Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.

I caught my brother jacking off to FNaF

Help! Mangle is making me feel weird inside

I came home from work the other day and heard a rocking sound coming from upstairs. I shouted, "Hello, hello hello?" from the bottom of the stairs but no one responded. So, I decided to my brother's door after knocking and, it turns out, my brother couldn't hear me because he was wearing headphones. That is when I looked down and noticed he was masturbating to fucking mangle from FNaF 2.

I don't fucking get it, why fucking mangle? Out of all the animatronics in that shithole would you chose mangle. Why not Chica - the animatronic literally has tits - why would you chose a fucking ripped up, scrap to masturbate to - it is literally called "mangle" i.e. to be mangled.

The worst part about it is that my brother is only fourteen, but already has a larger cock than my boyfriend (my brother looks about 8.5/8.6 inches, my boyfriend is only 6.9/7 inches) and so now I can't help but fantasise about my brother.

I hate my life.


Edit: You all wanted the link to my brother's porn - here you go: https://www.luscious.net/albums/mangle-fnaf_350166/

Destroyed someone in an argument

This is satire for sure, but on r/atheism you never know.

Destroyed someone in an argument

We were in a zoom and I noticed someone with a cross on their necklace. I told him "take that off you're just supporting an imaginary man" and lmao he couldn't even come up with a good argument he just responded "You don't believe him and I respect that but I do believe in him" I just replied with "I don't believe in him because I do not bother myself with such dumb things". I almost revealed my true intelligence and absolutely destroy him but the teacher kicked me out because she's a snowflake too.

I came out as Dreamgender to my class today

Dream is an American YouTuber known primarily for Minecraft content and speedrun videos.

I woke up in the morning at 7am and immediately went to wake up my parents. I explained to them how I'm dreamgender and dreamsexual but they didnt even know who dream is, boomers. I had to explain to them its a sexy minecraft youtuber and how Im connected to him emotionally and sexually. They didnt get mad at all (yay!) they just stared at me with a blank expression. I think theyre proud of me but just dont know what to think of it yet since it came as such as shock to them. I tried to show them a video of dream but they werent really interested and told me to go to school.

in school the first class was english so I told the teacher that I had an important announcement that I would like to tell to the entire class. Yesterday I prepared a short powerpoint presentation on dreamgenders and dreamsexuals to make them better understand. I explained how dream is really hot and how I feel a deep connection to dream and how he is my soulmate and my identity. The teacher was so amazed I guess she didnt know what to say haha she looked like she was smiling.

When I finished explaining why dream is hot and awesome, I started clapping expecting everyone else to do the same, but they didnt. My best friend didnt clap either which was really weird but maybe he was also surprised since I hadnt told him either. my teacher ended up being the only one clapping, so Im really thankful to her. I thought they didnt get it so I tried to explain in simpler terms that I love dream and how I am dream.

Some girls were giggling the entire time so I called them out on it saying they shouldnt be laughing when I have prepared for this moment for so long. Then they started saying really dreamphobic things like saying its stupid and makes no sense. I explained to them why its homophobic and close minded but they didnt listen. Then some guy called me a stupid fucking nerd which made my blood boil. I challenged him to a duel in minecraft which he didnt even respond to and his friends were just laughing. Everyone else was silent I thought that they secretly supported me but just didnt want to face the same oppression dreamgenders and dreamsexuals have to face every day.

Then the teacher told me to get back to my seat and started the lesson like nothing happened. I told her I wanted to show the class a compilation of minecraft manhunt best moments but she didnt let me do it. After the class a bunch of my classmates came to me and asked if I was joking or what and I tried to explain it to them but they were just making fun of me and saying Im weird and a creep. it was awful. I was bullied a bit before but now nobody wanted to talk to me the entire day even when I tried to show my ''friends'' (not friends anymore, theyre nazis apparently) some dream videos and discussed minecraft speedrunning they didnt respond at all.

I've been crying the entire day because I cant believe the people I thought were cool were dreamphobes/racists/nazis as well. 😭😭😭😭😭 its honestly really crushing how people are still like this in 2021. now Im starting to realize I dont need those kinds of toxic people in my life and the only person I truly need is Dream. Dream is my boyfriend, my gender, my sexuality, my identity and my best friend all at once, why would I need anyone else?

TIFU by putting my foreskin in the PS5 disc drive.

Long story short i got a part of my foreskin ripped off. Not much but enough. Currently in the ER.

Now long story: I was bored and couldn’t find a game to play and i was naked. So i walked up to the PS5 and did a mini squat, stretched my foreskin till about 5cm and put it in the disc drive.

At first it started sucking the disc (dick haha) for a few seconds and then it stopped briefly. I stood there and looked into my tv with great shame for those few seconds. Then the console beeped once and proceeded to suck in the bottom of my foreskin and it had torn it off. A little piece but enough to start the bleeding.

Now i’m currently in the ER getting my foreskin fixed, the culprit PS5 is still at home and i haven’t pressed charges. Never really told the doctors the truth either.

TL;DR: i got a part of my foreskin ripped off by a rather aggressive playstation. Currently in the ER.

Ending my Christian friendship.

Ending my Christian friendship.

I’ve been friends with this guy we’ll call John since I was five and knew he was Christian since the 8th grade. When I found out I was shocked considering he is one of the smartest people I know, and the fact that he could fall for this kind of bullshit is surprising, but I managed to put that aside, until a few months ago.

We had been roommates for 2 and a half years up until that point and we split the rent. In January i caught covid and he prayed that I would be ok. I got so upset at the fact that he thought his pointless sitting on the ground and putting his hands together like he’s Tim Cook doing an apple presentation was going to do anything. After only two days of his nonsense I walked straight up to him and yelled at him to stop. He told me that it is what he believed and he thinks it would rush my recovery. I told him about how he should believe in science. He said he does but also thinks he is helping. After that I just stormed off into my room and started to feel our friendship falling apart.

I was able to get better (WITHOUT the help of his praying) but unfortunately came down with the flu from his Christian girlfriend (i thought sex was illegal until marriage, guess they’re all hypocrites) who pretended to be very apologetic about it. I sneeze really badly when I have the flu and nothing was different this time. John would keep saying “bLeSs YoU” every time I sneezed. When I asked him to stop he told me it’s a habit but he would try to stop. At this point I had had enough of his tomfoolery. I said for him to take three quarters of the rent or I’m leaving and cutting ties with him. He says he can’t pay to live anywhere else since he lost his job and his savings only cover a few more months at our place which is one of the cheapest places in the city to live in (maybe he should pray to have that fixed for him).

As it turns out I’m also eating into my savings too much now but I don’t care. I finally left that idiot who thinks he can be in med school and still be Christian. It’s been a few months now and I think I made the right decision. I’m so glad I got out of that toxic relationship. I’m sure I’m not the only one suffering so I encourage anyone and everyone to do the same. Dm me if you need help.

TL;DR: Don’t have religious friends

Am I gay?

Its a bit homophobic to not trust your gay boyfriend tbh. smh

Recently, I’ve been wondering if I might be a gay. It all started a week ago. I was sitting on the toilet, pooping, when all of a sudden, a big shit turd comes out of my ass. It was huge. Big big. It’s so fucking big, I gotta look down into the toilet to check for blood. No blood, but the turd is fucking massive. I notice something strange about it. The end of the turd, sticking out of the water, looks like a dick head. A penis head. Needless to say, I was concerned. How could this be? I picked it up from the water, and put it back up my ass. To my surprise, it felt good. I then shit it back into the water. Splash. I then repeated this a few more times, moaning out “Oscar Winning actor Anthony Hopkins” each time. I am not sure if I am now gay. My boyfriend says it’s completely normal, but he’s gay, so I can’t trust him.

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