Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
I live in an apartment and I’ve been having issues with pigeons shitting on my balcony. It’s a balcony with a real nice view on top of a mountain, so it was really pissing me off that I can’t enjoy it properly. I like to cook, drink my tea there, but I’m afraid of catching diseases from the pigeon shit.
I read about pigeon deterrents online and tried everything. I put up spikes on the railing and edges, hung up CDs, put up fake scarecrow ravens and even tried playing high-pitched noises. They kept coming back and shitting all over my balcony. Nothing worked. I even bought a water gun to blast them with, and it only scares them away the moment I do it but they come back when I’m not around.
Today, I saw a pigeon land on my balcony and I absolutely lost my shit. I was struck with a primal urge to assert male dominance and went out, grabbed the pigeon, took it into my bathroom, and assfucked it raw over my toilet bowl. It felt good to show the pigeon who’s boss like how people do it in prison. My cock barely fit inside his small ass, and for a moment I thought my thrusts could kill or severely injure him. He started cooing and moaning, and he came all over my toilet bowl. I finished inside him raw.
I took him back to the balcony and released him so that he could tell all his friends how I humiliated him and pounded a gaping hole in his ass prison style. I thought this would scare them away for good.
But instead, he went and told all his friends that I fuck and now I have a bigger problem. The pigeons, both male and female keep coming to my window sill and balcony and harassing me begging me to fuck them. There is 100x more shit on my balcony now. They keep cooing, moaning, and banging against my windows begging for the dick.
I can’t leave my house anymore because when I do, they recognize me and mob me humping me and moaning. My plan didn’t go as expected at all and I don’t know what to do now. I can’t sleep at night because of all the cooing, moaning and banging against the windows. Is there a way to make myself unattractive to the pigeons? Has anyone dealt with this before?
Now there is also cum all over my windows and balcony. The wildlife authorities said pigeons are an endangered species now in the area because they stopped mating with each other cause they only want human dick. They are suing me for endangering the pigeons. I don’t have the money for this huge lawsuit please guys help me out here.
2 days ago i had to kill my friend (19m). it started when we where in maths class. we were making the usual quandale dingle and morbius memes when he asked to go to the bathroom. he never has to go so i was a bit sceptical. i (20m) snuck out and followed him, without his knowledge. i looked under the cubical he was in and saw him shitting into his hand and rubbing it all over him, onto the walls, his face and his penis. i then saw him beat his meat to morbius r34. when he cummed he shouted out quandale dingle, but he saw me. he shouted out my name, Jeremiah bingle. he tried breaking into the cubicle that i was in, still covered in shit, with his penis hanging out he shouted “ITS MORBIN TIME!” and started slapping me and punching me. he then ran into the classroom and grabbed his bag. i heard the screams. they were terrifying. he then grabbed a knife from his bag and started violently scraping the shit of himself and snorting it. i kicked him away and broke the toilet lid off. i then hit him over the head shouting “GET MORBED” as brain matter, blood and shit flew everywhere. after a few hits, he died. i am typing this in the back of a police van, covered in blood, poop and brain. i m going to court next week and i am pleading in self defense. AMA
So I'm a woman in my 30's. I made a throwaway because I don't want this tied to my main account at all. Yesterday our garbage disposal stopped working and I was trying to see why so I was looking around under the sink and I moved stuff out to get in there to look around more easily. In the very back tucked away was a mason jar that I thought was just over halfway full of kitchen grease at first but I realized it wasn't grease...I thought it looked like semen. I made the mistake of opening it and by the smell I knew that it was definitely semen. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Disgusted I threw it away in the dumpster outside. It had to have been my husband's but I don't know why he would save semen in a jar.
My husband got home and I asked him about it. He seemed very embarrassed and confessed it was indeed a jar full of semen he was filling for almost a year. I was shocked and asked him why? He said whenever it was my time of the month or I wasn't in the mood he'd jerk off into the jar after I went to bed. I asked him why not go in the toilet or use tissues or the shower or something. Why a fucking jar? He couldn't answer that other than saying hes been doing this since he was a kid. I told him I want him to stop using a jar because it's disgusting. He told me he didn't want to and asked where the jar was. I told him I threw it away and he was upset! He said it took him a long time to fill the jar that much and now he had to start over and we argued about him using a jar to store old jizz in.
I still don't understand why he wants to fill a jar for fucks sake. We argued about it and during the argument he opened the refrigerator, took a large jar of pickles and dumped it out and started rinsing it out and said, "This is the cum jar now!" Before I knew it I'm literally screaming at my husband about cumming in jars and told him he can either cum in me or the jar but not both. He clutched the jar and stormed off to the bathroom. I was literally speechless.
I sat down and started watching TV trying to take my mind off it when he came out and joined me and tried to patch things up. I asked him where he hid the jar and he wouldn't fucking tell me! He told me we should just forget about the fight, he apologized to me and told me he'd make sure I didn't have to see the jar if I didn't want to. I wanted us to stop fighting so I agreed and we didn't speak about it for the rest of the night. He fell asleep early but I laid in bed for over an hour thinking about the fucking jar. I don't understand why he's so intent on doing something so disgusting and I'm still angry about it.
Edit/Update: My husband got home and we sat down and talked. After a lot of prying I got him to come clean with me about why he cums in a jar and why it's in the kitchen.
He gets very excited when I eat his cum and he makes pancakes every weekend for breakfast and he mixes the cum into the pancake batter and gets off on me eating it without my knowledge or consent. He has been doing this regularly for our entire marriage and has mixed cum in other things I'veeaten and drank. I have of course swallowed his cum before but this is different because he did this without my knowing.
I honestly couldn't yell at him or even say anything. I felt numb. I just got up and started throwing shit in a bag while he tried to talk me down and stop me. I ended up leaving with some bare essentials and told him that I need space and will reach out to him when I'm ready to talk. I'm taking some time off of work and headed to a friend's house for a few days. I asked her if I could stay and she doesn't know why and honestly I don't know what to tell her or anyone else for that matter. I don't know what I'm going to do or what this means for our marriage. I feel disgusted, used and like trust in my husband has been severely damaged. I haven't cried or done anything yet. I stopped to get a bite to eat on the way to my friend's house and to try to figure out what to say to her because I know she'll have questions. I also think I need to cry first. Thank you to everyone who's been kind and supportive and offered good advice. Please keep it coming because I feel like I'm drowning here and I have no idea what to do.
I'm a 24 year old guy who because of an accident as a child, I literally broke my penis. I went all my teens not knowing what an erection feels like or what it's like to be able to perform and no one knows that the reason I've been working since I was 14 is because I had a goal in mind: getting that damm implant.
now, having had my first sexual experience ever in my life, I felt this sense of anger just go off my mind. I hated the topic of sex because I knew I was disbanded from enjoying it, now I can get hard so easy and ironically I have a form of switch and kill switch, I just turn it on and off when I want to. It's creepy I know but trust me I feel like ''robocock''
Does it get soft? nope, I can now pound FOREVER and the though if that itself has revived some sense of self worth that I have never felt before, I'm not even scared to talk to girls now because I'm aware that I have a modified penis with perks and attachments.
People ask me why I'm happy now and not all negative and depressed but I can't tell them because it's awkward and people my age wouldn't understand the pain and sacrifice, I just want to enjoy this victory in anonymity.
My boy, my oldest child, was so good when he was little, but something broke inside of him when he was a teenager.
My wife and I always accepted, loved, and encouraged him. We pushed him to work hard and treat people with respect. I don’t know where exactly we failed him but as a father I feel responsible for the thing he’s turned into.
It started when he was 14. He had began to become withdrawn and emotional. We chalked it up to teenaged mood swings. For some reason he was just so angsty and bitter all the time. We were worried about his lack of social life and his over-reliance on his computer. He kind of hid himself in the online world so my wife and I began to limit his computer time, but he simply became more aggressive and confrontational.
His hygiene was bad, and he was always confrontational when we told him to shower or do laundry. His room stank horribly and we eventually had a huge fight over it where he physically shoved my wife and called her a bitch, and eventually we got him to at least clean and air out his room regularly on the grounds that it was our house and if he couldn’t maintain his space he wouldn’t be entitled to it - essentially we got to the point where we told him he wouldn’t be allowed his worldly possessions or privacy unless he took care of the space we all shared. the room still smelled and he was still rude about cleaning it but we could tell him to get it clean and he would do it after that.
We ended up getting a call from his school saying that a female student felt harassed by him. We were shown messages where he continually badgered her to have sex with him, threatened to “punish” her for stringing him along, sending her unsolicited nudes, telling her some violent fantasies of his, and eventually just descending into some horrid rage-filled rant about how she is just another “whore” and other things.
We were shocked. We explained to him why this behaviour was unacceptable, and I explained to him that it was ok to be sexually active but his actions were toxic and abusive.
I tried mentoring him man-to-man, taking him on camping trips and whatnot and talking to him about women and girls and trying to give him advice. I suggested he try showering, changing up his hair and facial hair styles, trying out different fashion styles, maybe going to the gym.
I told him some hard truths - that he doesn’t want a gross woman so he shouldn’t be a gross man. By gross I mean hygiene and looks. I explained to him that good looks are more hygiene and self care than genetics but he refused to accept what I said to him.
After that I caught him sniffing his sister’s panties in the laundry room - she was 12 at the time and he was 17. He assured me it had nothing to do with his sister, he said he just had a panty sniffing fetish and he pretended they belonged to girls from porno videos, but still I gave him hell for it, and he was grounded and lost his computer for 6 months. I went through his computer and I was disgusted by the kinds of hateful, racist, incel forums he frequented, the horrid things he said about women, and his save file was full of cartoon porn with girls of questionable ages. I wiped the hard drive completely and began strictly monitoring his online activity. I used parental filters to block incel sites and and porn sites that hosted cartoon porn.
The next big issue was something he did to my daughter’s friend. My daughter is 5 years his junior, and one day after a sleepover, my daughter came to me and said her friend wanted to tell me something but was afraid of what I would say.
My son cornered this 13 year old girl and physically blocked her path and touched her hair and face while making very inappropriate comments about her body and asking her if she liked to sleep naked and what kind of underwear she wore.
I tore into my son for that, my wife and I both shouted at him, and told him his behaviour was horrible and I told him then that if his actions got him arrested I would not defend him. He accused us of not loving him, but I told him the reason I was so passionately angry in that situation is because I do love him, and I want to help him become a good man so he can stop being so predatory and bitter and miserable. I told him some hard truths. That he did this all to himself and that he is the only one he can blame for how bitter he is.
I suggested he look to women his own age and he went on a rant about how it was a waste of time because women were already whores (and his definition of a whore is a woman who has had sex even just once) by 17. I called him out on his bullshit and expressed clearly that if he harassed young girls anymore I would personally turn him in.
I invited my daughters friend over after and I personally apologized to her for her experiences, I cried in shame for my son’s behaviour and begged her forgiveness for allowing her to feel unsafe in my home and promised her that if she ever felt uncomfortable she could come to my wife and I and we would always believe and help her. Luckily, my daughter didn’t lose this friend, but for safety I installed a lock on my daughter’s door.
We got my son therapy but he refused to engage with the therapist, calling him a “sand nigger” and “pajeet” and “terrorist”. His next therapist was a “chad”, so he didn’t relate to that either.
We fought about him not trying, not getting a job, and he said he couldn’t get one because of the immigrants, to which I pointed out that he was struggling because he got fired from his high school jobs for being lazy.
After those fights, my wife tried to empathize with him and understand what made him so bitter but he flipped out at her, and called her a cock-gargling whore and said that she fucked her way through dozens of men until she found a “beta-fag” who was willing to shelter her for missionary sex.
My wife, who works and contributes to the family income, who is an independent, professional woman.
Honestly, I lost it more than ever before. I had never been so angry when I heard what he said. That may be his mom, he may be my son, but the woman he was abusively tearing into is my god damn wife. No one can treat my wife like that.
I am ashamed to say in my anger, he shoved me and I physically retaliated, shoving him back, and pinning him against the wall. I felt ashamed of myself, I have never been an angry or violent person, but I couldn’t control myself. I’ve never put my hands on either of my children in such a way in my life, I hate child abusers... but this boy was no child. He was a grown man.
He was intimidated and backed down, and for a while he was peaceful.
The last straw was this week.
My daughter has dated 3 people her whole life. A boy, a girl, and now another boy. We were as open about sex with my daughter as we were with my son. We asked if she would like to have a question-free steady supply of condoms left in her bathroom drawer, and if she wanted to get on birth control. She said no to both questions with her first boyfriend. She never really brought him home but we met him at one of her recitals. When she had a girlfriend she went over to her house all the time, and didn’t want to bring her to the same house her brother lived in, a sentiment I understood.
But her most recent boyfriend has a lot going on behind the scenes in his family. He’s a nice boy but his mom is a single mom of 4 and they struggle.
This boy started coming around a month after they got together. I like him. My daughter is happy with him. He treats her with respect. He is an intelligent boy. He’s an absolute gentleman. He’s respectful and polite in our home. He calls me sir, calls my wife Ma’am, he offers to help with the cooking or dishes or cleaning while he’s visiting, he talks to us, he’s a bit of an amateur cook himself and brings us food all the time to say thank you for taking care of him, when we go out for dinner he always offers to pay for himself and my daughter (though I know he doesn’t have much money so I always pay). When getting out of the car he opens the door for my wife and offers her his hand (he sits behind her for leg room). He holds the doors, when we leave somewhere he helps my daughter put her jacket on like those sweet old fashioned couples.
This young man works hard, and gives what little he has to his mom and siblings. Like I said, I really respect the boy. I offered him money once for groceries for his family but he turns me down and says he would feel guilty accepting my money like that. He’s appreciative of things - in the winter, it was -20 and he had only a hoodie, so I draped my jacket over his arms, and I said “take it son, it’s cold.” He had tears in his eyes as he said thank you, and I made some excuse about wanting to get rid of the jacket and told him he could keep it if he brought cookies for us next time he visited.
When Christmas came along, I invited him over for supper, and when I went to pick him up I delivered some presents for his family, and on the ride back to my house we had a moment. He was crying because he didn’t have much to give us - he got everyone in our house a present but he cried anyways because he felt it wasn’t enough to make up for what we gave him. I pulled over, and I just hugged him, and I said to him that it wasn’t the value of what he got, it was that he got us anything at all. I thanked him for treating my daughter so well, and I told him he would always be welcome in my home.
My own son didn’t get us anything for christmas, not even a card bought with the money we give him. This boy got my wife and I matching wine glasses since we like to share a bottle every now and then.
My son didn’t eat with us. He pillaged the food table and ran away to his room alone while my daughter’s boyfriend met my sister and her family and my parents and my uncle. They all told me how charming he was and how polite he was. Meanwhile after dinner my son told my 5 year old nephew “fuck off Faggot” for asking to play a game with him. A man over 20 years old.
Last week, my wife and I went out for an evening to ourselves. We went to dinner, then we went to an upscale bar to play some pool, then we went home.
When I walked in the door, the kids were screaming at each other. I came in to see my son and my daughter’s boyfriend fighting. The boyfriend was just pushing my son back and trying to redirect him, my son was throwing punches and charging him. My daughter was crying and sitting against the wall clutching her face. I got between them and pushed them apart, and demanded to know what was happening.
My son went on a tirade about how he found birth control pills and heard “whore” sounds from her room, so he kicked open her door and discovered them having sex, he said he couldn’t believe his own sister would “be a nigger’s whore” and called the poor boy a monkey and other things.
My wife got my daughter and her boyfriend out of there and I yelled at my son for how he was acting. Eventually I got nowhere with him so I made him wait in his room. I went to talk to my daughter. I apologized to her boyfriend, crying as I did, telling him that I hope he could forgive me for letting this happen. He said he was sorry for getting violent but that he only did it because my son hit her. My daughter cried and said he was a psycho and threatened to rape her, and that he admitted to ejaculating on her toothbrush and hair brush.
I charged into his room, and I said firmly that he should pack his bags and leave. I told him I would pay to have his things sent to him, wherever he went, but that he was leaving tomorrow.
My wife stayed at my sisters, and my daughter and her boyfriend spent the next few nights at his place.
The next day I practically threw my son out of the house kicking and screaming.
I took his key back and changed the alarm codes and garage door code. A day later I had a message requesting some of this things - mostly his gaming stuff - be delivered to some strange apartment block I didn’t recognize a couple of towns over. A college aged man buzzed me in and I delivered the stuff. I didn’t see my son.
My wife and I then went through his room. My daughter’s boyfriend came over and helped me move his furniture to the garage. We threw out his mattress and some other more gross and smelly things, and we took out the carpet to be replaced.
Hidden in the closet was a treasure trove of my daughter’s underwear, so saturated with old, moldy semen that they were as hard as bricks. The unnerving part was that there were a few pairs my daughter was adamant didn’t belong to her. And they were too small for my wife. It was possible he stole them from my nieces.
There was a sketchbook containing graphic drawings of my son violently raping different women and keeping little girls chained up in some kind of sex dungeon. I went through his old phone that was still working, and all his photos were screenshots of my nieces and their friends in their bikinis, lots of cartoon porn, lots of red pill and incel and Trump memes. He still had messenger, so I checked his messages, most of them were just him trying to harass women and underaged girls.
I checked his Email and... much to my disgust, he stole private photos of my wife from her phone, and he was selling them.
Today, I went to the police with everything and told them everything.
I gave my baby boy everything... I don’t know why he went down this road. But I’m just so sorry I failed him. I don’t know what the police will do... but I hope they stop him before he hurts someone else.
The sad thing is... yesterday, once it was all over and settled, yesterday we had a wonderful day. One of the happiest we have ever had.
It's awful. My dick is so large I just cannot lug it around any longer. It is so insanely huge and has caused so many problems in my life. I cannot go to airports as they think I am sneaking something in. so everytime I go, I get groped as they try to take my penis off thinking its a bomb. I cannot pleasure women as they are so horrified at the sight of my cock, that they immediately run away. My mother and father disowned me after seeing the length of my shaft. Not only is it extraordinarily long, it is just too thick. I cannot sexually relieve myself as my hands are just too small to masturbate.
My humongous cock has ruined my life. I resent God for cursing me with this large chunk of meat that just drags across the ground. Doctors tell my I will never be able to get a penis reduction as they would have nowhere to put the penis. It would just take up far too much room.
I had a girlfriend when I was a young lad, she loved me for who I was and did not care for this deformity, but one day... I took off my jeans and my penis flung out, smacking her and flinging her out the window. She died 2 hours later in the hospital. She was the only woman who ever loved me. My penis is just... too ginormous. It has caused problems for myself and the people around me. For this reason, I will be ending it all. My penis has taken over my life... but it cannot take over a life that does not exist.
