Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
Today being Halloween, I decided to fuck with the major retard at school when I came out of science for break. He was dressed as Ash. Knowing this was going to happen, I brought a Mudkip doll. Thus I started the conversation, making sure no one saw me.
"So I heard you like Mudkips..."
"MUDKIPS? I LUUUUUUUUUUUUVE MUDKIPS."
"O RLY? So, would you ever fuck a Mudkips, that is.." (he cuts me off before I could said 'if you were a mudkips')
"OF COURSE."
"Well I just happen to have a Mudkips here, and..."
Before I finished the sentence, which would have resulted in me hitting him across the face with the doll, he grabbed it. In one swift motion his pants were down and he was violently humping it. Not to get between a man and his Mudkips I started to walk away, because there is no way I'd be caught wrestling a half-naked crazy guy humping a Mudkips.
Needless to say, within 5 to 10 seconds, some girls saw him and started screaming. I cooly walked into a restroom, pretending nothing had ever happened; not that I had intended that outcome, but now that it was in play I didn't want to be involved.
I came back out two minutes later, and like any wanton act on school grounds there was now a huge crowd around him. He was still fucking it and baying this real fucked up 'EEEEEEEEEEINNNNF EEEEEEEEEEINNNF' sound. Suddenly a scuffle broke out in the middle, meaning he probably did something stupid.
I asked someone what had happened. A girlfriend of one of the football players tried to get him to stop, but he bit her for trying to take it away. Someone called in a few football players (all dressed up like Road Warrior) who proceeded to pummel the shit out of the guy. Meanwhile the school police were freaking out and having trouble getting in to the situation.
A few minutes later the intruder alarm went off and we were all shuffled into classrooms. Over the intercom the principal announced that someone had thrown a flaming plush toy into the library. Uh.. what the hell.
So we were kept there and about 30 minutes later the principal came on again. This time he was saying that whoever was behind the beating should turn themselves in. All of a sudden this woman began yelling, "I WILL SUE YOU FOR DAMAGES. YOU LITTLE PUNKS, I'M GONNA SUE..." and it was cut off.
I asked an office later what had happened. Apparently his mother had come to pick him up and threatened to sue for the beating and 'whatever else happened.' The school threatened to counter-sue because of lewd conduct, inciting a riot, and starting a fight.
So I ask you: do u liek Mudkipz?
Every time I boot this "cock and ball torture simulator disguised as a game" up I age 60-70 years. I swear my eyes start seeing 144p or something once I make the tragic mistake of subjecting myself to the emotional assfucking that is Tarkov. I just went on a raid on woods to try and pitter patter over to daddy Prapor's circus parade float ambush or something? Idk I didn't read the task message. Only a bunch of clowns would get ambushed like that. Anyway I barely take 2 steps and an even older geriatric man fell asleep on his keyboard, and waddles Infront of me. Ezclap. Take 2 more steps and hear WW3 starting near the USEC camp....right where I need to go. Nades and 60 round magazines are a flyin. I think I heard an AC-130 at some point. So I thinks to myself, I'll just post up on this here rock and observe for a while then move in. I sat on that rock for 4 minutes just chilling. Don't see a single thing move, although I wouldn't be surprised if every pmc and player scav on the map walked into my view and I just didn't see them. After 4 minutes, the bush next to me one taps me with 995. First off, dude I have a PACA and dick helmet, overkill much? And second, this dude sat there, staring at me, for 4 minutes, wondering how the fuck I manged to wander out of hospice and get a gaming PC setup to just to support Nikita's juice addiction. Poor guy probably felt like he was executing their braindead grandpa or something.
Took a break for a while, came back and did a run with just an m9 and a single backup magazine, stuffed 3000 rupes into my butt to pay for extract and did a night raid. Booked it from spawn right towards the USEC camp aka gravity well, it seems every pmc spawning on that side of the map is instantly pulled into it. On my way, deadass run straight into two thicc boys. Like I was spooning one of them for a second, I got soaked from the sweat pouring off these guys. I have no idea how I didn't hear or see them until I was nut to butt with what I can only imagine are two TTVs who have been grinding this game everyday since wipe for their 0 viewers. I immediately shit myself, not that uncommon for a 90 year old tbh, and start weaving through bushes while reciting prayers from the Bible, Quran, even threw in some dank nasheeds for a second, I guess it worked because I didn't get hit once. I think they spent the entire GDP of Ethiopia worth of ammunition shooting at me. And of course I am fast as fuck boi with no gear, Chad thundercock and his butt buddy can't keep up, I take a long path and make it to the camp and ambush site with 10 minutes left, scoot over to the Uber driver and get my ass back to this shit hole of a barely upgraded hideout. Seriously I only need one more relay to build the ezbake oven so I can cook up some lunchboxes for that fatass Jager but I can't find it, I think they don't really exist and are a conspiracy Nikita made to keep us playing.
I think my grandkids are coming to see me today so that's nice, their dad said if I start ranting about "RMT hackers and Streets of Tarkov release date" they are putting me back in the old people's home.
Sitting in his bedroom of his parents white suburban home, "The US is a 3rd world country" he typed on a computer his parents bought, the comment sent using the internet his parents pay for while his mom was cooking him chicken tendies.
his mom walks in, disgusted
“Gerald please, you’re 26 years old. When are you going to find a job, or a girlfriend, or anyone to talk to that isn’t online?”
“shut up mom im starting a political revolution!!!” he cries out.
Story time 🕛🕛 sisters 💁♀️💁♀️so basically I was in class listening to billie eilish ❤️❤️and my headphones got unplugged 😩😩 and it played bad guy out loud 🔊🔊so anyway it was playing out loud and all the girls 👭 👭 were completely vibing to it💏💏 and they were like slayyyyy🔪🔪sisterrr☠️☠️and i was gonna say something back when a boy🤮🤮approached me and said🗣️🗣️ "uh billie eilish is so cringe why don't you listed to xxtentacion?" 🧐🧐 and i was SHOOK 😳😳and completely flipped the F OUT 🤬🤬 i said "you dumb ignorant MALE billie liter ally saved my life 🙏🙏 i was cutting myself for my DEPRESSION since daddy didn't get me tickets to coachella👴👴 and a pentagram ⛧ formed on the ground and billie rose up from it🧖♀️🧖♀️ and she said "put your faith in allah for he is the most merciful 💣💣" and then she left and i was so inspired that i read the korean promised to slay every infidel in my path🧕🧕 until shariah law was implemented world wide" he then was like I won't allow a mujahid to spread the gentle message of mohamabamba and then summoned a djinn 🧞♂️🧞♂️ in the shape of jahsehs foreskin and he said he was the servant of shaytan👹👹well i wasn't going to let blasphemy😡😡go unpunished and chanted oh allah the most kind and beautiful please banish these heathens back to hell🔙🔙 and suddenly the heavens opened and we loooked and it was billie🤩🤩she said "i am allah and i was disguised as billie to give hope to all 14 year old girls"😜😜but then i felt an evil force rising😳😳it was xxxtentacion😲😲 he said "spotlight uh moonlight uh beat woman cos they have no rights uh"🤦♀️🤦♀️ and then allah and X fought and of course allah won 😉😉 and spread World peace ✌️✌️ so anyway that's the TEA sisters ☕☕stay tuned for my fenti beauty 💄💄 giveaway 🎉🎉and remember praise allah everyday🤗🤗
2:00 am- Wake up
2.05am-Cold shower
2.15am-breakfast,almonds, breast milk bought off Facebook, 50mg adderall
2:30am- begin workout,incline bench 2 plates,12x12 with 30 seconds of rest, no warmup.
2:45am-edging,4hrs (for disipline)
6:45am-cold shower
7:00am-begin sprint to work
8:00am-arrive at work
8:05am-get called into boss' office
8:06am-get fired from job for "repeated inappropriate comments" and "predatory behaviour"
8:10am-sprint back home
9:10am- lunch-raw cod, berries foraged on the way home, small pebbles (for digestion),50mg of adderal
9:10am-edging(as punishment)
3:00pm- bed time
So it was 2016 or so and I remember the NoFap hype was insane. I was an insanely happy 18 year old boy who had just gotten into the gym, eating healthy, and all that good stuff. It was also my freshmen year of college, and I had never seen so many hot girls in my life.
I had seen so many memes on Twitter and Reddit about people not jerking off during No Nut November and decided I was going to be one of the nut jobs who was actually about it, but I was going to go longer than just November.
3 Months later, I was depressed to find out that I was not able to levitate, I was not able to lift heavier, and my mood had not increased. In fact by this point I would get a full blown boner from my cock accidentally touching something or rubbing against something. I would go to stand up at school and my shlong would accidentally brush up against the desk and I would have to forcefully ground myself to not get a raging Bõner. I had become insanely irritable, aggressive, and felt like a ticking time bomb. I have been in therapy for years and it's sad to say I believe I have spent more time grounding myself to avoid getting a raging boner, compared to practicing grounding techniques to fight off panic attacks.
Anyway, we'll get to the good part.
I had an insane workout at the gym, there were a plethora of hot females there, and I knew the second I was changing in the locker room that I was going to explode. I had slid my shorts up to my waist and they brushed against my dick super badly this time. I had to practice deep breathing and waistband it before I walked out of the gym.
I sped home and immediately ran upstairs and shut my door. I enter pornhub.com and from there it was like the South Park episode where they lose internet and Randy Marsh jerks off to anything he sees.
I didn't even watch a video; I jerked off to the thumbnails of the videos because I couldn't sit there and wait for it to load. I came in literally around 20-30 seconds and it was bad.
I have learned to never try NoFap again. It was actually so intense I was overwhelmed by the feeling and was slightly anxious afterwards, fuck that shit!
