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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


meu avô foi de base

    sem meme, vou mandar o pprt tava marcado pra no FDS (final de semana) eu ir pra cg (capital) dar um look no meu vô que tava miado healando no hospital (mto noggers), aí eu fui e mandei "segue a call meu velho, se quiser quitar tá tranks que nois segura pq tamo na vantagem e temo ult" aí eu já aproveitei que tava lá e como sou alpha minded já larguei o beta spirit e fui na house da minha mina aí eu tava lá no kekw com o dick na pussy e recebo uma call midlane, era minha tia que disse "seu vô não tankou a gankada e foi de base" aí foi omegalul total no dia seguinte já loguei no enterro e vi que meu vô não ia dar respawn e o padre já lançou "ele era based e mto sigma" e eu fiquei tipo "slk hablou muito poggers dms" no final foi meio gore e cringe mas eu tankei pq não sou bluepill

    Open English translated

    no meme, I'm going to send the pprt it was scheduled for the FDS (weekend) I went to cg (capital) to take a look at my grandpa who was meowing healing at the hospital (too noggers), so I went and said "follow the call old man, if you want to get rid of it, it's tranks that we hold because we are in the advantage and I fear ult" then I took advantage of being there and as I'm alpha minded I already dropped the beta spirit and went to my girl's house there I was there at kekw with dick at pussy and i get a call midlane, it was my aunt who said "your grandpa didn't tank the gankada and went with base" then it was total omegalul the next day i already logged in to the funeral and saw that my grandpa wasn't going to respawn and the priest already released "he was based and a lot of sigma" and I was like "slk spoke a lot of poggers dms" in the end it was kind of gore and cringe but I tanked because I'm not bluepill

    Does the Pope shit in his hat?

      Pope copypasta
      Does the pope shit in his hat?

I don't know if he shits in his own hat, but he's shit in mine quite a few times. I don't know how or why he does it, but at least a couple times a year, I'll be in my apartment by myself, just living my life, and all of a sudden I'll hear this loud moan followed by giggling and an absolutely horrific smell. At this point I know it's him once I hear the moan, so I get up to try to catch him, but before I can, he's already in the front doorway giving me this stupid smirk. I always try to reach out and grab him, but he just winks and runs off to the Popemobile idling outside.

Just to be clear, I live in Chicago, not the Vatican, and as far as I can tell, he's coming out here just to shit in my hat. There are no big news stories about him visiting or anything like that, but there is a page in an official Vatican site that shows his travel schedule and it always says he had to make a brief visit for "holy administrative purposes". It's also worth noting that he's in full the full Pope outfit when he does this, so it's pretty impressive that he can move as fast as he does, especially considering his age.

      Guys I lost my virginity to my beautiful girlfriend!

        We’ve been dating for several months and I finally asked the question and she agreed! So I bought condoms from the market and she came over to my place. We played video games and after I won the last match she said she was ready so we both went to my room and we did the deed. It was awkward at first and I didn’t last long 😅but it was overall enjoyable for both of us, and we cuddle together naked and it felt great.

After the cuddling I took my schizophrenia pills along with some water. I turned back and strangely she was gone and all there was, was a body pillow with a hole cut in it.

Oh well she must be busy but yeah today was a great day :P

        I did an shit and piss combo while giving my dad an back massage when I was 9.

          Shit and piss copypasta
          One time when I was 9, I was giving my dad an back massage, i was sitting on his back and wanted to fart but instead I did an shit and piss combo so stinky your nose will turn into dust if you smelt it, he immediately jumped up and my hot diarrhea splattered all over our brand new carpets, he went and showered and I could hear him crying, when he got out he made me clean my shit with my blanket, he made me sleep with my blanket that night, i was crying so much because the smell of my shit was that bad, i vomited and the pressure of my vomit was so harsh i did another shit and piss combo, i was crying as i rolled around in my filth and my dad came in and screamed when he saw it, "how can such an small child have so much shit inside there body?!?" he said, he then said to me to take an bath and i was forced to sleep in the couch because my dad didn't want to risk me sleeping in his bed because I might do another shart and piss combo, we then bought an brand new carpet and an brand new bed set for me.

          I raped a car

            2002 Skyline GTR copypasta
            So basically I was out shopping at Walmart to buy some more hemorrhoid cream for my asshole. After paying and exiting the store I just happened to stumble upon a beauty in the parking lot. A bright blue 2002 skyline gtr. I walked up to it, unable to believe what I was seeing. My cock hardened and began to throb as my eyes scanned its shiny coat of paint. Without thinking I dropped my groceries(and pants) to the floor and began shoving my steel hard cock into the hot metal exhaust and aggresively began fucking it. The combination of my warm jizz and the unburned fuel residue stained my dick black, while the heat of the freshly used pipe delivered 2nd degree burns to my cock almost instantaneously, but I didn't care. I was in heaven. Nothing on this earth could ever deliver the amount of euphoria and raw sexual pleasure i was experiencing at this moment. I fucked the ever living hell out of that car like there was no tomorrow. That is, until people started to crowd around and give me wierd looks. They were saying things like "what the fuck" and "that's disgusting", a few of them even contemplated calling the police. Then, the owner of the car came storming out of the Walmart. He was furious, he yanked me away from the car while yelling, kicked me to the ground and curb stomped me in front of the entire crowd. Even my crush was watching i think. He then backed up the car and ran me over which broke 8 of my ribs then he drove back home. After the crowd of people disappeared I stumbled back home and cried in the shower for 2 days. AITA?

            i took revenge on the fly that sexually assaulted me

              i took revenge on the fly that sexually assaulted me

I was trying to take a fat shit a diarrhea to be exact. I was just minding my own shitting business until a fly by the age of 18 days (42 in fly years) sexually assaulted my ass and crawled all over it. I got scared and jumped up and down to get the fly off my ass. And what happened next made me shit all over the toilet seat. But i didn't care about that, that was the least of my worries. What i worry about is my ptsd because of it. I went to 10 therapists and they all told me im stupid and its a fly. I was too scared to take a shit after 4 days. But one day i had to piss and... i saw him... the fly that sexually assaulted me, I as a professional football player (well in my dreams i am) aimed my dick at the fly and said "hasta la vista baby" and pissed on the fly killing him instantly then i wiped the toilet seat clean and took the fattest shit with no worry at all.