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Elder Maxson’s speech from Fallout 4 but it’s about Simps instead of Synths

    Brothers and Sisters, the road behind us has been long and fraught with difficulty, each and every one of you has surpassed my expectations by rapidly facilitating our arrival in the Commonwealth. You accomplished this feat without a hint of purpose or direction, and most impressively: without question. Now that the ship is in position it is time to reveal our purpose and our mission. Beneath the Commonwealth, there is a cancer known as the Institute, a malignant growth that needs to be cut before it infects the surface. They are experimenting with dangerous technologies that could prove to the world's undoing for the second time in recent history. The Institute scientists have created a weapon that transcends the destructive nature of the Atom Bomb. They call their creation: The Simps, a masculine abomination of humanity that is free-thinking, and donates money to female streamers, this.. notion.. that a loser could be granted attention will is not only offensive.. but horribly dangerous and like the atom, if they aren't harnessed properly, they have the potential of rendering us extinct as a species. I, can not allow the Institute to continue this line of experimentation. Therefore the Institute and their Simps are considered enemies of the Brotherhood of Steel and should be dealt with swiftly and mercilessly. This campaign will be costly and many lives will be lost, but in the end, we will be saving humankind from its worst enemy: Itself. Ad Victorium.

    FAQ: I just shit and cum at your comment

      FAQ
What does this mean?

The amount of shit (and cum) on my computer and floor has increased by one.
Why did you do this?

There are several reasons I may deem a comment to be worthy of feces or ejaculation. These include, but are not limited to:

    - Being gay

    - Dank copypasta bro, where'd you find it

    - walter

Am I going to shit and cum too?

No - not yet. But you should refrain from shitposting and cumposting like this in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to shit and cum again, which may put your shitting and cumming privileges in jeopardy.
I don't believe my comment deserved being shit and cum at. Can you un-cum it?

Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I put shit back into my butt. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot me a hot load explaining what I got wrong. I tend to respond to retaliatory ejaculation within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of semen dies before it can fertilize the egg, and yours is likely no exception.
How can I prevent this from happening in the future?

Accept the goopy brown and white substance and move on. But learn from this mistake: your behavior will not be tolerated in my mom's basement. I will continue to shit and cum until you improve your conduct. Remember: ejaculation is privilege, not a right.

      True Brothers of Islam

        IM DELETING YOU, BROTHER! ██]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 10% complete..... ████████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 35% complete.... ████████████]]]]]]]]]]]] 60% complete.... █████████████████] 99% complete.....

🚫ERROR!🚫 💯True💯 Brothers of Islam are irreplaceable ☪I could never delete you Brother!💖 Send this to ten other 👪Mujahideen👪 who would give their lives for ﷲAllahﷲ Or never get called ☁️Brother☁️ again If you get 0 Back: Juhanam for you 🚫†✡🚫 3 back: you're off the martyr list☁️💦 5 back: you have pleased Allah greatly☪💦 10+ back: JANAHﷲ!ﷲ!💕💕☪👅👅

        When your normie class doesn’t understand Reddit and memes

          I did an epic troll on my normie class

My class if full of NORMIES! So I trolled them

So we had a substitute teacher and he went to get something from the back room. I decided to pin a picture of small Keanu Reeves along with big Chungus on the wall. Everyone starts saying “Sit down fucking idiot.” I say “No u” along with “destruction 100.” I’m on the floor dying right now while the class cannot understand the funny reference. Then I see some girl next to me on her phone. So I decide to lean and see what she’s doing. Turns out, she’s an INSTANormie and I yell “FUCKING NORMIE (with Pepe angry face) REEEEEE. USE REDDIT YOU FUCKING TUMOR!” Everyone is uncultured and looks at me like a weirdo. The girl says “The fuck is wrong with you? I don’t care about your stupid opinions.” I reply by making a Joe Joe reference “DIE NORMIE! (Here comes Joe Joe reference) MUDA MUDA MUDA!” My class starts yelling at me calling me autistic because they don’t know memes. The sub comes back and sees Keanu Chungus and this happens.

Sub: Who did this

Me: Oh I think it was Joe

Sub: What?

Me: JOE Mama

I start Rolf (rolling on the floor laughing) and Xding (XD is an emoticon for laughing, better than cancer emojis FYI.) My sub gives the entire class lunch detention and everyone is mad at me but at least it was epic lol. Just wish people were more cultured in Reddit.

I’d like to remind everyone that after school everyone was talking shit abt me. So I stood in front of them on the planter T posing going “mmmmmmmmmmm” and “DOOT DOOT.” Fucking everyone calls me a weirdo. I see a group of kids on their phones, so I walked and they were playing Fortnite like faggots (term by 4chan). So I call them a bunch of autists and how Minecraft is better. They walked away like a bunch fucking noons. People STARE at me when I tap them saying “CREEPER....” It’s a Minecraft parody that’s not that bad musically but they’re supposed to respond with “Aww man.” But nobody ever does.

          Ooo wee

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            Card

            The runner

              🏃‍♂️ I AM THE RUNNER. I SEE YOU WALKING ON THE SIDEWALK. BUT I WILL NOT DISTANCE MYSELF. I RUN STRAIGHT BY. YOUR GERMS ARE TOO SLOW FOR ME. MY AIRPODS GRANT ME INVULNERABILITY. I AM THE PINNACLE OF HEALTH, A PERFECT BODY AND MIND. I WILL NOT CATCH A VIRUS, FOR NOTHING CAN CATCH ME.