Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
My penis is so large I just cannot lug it around any longer. It is so insanely huge and has caused so many problems in my life. I cannot go to airports as they think I am sneaking something in. so everytime I go, I get groped as they try to take my penis off thinking its a bomb. I cannot pleasure women as they are so horrified at the sight of my cock, that they immediately run away. My mother and father disowned me after seeing the length of my shaft. Not only is it extraordinarily long, it is just too thick. I cannot sexually relieve myself as my hands are just too small to masturbate.
My humongous cock has ruined my life. I resent God for cursing me with this large chunk of meat that just drags across the ground. Doctors tell my I will never be able to get a penis reduction as they would have nowhere to put the penis. It would just take up far too much room.
I had a girlfriend when I was a young lad, she loved me for who I was and did not care for this deformity, but one day... I took off my jeans and my penis flung out, smacking her and flinging her out the window. She died 2 hours later in the hospital. She was the only woman who ever loved me. My penis is just... too ginormous. It has caused problems for myself and the people around me. For this reason, I will be ending it all. My penis has taken over my life... but it cannot take over a life that does not exist.
I met this girl in college and we really bonded over our shared love of roblox, so i asked her to become my girlfriend. She said yes . let's fucking gooo!! So anyway, after some time passed i really longed for some sexual intimate contact with her, but because of her strict christian parents, such a deed was not in my ability to conduct... However, one day my girlfriend came up with a brilliant plan for me to sneak up into her house at 2am next morning. Ok bet! So you better believe it that i had no hesitance or constrictions holding me back from getting my ass into sweet, sweet virginity loss territory!!
I packed a couple of extra items like condoms, a pacifier( for the baby ) and pleasuring devices, as who could possibly know what type of whacky goofy things my girlfriend is really into, lol
I also brought some heavy duty rope i could put to use to scaling her 2 floor edifice. Also because i could reuse it for some silly BDSM 😆.
Time came and i was following suit in coming, (lmao sick wordplay😝) As i made my way to her household and began climbing to her bedroom. The lust emitted in the air, the pre-discharge alreafy culminating in my pants. It seemed as though my horniness got the better of me as i accidentally tripped and scraped part of my arm against the rough wall of her house. But i could not stop. My sex hormones were violently abd rapidly coursing through me and i knew i needed to be up there. I eventually got up, but not without my losses. But it was worth it, alright. Her naked body and her face burried into her pillow, bunda face up🤤. Gives me chills revisiting that memory. And oh her back, a smooth supple back. I always remember her for her small streamlined back and always dreamt of what it looked like under all that fabric. Finally i can see it's true grace.
Suddenly, a violent yet calculated and choreographed manner of going about this virginity- losing exercise came over me and i undressed myself and put her into different positions. The helicopter, the black widow and captain america, the softboiled egg and finally, as our soft breaths finally meet in symphony and synchronised, i felt we both climax as our sexual legiances peak. It was the best 7 minutes of my life.
I laid in bed next to her, but i couldnt help but realise i didnt see her face move at all. I turned her and carress her face to see just a shred of her beautiful face.
Thats when shock overcame the perspiration, horniness and that post-sex rotten egg aroma in the room. Holy shit. Turns out i actually was having intercourse with her dyslexic and disabled younger sister who had trouble in even putting her clothes on. " papa...is that you?"
She quietly whimpered. It was like murdering a helpless defenseless dog. I could not put it down. Knowing that my dna could surface in this crime scene due to me stupidly ripping apart my arm earlier, i sacrificed myself to relief this curse i misplaced on my girlfriend's family. Im sorry mom, im sorry dad, and im sorry GF. Maybe in a different universe, things turned out better. I jumped off the window but forgot it was only 2 storeys high and i didnt even die. I was taken into the hospital and i am unknown of the happenings and whereabouts regarding both our families and lay in this hospital bed awaiting the charges if the crimes i committed.
I take AP geometry second period even though I nearly flunked last year. I'm currently a sophomore in high school.... nobody knows about this, except for my best friend Anuar. He sits next to me and every time I get the wrong answer, I feel a rush of lust course through my body. Anuar first noticed it when I got the answer wrong on fifth day of class. I still remember it like it was yesterday.....
Summer break is just around the corner and still have this feeling for my teacher. Anuar says that I should try and talk to him, but I can't muster the courage. The way he scolds & humiliates me in front of the whole class is exhilarating. There's something, so weird yet so good about having someone punish you for your mistakes.
I guess you could say I've been a "goodie-two-shoes" my whole life.... so something about this change of pace effects me. I haven't told my family about this, nor do I plan on it. My family has talked about hiring a tutor for me, after seeing my performance decline. Secretly, I know how to do all the problems, and that's why I'm barely passing.
Next year, I will be a junior and most likely have a new teacher for math, and I'm not sure how I'll adapt to this. In hopes of preparing myself for this, I've enrolled myself in summer school to test the waters.
Anyone have advice that's had a similar problem?
It has been 4 hours since I successfully sucked my own penis. Things are different now. As soon as mouth-to- penis contact was made I felt a shockwave through my body. I have reason to believe I have super strength and telekinesis now.. 3 hours after contact I noticed a van parked on my street but no one has entered or exited the car since its arrival. I fear for my safety, I'm not sure what sort of power I may have stumbled upon but it's possible that the government has found out. If I don't update this again please send help.
Update: Just escaped from the pentagon, the government is sending all their military forces to pursue me, my life is currently in extreme peril. They attempted to strip my ability to suck my own penis but I created a shockwave to blast away the researchers before they could touch me. This is bad, I have exhausted all my chromosomes and now I have to hide and replenish my energy while the patrol helicopters fly over me.
I am in 5th grade.. I have a crush on this girl her hair smells like roses and her personality is golden so I decided to peacefully fap to her beautiful face in the middle of math because it was SOOO boring 😂😂😂 savage anyways she caught me and i was thinking she liked it making winks and smiling to her but she did not like it. 😒🤔😕so weird. she screamed then she started running to the principal office 😢🙄😬i cant stand that boomer 😂 savage 💯😎 anyway when she reported me she started spreading it 😭🙄🙄🙄😝now people call me weird and a 'loser' like whatt!???? 🙄 im totally a winner and part of the logang ✔️✔️✔️👍😂🥇😎 she now told her parents and im trying to break in her house 🏡😉💪✔️ i will do many things to her since she didnt like my fap 😅😂😂😂😎😎 she geting punsihed 🤣🤣🤣🤣anyways im gonna set the ladder up ✔️🤓😋 then go to her bedroom. 🤗😝😊 Hahahah ok wish me good luck rediit and pls give award so i can share my savage story, 🤣🤣😂😎😎💯💯👍 thanks redit and logang💪😎🤓
I’ve been caught before by my whole family. I was in the living room.
I woke up around 10:00am—and no one was home. I thought: let me jack it.
I couldn’t use my phone because the screen is way to small—So I thought, is there any bigger screen I could use? Then I realised, the TV
I was home alone, I popped out the lube and my sex doll. I was going to town on Justine(the name I gave my Tantaly Sex Doll) until my aunt, grandma, uncle, sisters and mother walked in.
They went to church and came back to find me sinning on the couch. Legs wide open, enjoying Justine’s company was I usually do.
Well, my mother spoke to me about pornography and said, “it isn’t right what those men and women are doing. Porn is evil and just an act of sin.”
She prayed for me, and then the nightmare really kicked in. She wanted to throw away my Tantaly Sex Doll. I begged and pleaded my case. She ask, “where did you even get this from?” I tried countless times to evade the firing questions but was arrested into a corner. I told her, “I brought it online with the debit card I was given for my birthday”
In terms of punishment—she took the card and Justine.
That night I cried so hard BUT at the same time I was also extremely worried about my mental health;— because deep down inside i knew I’ developed emotional feelings for a $299 ($1VAT included) Tantaly Sex Doll.
It’s now been 3 weeks, going onto four. Ever since then, my family thinks different of me. My uncle can’t even look me in eye because I made Grandma faint that day— she had to go into hospital because of what she saw. What shame am I?
Later in time; I got my debit card back and mother now keeps a close eye on my purchases. My therapist says, “it’s good I’ve come to acknowledge and accept all these faults of mine and try change for the better.” It was in these moments when talking to therapist I would masquerade a smile and say, “I’ve finally started talking to real girls my age.”
Everyone now thinks I’m okay and better. They don’t know what I’m truly going through. I missed my Justine (with all my heart) she was the moon light that softy lit the dark corners of my heart.
She wasn’t an inanimate object to me, she was the Juliet to my Romeo; never—never will I forget those scarlet lips that burned as if burning love.
