Skip to content

My friend has played Oblivion for 87 hours, is still level 4, refuses to fast travel, and thinks that’s completely normal

    My friend has played Oblivion for 87 hours, is still level 4, refuses to fast travel, and thinks that’s completely normal
    byu/Big_Brain_l337 inoblivion
    My friend has played Oblivion for 87 hours, is still level 4, refuses to fast travel, and thinks that’s completely normal 

My friend played Oblivion and basically tried to 100% the game before starting the main quest.

He spent 12 real hours just in the tutorial dungeon because he wanted to test every weapon type and reach max Acrobatics by jumping everywhere before he saw sunlight.

He finally steps out into the open world, and I’m like, “So did you go to Weynon Priory yet?”

He goes: “What’s that?”

“You know, the place where you take the Amulet of Kings at the start?”

“Oh no, I’m not doing that yet. I’m still collecting Nirnroot. I need all 305.”

I ask him how far he is in the Fighters Guild and he hits me with: “Oh, I’m not starting any guild until I’ve completed every single city’s local quests and built my own alchemy lab in every player home.”

He also refuses to fast travel. Like at all. He’ll walk across Cyrodiil in real time, stopping to roleplay meals and sleep, and won’t enter any Ayleid ruins unless it’s “historically consistent” for his character’s background.

At one point, he told me he restarted the entire game because he accidentally used the wrong birthsign and it didn’t match his headcanon.

Oh, and he’s still level 4—but not because he skipped leveling. No, he’s sleeping in 1-hour increments to micro-control his attribute gains and avoid “inefficient stat growth.”

He once spent two full in-game weeks training Speechcraft with beggars just so he could “feel more confident” asking guards for directions.

I’m starting to think he’s going to actually become the Champion of Cyrodiil in real life before he finishes the damn game.

Am I wrong for losing my mind over this? Is it possible to play Oblivion… too right?

    Bubble Tea Day

      Happy ☺🅱 National 🥳 BUBBLE 🔮🔮 🍵 TEA ☕☕ DAY‼️ 🕛 Time 🙌 to SLURP 💦 IT 💡 UP 📈😑 💦💦 like 💖 you’ve 😭 never done before 🤣👉 ‼️ Grab 🅱👐 your favorite ❤❤ MILK 🌟 tea ☕❓ and let's 🙆✋ GET 🍆 BUBBLY 💦💦💦 with 😎👏 those nasty BOBA balls ⚽👅 🍡🍡 sliding 🐍 down 💦👇 your throat 👅👅 like 👍 a 👌👌 SLOPPY DICK 🍆🍆 🍆 😉😏 You 😍 know 🙂❓ the 🚦 best 💪 part? 🚜 It’s ✋🍝 not 🚫🚫 just 👤 the DRINK 🚱💦 🍹 but ☹ the way 👨✋ it makes you feel 😌 ALL 👨👦 WARM INSIDE 🔥😈💗💦 Send 📨📨 this 😋👈 to ➡💩 10 🍑 SEXXY bubble 🔮🔮 tea 🍮 lovers 💦😍 📣 in ✔ the next ⏩ 15 📬 seconds ⏰ or 🍆 you’ll 👧 be 😌🐝 left 👈🍒 with nothing 💦 but 🍑🍑 an 😙😆 EMPTY 😲📦 CUP 🥛 🥤😱 If 👏🅱 you ❤ get FIVE back, 🛑 you’re about 💦🌈 to 🌈 have ✊ a SUPER STICKY ☘ date 💏 with 🙌😲 a 💰💰 MILKY BOBA BABY that’ll 👅 have you popping 🎈🎈 🍡🍡 and 💦 moaning 😩🙌💦 all night 😴 LONG‼️ 📏

      May Day

        Today 📅📅📅 is MAY DAY 👷❗️❗️👷 Most people 👥👥 are forced to work 🔨📞💻 for PROFIT 💲💹💹🏧 but I would work 🔨📞💻 for YOU 👦 👧 because YOU'RE MY COMRADE 💪👬👭💂❗️❗️ Send 📨📧 to 5 comrades who appreciate 😊👍 your LABOR 🔨🔧 or be EXPLOITED 💵💰🚨🚓 by the BOURGEOISIE 🚬🔫🔪💸💸💸❗️
        HEY BAE 💋🥰ITS MAY DAY 🥵🌸🛠️today 🗓️we celebrate🎉🥳👏🏼 the return 🔄of FERTILE🪺🍆💦💦💦💦 spring🌸💐🌻🪷🪻 and look 👀ahead ➡️to the HOT 🥵🔥🔥🔥WET 😫💦💦💦SUMMER 😎☀️🍉👙🕶️🧴🧴💦but more importantly ‼️today 🗓️we celebrate🎉🥳👏🏼 WERKERS 💋🥵🛠️👏🏼👏🏼may day💋 is a WERKers 💕✨🥵holiday 🎉🎉we celebrate 🥳🥳those DIRTY COMMIES 😫🥵🔥🫦🔥🛠️who fought🤺🤺 for labor rights 💕🥳🔥🔥🔥and gave us 🤲🏼 8️⃣-hour WERK 💋💦days 🔥👏🏼so we don’t 🙂‍↔️🙂‍↔️have to CLOCK 🕰️ in at the BOOTS 👢💃🏻🔥🔥factory 💋😫 ALL SLAY LONG 🥵🫦🎉🎉💋💋💦💦✨✨‼️‼️and have no energy 😴😪😪to gag 💄💋🍆💦at the end 🎬so today 🗓️make sure 🙂‍↕️to SCROLL ON UR PHONE 📲📳🙂‍↕️✨✨💕💕HALFASS A TASK 🙂‍↕️🥳💃🏻🫦💦💦and SHIT ON COMPANY TIME🙂‍↕️💩🚽‼️‼️‼️ HAPPY BAE DAY MAY DAY🔥🔥💋💋💕💕‼️‼️🫦🫦✨✨✨🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵
        TWERKERS 👨‍💻👷of the world 🌍escape from your BONDAGE ⛓️🪢Today 📅📅📅 is MAY DAY 👷❗️❗️👷 Most people 👥👥 are forced to work 🔨📞💻 for BOSS DADDY who steals all the CUMMIES 💦 💲💹💹🏧 of their labor but I would work 🔨📞💻 for YOU 👦 👧 because YOU’RE MY CUMRADE 💪👬👭💂❗️❗️ TODAY is the day to JOIN your working clASS 🍑UNION 👭and fight for your right to the fruits 🍎 of your LABEWHORE 🔨. Send 📨📧 to 10 AnarcHO FEMENISTS 👯‍♀️who appreciate 😊👍 your LABOR 🔨🔧 or be EXPLOITED 💵💰🚨🚓 by the BOURGEOISIE 🚬🔫🔪💸💸💸 If you get 0️⃣ back you are a BOOT 👢 licking scab 🩹. If you get 5️⃣back you are a SEXY 🍆CUMMUNIST 🎅. If you get 🔟 back you are a BOMB BUSSY 💣 throwing ANARCHO-sHOcialist! ⚒️💣🍆
        🎊 🥳 Happy May Day‼️ 🥳 🎊 aka International 🌎 WERKers 💅 Day 📆! Let's recognize 🏆🏅🙏 the HARD 💎 working 💪 🛠️ 🔥 people who keep our CUMunities 🫂🤝 running 🏃‍♀️. The 🤢 🤮 bosses 🙅‍♂️👎 want to SCREW us 🥺😭 but we won't 🚫 let it CUNTinue.👿BOSS MAKES A DOLLAR 💵 💰 I MAKE A DIME 🪙 THAT'S WHY I JERK IT 🍆✊ ON COMPANY TIME ⌚‼️🔥So whether 🫵 you 🫵are a CUMmunist 😳 a sociaLICKS 👅an anarKISSED 😘 or just an unfulFILLEd 💦 worker 🛠️ let's fly that red flag 🚩🌹🏴 of freeDOM and tell 🗣️ 🎙️ the 🤮 boss 😡 to GO FUCK HIMSELF 🖕🖕‼️ Send 💌 📬 this to 1️⃣0️⃣ of your 🔥👏🫶 work 👷👥 besties 🥰👯 who are THIRSTY 💦🤤 for a STRIKE ✋ 🍑 and say 🗣️📢 it's time ⌛⏰⏱️ to ORGYnize!! 😏🥴🤝

🫡 SolidarTIDDY forever ✊
        HAPPY 😄😁 MAY 🐝📅 DAY 😩❤ you dirty filthy SLUTS!!!! Today 📆 is 👅😩 MAAAAAAAY POOOOLE day 🏻 aAaaahhhhh so ☠💯 let’s get 🍌 our ho 😘 ️jos some 👨 HOE-STICKS 😟 and dance around 🕥✈ the 🤔🌎 maypole until 🕛💦 we 👨🚟 POPP-L and PEE 🚰 on 👇 the 🏽 grass now 😡🕒 if 🏿 you 👈👆 be good 👍😇 little 👧😼 girls and ➕💰 boys 🏻 you can 😜💦 go pick some 💯 flowers 🌺🌺 to 💦🔧 give daddy 🍆🙈 tonight 😩😴 but 🙅 if 🅱👦 you ♂🙏 are a whorish SLUTTY 💦🍑 then 🔙 daddy will 👀🙈 beat 👊👊 YOURSELF 😏 until he bleeds 🤫on 💡💰 his 💦 tree 🍑 🌲 Send this to 10 other 🙌 slutty 💧 maidens if 👏 you get 5 back,you have 😒 rotten STINKING ass 🍑 pussy 🐱 and 🍇 will 😬 not find true 🍆🌈 love 😇 until death parts you 👈 from 👉💰 your ☝ shitty 💩💩 stank ass 🍑 pussy if 👏 if 👉 10 🔳 or 💁 more ➕ get 🙌 back? 😌 Then 🍆❓ your HOEJOS are 😂🏃 legendary! 💎💎 Get ♀😩 ready 😩😤 for 😏💥 some maypole action cause 😮 the ⬆👑 only thing ⛄👌 this 🎄♂ pole 😫😫 is 🙅 good 😂😌 for 😎 is fucking!! 👉

        So we’re done like frfr? 😢 From cream pie to getting no reply 🫠 From swallow to unfollow 😔 From giving me head to leaving me on read 💔

          So we're done like frfr? 😢 From cream pie to getting no reply 🫠 From swallow to unfollow 😔 From giving me head to leaving me on read 💔 How do you easily go from licking my balls to not taking my calls??? 😭😭😭

          Extended cut

          So we're done like frfr? 😢 From cream pie to getting no reply 🫠 From swallow to unfollow 😔 From giving me head to leaving me on read 💔 From licking my balls to not taking my calls? 😭 From hawk tuah to block tuah 🥀 From suckin my cock to giving me a block 😢 From up the ass to a hard pass 💔 From doin' dat spit to not giving a shit 😢 From making you moan to leaving me alone 🥀 I came, and eventually never knew my name.
          From doin' dat spit to not giving a shit 
          From hawk tuah to block tuah 🥀
          From suckin my cock to giving me a block
          from up the ass to a hard pass
          Making you moan to leaving me alone 🥀
          I came, and eventually never knew my name.

          It cannot be understated that normies are not people, they are cattle. Their opinions do not matter, they aren’t real.

            It cannot be understated that normies are not people, they are cattle. Their opinions do not matter, they aren’t real. Everything they believe is just parroting the slop that gets force fed to them from institutional astroturfing.

Nobody actually likes Sabrina Carpenter. 
Nobody actually likes Taylor Swift. 
Nobody actually likes Spotify sponsored playlists and Top 40 radio tier slop.

All of these basic bitch mocha frappuccino lifestyle surface level preferences are the result of taking the disposable livestock 80% of the population horde and placing them in front of a little box that tells them what to think every single week.

There is a required number of instances in which an individual gets exposed to a meme, idea, or aesthetic before they adopt it as their own. The less intelligent or sentient the individual, the smaller their number becomes. The most basic level of “person” is at roughly 3-5 incidents of exposure before they decide they “like” something. 

There’s another number which defines their willingness to express their “opinion” to others. This number is how many other peers have expressed their approval of any particular thing. The lower the level of autonomy an individual has, the higher that number must be before they can comfortably risk judgement.

Sometimes something is so basic, forced, and saturated that its comparative mediocrity creates a beacon by which to anchor statistical certainty when determining whether that things purveyors are actually human beings or not.

Sabrina Carpenter is like a North Star which can be used to navigate whether or not a woman is sentient. If she likes Sabrina Carpenter beyond any bare mild enjoyment of formulaic pop slop, but rather to the point of being a Sabrinastan or expressing vocally how much she “ate” and or how Sabrina has her “gagged” then you can safely write her off as a nonperson.

Sabrina Carpenter fans are not people. They are not even NPCs, they’re white noise. They are 2D holograms looping 5 second animations of standing up and cheering before sitting down again. They are vague 16 pixel blobs to be dispersed into a crowd of thousands, millions. 

The existence of nonpeople serves to being an accoutrement to your life as background noise. When you interact with them, the sounds that come out of their mouth are generated by scripts. Their vocabulary consists of 200 words, farts, burps, and heavy breathing. Their emotions are a vague thin spectrum of discomforts and satisfactions. They see less colors than you can. Their understanding of the world extends to 2 mile radii before they have panic attacks.

When you’re friends with a nonperson, they have to do calculus in their heads on whether to respond to your messages. When you sleep with a nonperson, it’s somehow more debasing than just masturbating. When you reproduce with a nonperson, you play roulette with God on whether your children have consciousness. When a nonperson dies, absolutely nothing changes in the world.

Watching someone argue about Sabrina Carpenter’s capacity for playing a Disney Princess is like sticking my head in a toilet bowl to listen to the water cooler gossip between the bacteria in a fresh shit I just took.

            Chicanery Oblivion

              Oblivon Chicanery copypasta

              Its the Chicanery copypasta but changed to the Oblivion remaster and Todd Howard. It was first posted on the Nirnposting group on FB which is an Elder Scrolls shitpost group.

              I am not crazy! I know he upped the frame rate and slapped it in Unreal Engine 5! I knew it was Oblivion spit-shined. Another one after the tenth re-release of Skyrim. As if I could ever make such a mistake. Never. Never! I just - I just couldn't prove it. He - he covered his tracks, he got that idiot Michael Kirkbride to lie for him. You think this is something? You think this is bad? This? This chicanery? He's done worse. Todd Howard! Are you telling me that Oblivion just happens to get remastered like that? No! He orchestrated it! Howard! He ALLOWED Skyrim anniversary Edition! And I forgave him! And I shouldn't have. I took the game into my library! What was I thinking? He'll never change. He'll never change! Ever since Daggerfall, always the same! Couldn't keep his hands out of fantasy role-playing! But not our Todd! Couldn't be precious Todd! Making the same game! And he gets to be a Creative Director!? What a sick joke! I should've stopped him when I had the chance! And you - you have to stop him!