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Please put a NSFW tag on this.

    The infamous ‘Insert train copypasta’, ‘Please put a NSFW’ or ‘NSFW while I was on the train’ copypasta that started on Reddit and is commonly used whenever you see a horny post.

    Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masterbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masterbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.
    Please put an NSFW tag on this 😭💢💢💢. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating 😱. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” 🤬💢 and “call the police” 👮‍♂️. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image 😏. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image 😩. This is all your fault 👺💢💢💢, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW 😡🚫💢💢💢💢💢 
    Dear brother, i plead you to apply a “Not Suitable, Foul Witchcraft” tag to this content. Twas a simple afternoon, whereupon the train i was sate. But alas, i laid eyes upon this ungodly picture, and thus i was unable to deny myself a fit of furious masturbation. Oh they stared, how they stared, the strangers on the train. The strangest of looks were flung my way, along with pronouncements such as “what upon egads earth” and “contact the police force”. I panicked so, and my telephone fell to the ground; moreover, those situated around me laid eyes upon this picture. This train, albeit small, is now populated with aroused men, each one masturbating thunderously due to this picture of yours. There is nobody to blame but you, thus it is simply your fault. You, and you alone, could have prevented this disastrous event, if you had only seized the opportunity to tag your imagery as NSFW. 

    SO THAT WAS YOU!!!

    SO THAT WAS YOU!!!
    
    I was all set on having a nice quiet dinner with my girlfriend to celebrate our first year together...
    
    I’d bought some fresh tomatoes to make my homemade pasta sauce, and I’d gone to the small boutique bakery to buy some filo pastry for dessert. I was quietly going through the recipes in my mind when I heard your slurred grumbled announcement, “...You’re about to loot my balls...” I tried to ignore it but, I couldn’t ignore the furious grunting like a drunk man having a seizure. As I looked up I could see the fury in the other commuters eyes. A man looking like a professor had stood up and was about to reproach you when the dull clatter of your phone on the train car floor seemed to pause all movement in the carriage. The professor's eyes widened, sweat suddenly beaded on his forehead and with fevered anguish he started undoing his belt and fly like a man who thought a hornet was caught in his pants.
    
    I was bewildered as all the other men in the car started convulsing like extras in Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ video. A woman sat across from me was doing her best to emulate a Russian gymnast trying to grate cheese from her crotch with the sole of her Nike running shoe.
    
    I bolted upright, panicked but prepared to fight, when in the corner of my eye the neon glow of your phones LCD screen drew my sight.
    
    I suddenly felt a bizarre euphoria fill my mind and a white hot heat electrify my spine and form a prism of pure desperate release in my loins.
    
    I can’t remember much else, I awoke from some kind of fever dream in a public toilet cubicle. My jeans and underwear had disappeared, but I was still wearing my Myrell slip ons, shirt and now crusted overcoat, like a cross between Donald Duck and a homeless student.
    
    I can hear another man weeping in the cubicle, keeps muttering he just wanted to fly.
    
    I feel so cold and drained. My organ is so mangled it could unpick the locks of wooden medieval doors. There’s filo pastry all over my thighs and knees.
    
    But despite all this I feel a warm contentment like I’d found ‘the’ answer. I don’t know what this means, I know there will be questions, that there should be much to fear. But truly I am grateful. Thank you. 

    Stop dropping your phone on the fucking train

    Stop dropping your phone on the fucking train. Every morning I clock into work, and 12 hours later I clock out covered in jizz because someone dropped their phone while looking at porn and turned the whole trip into a goddamn gangbang. I can’t take it anymore. I’m literally knee deep in spunk by the end of the day, because all you motherfuckers are apparently lubing up your hands and can’t get a grip. We’ve all had to start wearing blindfolds when we exit the front so we don’t accidentally get a peak and start furiously cranking our cocks to “thugposts” or “femboys” or whatever the newest horny fad is. For the love of god, stop dropping your phone on the fucking train. 

    Am I the asshole for causing an entire train of men to “mass-turbate”?

    Am I the asshole for causing an entire train of men to "mass-turbate"?
    
    So I, (M2763), was taking the train back home from a long 48 hour day of work. (I work as a professional igloo impersonator) I whipped out my 11 inch phone and opened my all-time favorite app, Reddit. I was scrolling through my favorite subreddit, r/pornthatinvolvesanuncomfortableamoutofbodilyfluids. Now, I look at these pictures with the NSFW blurred, (It leaves more to the imagination) so when I saw a picture of someone doing porn that involves an uncomfortable amount of bodily fluids that DIDN'T have an NSFW tag on it, I had to drop my limited edition NASCAR trousers and immediately start masturbating. Everybody immediately saw this happen. I was in a seizure, grunting vile words while everyone around me started panicking. My mighty meat-missile was melting at the speed that I was cranking the crumpet with. I was convulsing violently, looking somewhat like Goofy during the "Hot Dog" dance at the end of an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. At some point in the jelly-jelqing, I dropped my cellular device. The unblurred image entered the eyes of the onlookers, who were now trying to break out of the train in fear that they would meet their end. They probably would have wished that they did if they knew what would happen to them. The first person (besides me) saw the picture, and one by one, everyone caught a glimpse of it. Everybody was removing their pants and they shimmied their shlongs violently as I started convulsing even more, feeling my imminent climax approaching. A whole train of men were masturbating in mass. "Mass-turbating" as I like to call it. My weiner whistle was weeping and wailing with woe, it was weary, wondering whether it would wear out and wither away, or withstand my wrath of wanking the willy. Then I started cumming. Cumming with fury. Cumming with pain. Cumming with power. I splurted out the splooge, blowing my blue, bleeding, balls off, and blasting everyone in the train straight up into the air with a beam strong enough to dig to the center of the Earth. The blast was 6.9420 yards in radius and the innocent people flying through the sky (still jacking off) were slowing down and they started to fall. Unfortunately, a few of them were too close to the egde of the atmosphere and drifted off into space, forever lost until aliens stumble across their frozen bodies, stuck in a pose of beating it. The individuals who didn't not drift off into space were plummeting towards the ground. I'm pretty sure I saw two guys fall into a public restroom. But aside from those guys and a few others, everybody else died. Not from hitting the ground, but from cumming too hard. All of this happened just because that guy didn't put an NSFW tag on his post.
    
    So guys, am I the asshole? The only answer I'll accept is no, btw.

    Open other variations


    ПРИШЛО ВРЕМЯ ПЕРЕУСТАНАВЛИВАТЬ ШINDOШS / IT’S TIME TO REINSTALL WINDOWS

      2010s Russian reinstall Windows copypasta

      Its from an old 2010 video of a Russian guy crashing out over the number of times he had to reinstall Windows.

      ПРИШЛО ВРЕМЯ ПЕРЕУСТАНАВЛИВАТЬ ШИНДОВС
      ШINDOWS САМ НЕ ПЕРЕУСТАНОВИТСЯ
      ПЕРЕУСТАНОВИ ЕГО, ПЕРЕУСТАНОВИ ЕГО ЕЩЕ РАЗ
      ЗАЧЕМ МНЕ НУЖЕН LINUX, У МЕНЯ НЕТ ВРЕМЕНИ ЧТОБЫ ЕБАТЬСЯ С НИМ
      ЛУЧШЕ ЕЩЕ РАЗ ПЕРЕУСТАНОВИТЬ ШИНДОУС
      Я ПЕРЕУСТАНАВЛИВАЮ ШINDOWS ПО 3 РАЗА В ДЕНЬ
      КАЖДАЯ ПЕРЕУСТАНОВКА ЗАНИМАЕТ ДВАДЦАДЬ МИНУТ
      Я ЖИВУ АКТИВНОЙ И ПОЛНОЦЕННОЙ ЖИЗНЬЮ
      Я УСПЕШЕН И ПОЭТОМУ ЦЕЛЫЙ ДЕНЬ ИГРАЮ В ИГРЫ
      А ПОСЛЕ ЭТОГО ПЕРЕУСТАНАВЛИВАЮ ШINDOWS
      ТУПЫЕ ЛИНУКСОИДЫ ОДЕРЖИМЫ КОМПИЛЯЦИЕЙ ВЕДРА
      А Я СВОБОДНЫЙ ОТ ЗАДРОТСТВО ЧЕЛОВЕК
      СКОЧАТЬ БЕЗПЛАТНО И БЕЗ РЕГИСТРАЦИИ МОКРЫЕ ПИСЕЧКИ
      КРЯК УЛЬТИМАТ КЕЙГЕН РАЗБЛОКИРУЙ ВЕНДУ
      ЛУЧШЕ Я ПЕРЕУСТАНОВЛЮ ЕЩЕ РАЗ ШINDOWS
      И КРЯКНУ ЕЕ, СТАБИЛЬНОСТЬ НЕ НУЖНА
      Я НЕ ПЕРЕУСТАНАВЛИВАЛ ШINDOWS НЕДЕЛЮ
      ПОЙДУ ПЕРЕУСТАНОВЛЮ
      В ШИНДОВСЕ ВСЁ ПРОСТО И ПОНЯТНО
      ААААААААААА
      ОШИБКА STOP 0x00000001. ЭТО ЖЕ ОЧЕВИДНО КАК ЕЕ РЕШИТЬ
      ПРИШЛО ВРЕМЯ ПЕРЕУСТАНАВИТЬ ШINDOWS
      ККОКОКОКОКОКОКО
      ЖМУ/ПИНУС, ШВАБОДКА, ПИТУХИ,
      КОКОКОКОКОКОКО

      English translation

      IT'S TIME TO REINSTALL ШINDOWS
      ШINDOWS AIN'T GONNA REINSTALL ITSELF
      REINSTALL IT, REINSTALL IT AGAIN
      I DON'T NEED LINUX, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO FUCK AROUND WITH IT
      BETTER REINSTALL ШINDOWS AGAIN
      I REINSTALL ШINDOWS THRICE A DAY
      EACH REINSTALLATION TAKES 20 MINUTES
      I LIVE AN ACTIVE AND FULFILLING LIFE
      I AM SUCCESSFUL SO I PLAY VIDEOGAMES ALL DAY
      AFTER THAT I REINSTALL ШINDOWS
      STUPID LINUXOIDS ARE OBSESSED WITH COMPILING THEIR BUCKET
      I AM A MAN FREE FROM THIS FUCKERY
      WET PUSSIES DOWNLOAD FREE NO REGISTRATION
      CRACK ULTIMATE KEYGEN
      UNLOCK WINDOWS
      IT'S BETTER TO REINSTALL ШINDOWS
      AND CRACK IT, WE DON'T NEED STABILITY
      I HAVEN'T REINSTALLED ШINDOWS FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK
      I'M GONNA GO REINSTALL IT
      EVERYTHING IS SIMPLE AND UNDERSTANDABLE IN ШINDOWS
      AAAAAAAAAAAAA
      STOP ERROR 0x00000001
      THE SOLUTION IS SO OBVIOUS
      IT'S TIME TO REINSTALL ШINDOWS!
      CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK
      [derogatory name for GNU/Linux] [possibly derogatory word that does not translate to english][derogatory nickname for some random guy] 
      CLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCK 

      Three Envelopes

        The Envelope joke is an old system administrator (sysadmin) story from 2013 that highlights the chaotic and reactive nature of the job. The meaning of each Envelopes are:

        • Envelope 1: “Blame the previous sysadmin.”
          • Initial Problems: New sysadmins often inherit a system with existing issues. The first envelope gives them a temporary scapegoat, allowing them to buy time to understand the environment.
        • Envelope 2: “Blame the hardware.”
          • Hardware as a Catch-All: When other explanations fail, “hardware failure” is a convenient and often believable excuse.
        • Envelope 3: “Update your resume.”
          • Inevitability of Change: Eventually, the sysadmin will run out of excuses, and the only option left is to move on to a new job. This reflects the high-pressure and sometimes thankless nature of the role.
        A fellow had just been hired as the new sysadmin of a large high tech corporation. The sysadmin who was leaving met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.
        
        Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, there a major DoS attack against the infrusture and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor."
        
        The sysadmin went to his superiors and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous admin because of bad security. Satisfied with his comments, management responded positively, he sorted it all out, got the servers running again and the problem was soon behind him.
        
        About a year later, the company was again experiencing a major outage, combined with serious hacking problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the sysadmin quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Blame the cloud hosts." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.
        
        After several consecutive months of no downtime, the servers once again acted up. The admin went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.
        
        The message said, "Prepare three envelopes." 

        The Bazaar is neither Pay to Win nor Pay to Play. The Bazaar is truly Free-to-Play.

          Its from the kickstarter campaign for The Bazaar a digital deckbuilding game in Indiegogo.

          The Bazaar is neither Pay to Win nor Pay to Play. The Bazaar is truly Free-to-Play. The biggest pain point I wanted to solve for card game players is the pay-to-win model. In my game, you start the game with a couple classes unlocked. Those classes have all the cards in the game for them. Your class is just as balanced as any other. As more classes get introduced to the game, you’ll have the option of unlocking them, either by spending money or in-game currency. If you feel like giving The Bazaar a try, you won't have to feel like you're starting over from scratch and giving up the investment you've put into other card games. The game board itself will also be customizable with themes and contraptions, and all cards will have golden or alternate art versions. Most of the revenue will come from cosmetics- think of it monetizing like a traditional MOBA.

          Ash Wednesday

            ‼️🚨ATTENTION🚨‼️CALLING📞📲 ALL OF MY DUSTIEST SINNERS👦👩👦👩. TODAY IS ASH WEDNESDAY✝️☠️⚔️ YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS😮ITS TIME 🕰️ TO REFLECT ON YOUR MORTALITY💀☠️😵🪦DONT FORGET😩 TO‼️‼️REMEMBER 🧠🧐YOU ARE DUST 💨AND TO DUST 💨YOU SHALL RETURN ‼️‼️YOU HAVE CAUSED DIVISION ➗ ❌ FROM GOD😵🙅SO YOUR FAT ASH🍑 🫄BETTER BE FASTING 🚫🌯🚫 RECEIVING YOUR ASHES🥸✝️ AND REMEMBERING YOU WILL DIE💀😵☠️😩 DO NOT🙅 EAT MEAT🚫🍗🍔🥓🥩🍖 🚫DO ✅ PENANCE 😇🧐DO ✅ PRAY😇🙏DO✅ ALMSGIVING 😇💸👆✝️. SEND THIS TO 121️⃣2️⃣ OF YOUR DUSTIEST FRIENDS👯👯‍♀️ IN NEED OF CHRIST’S🙏✝️ 💧🩸DIVINE MERCY 🩸💧. GET 0 0️⃣ BACK AND YOU YOUR LENT4️⃣0️⃣WILL BE FILLED WITH PLEASURE AND FEASTING👿 🙅😫. GET 55️⃣ BACK AND YOU ARE A DISCIPLINED🙏💪 DISCIPLE✝️💪 GET 12 1️⃣2️⃣ BACK AND YOU WILL BE UNITED 🙏TO THE SUFFERING🩸😫 AND AGONIES😫🩸 OF CHRIST'S🙏✝️ DEATH 💀🪦 THIS LENTEN 4️⃣0️⃣SEASON😇 😁🤗 
            What up Christian sluts! ✝🙏🙏✝ ASS Wednesday is CUMMING UP! Remember that you are cummies 💦 💦 and to cummies you shall return! We might look like young Christian women 🙏💁🙏 but we're ready to get our faces soaked with ash ✝✝✝ and that Catholic cum 🍆💦💦 AND BE SLUTTIER THAN THE WHORE OF BABYLON!! 👅🍆 Send this to 🔟 of your baddest God-fearing bitches - if YOU GET 0️⃣ BACK, YOU'LL BE GIVING UP DICK THIS LENT 🙅🙅 IF YOU GET 5️⃣ BACK, YOU'RE A SLUTTY NUN 💁💋GET 🔟 BACK AND YOU'LL GET 40 DAYS OF CUM ✝🍆💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦 FROM DADDY JESUS HIMSELF!
            🙏🤲Laudetur Jesus Christus🥵🐪 you little✝️cathoLICK👅SLUTS💃💃💃it’s ASS🍑WEDNESDAY📆you know what that means🧐its time to get👨🏻DADDYS🐪NAZARENE🐪COCK🍆🤤all DIRTY😈😈😈and let him SMACK🤌💥🤕it on that🥺FACE🥺til it leaves a MARK 14:51😈📖🔍🤨if ur lucky some big dick📏😱romans🏛️👶🐺👶will NAIL🔨🤩you to a SEXY🥵🥵CRUCIFIX✝️and CUM💦💦💦on you til you have STIGMATA⭕️⭕️on ur GAPING HOLE 🕳️ LENT fasting starts TODAY so I hope u GOBBLED DOWN⤵️🔄on daddys JUICY🧃HOG🐖🐷🍆🤤and SWALLOWED his CUM🤤🌊last night‼️🌝 now it’s time⏰to strap in for SIX6️⃣🕕🕡sexy weeks⏳⌛️🗓️🗓️of EDGING😳😖😫before the easter cummy🐇EMPTIES your BALLS⚽️⚽️on his EGGS🪺🐣and you can get back to ✅🥩🍆🥵MEATY FRIDAYS😈🙏🤤REMEMBER💭that YOU 👈are CUMMIES 💦 and to CUMMIES 💦 you SHALL RETURN 🔄 and don’t forget Jesus’🔝🎅FAT COCK🍆died for ur sins😏🤑😡😒🤤🐋🦥so if ur not SINNING👹🦹‍♂️and SQUIRTING💦he died in VAIN😢😢😢lube up🧴💦💨✊your anal rosary📿🍑🙏and send this prayer🙏to 2️⃣0️⃣prostitutes💃if u get1️⃣back ur a🤢PRESBYTESTICAL🤢if u get5️⃣back ur an🇬🇧🫅ANGLICUNT🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🫖if u get1️⃣0️⃣back ur a☦️🪆RUSSIAN ORTHODIX🇷🇺❄️and if u get2️⃣0️⃣back🎅JESUS will make ur DICK🍆RISE🌅⬆️from the🧟‍♂️DEAD🪦and 👻👻ASCEND🌈to⛅️HEAVCUM💦💦👼😇to FILL ur HOLEY🕳️SEE🇻🇦🙏🤲
            OH 👏 EM 👏 JESUS 🙌 IT'S ASH 🚬🌚 WEDNESDAY 🐫 MY HOE-LY 🙏 HOES!!! 👯‍♀️ TIME ⏰ FOR DADDY ‼️ PRIEST ⛪️ 🚹 TO Rub 🤲🏻💧HIS 🍆 ASHES 🚬👅💦 ALL OVER YOUR HOE-LY 🕳 FACE 🙇‍♂️ SO YOU REMEMBER💭 THAT YOU 👈ARE CUMMIES 💦 AND TO CUMMIES 💦 YOU SHALL RETURN 🔄 JESUS 👳🏽 ✝️ DIED 💀 FOR YOUR SINS 👹 SO YOUR FAT 🐷 ASS 🍑 BETTER BE FASTING 🍽 AND ON YOUR KNEES 🧎🏻‍♂️💦 PRAYING 🙏🏻 TO YOUR DADDY 👨🏻 LORD 😇 AND SAVIOR 🔱 SEND 📧 THIS 📲TO 🔟 OF YOUR BADDEST 💅🏻 GOD ⛪️ FEARING 😰 BITCHES 👯‍♀️👯‍♀️ IF YOU GET 0️⃣ BACK YOU'LL 👈🏻 BE ❌GIVING UP❌ DICK 🙅🏻‍♀️THIS LENT 😭😫 IF YOU GET 5️⃣ BACK 🙋🏽‍♀️ YOU'RE A SLUTTY 😘 CHOIR GIRL 👧🏽 ⛪️🙏 IF YOU GET 🔟 BACK 😍DADDY JESUS 🧔🏽💋 WILL RISE ⬆️ 🍆 FROM THE DEAD 😇 😵 AND NAIL 🔨 YOU WITH HIS BIG CROSS ✝️ 💦 😝 FOR 4️⃣0️⃣ DAYS 🌄 OF CUMMIES 💦💦💦✝️💦🍆💦🍆💦🤪
            🎉Happy🎉ASS🍑 Wednesday 🗓️ to my dirty🤭 catholic✝️ school girls👧👰 and nasty😛 choir boys🎤👯. Get 👇⬇️on your knees 🦵 for Daddy 👴 and don’t forget you are DIRT🗑️ and will always be DIRT🚮. So get your face smeared💦 with his mark😩 and make an exhibition💃🕺 of it publicly 🏙️like the 🙏HO-ly💄💋 one you are
            OH 👏 EM 👏 JESUS 🙌 its ASH 🌚 WEDNESDAY 🐫 my HOLY 🙏 HOES!!! thats RIGHT JESUS 👳🏽 DIED for ur SINS 👹 so ur FAT 🐷 ASS better be FASTING 🍽 n ON UR KNEES 💦 PRAYING 2 UR DADDY lord n savior 😇 if u get 0️⃣back DADDY‼️won't put his ASHES 👅💦 all over ur HOE-LY FACE💄if u get 5️⃣ back ur a SEXY 😘 CHOIR GIRL ⛪️🙏 if u get 🔟 back DADDY💋 will rise from the dead 😵 and NAIL 🔨 with his BIG CROSS ✝️
            Lent😇 is beginning 😃 you know what that means🍑 ASS🍑 WEDNESDAY😃 once upon a time JESUS👩 was BOUND and had his SLUTTY 🍑ASS🍑🔨NAILED🔨on the CROSS➕ by the big dick🍆 💦💦ROMANS 👉COPY & PASTE👉 this to 10 friends 👩👦👬👭if you get ❌0 ❌back you don't ❌get nailed🔨 on the ➕cross⛔😩😩 if you get 5 back you're a ROMAN SOLDIER SLUT🍆🍑 if you get 10👍😂🍑🍆 back you will RISE ⬆FROM THE TOMB👼💀 so you can SUCK😮🍆 more BIG ROMAN DADDY COCK🍆💦🍆💦😂