Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
Part I
I was born into a family of non-yeeters. Every morning before I went to school my father would say, "if I ever find out that you've hit that yeet, I'll thump ya."
"Yes, pa," I would always reply. It was a regular occurrence for him to burst into my room unannounced while I was relaxing or doing homework.
"Y'all hitting that yeet?" he would seeth.
"No, pa," I would answer.
"Good." He would then walk out the room and shout, "If I ever catch ya, it's a thumpin'."
It was a difficult upbringing. I had seen my friends hittin' that yeet at school, and many of them encouraged me to partake.
I would swallow my pride. "No thanks. I don't wanna catch a thumpin' from pa." As a result, I was an outcast. A loner. I became depressed, knowing that I would never be like my peers, I would never fit in - I would never hit that yeet.
One day, when I was still but a wee lad, I became curious. I was in my room, watching Instagram videos of fellas my age hittin' that yeet all over town without a care in the world. My intentions got the better of me. I stood up, my knees trembling. Carefully, I leaned onto my right foot and raised my hand in the air.
I breathed in.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!"
My father burst from my closet. "I told you I'd thump ya if I ever caught you hittin' that yeet, nibba," he ejaculated. Then, he thumped me.
I haven't hit that yeet since.
PART II
Until today. This morning was my father's funeral. At the procession, my brother asked me to say a few words. I told him I only needed one.
With confidence, I approached the podium. I gazed out upon the gathering of sad faces. I cleared my throat and leaned into the microphone.
"Yeet," I spake.
Suddenly, my father leapt from his hand-crafted mahogany coffin, the gunshot wound still in his chest. He sprinted up to the podium with the energy of a man without a gunshot wound in his chest.
"Y'all hittin' that dirty fuckin' yeet at my funeral?" he ejaculated. He raised his hand to thump me.
"Not so fast, pa." I grabbed his hand. "Yaint thumpin' no mo'."
My father looked at me with eyes as open as the gunshot wound in his chest. A tear fell from his right eye, which also had a monocle. "The student becomes the teacher," he said.
"The student becomes the yeetcher," I corrected him.
You read the title, I just cannot believe I said the “g” word on accident. Am I even an atheist anymore? I don’t like religion or anything but like maybe it infiltrated me and is manipulating me to say “oh my g*d” instead of “oh my science”. Please guys it wasn’t me, I didn’t mean it. I’m very disappointed in myself, I think I need to go to science camp or go to therapy. What if I’m secretly religious? what should I do? Is my foreskin going to fall off?? Please can someone give me advice, any advice is appreciated.
Best regards,
-an atheist(?)
My female friend was crying about how fat she was and I was trying to comfort her by telling her that she didn’t look that fat but she kept accusing me of lying to make her feel bad so I thought that saying “maybe your just a heckin chonker” would cheer her up and lighten the mood but she just looked at me and left. I hope she realised that I was only being nice and that she is being irrational.
I keep having sex in my lucid dreams. Like, the moment I figure out I'm conscious and I can do anything, I just conjure up different women I've seen in my life and I have sex with them. When I finish, it feels amazing, it really felt like I came. Infinite cum. I'd fly back to my college, and see my class crush there and fucked the shit out of her. I'd fly to my secondary school and fuck this hot teacher that I keep undressing with my eyes while she taught me. I'd fly everywhere, every crush, every location, and even any girl I see in the streets in that lucid dream I'd fuck her and cum inside her. However, when I wake up, I don't have any stains or whatsoever so It's like I have infinite cum and I don't know if that's good because I wanna do fun stuff like webswinging like spiderman or conjure up a mecha and fight a kaiju but I keep nutting and conjuring hot babes and fucking em straight off the bat. I can't stay away from nutting lucid ectoplasm while conjuring big juicy titties bouncing on my face. The worst part is that I could make it even better for myself. I can make the tiddies bigger, pussy tighter and I can just demand for them to do stuff because it's my dream and so it all just works out for me instinctively but objectively I can't do the things I wanna do as aforementioned because I'm just too busy nutting myself to death everytime I count 6 fingers on each hand.
Quibi is shutting down. What’s the fuckin point anymore? Now what am I supposed to do when I go to a restaurant and they tell me my table won’t be ready for another eight minutes? How am I supposed to pass those eight minutes using a cell phone and internet connection without quibi exclusive content only available on quibi? Where else can i get “quick bites” of content streaming directly to my mobile phone for viewing on the go?
As if 2020 wasn’t bad enough now I can’t watch any more murder house flip, the show where they renovate houses where human beings have lost their lives at the hands of their loved ones and sell those houses to rich cosmopolitan couples looking to move out of the city?
What’s the point
I for one am not “content” with the current state of the “content”
so, since porn is really hot and seemingly irresistible, i figured out a psychological treatment procedure that basically allows you to pleasure yourself without porn.
i could maybe use something called classical conditioning. here's an example:
when a dog is offered food, it starts to salivate. when it hears a bell before conditioning, it won't react. during conditioning, the dog will hear the bell and be offered food afterwards, so it will asociate the sound of the bell with the coming of food. after the conditioning, the dog will salivate when it hears a bell even if there is no food offered. that is classical conditioning.
i think it is possible for a sound to be associated with sexual arousal so that it produces an erection when heard. so here's my procedure: i produce an audio file containing a sound you wouldn't hear in natural circumstances, and play that on loop while i look at porn and jerk off. if my theory is correct, i will eventually get hard to just hearing that audio file and i'd be able to jerk off to it.
tl;dr: it could be possible to substitute a sound for porn so you wouldn't need to depend on porn to jerk off anymore.
note that this hypothesis is crude and faulty and will require many revisions as i test out my theory. ok bye.