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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.

My mom found cum on my bed

    magine not shooting it in the air and catching it in your mouth.
    So this morning when I woke up my mom pulled my sheets up and there was this small stain on my dark sheets. She pointed at it and said "you have any idea what this is?"

I said "maybe it's butter?" because a couple days ago I was eating popcorn on my bed and I hoped that would be enough of an explanation for her.

She said "it couldn't be because it's not oily. Listen, if you're going to do that, just clean up better or go to the bathroom"

I'm so glad my mom understands and is ok with it :D (and just to clarify, she's ok with me doing that as long as I'm not watching anything, then she has a problem)

Edit: i used a tissue but I came too much and the tissue wasn't enough so some of it rolled down the side of my hip

    The tragedy of the man who fell into the river in Lego city

      Related
      Did you ever hear the tragedy of the man who fell into the river in Lego city? I thought not. It's not a story the Playmobils would tell you. It's a LEGO legend. Man Lego was a Dark Lord of building, so powerful and so wise he could use the bricks to influence the constructions to create rescue helicopters… He had such a knowledge of building that he could even keep the ones he cared about from falling. The dark side of the LEGOs is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice threw him into the river in LEGO city. Ironic. He could rescue others from the river, but not himself.

      Oh yeah my dick is 5 feet long actually

        Oh yeah my dick is 5 feet long actually, it's a real problem for me, I have to get really specific pants and it hinders my everyday life dramatically. I vividly remember this one time I woke up in the middle of the night and somehow someway I actually was completely hard for the first time in my life. However I was quickly reminded that in order for my 5 foot penis to be erect, it would mean a large portion of my blood would be redirected into the shaft of my penis. My excitement was quickly and promptly ended when I fainted due to a lack of blood in my brain. Now everyday I fear that this event happens in public and my massive 5 foot penis bursts through my special pants and it's promptly followed by me fainting and falling on the floor with my dick out for all to see.

        my toddler doesn’t seem to care about being anti-r*cist

          Hey guys, I just came here to rant, (tw: rcism, trmpism, s*xism)

So the other day I was speaking with my toddler, who just recently turned 3 years old. I had to sit down with him and talk to him about racism after I caught his racist ass watching Paw Patrol. (its a show that glorifies p*lice)

When I asked him why he would watch such a horrendous show, he simply responded with “Ga ga goo”

I was fuming. Was he mocking me? I certainly never anticipated that I would raise such a cold blooded rcist. I am starting to think that his response was fueled by sxism caused by his dad, who is a whte mle.

I showed him a video of hypersexual gay antifa militants to try to normalize his behavior. About halfway through the video one of the antifa militants gets tackled by a plice after flashing his genitals to an old woman. My rcist son thought this was funny and went “ha ha”

What should I do? I dont want him to grow up to be a Trmp supporter or a homophbic.

          I found some condoms in my parents room

            least horny r/teenagers user
            I found some condoms in my parents room and I wanted a no mess fap so I kinda went for it. I was really in the moment when I heard my mom's car pull up. So I just tried to finish as fast as possible. I finished in the condom, it was pretty great, but before I could get rid of it my mom knocked on the door, which scared the fuck out of me because I thought she somehow knew about, so I panicked and threw it in her gym bag and quickly opened the door to her. a few hours later I heard my mom sobbing and screaming at my dad over the phone, and me and my brother have to stay at my aunts house now. She thinks my dad is cheating or something and I fear that they may be getting a divorce or something. The whole thing is so messed up and it kinda turns me on, but that's probably just the condoms I used lol. What should I do? I'm so scared and embarrassed at the same time.

            I’m I down bad or is this normal?

              Femboy speedrun any %
              The femboy pipeline
              So my parents left for a business trip and that left me home alone. I was bored out my mind and really lonely so I decided to get some shaving cream and shave all my body and facial hair off. After I did that I went to the store to buy some feminine accessories such as makeup, lipstick, lip gloss, mascara, bows, eyeliner, nail polish, bras, necklaces, and a long straight curly brown wig. After that I went to buy a long sleeve white dress. I took about an half an hour to get fully dressed, and what do you know I looked at myself in the mirror, and I made such a beautiful girl even tho I’m a guy. I’m pretty skinny and I don’t have many masculine features so it would be hard for y’all to tell if I was a guy. I never crossdressed before but I was so excited and happy with myself. I was so shocked how well I pulled off the look to look like a beautiful hot girl so I did some business with myself in the bathroom while being dolled up as a femboy. It was the most fun I had in months, I’m I down bad or is this normal? Im straight btw if anyone is wondering.