Its the narrator’s dialogue when players obtain the Serious Room ending in Stanley Parable. The ending can be obtain when players use the console command “sv_cheats 1”.
1st attempt
Stanley, this is me being serious. In fact, this is my serious room. It's where I come to be serious. That table is the most serious table I could find. I looked at many, many tables. Hundreds of tables! It's possible I looked at over a thousand tables, I honestly don't know. The specific number isn't as important as the understanding that of all the tables that I looked at, this one is the most serious. I relate this story to impress upon you, the extent to which this is the most serious room I have, which is why I brought you here. You just tried to activate server cheats, which, of course, runs the risk of breaking the entire game. You've got no respect for the strict order of scripted narrative events and I just can't have that. It's time to get serious, Stanley. No jokes, no games. Outside of this room, I might be more tolerant of those things, but now we're in the room. Which is why I'm subjecting you to the most serious punishment I can think of: one hundred million-billion-trillion years, standing here in the serious room. Perhaps after that, we can talk about the severity of your actions, and whether you've learned anything. But, until then, serious room, GO.
Achivement Unlocked: Cheater
Stanley, this is me being serious.
In fact, this is my Serious Room.
It's where I come to be serious.
That table is the most serious table I could find, I looked at many, many tables, hundreds of tables, it's possible I looked over 1,000 tables, I honestly don't know. The specific number isn't important, as the understanding that of all tables I looked at, this one is the most serious.
I relate this story to impress upon you the extent to which this is the most serious room I have, which is why I've brought you here.
You just tried to activate SERVER CHEATS, which of course runs the risk of breaking the entire game.
You've got no respect for the strict order of scripted narrative events, and I just can't have that.
It's time to get serious Stanley, no jokes, no games. Outside of this room I might be more tolerant of those things, but now we're in the room.
Which is why I'm subjecting you to the most serious punishment I can think of: One hundred, billion, trillion years standing here in the Serious Room.
Perhaps after that we can talk about the severity of your actions and whether you've learned anything.
But until then, Serious Room, GO.
(RESTART)
2nd attempt
Woah! Did we not have the talk? Are we not in the serious room this very moment? Did I not tell you how many tables I looked through? I'm going to be conservative and say it was somewhere in the tens of thousands of tables, any reasonable person would say I spent an ABSURD amount of time doing nothing but looking at tables! And I genuinely considered each one too. I took a hell of a lot of notes. I kept the notes in a different room.. that room is less serious than this one. It's more of a, um.. a notes room. Again, the point of this story is to convey how serious I feel this cheating issue is. And I'm sure you'll agree with me when you've fulfilled your new punishment: Infinity years in the serious room! I generally have trouble reading human emotions, but I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say that you're devastated by this crippling new punishment. As well you should be. It's the most serious I could think of. Can you get more serious than that? No. You can't. Don't try.
3rd attempt
Hmm, still no effect. The problem is clearly the serious room; it isn't serious enough. That's on me, Stanley. I apologize. I'm going to the store to look through more tables. Hopefully I find one that conveys how wrong what you're doing is. Now, where did I put those notes?
