Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
So I was having online classes with my camera turned off when I started hearing a little whistle from one of the students in the background that seemed very familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it. The whistling stopped for a couple of minutes until I started hearing it again, and then I knew exactly what it was: it was the chorus of Dream's hit song 'Mask'. I immediately ripped off all my clothes and started furiously stroking my fully erect penis for a good 10 min, even sticking my Dream body pillow up my rectum, imagining that it was Daddy Dream penetrating me while whistling his hit song 'Mask'. It honestly were the greatest 10 minutes of my life, until my libido reached its climax and I let out a gigaload of cum for Daddy Dream that landed on the phone's screen and ended up turning on the mic and camera, and everyone stared horrified at me, screaming at the sight of my honest and earnest love expression to Dream. I was kicked out of the class by the dreamphobic teacher, and today the school principal called me and my parents to a meeting and told us that I may be expelled from the school, merely from expressing my gender and sexuality. What can I do about this?!?!? Was I in the wrong for expressing my gender and identity??!? (Only serious answers, please).
The ceo of nestle trembles. The redditors won’t stop. From their cold damp basements below their mothers house, they post anti nestle memes. Every meme that’s posted makes nestle stocks drop, and each time the ceo trembles in fear. Larry, a 553 pound Reddit user, makes an anti nestle meme. He hovers his mouse over the submit post button. The ceo of nestle sweats. Larry clicks the button, and the meme is submitted. Upon the submission of this meme, nestle takes a hit. Nestle stocks plummet down until they hit rock bottom. The nestle ceo is screaming and crying in fear. As tears form in his eyes he prays to god. He prays he’ll get through this. But it’s too late. The meme gets reposted everywhere on social media, and is soon printed into flyers that are posted everywhere. Nestle stocks hit the negatives. The ceo is billions of dollars in debt. Nestle as a whole collapses. This results in the loss of millions of jobs. Nestle is no more. Larry, from his basement, wipes the Mountain Dew off his face and laughs. As he tosses the 2 liter bottle into a pile of thousands of soda bottles, he laughs more. He has single-handedly brought down a multi billion dollar company. His mom brings down a pile of hot pockets which he devours. Victory is finally his.
It's fapping time, so went on browsing different porn sites for the perfect video and ended up finding a hot video of some dude ramming a really hot ass girl, and so I thought "I can work with this" and started fapping and as I was getting close to the finish I zoom on the girl's face and stopped fapping and paused the video, took a closer look
"Holy fuck!.... that's my friend's mom!"
I'm 100% sure of it too, I can tell by the voice and the face, and I've seen younger pictures of her around his house as well. He had told me before that she did some "Modelling" when she was younger, but it's all long gone now. I always suspected it was porn because she's that hot as fuck, but Anyways I went on with it and finished.
I devise a plan to prank my friend as revenge because he had pranked me by moving my car and having me think that it was stolen for hours, so I downloaded the video, cut out all the parts of face close-ups, and distorted the audio slightly so the voices will sound different and send it to my friend via email, the thanked me right away and 5 hours later he told me that he used it and was a great video, I was dying of laughter but kept my mouth shut.
I went over to his house the next day to break the news to him, he told me that the video was awesome (It was actually a really hot video tbh) and he used it again, at this point I was literally crying of laughter. He asked me what it was so I went on and opened the original video and showed him the face close up,
"You just fapped to your own mom bro"
and started laughing my ass off. He froze in shock but ended up coming to terms with it and ran to the bathroom and puked, he was really pissed at me, but I'm laughing uncontrollably.
To add insult to injury I jokingly said that I found his dad (His dad actually left before he was born, he has pictures of him but never met him) He laughed a little to lighten the situation
"Oh very funny *insert my name* fuck you"
I went to the video and said
"See dude, it was made in the same year you were born" (It actually was.... a strange coincidence I thought)
He said
"Fuck off dude, it's not funny"
he froze again, and walked up to his computer, and fast-forwarded to the male face, the male is Hispanic, and my friend was half Hispanic, and it was a "Creampie" video. He ran out of his room and grabbed the picture of his dad (the picture is from when his mom was pregnant, and he left on the 8th month of pregnancy) He held the picture next to the screen and started to cry.
Fuck! Fuck!! Fuck!!! It is his fucking dad, the resemblance was too close to not be....same hairstyle same looks, same color skin, WTF? I immediately felt like a complete piece of shit, I just revealed to my closest friend that his birth was a porno gone wrong! He was crying uncontrollably and left the room and grabbed his mom, pulled her in to show the video, she was shocked and got pale and started crying.
It was true.... he just fapped to his own conception, I apologized and left, I didn't even know what to say.
Guys I am worried after what my homie did. Me and my homie were bored one day so we got together and always said no homo. We adopted 2 kids and have spent 1 year together and we are engaged and getting married. So one day I am feeling horny and I go to my homie and we fuck, it's good, and I said no homo. 6 minutes in I notice his socks aren't on and then it hits me, he didn't say no homo I am shocked. I asked him to say no homo but he ignored me. Is he gay? Am I gay? How do I tell the kids that?
My girlfriend has chosen a nickname, out of nowhere, for my penis. She has chosen, for some god forsaken reason, to call it 'princess little piddles'. I have no idea where she got this name but it's not the most manly nickname, and honestly, I don't even have a nickname for it so why should she?? Every time she calls it by her nickname, I feel ashamed!
Am I the asshole for making her stop calling it that? Or should I just let her keep it up? I'm afraid this waking nightmare may never end.
UPDATE: I spoke with my girlfriend regarding this nickname fiasco. She informed me that it was not the princess that was little, it was the piddles that were little. That didn't make me feel much better tho.
I offered another nickname, per another user, "princess big and long piddles" but she said that was a mouthful. We compromised on allowing me to pick a nickname for her penis. Thanks everyone.
I have failed and not failed NNN at the same time.
Last night on October 31st after playing some Call of Duty, I was tired and went to bed. I was pretty sure it was still on October 31st (before 00:00). I stayed in bed for a while and couldn't sleep, losing track of time. I decided to give it a go for one short round and started fapping. I ejaculated a big fat nut all over my shirt. It felt so good. Then I fell asleep.
The next morning (November 1st), I woke up and realized I did not look at the clock when I masturbated, meaning I could've cum in NNN. But there was also a possibility that I hadn't failed NNN. There's no way of knowing an approximate of when I beat my meat as I lost track of time. All I know is that it was around 00:00, so there is a 50/50 chance that I have failed NNN or have not failed NNN. But there is no way of knowing that unless I time travel back to October 31st and look at the time. I am currently in a quantum superposition of NNN. Therefore, I have failed and not failed NNN at the same time.
I have achieved Schrödinger's NNN.
