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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


Oh yeah my dick is 5 feet long actually

    Oh yeah my dick is 5 feet long actually, it's a real problem for me, I have to get really specific pants and it hinders my everyday life dramatically. I vividly remember this one time I woke up in the middle of the night and somehow someway I actually was completely hard for the first time in my life. However I was quickly reminded that in order for my 5 foot penis to be erect, it would mean a large portion of my blood would be redirected into the shaft of my penis. My excitement was quickly and promptly ended when I fainted due to a lack of blood in my brain. Now everyday I fear that this event happens in public and my massive 5 foot penis bursts through my special pants and it's promptly followed by me fainting and falling on the floor with my dick out for all to see.

    my toddler doesn’t seem to care about being anti-r*cist

      Hey guys, I just came here to rant, (tw: rcism, trmpism, s*xism)

So the other day I was speaking with my toddler, who just recently turned 3 years old. I had to sit down with him and talk to him about racism after I caught his racist ass watching Paw Patrol. (its a show that glorifies p*lice)

When I asked him why he would watch such a horrendous show, he simply responded with “Ga ga goo”

I was fuming. Was he mocking me? I certainly never anticipated that I would raise such a cold blooded rcist. I am starting to think that his response was fueled by sxism caused by his dad, who is a whte mle.

I showed him a video of hypersexual gay antifa militants to try to normalize his behavior. About halfway through the video one of the antifa militants gets tackled by a plice after flashing his genitals to an old woman. My rcist son thought this was funny and went “ha ha”

What should I do? I dont want him to grow up to be a Trmp supporter or a homophbic.

      I found some condoms in my parents room

        least horny r/teenagers user
        I found some condoms in my parents room and I wanted a no mess fap so I kinda went for it. I was really in the moment when I heard my mom's car pull up. So I just tried to finish as fast as possible. I finished in the condom, it was pretty great, but before I could get rid of it my mom knocked on the door, which scared the fuck out of me because I thought she somehow knew about, so I panicked and threw it in her gym bag and quickly opened the door to her. a few hours later I heard my mom sobbing and screaming at my dad over the phone, and me and my brother have to stay at my aunts house now. She thinks my dad is cheating or something and I fear that they may be getting a divorce or something. The whole thing is so messed up and it kinda turns me on, but that's probably just the condoms I used lol. What should I do? I'm so scared and embarrassed at the same time.

        I’m I down bad or is this normal?

          Femboy speedrun any %
          The femboy pipeline
          So my parents left for a business trip and that left me home alone. I was bored out my mind and really lonely so I decided to get some shaving cream and shave all my body and facial hair off. After I did that I went to the store to buy some feminine accessories such as makeup, lipstick, lip gloss, mascara, bows, eyeliner, nail polish, bras, necklaces, and a long straight curly brown wig. After that I went to buy a long sleeve white dress. I took about an half an hour to get fully dressed, and what do you know I looked at myself in the mirror, and I made such a beautiful girl even tho I’m a guy. I’m pretty skinny and I don’t have many masculine features so it would be hard for y’all to tell if I was a guy. I never crossdressed before but I was so excited and happy with myself. I was so shocked how well I pulled off the look to look like a beautiful hot girl so I did some business with myself in the bathroom while being dolled up as a femboy. It was the most fun I had in months, I’m I down bad or is this normal? Im straight btw if anyone is wondering.

          Day 2 of no fap

            This man can actually shit and cum. Mad respect.
            Related pasta
            Okay I just had the weirdest thing happen to me on my day 2 of no fap, I was taking a shit and struggling to push it out and simultaneously I kid you not I randomly ejaculate as I push my shit out, I’m just sitting there dumbfounded as to why the fuck this happened, there was no pleasure to my shit, nothing strange I wasn’t fapping I swear to god I just randomly….. ejaculated while shitting. WHAT THE FUCK? Anyways mission failed life really hates me lmao

            George Orwell ruined my life

              Literally 1984
              I’m a huge fan of 1984, especially the writing of the characters and dialogue in it. There was a girl I liked at school, and I tried to think of the smartest and most clever way to ask her out. I decided to be like Winston, telling her how much I used to hate her and how I wanted to rape her and smash her head into a wall. However, instead of being wooed like I expected, she got mad at me and told the Principal and said I was “sexually harassing” her. It’s clear she just wasn’t intelligent enough for me and was embarrassed. However, no one wanted to hear my reasoning. I’ve been given detention and my parents have been informed, and despite how I’m clearly in the right everyone seems to think I’m some weirdo now. This truly is a dystopian society we live in......