️SURPRISE 😱 ATTACKED‼️ 💢 by 🍂 his ♿ D🍆 🍼 this 🌊Pearl 🍃 Harbor Day! 😰😰😰 He’s 👀🏃👨 gonna 🗣️ be 👎 the only 😔 thing 🐵 GOING 🏃 DOWN⬇️⬇️ 👈🍑 tonight! 😩🥴 Let’s 👪 see 😳 if he 🚩 can 💦 find 🚪🔍 the 🐚PEARL 🔮 in 😭 your 👉 harbor🚢. Share ♥️ this with 🔟 fellow 👯 women-at-arms 💪 fighting 👍🏾 🔫to defend their 😗 rights 👌 to life👶, 💓 liberty🔔, 🗽 and pursuit of that ➡️ dick🍌. 🍆 If you 👈 get 🙌🏼 5️⃣ 🍆 back, 💪🏼 you’ll 💙 be 🤰 getting 🉐 your 🇺🇸👈😀 fill 💉 of SEA-MEN. If you 🌟 get 🉐 none 🙅🏻‍♀️ back ⬅️👹👹👹👹 0️⃣🚫, 0⃣ sorry 😳 hoe 👌🏼👌 but 🍑😫 your 🌉 U.S.S. Arizona 🚤 is gonna 🛠️➡️👤😢 sink 😵😰💉 😩🙅
              🔥🇺🇸 **HISTORY ALERT!** 🇺🇸🔥

On ☃️ that 🥰😇✨ **SUNNY** ☀️ **Sunday** 📅 **morning** 🗿 of December 7, 😝😎 1941, Messman **Doris Miller** was on 🔛 **🍳 breakfast** 🥣🍞 **duty** aboard the **USS West ⬅ Virginia** in ⛵⛵⚓ **Pearl 🍃 Harbor**, Hawaii! 🍳☕️ Suddenly, 🎆 **BAM!** 💥 Nine **🕤 Japanese 🎴 torpedoes** hit 👊😡 the **🚢 ship**, 🔱 **chaos** 🌋 ensued! 😱

In 👉 the **middle** 🤬 of the **madness**, **Miller**, a **Black ⬛ man** 👨‍🎓 assigned to **serve** 💁 **white 🏻💼 officers**, **stepped up** 🚘 **BIG 🔥 time!** 👰 🙌 **He 🥵 helped move 🔛 the ship's wounded captain**, 🧑‍✈️ **fired 🔥 an anti-aircraft gun** 🔫 **despite** 🙅 **zero** 👰👰 **training**, 🚋 and **rescued injured sailors.** 💪🚢

**That ⬇️ night**, 🌌 the **U.S.** 📈😜 **declared war** 🤬🔫⚔️ **on** 🔛🔛🔛🔛🔛🔛 **Japan,** 🇯🇵 **kicking** 👞 **off** 📴 **a crazy** 🤪 **global** 🌎 **showdown!** **Japan,** 🗾 **Italy,** 🇮🇹 **and Germany** 🍺 **formed a "steel pact"** (whatever 😈 **that** 💕 **is)** **against** 🚫 **the** **U.S.** 🇺🇸 🤨 **Mussolini** **and** **Hitler** **believed** 🙏🙌 **Americans** 🇺🇸 **were** 👇🍑 **corrupted 😥 by** 😈😈 **Jews** **and** **Black ⚫ Americans.** 🇺🇸 😒

**Fast 🏃 forward ⏩ to THOT-O-WEEN,** **Mussolini's** **fascism** 💀💀💀 **ideology** 💯🚫 **is on** 🔛🔼 **the scene.** 🎬 **Forget** 🧠 **socialism,** 🚫 **he's** ✅ **all** 👥👨 **about** 💦 **ruthless leaders, suppressing opposition, 🙅‍♀️ and elevating a dictator. 😈 Hitler joins the party, 🥳 thinking 🤔 fascism 💀💀💀 will 😜⚽ destroy 💥☄️ democracy!** 📈 🎉

**But** 🏾 **guess** 👉👈 **what?** 😉 **Democracy** 📈 **fights** 🎺🤼😡 **back!** 🚮🤚 🇺🇸 **World** 🌎 **War** 😵 **II** 😊👍 **becomes a battle** 👷‍♂️🔪🔫👷‍♀️ **between** 👄 **democracy** 📈 **and** **fascism.** 💀💀💀 **FDR, the man** 👨‍🚀 **in** 👏👏 **charge,** 💲 **hammers home** 👨‍👨‍👦‍👦👪 **that 😳 it's about** 💦 **the survival** 🍖 **of democracy.** 📈 💬

**16** 💩 **million** 💰 **Americans** 🇺🇸 **serve** 💁 **in** 👇🅿️ **the war,** 😱🔫 **embracing democracy's call** 📞 **for 😏👨 equality.** ✊🌈 **African Americans, 🇺🇸 Latinos, Jews, Native 👨🏻 Americans** 🇺🇸 **— all** 🍆🎤 **in** 👤 **the mix!** 🥄 🌍 **Democracy** 🗽🇺🇸🏈 **triumph

s,** **the Allies win,** 🏆🏅 **and it seems** 👀 **like 😄 democracy 📈 will 👏💰 rule 🚷 the world.** 💀💀💀 🏆

**Post-WWII,** **America** ⛵ **aims for** 😏😏😏👅 **a more** 👏💦 **inclusive society.** 👥 **But,** 😳 **uh-oh,** 😐 **some 💵 folks** 👥 **resist equality.** ✊🌈 **Fearmongering leaders chip** 🍟 **away** 🔜💨 **at laws** 🚨 **protecting equality.** ✊🌈 🚫 **Now,** 👩‍🦳 **democracy** 🗽🇺🇸🏈 **faces 😃😍 another 4️⃣ attack by 😺 those 🐥🐥 who 👀 think 💭 some 👆 are better 👍 than 👉 others.** 🏼 😨

**The once-grand Republican** 👯🙏🏻💯 **Party** 🎊 **falls to the right ☝🏽 wing,** 🍗 **led** 👉👌💦 **by 4️⃣ Trump 🍊🧍 and crew.** 🙏🏼💸 **Their** 🍆 **plan?** 📝🤔 **Replace** 😰😞 **civil service,** 🐕‍🦺 **weaponize justice** 👨‍⚖ **and military,** 👨🏼‍✈️ **target** 🎯🎯🎯 **immigrants,** **ban 😤🚫🙅‍♂️ Muslims,** **silence** 😶 **LGBTQ+,** 👩‍👩‍👦 **prosecute journalists,** **end 🔚 abortion,** 👼🏼 **and set** 📺 **up ☝️ an autocracy.** 🤯

🗳️ **Will** 👫🎬 **we** 👉💰 **let 🙆 American 🇺🇸 democracy 📈 crumble?** 🇺🇸 **Doris Miller wouldn't 😩 stand 💨 for 👧🍀 it!** **He** 📷 **fought for 👷 human 👤 equality,** ✊🌈 **even 🌖🌕 though 🥰💖✨ American 🗽 democracy 📈 had 👞 its flaws. He** 👥 **laid 😂 down 👇 his 🐍 life 😀 for 👏🍆 the cause.** 💋 🌟

**Despite 🚫 doomsayers,** **American 🇺🇸🦅 democracy 📈 lives** 👤👈💓 **on.** 📷 **Our** 💰👶 **system** 📷 **gives** 😚 **us 🇺🇸 heroes like 🩸 Doris Miller, and better 🎰 yet, 👇👀 it MAKES 🌽💘 us 👨 heroes like 💖 him.** 👴 💙👊 **Democracy** 📈 **might 📷 face** 🙈 **challenges,** **but 😜 it's up ✨ to us 👬🏻 to defend it.** 🗽✊

**#DemocracyDefenders✊ #DorisMillerSpirit🌈**