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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


Found on r/pokimane

    I admire her bravery so much. I dont have children but every day i practice talking to my future daughters across the table and telling them about how great Pokimane is. I tell them "sweety, you're a pokimane". I literally turned her name into a word that describes beauty, bravery, and poise.

I practice driving my future daughters to school and play highlights of pokimanes best laughs over the years. Sometimes we even have to pull over because we start crying from how much we love her. I hold my imaginary daughters and i howl. i howl and cry and rage into the steering wheel about how special she is, and how the world just cant understand.

    Imagine Kim yo-jong

      Imagine her just grabbing you by the skull with her vice strength hands and just throwing your naked body onto the bed

"You are my toy now"

She sits on you and plays with your trembling penis

"If this comes before I do, you die" and she laughs

And she plays with it more and more and you desperately hold the coom in and she finds it funny

Then she just sits right on top of you and grinds while looking you right in the eyes mockingly, and your balls are screaming "LET THEM OUT! LET THEM OUT"

And she just laughs as she grinds harder, and harder till she's battering your cock as if it was a piston in a deep underground boring machine and she groans "MORE MORE, MORE" and every fibre of your being wants to erupt in coom but you can't, she isn't satisfied yet and she's hipthrusting away with enough force to break Hephaestus's anvil

Finally she orgasms, and she smiles contentedly

"You may now come" and you just erupt, all that built up energy bursts inside of her and she gently caresses the side of your face with a loving touch, but then

"That was reasonable, but next time, I expect to be overwhelmed" and you're afraid, you're scared, that was all you had and it was barely enough for her, you know, next time, you must be stronger, you must be more manly, perhaps you will become her favourite

And she walks off, vagely amused, and returns to ruling, with her iron hands

      I’ve jerked off to the vampire girl from hotel Transylvania a total of 214 times.

        I’ve jerked off to the vampire girl from hotel Transylvania a total of 214 times. All I want in life is to penetrate her pale virgin vampire pussy with my 5.6 inch horse schlong and impregnate her while my dad watches and cheers me on. God just the thought of her sucking the smegma from my foreskin makes me cum my pants. I would literally kill myself tomorrow just to suck a single one of her toes today, why can’t she just fucking be real fuuuuuck

        My teacher caught me jerking off to my crush in zoom class

          Fuck fuck fuck I can't believe it! Alright so today we're having class and my crush was looking like a straight-up snack as usual. No one could see me from the waist down so I stared at her and started to jerk off. I was yanking it, I was cranking it the teacher's words were going in one ear and right out the other. Then my crush got up to get a cola out of her mini-fridge, her fast ass was on display for everyone to see. I came so hard that it shot out of my dick like a surface-to-air missile! My thick sticky cum covered my Kill-La-Kill shirt, the whole class was staring. I knew they knew but I had to clean myself up. I thought I had covered the camera when I got up but the whole class saw my semi-hard dick in all its four inches of glory. The teacher kicked me from the class and pmd me to let me know that I had been suspended indefinitely. Does anyone know if I can sue the school for discrimination?

          I worked in the Coronavirus factory. This is my story, AMA

            My name is Lewis, and I was an employee at the Coronavirus factory run by Big Chungus. My boss, Reanu Keeves, (Keanu Reeves(wholesome man)‘s evil brother) comes up to me and he says to me

“Lewis, the time has come. It is time to make the Coronavirus in this Coronavirus factory. I am Reanu Keeves, Keanu Reeves’s evil brother.”

So I says to him

“Ok Reanu Keeves’s Keanu Reeves’s evil brother, I will do that because you asked me too. But will you give me money?

“no” said Reanu Keeves, Keanu Reeve’s evil brother.

“Ok” says Lewis (me)

So I do my work and go home. On the way back, Karl Marx and Max Stirner come up to me and they’re like

“Hey there little boy, do u work at Big Chungus Coronavirus Factory”

So I say “Why yes, Karx Marx from communist manifesto and Max Stirner from popular anime “The Ego And It’s Own”, I, Lewis, the author, do in fact work at Big Chungus’s Coronavirus factory”

And the old men are like “tomorrow at work can you break into Big Chungus (meme of fat bugs bunny)‘s office, and steal the secret papers about the factory?”

And I’m like “no i cant do that stealing is wrong and i am get fired. But I will do it if you give me a money.”

“Ok” says old guys

So I go home, and see my hot girl freind who is totally real and has big boobs.

“hey babe how was work?” She asks

“Shut the fuck up bitch” I say

We have super hot sex for the next three days, and then I go back to work at Big Chungus Coronavirus Factory.

“YOUR’RE LAIT!” Screams Keanu Reeves evil brother

“Fuck u” I say, and then I pull out a glock 19 and blow his fucking head off. I put is body in the Coronavirus machine. Then I sneek up to fat bugs bunny meme’s office, and break in. It’s really dark so I turn on light, and take the secret papers. Suddenly, the wooden thing that u open to get into room (i forget name) opens up, and in walks Big Chungus. He say

“WAT ARE U DO HERE??!! IM CALL THE POLICE

“No sir please don’t I’m so sorry I’m begging you please.” I say

He says “2 BaD!” and calls the police. The police show up and they say

“WE ARE PLOLICE!! U UNDER AREWST!!!”

But then they see a black man walking a dog and go to shoot him. While they distracted, I run away, but then I get attacked by a DRACULA!! He’s like

“Aaahhh I’m a Dracula I drink blood aaaahhhh”

“No sir please don’t I’m so sorry I’m begging you please.” I say

“No” it says

Then I pull out an onion, and throw it at him.

“Aaahhh I’m allergic to onions!!! Ahhhh” then the Dracula turns back into a frog.

Suddenly, big Chungus appears behind me and he’s like “I got you know” and the police come back and point their guns at me. I cry.

“Hand over the pappers.” Big Chungus (fat bugs bunny) says to me.

“no” I say, and then I pull out a can of black paint, and throw it on fat rabbit.

“Ahhh now i am covered in black paint that really sucks.” He says

Then the police say “everyone look! It’s another black persons!” And they shoot Big Chungus. I run away, and give the papers to Max Stirner and Karl Marx

They say “thank you so much loois, thanks to you, we can expose Big Chungus and cure the Cornucopiavirus. U r a her0.”

“ok” I say.

Then I go back home and go have more hot sex with my gilr frieeng

            When your normie class doesn’t understand Reddit and memes

              I did an epic troll on my normie class

My class if full of NORMIES! So I trolled them

So we had a substitute teacher and he went to get something from the back room. I decided to pin a picture of small Keanu Reeves along with big Chungus on the wall. Everyone starts saying “Sit down fucking idiot.” I say “No u” along with “destruction 100.” I’m on the floor dying right now while the class cannot understand the funny reference. Then I see some girl next to me on her phone. So I decide to lean and see what she’s doing. Turns out, she’s an INSTANormie and I yell “FUCKING NORMIE (with Pepe angry face) REEEEEE. USE REDDIT YOU FUCKING TUMOR!” Everyone is uncultured and looks at me like a weirdo. The girl says “The fuck is wrong with you? I don’t care about your stupid opinions.” I reply by making a Joe Joe reference “DIE NORMIE! (Here comes Joe Joe reference) MUDA MUDA MUDA!” My class starts yelling at me calling me autistic because they don’t know memes. The sub comes back and sees Keanu Chungus and this happens.

Sub: Who did this

Me: Oh I think it was Joe

Sub: What?

Me: JOE Mama

I start Rolf (rolling on the floor laughing) and Xding (XD is an emoticon for laughing, better than cancer emojis FYI.) My sub gives the entire class lunch detention and everyone is mad at me but at least it was epic lol. Just wish people were more cultured in Reddit.

I’d like to remind everyone that after school everyone was talking shit abt me. So I stood in front of them on the planter T posing going “mmmmmmmmmmm” and “DOOT DOOT.” Fucking everyone calls me a weirdo. I see a group of kids on their phones, so I walked and they were playing Fortnite like faggots (term by 4chan). So I call them a bunch of autists and how Minecraft is better. They walked away like a bunch fucking noons. People STARE at me when I tap them saying “CREEPER....” It’s a Minecraft parody that’s not that bad musically but they’re supposed to respond with “Aww man.” But nobody ever does.