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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


I saw critically acclaimed actor Mon Confiado at a grocery store

    This is the Flying Lotus copypasta but changed into Mon Confiado, a Filipino actor. This particular Mon Confiado copypasta started gaining traction when the Filipino actor himself posted on FB accusing the shitposter (ileiad) of defamation for posting the copypasta of him.

    The “Flying Lotus at a grocery store” started as a meme on 4chan and has since been adapted to many different celebrities and variations.

    I saw critically-acclaimed actor Mon Confiado at a grocery store in Marikina yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

    Mon Confiado’s FB post

    Ayoko na sana patulan itong certain Ileiad na ito… pero tama pa ba ang ginagawa ng mga content creator na ito? Gumawa ng story using my name & my photo… na meet daw nya ako sa grocery at magpapa picture daw sya pero dinuro duro ko daw sya sa mukha at nakita nya na hindi ko binayaran ang 15 Milky Way Choco Bars na kinuha ko… at pinagsisigawan ko daw ang cashier ng grocery. Pinapalabas pa nito na magnanakaw ako… nung sinita ko. Joke daw ito at ito ay “Copypasta” at biglang nilagyan ng “disclaimer” ang post nya pero huli na. Pero hindi pa din inaalis ang post nya. Joke at my expense? Joke pero nakakasira ng tao? Bakit ka magjo joke sakin? Close ba tayo? Parang sobra na itong mga ito ah at para makakuha lang ng mga likes kahit makasagasa sila ng tao. Tapos sasabihin Joke. Ang daming nag message sa akin at tinatanong kung totoo ba ito? Of course, Sabi ko hindi yan totoo. Never happened. At hindi ako ganung tao. At may pagka mayabang pa itong Ileiad na ito… nung sinabi ko idedemanda ko sya dahil ayaw pa nya tanggalin ang post nya. Threat daw ba ito? Grabe itong taong ito!

    I showed osu! to a girl at work

      Originally from a post on r/osugame but has since become a meme and other variations of the pasta has been created.

      Osu

      She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play games?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really"

So the osu!demons inside me told me 'say it, Comfortable-Chip-740, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play rhythm games, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found a Big Black SS that I uploaded years ago, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool..!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

      Old School Runescape

      I showed osrs to a girl at work

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play games?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really"

So the osrs demons inside me told me 'say it, Bwananabread, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play mmorpg games, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found a 500 invo ToA that I uploaded years ago, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool..!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

      Guilty Gear

      I showed Strive to a girl at work

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play games?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really'

So the GGST demons inside me told me 'say it, mini_tagus, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play fighting games, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found my EVO 2025 grand finals match that I uploaded to YouTube a year ago, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool..!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

      Bloons TD 6

      I showed BTD6 to a girl at work

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play games?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really'

So the BTD6 demons inside me told me 'say it, pinpunch, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play tower defense games, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found my CHIMPS bloody puddles completion that I uploaded to YouTube a year ago, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool..!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

      Geometry Dash

      I showed Geometry Dash to a girl at work

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play games?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really"

So the GD demons inside me told me 'say it, ComicalSans1, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play rhythm games, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found a Blood Bath 100% that I uploaded years ago, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'Geometry Dash isn't a rhythm game you idiot' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

      Brawl Stars

      I showed Brawl Stars to a girl at work

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play games?" and she said "ah... nahh not really"

So the brawl stars demons inside me told me to 'say it, mRigged, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play Supercell games, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess, so I quickly found a Power League Mortis Solo carry video that I uploaded years ago, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool...!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyways I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely.

      Hypixel Skyblock

      I showed skyblock to a girl at work

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play games?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really"

So the skyblock demons inside me told me 'say it, ecylios, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play on hypixel skyblock, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found a sub 4 f7 s+ run that I uploaded years ago, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool..!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

      Chess

      I showed chess to a girl at work

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play board games?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really"

So the chess demons inside me told me 'say it, sokuto_desu, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play chess, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found a match that I uploaded years ago, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool..!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

      Steins Gate

      I showed Steins;Gate to a girl at work

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you watch anime?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really"

So the S;G demons inside me told me 'say it, sokuto_desu, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I watch Steins;Gate, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found an episode that I watched years ago, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool..!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

      Class of ’09

      I showed Class of '09 to a girl at work

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play games?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really"

So the '09 demons inside me told me 'say it, UzumakiMadeIt, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play Class of '09, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found a playthrough of that one route with the pedo that I uploaded years ago, and she watched the full video in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool..!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

      War Thunder

      I showed War Thunder to a girl at work

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play games?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really'

So the snail inside me told me 'say it, Romanian dude, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play war games, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found the vid where an L3 gets brutally murdered, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool..!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

      Five Nights at Freddy

      I showed Five Nights at Freddy’s to a girl at work

She came into work and was talking with me, and I randomly blurted out "so do you play games?" and she said "ah.. nahh not really'

So the bear inside me told me 'say it, animdude, tell her'. So I couldn't resist and I said 'I play horror games, do you want to see?' She reluctantly said 'oh yeah sure I guess', so I quickly found the vid where the bite of 87 happens, and she watched in horror.

Afterwards she was silent and said 'oh cool..!' and I didn't know what to say so I said 'yeah so that's me. Anyway I'll see you next week' and then I left work early to avoid having to explain myself

Hopefully by next time I see her she will have forgotten about my awkwardness completely

      Most ‘sex education’ past the basics relies on linux user logic

        Started from a 10th Dentist post on Reddit, it has become a meme for its jab at Linux user and its absurdities.

        Most 'sex education' past the basics relies on linux user logic (it doesn't work in practice)

So I was at a furry convention a couple months ago and I was at a panel where a guy was explaining how he fit insanely huge dildos up his ass. To be fair, the guy was a bit drunk explaining it but the panel just didn't convince me. He tried to convince the audience how asshole stretching is a myth, how the inside of the anus will over time reshape itself to accommodate extremely large dragon dildos, how you absolutely need to use certain kinds of lubricants or the dildo will be entirely ruined by depolymerization, how you need to be constantly paying attention to what you're doing or you fuck things up (like how his surgeon once shaped the inside of his ass back to normal, which fucked up years of training his anus to accommodate the dildos) etc etc etc...

It really struck me how much of it seemed exactly like the kinds of rationalizations a linux user might come up with. You need to constantly be doing everything perfectly and any fuck up is because you weren't informed enough, therefore it's entirely your fault. There's also the exact same extremely opinionated takes on every topic - literally when someone tries to convince me to use something like GNOME or Wayland on Linux, I think back to how hard that panelist was trying to push buying dildos from Etsy businesses instead of Bad Dragon. I think in any community that encourages black and white thinking, whatever information is provided will inevitably only help those who obsess over minutae while providing a bad experience for anyone else... which in my controversial opinion describes kink spaces pretty accurately.

        I fucked a DVD.

          isn't the hole of a dvd pretty small?
          Source
          Earlier today I was really horny, and I saw what I thought to be a blank dvd. I thought, DVDs have a tight hole, they might feel pretty good. So I put my soft pp into the hole of the DVD, and for a few seconds as I started getting harder, it felt pretty good, but then, once I was fully erect, it started being painful. My pp was stuck in the dvd, and I had to break it in half to get if out. It was then when I flipped the broken dvd over and realized that it was not a blank dvd, but a copy of the movie UP.

Well guys, guess I fucked up.

          She just keeps winning.

            Source
            This is an update regarding my friend Sara. As some of you may or may not have known, I have a friend who started playing Limbus and she's infinity better then me at everything. I grew to be spiteful of her secretly praying on her downfall rubbing my hands hoping she fails every clash and every mirror dungeon run she does. Praying every extract is absolutely dog ass. Anyways. Recently she got to Canto 4, and she mentioned getting a new Ishmael ID. This was Sloshing Ismael. Seeing as she was new to the game I see my opportunity and took it. I told her Sloshing Ishmael was The best Ishmael ID and she believed it! She fell for it!! So naive!! How do you like that Sara!? Huh!? And to make it better she was fighting Dongbaek (my wife), and was stuck on her for awhile! (My pookie was helping me) As for me it didn't take me long (she let me win) so not only did I trick her but I was AHEAD OF HER. Things were finally looking up for me!! For once, I had... hope. And then...T-Corp Rodion and Don Came out. Now I love Don Quixote...I love Rodion but Don Quixote is my love. My wife. My pookie. I saw her and I had to get her. I rolled and rolled. But I.... didn't get her. Big Hat Don didn't come home.....But Sara.... Sara got Her first try... there's another person too we'll name him Jacob....they both Got TCorp Don....FUCK YOU JACOB!!!! My life is....Over ...My glory was short lived....I miss Dongbaek....I miss Don..... I'm..... empty now.... there's nothing left for me..... I'm....washed.....Sara noticed how bummed I was about not getting TDon and offered me to use hers as a support. The auDACITY to give me her sloppy seconds....was this truly how low she thought of me? I don't want any handy downs. I would much rather suffer without any TCorp Dons. However due to recent consideration....I realized Sara...perhaps I....treated you too harshly....maybe....we can rekindle our friendship. If you're reading this I'm sorry for the one sided beef but not really. There's.... someone else.... Jacob. If you're reading this, which you most likely are.... You know what you are, and what you did. Your days have been numbered. Count your second, and your minutes. Sleep with one eye open.... I'm always lurking....

            I saw a Warhammer Dev at a Waitrose store in Horsham yesterday.

              Parody of the Flying Lotus copypasta but edited to fit the narrative from a post on r/totalwar where a player meet a dev.

              I saw a Warhammer Dev at a Waitrose store in Horsham yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.