Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
Meu pênis tem 26cm de comprimento, 16 de circunferência, e uns 420ml de volume. Mesmo mole, ele bate coisa de uns 16cm.
Usei cueca de compressão pela maior parte da minha vida. Parei uns meses atrás quando conheci as de bolso, e liguei o foda-se pras olhadas na rua. Não posso vestir a maioria das coisas que ficariam legais num homem comum, tipo calça skinny, sem ficar com uma impressão gigante de piroca. Tudo marca, tudo aparece, e depois que eu emagreci, ficou ainda pior. Pra completar, eu tenho 1,68. Sabe o L invertido? É real.
Alguns meses atrás, perguntei ao meu urologista se havia possibilidade de reduzir. Ele pediu alguns exames que meu plano não cobre, então demorei pra conseguir fazer todos. Hoje fui levar pra ele. Resumindo muito, não posso reduzir. O pedaço da parte interna que eles geralmente usam pra tirar, que a maioria dos homens desenvolve só parcialmente, eu desenvolvi por inteiro. Causaria dano permanente à minha uretra.
Eu só queria ter uma vida sexual normal, e poder vestir umas paradas diferentes. Mas lá se foram ambas essas possibilidades, e eu tô me sentindo um a absoluta porcaria.
English version
My penis is 26 cm long, 16 cm in circumference, and about 420 ml in volume. Even soft, it beats about 16 cm.
I wore compression underwear for most of my life. I stopped a few months ago when I met the pocket ones, and turned on the fuck to the looks on the street. I can't wear most of the things that would look cool on an average man, like skinny jeans, without getting a giant dick impression. Everything marks, everything appears, and after I lost weight, it got even worse. To top it off, I'm 1.68. Do you know the inverted L? It's real.
A few months ago I asked my urologist if there was a possibility of reducing. He asked for some exams that my plan doesn't cover, so it took me a while to get them all done. Today I went to take him. To sum up a lot, I cannot reduce. The piece of the inside that they usually use to remove, which most men develop only partially, I developed in full. It would cause permanent damage to my urethra.
I just wanted to have a normal sex life and be able to wear some different stuff. But gone are both those possibilities, and I feel like absolute crap.
So the other day, I was playing rainbow six siege, and I heard one of my teammates make a callout in the voice chat. It was a real life gamer girl. God, I kid you not, I just stopped playing and pulled my dick out. “fuck, Fuck!” I was yelling in voice chat. I just wanted to hear her voice again. “Please,” I moaned. But she left the lobby. I was crying and covered in my own cum, but I remembered that I could find recent teammates in the ubiplay friends tab. I frantically closed down siege and opened the tab, to find out she had TTV IN HER NAME!!! She was streaming, and only had 100 viewers!!! The competition was low, so I made the first move and donated my months rent to her. I was already about to pre. She read my donation in the chat. God this is the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I did a little research, and found out where she goes to school, but I am a little nervous to talk to her in person, and need support. Any advice before my Uber gets to her middle school?
So I was just surfing the web looking for gay midget porn, when I came across this thing called “black people”. Apparently they have dark skin and love chicken. I am mortified. I will not accept anyone who is not a white person. Who made these black people? Who can I contact them and get them to stop? Are they considered people? We can’t stand for this anymore! The blacks have taken to much of out our economy! They took our jobs, our lifestyles, even our wives! I only have 3 wives left! And I don’t even fuck the other 2! Their just for cleaning and cooking! God I fucking hate America.
Edit: Guys holy shit stop downvoting me it’s just my opinion
Edit: Guys did you even read it? Stop telling me I’m racist when you clearly haven’t read the whole thing!
Edit: Jesus fucking Christ you guys are retarded. How delusional are you people???
Edit: Okay you people are fucking going to far. I’m NOT racist. I litteraly didn’t even say the n word once.
As usual yesterday I was quietly watching the replay of The Witcher on TV. Suddenly my girlfriend comes, sits calmly on the couch. She was in a sheer miniskirt, she spread her legs and I could almost see her lace.
Suddenly she takes off her undershirt to leave only her bra, she lets out sighs of fatigue and comes to put her head on my thighs to sleep, she was pressing my penis really hard, I could clearly discern her breasts and her butt.
I began to have a horse erection, and it was felt. She gets up, and says "don't get hard on me, jerk!" before scuttling furiously. She's angry and don't want to speak to me since because she think I'm a pervert. But to be honest, I was only hard because there was Henry Cavill on the screen.
So today I was makeing my stroll around the house and went into the pool room.
(I mean a room where we play pool, why did I have to correct that? Probably just an autism thing)
And I came face to face with my female cat on top of my male cat, I'm calling him "G" for privacy reasons. And the female one "Z"
I know it's normal for cats to mount eachother, male and female traditionally. But I thought my cat was lesbian. And Z was the one of top.
And G didn't look to be struggling. Until they noticed me and Z immediately stopped and ran off. Now i'm more worried and sad for Z now, she looks like she's haveing such a hard time figuring out who she is. But a new concern for me is that G might have something he's hiding too. I'd accept both of them if they just told me they were experimenting with who they are
And you have to know this. G is a big cat. Z is clearly only half his size.
This could very well be for a kink that G is hiding from me. And the possibility of the girl cat being trans. Wanting to be the one on top.
And she could clearly be struggling with these new feelings and views of herself because she's not like a human woman going through a sex change who can be given a penis like that.
And her little kitty paws can't put on any attachments to make up for it.
And since she was literally cought in an act unlike how she confidently watched me pee. And was visibly embarrassed, this is going to be a greater challenge, confronting her on these changes going on her life And trying to talk to G about his own changes, too.
This is going to be a fun summer
Elon Musk saw this in one of the slack channels
https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/031/634/guy-fired-over-meme-job-work-post-facebook-cody-hidalgo-fb.png
And he replied to it with a giant wall of text basically saying that he's 44 billion dollars in debt, made a bunch of sacrifices, and the employees are the ones making money.
But that's not all.
Elon Musk now has been going into bathrooms now and if he see's someone sitting in on the stalls, he pops his head over to talk to them about their projects in order to make sure they aren't pooping longer than necessary and stealing company time.
The meme seems to really gotten under his skin.
after Elon started doing it he bragged to mark zuckerburg about it, but then mark sent him this meme
https://i.imgflip.com/77us2q.jpg
context
In the early days of facebook Mark Zuckerburg would wander into the company bathrooms and if he noticed someone sitting down in the stalls he would pop his head over and try to talk to them about their projects. Or if he was taking a poop he would host an emergency meeting and he would tell them to come over and pop their head over the stall to talk it out.
Everyone just went along with it because it was either YOLO SILICON VALLEY LMAO or they were just too intimidated.
That all stopped when Michael Moritz, legendary silicon valley investor, and one of Facebook biggest early investors and shareholders, was at the campus doing research for leading a 2nd round of funding. He was doing diligence all day and at one point had to poop and that's when Zuckerburg popped his head over with a smile to ask how's the diligence coming along.
Michael Moritz, not one to mince words, was apoplectic. 'GET THE FUCK OUT HERE YOU IDiiOT LIZARD LOOKING FUCKER.' Mark Zuckerburg nervously tried to laugh it off and persisted, because he really loved intimate poop conversations 'Aw c'mon Michael, it's silicon valley'. Zuckerburg then withdrew after Moritz flung his cellphone into his eye socket.
30 minutes later, Mark was in a very import meeting (where he banned questions about his black eye) when Moritz walked into the conference room. 'Everyone except Mark Zuckerburg, OUT'. As intimidated as they were of Zuckerburg, at the time Moritz was the bigger deal, and they all scurried out of the room.
Zuckerburg, however, is not one to be intimated by anyone. Not the Winkewoz twins, not Eduardo Savarn, not Peter Thiel, and not one of his biggest shareholder Michael Moritz. Zuckerburg passionately defended his practice, but Michael Moritz was having none of that. Moritz told him that it was a ticking PR and HR nightmare, and threatened to pull out of leading the 2nd round of funding if Mark continued, which would have been a catastrophe for the company.
Zuckerburg pretended to arbitrate 'Ok fine, but you need to give me a good reason, because if it were normal, there would be no problem'.
Moritz was flabberghasted at this response. Was this a serious question? He answered with the most obvious answer 'Because.... it's not FUCKING NORMAL'.
Unknown to Moritz, Zuckerburg had guessed a conversation like this would happen as soon as he was kicked out of the toilet stall, and began formulating a strategy to counter Moritz demands. Zuckerburg knew that Moritz would have all the leverage, but Zuckerburg was a master strategist.
Zuckerburg went for the pounce. 'Okay, I'll lets write out an agreement, in writing I'll rescind the policy because it's not normal'. Moritz was dumbfounded, but he was used to being dumbfounded by eccentric tech founders, afterall he was also an early investor in Apple, and he still found Zuckerburg tame compared to Steve Jobs. Moritz had a long day of work so they signed the agreement so that he could go back to doing his due diligence.
When Moritz left, a broad grin spread across Zuckerburg's face. " 'Not Normal' eh? " Zuckerburg said with a menacing laugh. Ever since then, Mark Zuckerburg has been on a life-long crusade to normalize poop conversations.
He had a checklist of what he needed to accomplish in order to realize this. His advisors would tell him it's impossible, but one by one Zuckerburg checked off the list. From normalizing smart phone use on the toilet (actually a collaboration between Mark Zuckerburg and Steve Jobs), to trusting Mark with their private photos, to normalizing people giving up their internet browsing privacy.
In 2015, Zuckerburg knew he would hit a wall, having people watch you while you poop was still too much of a leap. That's when Zuckerburg decided to buy Occulus, and eventually shift his company towards virtual reality. If he could coax people into having life-like conversations while they were pooping in a virtual reality, then doing it in the real world wouldn't be too big of a leap.
Do you read facebook or instagram while you're pooping? Ever consider what urges you to do that? It's not your personal preference, it's by Mark Zuckerburg's design.
Zuckerburg only has 3 more boxes to check off before poop conversations are normalized.
Mark Zuckerburg wants to watch you poop.
Are you going to let him?
https://i.imgur.com/KVq4mMF.jpg
EDIT, UPDATE
I just got this in my DM.
I am a ex Facebook worker. Everything you said rings true. I speak to you at the risk of consequences for breaking my NDA. When I was at Facebook I was involved in a program called Project PooPal. Mark Zuckerburg was planning on Meta entering the exploding tele-therapy space, but targeting people who are not ready to talk to an actual person. You talk to a virtual reality therapist who responds with what is described as the greatest AI (though whatever you tell it, it only responds with 'wow, tell me more'). The thing is, the virtual reality assistant has a striking resemblance to Mark Zuckerburg himself. But the most damning aspect is that it's supposed to used only when you're pooping. This feature is described as optional, though uses the most advanced AI for your phone camera to check if you're actually on a toilet, and if not, says 'It looks like you're not pooping. Please start pooping and try again'. I always wondered what is the purpose and origin of the project. Now I know.
