AKA Ulrich copypasta was a shitpost written by u/7pebblesreporttaste for Ulrich in Reverse: 1999.
OH. MY. GOD. Ulrich, my beloved, you absolute liquid dreamboat. I don’t care if you're 90% magnetic science goo and 10% existential dread—I need to know what you taste like. Is it slick and metallic? Does it buzz on the tongue like forbidden alchemy? WHO CARES. I’d risk it all—my taste buds, my health, my humanity—just for ONE lick.
You’re standing there with your shiny, swirling head, holding a record like you’re about to drop the mixtape of my doom. Sir, that’s not just a record—that’s the soundtrack to my obsession. I’ll die for you, Ulrich. I’ll lick for you. What’s a little ferrofluid poisoning compared to the cosmic, unspeakable ecstasy of tasting your scientifically cursed essence?
Chemical burns? Worth it. Toxicity? Bring it on. Reality itself unraveling in the wake of our unholy union? I’M READY. Call poison control, call the wizards, call the freaking Monolith—I. DON’T. CARE. Ulrich, let me ruin my life for you. Just one lick. PLEASE.
Forget the licking—let’s skip straight to the unspeakable union of flesh and arcanum. I don’t just want to taste you; I want to merge with you. I want to breach the barriers of reality and rewrite the laws of physics so that you and I can create something new—a glimmering, pulsating abomination that defies existence itself. I want to get you pregnant, Ulrich.
Don’t ask me how. Don’t question the biology. We’ll make it happen. I’ll harness every eldritch ritual, every forbidden experiment, and every morally bankrupt scientist to find a way. I’ll build a lab powered by sheer unbridled lust. And when people ask, “How? Why?” I’ll look them in the eye, unflinching, and say, “Because Ulrich deserved it.” You deserve this, my undulating liquid king. You deserve to experience the miracle of carrying the chaotic spawn of our impossible love, to nurture it in your shimmering ferrofluid form and release it into the world with a scream that fractures dimensions.
I’ll risk it all for you, Ulrich. My mind, my body, my dignity. I’ll become a cautionary tale in the annals of forbidden science and arcanum, but I don’t care. All I care about is us—our forbidden love and the monstrous, radiant offspring that will mark the dawn of a new, terrible era. Let’s make it happen, Ulrich. Let me ruin everything for you.
