Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
For 23 years and 11 months had I suffered them, the ignorant gaijin back home who sickened me with their microwaved culture and their materialism. The spindly losers in the anime club who cared only for anime and not a whit for the superior monoethnic culture to which it was endemic. Well no more. Fucking zettai no more. I touched down in the country I was certain I had lived all my previous lives, no doubt as a badass ronin samurai ninja or some shit. I had never been here, but I had returned.
Nippon-sama, tadaima!
No sooner had I left the airport when I saw the woman of my dreams. She confirmed my every hope, my every ideal of this great land. The light coming in through the sakura backlit her like a full body halo. She was made of demure and soft spoken. Of bowing and bento.
Of Japan and perfect.
My heart started doki doki-ing all over the shop. And then she saw me! Spotted me in the crowd! Well, of course she did, I was like a head taller than the fucking hobbits they call men around here. I was in no state of mind to meet her gaze, and tried to look away but I was paralysed. She was just so ... prettyu ...
And just like that she started walking over. Her walk was just pure concentrated sex. If you poured a glass of it sex fumes would just rise right off the top. I loved the way the light danced unevenly over her pristine porcelain skin as she walked. The way she did more for me by showing just her shoulders than any American girls could by showing their entire gaping cleavage for all the world to SEE THIS YOU SHOULD TAKE NOTES, THIS IS WHAT SEXY IS YOU FUCKING WHORES -
"おげようごります"。
Oh shit, what did she say? She said something! To me! But I wasn't con –
"おげんきですか"。
OK, OK, I know this one. Where have I heard it before? Naruto 43? Oh god she's so hot –
"わたしのなまえは かお です"。
Fuck, I couldn't find the right words. Was it oro? Was it dattebayo? Was it anata baka?!?
"おなまえはなんすか"。
You know what, it doesn't even matter! Her voice sounds as good as she looks. I don't need to say anything. I could do this forever. This is goddamn bliss.
"..."
She suddenly seemed apprehensive, like she was cautious of what she wanted to say next. Loveu loveu confession desu?!
"Yes, what is it?" I blurted out.
"OH HEY MAN YOU SPEAKING ENGLISH?"
"What?" What?
"OH YEAH YOU DOES HAY NICE I LIKE."
No. NO! This was not coming from her mouth. It couldn't be.
"OH HAY YOU FROM AMERICA I LIKE. SO COOL! FUCK!"
no no no no no no
"I LOVE ALL AMERICA MOVIE AND SERIE. OH HAY DO YOU WATCH FRIENDS YES. ROSS AND RACHEL. COOL!"
"Um ... pleasu speaku Japanesu."
"NO ENGLISH MUCH BETTER I LEARN MANY YEAR AND COLOUR HAIR TO LOOK LIKE HILLARY DUFF. SO CUTE! FUCK!"
"I CAN SPEAK JAPANESEU SO ONEGAI PLEASE SPEAK JAPANESE TO WATASHI!"
"MORE INTENSITY LOGER MOORE RIP MY STOCKINGS RIP MY STOCKINGS LOL"
WARNING: Weirdly wholesome
I met a woman after my post went viral she messaged me. We got to talking and hit it off and she's kind of got a clown thing too. As it turns out she was only a 3hr drive from me and after sharing pictures we decided to meet in a neutral location between us. I booked a hotel room and we met Sunday evening.
After I had been waiting in the room for about an hour I thought I might have been ghosted or catfished again. As my heart started to sink there was a knock at the door. I opened it and there she was. The beautiful, sexy clown woman of my dreams. Her outfit, her makeup and big red nose were perfect. So perfect it ached. She came in and she started making balloon animals as we made small talk and put them all over the bed. Then we made love. The hottest and most passionate sex I could have ever imagined and she had plenty of clown antics to surprise me including hitting me in the face with a small pie as a surprise when I came the first time and honking her nose.
After hours of lovemaking we sat there holding eachother and kissing while I occasionally honked her nose and tried to hold back my tears of pure bliss. I couldn't. I was so happy to have the connection I've been denying myself because "it's weird" and what I've desired for so long. Holding her in my arms as my legs still quivered from my orgasms I cried as she held me because I was so happy. She began to cry too and we are definitely going to be together now and are both so happy with eachother.
I feel like a hole in my soul has been healed and that my life is finally on it's way up.
Thank you for the love and support everyone. So many of you have been so kind. It means the world to me. Thank you again.
Ever since I was a wee lad, I noticed my penis was a bit large. I thought it was normal, untill my mom bathed me with my brother and I saw his little wee wee compared to mine, I couldn't help but point at it and mock it. A few months later when I started kindergarden, the teacher inspected our cocks for the monthly cock inspection, and noticed my large dick. I was very young but I could still see he was very envyous of my humongous cock, knowing he will never be as big, he called my mom and told her a doctor should see my penis. The doctor said he had never seen such an amazing specimen of a dong, that was the first moment I saw pride in my mom's eyes. I cherish these memories, as the cock inspection was the pinnacle of any month for me, seeing all the other pathetic little weiners. I loved watching the other kids take quick glances of my cock in fear and shame.
A few years later when I was about 11 years old, my penis has started to become a burden for me. Having a 24.089 inch dick in 6th grade is no joke, I had to come up with creative ideas of where to hide the magnificent beast. Usually I hid it inside the right leg of my pants, kids always thought it was weird how my right leg was so "muscular" compared to my other, which meant I had to workout only my left leg in order to not arouse suspicion. I remember I went home depressed one day, crying to god on why did he curse me with such a shaft. I was tearing my pants with anger, when I started to feel tingly sensation in my penis. I started rubbing it, and suddenly it GREW EVEN LONGER, I was devestated because I thought it was already too large, but the feeling I had when I was rubbing it was too good to stop. I started holding it with both my hands and stroking it, but it was not enough, I could not satisfy my monster with mere hands, so I began using my feet too. The feeling was incredible, god was on my side again. As I was rubbing it faster and faster, I thought of my science teacher. My cock was throbbing, my nipples erect, my eyes wide and open. I was on my bed at the time, and I felt my Johnson about to erupt with tremendous force, I didn't know what to do so I hid under the bed, and then I came. It was like 4th of july. At first the stream was steady, of white cream in about 1 liter per second, then it was chaos. My penis was going up and down dancing with explosions of cum(Only later that day I found out my grandpa died at that moment of a heart attack because the sounds reminded him of bastogne when he was fighting the Germans). After a few second I realized I might drown because my juice covered the whole floor about two inch deep, I quickly slid across pools of cum gasping for air, I stood up and finally my cum gun started to relax. My mom came into the room shocked and disgusted, she yelled at me that I must see a doctor and get my manhood shortend or even removed. We had a fight for about three hours not noticing my grandpa was awfully quiet.
The day after my grandfather's funeral, I came to the doctor's office, and told him my story. After a lengthy cock inspection, he said that I have a rare condition, which makes my cock grow exponentially with each year, width and length. He calculated that my cock would weigh 200 kg when I turn 30, which is about the maximum weight my spine can support, beyond that and it would fracture and I'll die. I asked him if I could remove it, but he said no because I would die of blood loss. He also said I need to do blood transfusions everyday to feed my absolute unit of a scholng the blood it needs. Needless to say I was devestated, my once blessing, became a curse, again.
One day when I was 16, I was in my math class when I heard a terrible noise, it reminded me of the first time I was beating my meat, but it turns out it was just a gunshot. Kids all around me where shouting that there was a school shooter. I immediately got up and ran to the door, carrying my pack with my hands. Suddenly I heard shots very close to my ears, and saw dead bodies on the ground, so I ran into the closest door which was the janitor's room, closed the door and hid under the table making as little noise as possible. Little did I know, my crush was under the same table, hiding there in fear, when she saw me she almost screamed, but I put my hand over her mouth and told her to be quiet. I heard the shooter opening the door slowly and looking for me. I was completely silent, but then I noticed my crush's incredible bajongas, and I felt my cock starting to throb and expand. She seemed to notice, and I could see that she was impressed with my goofy goober. Her facial expression made my ding dong enlarge even more and I could feel my pants starting to tear apart. My shclong abong seemed to send electro-magnetic waves all over the room because the light above us started to flicker with every throb of my cock. The shooter noticed that and walked to our table. I knew I had to do something quickly or me, my crush, and my beaver basher would all die. Then it hit me, and I knew what I had to do. I looked over to my crush, and I started playing with her milkers. At first she was trying to resist, but then she figured out what I was trying to do and played along. My cock grew more and more, and when I felt it about to burst out of my pants. I got up and looked straight at the shooter. He hesitated for a single moment, which cost him his life. My pants exploded as my sexcalibur shot out a single hardened white cum shaped like a 7.62 mm sniper bullet right into the shooter's head. I was about to celebrate but then I noticed the smell of smoke in the air, turns out my massive cock shot not only the shooter, but also a gas pipe that was in the vicinity. Fire was all around us, as I held my crush close, I knew there was no way both of us would get out of there, so there was only one option. "Get in!" I said. "What?" She asked. "Get in! There is no time!" I said and pointed to my foreskin. She climbed inside the pocket between my foreskin and my cock. And I started running, breathing smoke and caughing, kicking doors and running through hallways, longing for fresh air. Finally I got out of the school, and I saw everyone looking at me and my dong. I slowly walked to the benches, and sat down to breath. Then I saw my crush's mother, and she asked me where her daughter is. I got up, and said "I know where she is!". I pulled my foreskin and there she was. I expected to hear claps and cheers, but when I didn't, I looked at my crush and saw she was dead. Turns out she suffocated inside my yogurt hose. The police arrested me, and here I am, with my massive schlong and 15 years in prison.
If your penis is small, do not despair, for at least you did not have to go through what I did. Farewell.
I’ve got a confession to make…
When I was about 13, I went fishing with my dad. I caught a fish, and I was really happy about it. I just felt like I had a connection with the fish it just felt very nice in my hands. It felt like it was chosen for me and so when my dad told me to throw that fish back in the water, but I couldn’t do it, so I threw a rock in the water and pretended it was the fish and I shoved the fish down my trouser. The fish was not bigger than my dick when it’s hard, but it was in there and the fish got warm as we were going home, and I just remember I was getting a boner as I was going home, and my dad was speaking to me and I tried to shift the focus away from the warm fish because I could feel the fish kinda like shaking and dying on my dick. It was kinda giving me a uhm, not a blowjob but it just felt like it was, you know it was having its last moments on my dick and it felt really special to me even though it was weird. And I remember getting home, quickly going to my room and I lied down and got naked. I remember taking my zip down and I saw the fish covered in cum. That one moment just felt amazing to me. And it was still kinda shaking like its nerves were going off, and it just felt so good. And I remember I didn’t want to let that fish go, I couldn’t let it go, because I felt like I was responsible for the fish and so I cleaned up all the cum and I cleaned up myself and I kept it in a freezer in my room. Whenever I would get horny and stuff, I’d use the fish to masturbate, and I would cum all over it again and again and again until the fish was smelling up the house and my dad knew something was going on with me. He could tell from the smell that something was in my mini-fridge, and he found the fish. I remember making up excuses, telling him “It’s not my fish, my friend gave it to me as a prank”. My dad was looking at me with disgust and I had to get rid of the fish which was obviously sad. And it affects me because I can’t speak to my dad without thinking about the fish. What’s even worse is that I can’t jack off without thinking about the fish. Porn doesn’t do it for me anymore. There’s no fish related stuff, no nothing. I don’t like fish as a food that much. I prefer medium-rare steak. Whenever I jack off I kinda feel the fish. I’ll never forget the feeling of it dying on my dick while I cummed on it.
This story is about a boy who takes off his pants. He then opens his laptop, goes into incognito mode and searches HOT BUSTY INDIAN GRILS BIG BOOTY XXX IRANIAN PRINCESS. He clicks the first link, and then proceeds to fap his mind out, until his flesh flute was out of population pudding. He looks around the room. Didn't the walls used to be blue? They are white now. He questions his life choices. His mom then walks into the room and silently observes all the dead children around her, she shits her pants. She finally collects herself, and picks up her son's dorito dust stained shirt, and cum covered shorts to clean them. Then the dad walks in, proud of his sons achievements, he began to pat him on the dick, but he hit a bit too hard. The boy's erect cock begins to slip off his body, ripping pubic hair from his pores. The fap that turned a young, horny boy, into a horny girl.
Earlier today I was really horny, and I saw what I thought to be a blank dvd. I thought, DVDs have a tight hole, they might feel pretty good. So I put my soft pp into the hole of the DVD, and for a few seconds as I started getting harder, it felt pretty good, but then, once I was fully erect, it started being painful. My pp was stuck in the dvd, and I had to break it in half to get if out. It was then when I flipped the broken dvd over and realized that it was not a blank dvd, but a copy of the movie UP. Well guys, guess I fucked up.
