Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
i am a gay man and i accidentally masturbated to straight porn. i was browsing a gay porn site, so you know, i figured there wouldn't be any women in my gay porn. i found one video whose thumbnail looked promising so i clicked on it and it started mid-sex. the bottom was facedown into the bed in some black lace dress. that should have been a big warning sign, but i assumed it was some sissy fetish thing. not my cup of tea, but the top was hot and really going to town on her so i stuck around.
after the guy (and i) finished, the girl sat up and that's when i saw it... her tits. you should have seen my face. a visage of true terror. i just sat there in shock, contemplating what i had just done. when i broke free of my stupor, i whispered "no hetero" but i fear it wasn't enough
Throwaway account for obvious reasons. I'm gonna keep it short and sweet because I just came back from the hospital. Yesterday my friend John and I went to one of the clubs that recently opened up after the lock down. We were drinking and dancing and in general having a great time, considering it was just two lads at the club. Suddenly I notice a bag of pillies on the floor. The degenerate inside me gets almost an instant boner. So I pick the pills up and try to ascertain what they might be. I flip the pills to check for markings and in huge letters appeared the word "ROCHE". So I decided to google what they were, and lo and behold, I realized I had just stumbled upon some motherfucking roofies.
First I felt a little disgusted. Finding roofies on the floor of a club? Fuck this was almost 100% going to be used for something nefarious. Then, I felt a little relieved - this motherfucker just lost his rape pills thank fuck. Then, I felt a little excited - cuz they call me the boofmaster in my social circle (I hang out with other degenerates obviously) and I had never boofied a roofie.
So I immediately dip from the club. Tell John that I gotta get my boof on and he understood immediately. I go home and proceed to put an entire pill in my ass. Now, I have no idea how strong these were but holy shit. They knocked me on my ass almost immediately (no pun intended). I was quickly becoming incoherent so I decided to go to bed. Next thing I remember is waking up to three shadows above my head looking very concerned. One was my dad, the other two were nurses. I'm still in a pretty confused state of mind so I try to get up and see that what's happening. After I regain some coherence, I get updated on what has happened. Apparently my Dad came into my room late at night only to find me with my pants undone and drooling like a fucking mad man and my eyes rolled up. He freaked the fuck out and called the EMT on me. Everything is better now, but I still can't face my dad because he found the bag of pills and the EMT explained to him what they were, as well as the mode of ingestion. FUCK. Wish me luck boys, I have to go out for a family trip with him soon.
That's why when I was wrestling half my training regimen was spent strengthening my sphincter muscles. One of the better excercises was sticking a roll of quarters up my ass, then I would slowly and deliberately push it back out. I got so good at this the guys would hand me a dollar after practice, asking for change for the soda machine. The first time this was meant to be a joke but when my muscles became so refined that I could give the change to them one quarter at a time, the joke was on them.
The end result was that I became strong enough to lock-in my opponents finger(s) when he tried to check my oil, thereby incapacitating half of his mobility and strength. I can't tell you how many reversal points I scored off this, but it was worth at least two every match.
It's 30 years later and the ghosts of the cold war return. The toxic swamps of Florida become the battleground for the 2nd Vietnam War. The Government's only choice is to thaw out the man they put in Cryo-prison for a crime he didn't commit. Not only must he contend with the blood thirsty and dangerous Cyber-Cong, but also Mutated Backwoods Cannibal Hillbillies, Overgrown Gators and a Rogue US Military outfit lead by a man who he treated like his own son. This time War just got personal.
I know that this post seems completely ridiculous, and trust me when I say that I think the same. I'm at my wits end here.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year. I'm a casual gamer (I play just a few hours a week) while he's much more invested. He dropped out of college, and when he's not working at his part-time job, he's playing video games. This usually doesn't bother me, as he often invites me to play with him. He's a good boyfriend in every other way, and always manages to make time for me despite his gaming "addiction".
My boyfriend is about 50 pounds overweight, and I'm sure this can at least partially be chalked up to his lack of a healthy diet. He rarely eats anything actually healthy, and while the two of us have tried to go on a diet together, he quit after about a month in, and gained back the five pounds that he lost within two weeks. He very rarely drinks water, and usually prefers soda or Redbull. Needless to say, he's really unhealthy.
Recently, one of his online friends mentioned something called "gamer juice", and my boyfriend asked me to make it for him. All it consists of is water and food coloring, and I assumed that he was just memeing, so I figured "why not". I made him the water, and to my surprise, he actually drank it.
The next day, I tried to give him some actual water, and he completely refused to drink it. I feel like I should at least be trying to get him to drink some water, because it's incredibly unhealthy that he never drinks any, but I think it's totally ridiculous that I have to do this for him. It seems childish, and while I chalked the first few times up to a joke, it's pretty clear that he's serious about this. He doesn't want water; he wants gamer juice.
So, Reddit; what do I do here? Do I keep giving in to his gamer juice demands, or do I be honest about how insane this whole thing is? Help me!
I attended PragerU back in 2015 on a wrestling scholarship. That is until they shut down the wrestling program because the coaches kept banging all the kids. But hey that happens everywhere that's not just a PragerU thing. Unfortunately it also meant I was stuck taking normal classes and trying to keep my GPA up WITHOUT being a star athlete. And man those classes were so weird. My Civics teacher kept showing me cartoon frogs and complaining about freedom of speech anytime a student asked him to put his dick away. I took a film studies class but every week my libertarian teacher just played Fight Club and tried to explain why cryptocurrency is safer than the stock market. I still remember my first kiss in the quad of PragerU, right under the 80 foot tall statue of Jordan Peterson. One time I aced a test just by writing "I don't like big government" for every answer. My favorite memory has to be when we held a big anti-taxation rally that got so out of hand they had to call in the national guard, which did end the rally but only because the entire student body was also in the national guard. They say your college years are how you shape the rest of your life. After my time at PragerU, I'd have to say the rest of my life is shaped like Ronald Reagan's dangling, flaccid penis as he wanders the hall of the White House in confusion, talking to paintings and leaving a trail of piss wherever he goes until he can be wrangled back into his chair and forced to sign whatever bill puts more black people in prison. Thank you PragerU, and remember the "U" stands for Uruguay offshore accounts, so good luck following that money you bitch ass feds
