Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
I've tried to ward my house to the best of my abilities: apples near each door and window, apple-scented candles, maintaining a constant supply of apples and apple products in my kitchen. Nothing works. The doctors... they are relentless. They're clever, systematically searching for a breach in my defenses. When I close my eyes, I can feel their icy stethoscopes.
I just ate my first apple today, but it is all in vain. The ache in my knees from their mallets warns me they are drawing near. I took an apple from my kitchen to carry with me around the house. I sat down on my couch, only to hear the crinkle of wax paper beneath me. I caught a glimpse of a white coat outside my window. I wanted to believe it wasn't real, but my worst fears were realized when I heard the murmur of "What seems to be the problem here, today?"
They're here.
I got VIP tickets at a Dababy concert and was invited backstage. After talking with him about his leaked dick pics and how his music helped me realize I was sexually attracted to men, I asked him if he could just turn white so his fans could relate to him more. He just smiled and said it was no problem, and before my eyes the melanin in DaBaby literally started falling out of his skin right in front of me while he was laughing like a maniac. Pretty cool guy tbh.
Despite being one man, the developer of this game really knows what his fans want. On Friday, I had burned my hand with flaming oil and stayed eight straight hours in a neglectful "healthcare" facility that took eight hours to bandage my recently singed flesh. This left me with very limited use of my left hand, thus rendering me unable to play most games as they tend to require two hands. This hero of a developer kept his clientele in mind, and made it so this game could easily be played with one hand. I can tell just by that design choice that this is an upstanding Christian man who had developed a wholesome Christian game. Obviously this game was designed for people with limited mobility such as myself, as I cannot think of any other reason why this game should be played with one hand. These design choices lead me to believe that there is still hope left for humanity, 10/10.
You have been bonked, "go to horny jail" is the last thing you hear before your vision fades to black.
You are woken to find your self in a prison cell, you look around and find all the other cells are full of other victims of the bonk. You sit down in your cell, you almost forget about being horny in the first place. You reach the back of your head and look at your hand to find it covered in blood. "Damn, you were bonked pretty hard. My names Doge, I can help you get out it of this hell but you need to help me first."
You slowly nod and try to ignore the pain.
"When I was taken to Horny jail they took any sharp objects to make sure we cant escape, get me a plastic spoon from the cafeteria and bring it to me" says Doge.
A few hours later the cell doors open, and you are escorted to the cafeteria with 200 other prisoners. You grab an extra spoon and return to your cell.
Doge takes the spoon and starts hitting it against his wall, eventually breaking off a chunk of it. He sharpens the brick until it is sharp enough to seriously hurt someone.
Later that night, after the guards tell everyone to get to bed he hands you your own sharp brick. At about 2 in the morning he starts cutting the bars off his cell until he can fit through. You see Doge sneak up to a guard and knock him out, taking all his equipment with him.
He unlocks your cell and leads you to a weak area in the wall where he knocks a hole through the brick. You and doge run across the field until you reach the fence keeping you in the prison. Luckily Doge has already dug a hole underneath the fence.
Once you escape the prison with Doge you hear shouting and lights start bouncing off walls towards your direction. Until one hits you and illuminates your position, you barely avoid the gun fire from the guards until you are finally shot and collapse on the ground, your vision fading to black.
You are awoken to the sound of a carriage and the smells of a forest.
"Hey you, you're finally awake"
My 14 year old will not stop playing Fortnite at any given chance. He doesn't want to go to bed, he doesn't want to do his homework, etc.
I picked him up from school the other day and decided to have fun with it. I pulled up in the van, got out, and stood by the passenger door as the school was letting out. The second I saw him come out the door, I yell "HEY JACOB!!" which gets the attention of like 300 kids filing out of the school. I immediately started doing that Fortnite "floss" dance (which I have seen him do), swung it 5 or 6 times, then finished with an epic dab. The crowd responded with a WHOOOOOOAAAAAA and tons of laughter. I then bowed and opened the passenger door like a chauffeur.
When he got in, I said "Man, I tried that Fortnite thing you play and I can see why you like it so much!"
He seems to have played a lot less lately.
When I was in 3rd grade, I was obsessed with the sound that comes from slapping my dick side to side. Basically, you have to rapidly twist your torso back and forth, propelling the penis to and fro, creating that slapping effect (you have to be buck naked). I even once thought of forming a dick-slapping gang; whenever we beat up somebody, we would throw him on the ground, surround him, strip naked, and torment him with our dick slapping noises. That sound is so perfect and crisp that I also thought of using it as a means of communication. Please don’t make fun of me for this because I was young and it was a long time ago. Thank
