Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
One time I was in Walmart and this hot girl was in front of me. I was admiring her figure until she did something unexpected. She pulled down her pants and just let the diarrhea flow from her anus. I didn't know what to do. She was making these awful noises like Huuuunnngghhh and shaking her head violently. After about 3 minutes of uninterrupted shit flow she looked at me pleading, she shouted "please make it stop, it's stinging my asshole" but it just wouldn't stop. The workers were running around in circles shouting "God help us" and all I could do was watch helplessly. After about 10 minutes of this it finally stopped flowing from her ass but the damage was done. She laid there in the floor sobbing, nursing her asshole. I looked to my right to see a group of Walmart employees sobbing and consoling each other. Saying things like "it's over now." One kid walked up from the back and got one look at the carnage and immediately shot himself in the head. I still have the image of the girl sobbing covered in bloody diarrhea seared into my memory. I am now in therapy for my PTSD. I have good days and bad days, but I just take it one day at a time.
I woke to the sound of wind. As I looked around my room I rubbed the crust out of my eyes. Everything was in place except the window, which hung wide open. The curtains furled and swayed in the night breeze, and the shutters bounced lightly against the outside wall. I didn’t remember leaving it open, but that wasn’t my main focus.
Beyond the window was the largest full moon I’d ever seen.
Stories had been spreading recently of creatures that prowl under a full moon. Werewolves, if you can believe it. Grown men and women, in this day and age, spreading childish rumors about monsters of all things. But even as I told myself those things, something prickled at the base of my neck. Some instinctual worry. A worry turned dread as a fur covered claw slammed onto my windowsill.
I watched in terror as the biggest beast I’d ever seen pulled itself silently into the window. It was four times the size of a man, easily, and covered head to toe in thick, black fur. Its snout panned back and forth across the room as it took in deep sniffs. And then it’s huge yellow eyes locked onto mine. It lowered itself into the room with a feline grace, and moved slowly across the floor towards my bed.
I was frozen in fear. Neither fight nor flight found purchase in my mind. The beast rose at the foot of my bed, having to hunch over at full height to keep its head from hitting the ceiling. It leaned forward, and started crawling across the bed. Before I could think it was nose to nose with me. I closed my eyes and awaited a painful death.
But nothing happened.
I peeked up to see it standing above me, eyes still locked onto mine. Its gaze dipped, then quickly re-met mine. I followed it, only to find the single largest dick I could even imagine resting across my chest. The beast’s lip curled, and a soft, menacing growl broke the silence. It didn’t sound like a threat, so much as a choice. I looked down at its massive beef whistle, and then back into it’s eyes. I know it could smell my fear, but could also tell that I chose life.
It grabbed my shoulders and slammed me back against the headboard. It’s huge frame settled over me as its fur scourged ankle-smacker swelled and stiffened. I was petrified, unable to so much as shiver at the sight of it all. A single taloned finger pushed its way into my mouth and pried it open. Before I knew it, the beast’s throbbing lap rocket was careening into my open gob.
It was like trying to sword swallow a wool tube-sock with a leg in it.
It went much deeper, much faster than I was expecting. Each thrust collapsed the back of my throat, making breathing through my nose impossible. Its veinous maximus slammed into the back of my skull over and over, with increasing speed and force. With each thrust, smaller, dagger-sharp hairs from the base of its porridge gun stabbed holes all around my mouth.
Its massive claws grabbed my hands as it continued its work. My fingers were guided up it’s belly, across it’s matted, wiry fur. My fingertips passed over something, and its guidance paused. A small bump. A nipple? I gave it a curious squeeze, which sent shivers through the beast’s entire body. It moved my other hand to another nipple. Then up to another. Then up to another. Then back down. Then up. I felt like an old timey phone operator trying to eat a possum flavored party sub while I worked.
Something shifted in the beast’s demeanor suddenly. It hunched over, slamming its almost intolerably hot love fist into my head at a both literally and figuratively blinding pace. Its huge claws gabbed my head, holding me in place.
A few things happened all at once.
Lightning struck just outside, instantly filling the room with light and the deafening crash of thunder. Its claws peeled the skin off of the back of my scalp. Gallons, actual gallons of putrid wolf seed filled my mouth, throat and nose. It was boiling hot, gritty, and as thick as hot tar. It tasted like a nightmarish blend of old beach sand and rotting ground pork. It spilled out of my mouth and nose and forced its way down my throat into my stomach and lungs. It was an unstoppable fire-hose like torrent of seemingly never ending wolf putty. Its back arched, it’s head flew back, and silhouetted by the full moon it unleashed an ear splitting howl.
AWROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
I was sure I was about to die. I couldn’t breath, and every part of my face, mouth, and insides were blistering up from its boiling hot leavings. I accepted death, and passed out.
I woke up in the hospital. The official story was something about a chemical spill, but the nurses looked down on me with a knowing pity. I was hooked up to all sorts of machines. I was told recovery would be a long, hard road. I was told most of the damage was irreversible. I was told I would need life-long medication to manage the pain.
I was told I was lucky to be alive.
The words stuck in my head. Lucky? I had gone through hell. My body had been pushed and torn to its absolute limit. I had been used by a supernatural beast, and discarded like trash. Lucky doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt.
I may never lock my window again.
The other day I decided to visit the local movie theater. Other than being a connoisseur of film, I visited the locale theater due to the fact they were screening a personal favorite of mine. Pixar’s Cars 2. There aren’t much words needed to describe the absolute masterpiece of the film so I’ll continue my story. I made sure to park my bright and shining golden brown Toyota Prius right in the front of the parking lot, so the masses could bask in its glorious light. I made sure to bring my own snacks of course, my free thinking mind had already broken the chains called capitalism a long time ago. I smirked as I saw the ignorant cretins buy the overpriced and disgusting popcorn, and pitied them. After all, with my IQ, everybody is basically a monkey. The movie had been out for quite some time so I had the theater to myself. Or so I thought. Right when I had my premium Ass Warmer Ultra tm. With ass scratching capabilities and began feasting on the glorious food called canned baked beans a group of youths of African American descent entered the theater. I froze for a second, as I had planned on being alone but I could adjust my plans. I decided to continue with my movie experience. After all, the beautiful face of Mater could surely distract me from their hooliganism. We were at the best part, a truly masterful comedic technique used in the movie. Where Mater mistakes the ethnic Japanese food “Wasabi” for “Pistachio” flavored ice cream. This is quite comedic due to them looking very similar but have quite different tastes. I allowed myself to chuckle at this execution before realizing one of the youths was staring at me. I ignored him and began using my can opener to partake in the act of baked bean eating. Then I heard him about. “YO THIS NIBBA EATING BAKED BEANS WHILE WATCHING CARS 2”
The year is 1982. I am spy, engaged in Cold War operations. On each side of my mouth there is a fake molar. On the right side, cyanide. On the left, estrogen. I have done my research. The target I’m here to seduce is a straight guy. As I approach, I twist my jaw, cracking the left molar. Instantly, my body forms a pair of massive tits. I greet my target, making intense eye contact. He is immediately lovestruck. After the conference we retreat to his hotel room. As he pins me against the wall, I see the conflict in his eyes. He know I’m a spy, and yet he can’t help himself. Later, as he lies asleep next to me, I slip out of bed, and pad across the floor to his suitcase. Rifling through its contents I discovered a secret compartment, which I slide open. There. The documents. Suddenly, the click of a pistol hammer being cocked back, and the cold of a gun barrel to the back of my head. He’s got me. Right molar. Crack. I await the cyanide, but it never comes. Instead, a second dose of estrogen shoots through my body. My tits expand to gargantuan proportions, before exploding. We are both killed in the blast.
I was watching Phineas and Ferb last night and in this one episode everyone’s hyped up about having a steak cookout but the villain steals all the steaks in the city and anyway at the end his plan gets foiled and it starts raining steaks and everyone’s celebrating and whatever but I just got this pit at the bottom of my stomach, like damn this shit really changes your entire outlook on life… I was just trying to enjoy a cartoon but here I am thinking about all the fictional cows that died and the implications of promoting meat on kids tv while also having main characters that are animals and how no one else sees that issue 😭
I am male if it matters. I've always been into putting things in my ass I don't know why, I'm not gay or anything I just like how it feels. Well I got drunk last night and decided to play with my ass and I hadn't gone shopping so I was out of carrots and cucumbers so I looked around and I saw my Buzz Lightyear action figure and thought "why not?" I've put action figures up there before because they feel different and it's funny. I grabbed Buzz, lubed him up and put him up against my asshole and started sliding him in. "To infinity and beyond!" I moaned as Buzz entered me.
The only problem is that he has those wings that expand and so they popped open nearly splitting me in half and now he's stuck in there and I can't get him out. I know I need to go to the emergency room but honestly I'm scared and ashamed. I've managed to hide it from my wife so far but I think she's getting suspicious and can tell something is wrong. I'm going to try to sneak to the ER later and hopefully get it taken care of without her finding out.
