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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


Yesterday I saw a white, windowless van

    this story was a wild ride
    Yesterday I saw a white, windowless van saying "free candy" in spray paint. I love candy, especially free, so naturally I walk over to the van and knock on the window. The man came out and he looked quite old and strange, and he also smelt a bit like fish and sewage. But who am I to judge if I'm getting free candy right? He opened the back door and told me to come inside. Inside it was dark and it smelt like the bathroom after my dad's daily alone time. I felt the man touch my legs and feet when all of a sudden the lights turned on. I could see him crouched over next to me at a light switch and to my amazement there was the most candy I have ever seen in my life. The man smiled to reveal black and missing teeth, probably from the sugar in all of the candy. He told me to take as much as I want. After eating as much as my stomach could hold, I went home with my pockets filled with the candy. When i got home, my dad asked where have I been all this time so i told him the story. He then took me to my room and proceeded to fuck me in the ass

    My brothers shit saved me from losing NNN

      you're lucky I didn't pick a more accurate picture
      I go to the bathroom while me phone in my hand opened on pornhub, planing to beat my meat, so i open the bathroom looking at my phone and i go to the toilet and i see my brothers shit in the toilet unflushed and so i try to flush it while looking away and my phone falls into the toilet. I looked at my phone while it was open on pornhub and full of shit (literlly) i grabbed the tip of my phone and took it out, i washed it sanitized it the phone is okay but now everytime i open pornhub i think about my brother's shit.

. . . . . . . . .

And that's how I started jerking to hentai

      “Communism rules!”

        a rare glimpse of a redditor spotted irl 
        "Communism rules!" he posts on Reddit on his $2000 MacBook Pro while playing Clash of Clans on a $1000 iPhone, stopping only to drink an $8 Frappelini Mochano Machiatto at Starbucks which provides free Wi-Fi utilizing privately-owned infrastructure at their own expense. A drip of coffee spills onto their $500 Ambercrombie and Fitch exclusive clothing. The Redditor is triggered; the pain of this PTSD-afflicting incident can only be resolved by downvoting every post on T_D and CringeAnarchy. Now calmed down, the Redditor makes a quick stop to the local hospital. He orders his 2 inch dick lopped off. For $10000, he is now the girl he always wanted to be. Thankfully, she had insurance due to Obamacare, so it wasn't her money that was spent. Later it goes to the bank. "I'd like a $20000 student loan." All of it goes to Bernie's campaign. Match them.

        Please Help: My Son Hates Being Homeschooled?

          Its now Fury Hour
          Yesterday. during our scheduled Furry Hour, my 7 year old refused to to be cooperative right from the start. Eventually he threw a tantrum, telling me "I don't want to learn about furries anymore. This is stupid. I wish I could go to regular school like all the other kids."

Needless to say, I was devastated. I tried to tell him that the reason I homeschool him is because the public school system does not respect our beliefs and practices. I reminded him of the time his first grade teacher called child services because I barked at her during our parent-teacher conference. He didn't want to hear any of it though, so I just left him alone to do a Math worksheet.

I haven't talked to him today yet, and I'm trying not to be upset at him, but it's so hard. Please, have of your children gone through this phase with homeschooling, and if so how did you handle it?

          I’m Harambe and this is my zoo enclosure.

            Harambe died for our sins
            I'm Harambe, and this is my zoo enclosure. I work here with my zoo keeper and my friend, cecil the lion. Everything in here has a story and a price. One thing I've learned after 21 years - you never know WHO is gonna come over that fence.

            I found a dildo in my mom’s closet

              WHY YOU CUTTING PEOPLE PETERWHACKERS
              I found a dildo in my mom's closet when I was 7 😔😔 shit was scary .. 'cause I thought it was a real, I ain't know 😢 I thought it was a real nigga dick in the closet 😢 and I wasn't out searchin' 👀 for dicks 👷 the dick found me 😩 I was in the closet lookin' for snacks 😢 I saw a penis 😔 shit was huge 😔 .. and I was scared boy 😰 I ain't know what to do 😢 . . . so I took it and put it in my shoe box and waited for my dad to come home from work 😐😐 I had to tell somebody 😐 you don't just FIND dicks everyday in the closet 😢😢 and I didn't just put it in the shoebox and walk away .. no 😐 it was too risky 😐 . . . I carried that muhfucka with me everywhere I went like luggage 😢 .. my brother said "... What's in the box reo--" "NOT DICK 😩" 😐😐 And I think that sorta gave it away 😐 but I ain't know no better 😐 I was 7 😢 .. I'm in the bathroom takin shits next to the dick 😐😐 eatin' cereal with the muhfucka 😐😐 I asked the dick if it was hungry 😐😐 . . . Then finally my dad comes home 😐😐 I said "Dad follow me 😐" .. I went in the garage 😐😐 I put the box on the table 😐😐 I said "Dad there's a peterwhacker in the package 😐" . . . He said "What?" "THERE'S A DICK IN THE BOX DAD I DON'T KNOW HOW IT GOT THERE 😩" .. my dad opened the box, he said "What the fuck? Romeo where you find this at!" I said "I don't know dad 😐 it was in the box with the shoes you got me 😐" he said "Romeo . . . Where 😐😐 did you get 😐😐 the peterwhacker 😐😐" .. "It was in mom's closet dad ! I was lookin' for snacks 😩" .. I snitched 😢 Now I'm thinkin' my mom goin' to jail for cuttin' a nigga dick off and puttin' it in the closet 😢

So me and my dad in the living room .. my dad standing up, waitin' for my mom to come home with the dick behind his back 😐😐😐 like this was normal 😐 I said "Dad I don't think you should hold it like that 😐" he said "SHUDDUP Romeo" 😐😐 My mom unlock the door, my dad throw it at her 🍆😲 it hit her lip 😲 .. he said "WTF IS THAT TASHA !" .. my mom had groceries in her hand too 😐 she said "What" he said "THE BIG ASS DICK ROMEO FOUND IN YO CLOSET ! HE PUT IN HIS SHOEBOX" 😲😲😲😲 oooh you snitchin' ass muhfucka 😲😲 I trusted you 😲😲 you bald 😲😲 pecan head muhfucka 😲😲 my mom looked right at me 😐 .. "WTF YOU DOING IN MY CLOSET ROMEO!" .. 😐😐 I said "WHY YOU CUTTING PEOPLE PETERWHACKERS 🍆 OFF MOM" .. son , when I tell you she beat my ass with that peterwhacker boy 😢 like I ain't even do nothin' 😢 I was so mad 😢 I went in my room and called the cops 😐 I said "Hello 😐 yeah my mom got somebody dick her closet 😐" .. I snitched 😐 I had to 😐 she beat my ass with a dick, what was I supposed to do 😢