Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
You are on your deathbed. The heart-rate monitor beeps twice every second, a reminder that you are still alive, still on this hellish earth. You long for the pleasure that death will bring, the pleasure that rotting away underground in your coffin will bring. But then you get a devilish idea. With all of your might, you ferociously grab your dick and start beating it. As you continue, you feel your heart start to give up, as all of your energy is focused on your hands fondling your throbbing dick. The monitor now is only beeping once per second. Your nurse rushes over to see what is happening. And then, you finally let go. Cum explodes out of your dick at the speed of light, right into the nurse's mouth, making her choke. This only makes you harder. A second wave comes out from your penis. All of this energy you have used up now makes your frail heart go into cardiac arrest. Your head begins to feel faint, and you see the nurse spluttering on the floor, gasping for air under your sickly cum. This is the last thing you see before you flat line. Death. The horniest thing of all. With shattering force, your corpse lets go one last shot of semen.
The year is 2040. The LGBTQ party has taken over the whole world. Being heterosexual is illegal. At age 14, everyone is forced by law to change to another one of the 666 different genders. The last gamers hide in the sewers, eating rats and enjoying decade-old videogames; the last ones without identity politics woven directly in the code. Their last hope: leaving edgy comments in reviews on Steam.
porra mano fui pra smart fit ontem pra fazer peito e triceps ta ligado
ai la no canto tem uma area de crossfit puta area merda kkkkkkkkkkkk nem sei pq falei isso mas e dai
enfim, tava la fazendo um fly suavao ai do nada me entra um palhaço na academia
velho to falando de um palhaço mesmo, nao tipo o it ou tiririca que eh um meia foda de um palhaço
eh um palhaço mesmo mano, pique os de circo manja
suave tava no descanso do bi-set so fiquei de olho
mano o palhaço nao vai no rack dos peso e cata 3 anilha de 25 kilo e começa a faze malabaris no bagulho
porra jao 25 kilo cada
a porra da academia travou pra ver aquele filho da puta brincando como se fosse com bolinha de tenis tiu
ai um dos instrutor, o mais merda ne tinha q ser
chego nele e falo "o jao para com essa porra ai vai machuca alguem mano"
o palhaço olho pra ele sorrindo e ignoro
nao e q deu merda, o ronald mcdonald do caralho solto uma anilha bem no pe e ele começa a chora q nem um bebe, no mesmo timbre
o instrutor entro em choque
ai o palhaço tira o sapato nr 55 dele e mostra que nao pegou, seguido de um HONK HONK com o nariz
mano esse bagulho foi foda
o instrutor saiu e foi procurar a gerente da academia q tava na recepçao dando o cu sei la fazendo o q
quando eles voltaram o palhaço ja tava fazendo dropset de agachamento com 160kg, negada tava pirando vendo aquele cuzao
na hora o palhaço viu eles e agacho com tudo
as calça dele rasgou e começou a cair uma pa de jujuba e ele gargalhando
mano foi o pior dia da minha vida, amei
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damn bro i went to smart fit yesterday to do chest and triceps ok
there in the corner there's a crossfit area shit area kkkkkkkkkkkk I don't even know why I said that but so what
Anyway, I was doing a sweaty fly and then out of nowhere a clown enters my gym
old man I'm talking about a clown, not like the it or the sedge that's a half fuck of a clown
he's a real clown bro, cut the circus ones
smooth was on the bi-set rest so I kept an eye
bro, the clown doesn't go to the weight rack and picks up 3 25 kilo washers and starts juggling the stuff
damn already 25 kilos each
the fucking gym crashed to see that son of a bitch playing like it was a tennis ball
there one of the instructors, the shittiest one didn't have to be
I go up to him and say "jao stop with that shit, it's going to hurt someone bro"
the clown looks at him smiling and ignores
It's not like shit, the fucking ronald mcdonald drops a band right on his foot and he starts crying like a baby, in the same timbre
the instructor is in shock
then the clown takes off his shoe nr 55 and shows that he didn't take it, followed by a HONK HONK with his nose
man this shit was fuck
the instructor left and went to look for the gym manager who was at the reception giving her ass what she was doing
When they came back the clown was already doing a squat dropset with 160kg, I was freaking out watching that asshole
at the time the clown saw them and I crouched down with everything
his pants ripped and a piece of jelly beans started to fall and he laughed
bro it was the worst day of my life, i loved it
Quando começamos a namorar, o pai dela me perguntou: "você trabalha?"
Eu todo feliz, respondi que sim.
"Você trabalha com o que?"
- Eu sou chapeiro, trabalho no centro.
Ele questionou:
"O que um chapinha faz?"
Eu todo tímido respondi: eu faço hambúrguer senhor.
Minha namorada tava com olho arregalado, pegou na minha mão e disse: 'pai, a gente vai sair e depois vocês conversam mais."
Assim que saímos, ela disse:
"Amor, não liga pro meu pai!"
Eu falei que estava tranquilo, mas por dentro já me veio o medo de perde-la.
Saímos e foi tudo perfeito, eu queria pagar a conta, mas ela fazia questão de rachar.
No dia seguinte quando fui buscar em casa, eu ouvi o pai dela cochichar: "O que aquele assalariado tem pra te oferecer?"
Nossa mano, aquilo acabou com a minha noite mais uma vez.
Quando minha mina saiu, ela estava tão linda e com um sorriso disfarçado. Como se estivesse segurando o choro.
A gente foi numa pracinha e ela tava tão caladinha.
Eu perguntei:
O que foi amor?
"- nada vida."
Eu olhei nos olhos dela e disse: não desista de mim!
Os olhos dela se encheram de lágrimas.
Eu estava no 9° período da faculdade de enfermagem. No último periodo comecei a fazer estágio.
8 meses depois, eu aposentei meu avental preto e estreei o meu jaleco branco.
Na minha formatura só estava ela e minha mãe. Elas estavam chorando com orgulho de mim.
Peguei a recisão, dei entrada em um AP de 40m². Meus amigos fizeram um chá de casa nova e mobiliei aos poucos.
Mesmo sem cama e sem sofá, adivinha quem tá grávida de 3 meses e tá aqui comigo hoje?
A amiga dela que conheci em uns encontros de amigos e acabei vendo que era o amor da minha vida ISSO MESMO
Não importa o que a mulher passou contigo, você não se torna prisioneiro por isso , se você se apaixonar por outra garota, largue e constitua um novo amor
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When we started dating, her father asked me: "do you work?"
Me all happy, I replied yes.
"What's your occupation?"
- I'm a hatter, I work downtown.
He questioned:
"What does a chap do?"
Me all shy replied: I make burger sir.
My girlfriend had wide eyes, she took my hand and said: 'Dad, we're going out and then you can talk more.
As soon as we left, she said:
"Love, don't mind my dad!"
I said I was calm, but inside I was already afraid of losing her.
We left and everything was perfect, I wanted to pay the bill but she insisted on splitting.
The next day when I went to get it at home, I heard her father whisper: "What does that salaryman have to offer you?"
Jeez bro, that ruined my night yet again.
When my mine came out, she was so beautiful and with a smile in disguise. As if holding back tears.
We went to a little square and she was so quiet.
I asked:
What happened dear?
"- nothing life."
I looked into her eyes and said: don't give up on me!
Her eyes filled with tears.
I was in the 9th period of nursing school. In the last period I started to do internship.
8 months later, I retired my black apron and debuted my white lab coat.
At my graduation there was only her and my mother. They were crying proud of me.
I took the termination, I entered an AP of 40m². My friends made a new house tea and I furnished it little by little.
Even without a bed and without a sofa, guess who is 3 months pregnant and is here with me today?
Her friend that I met at some friends' meetings and ended up seeing that she was the love of my life THAT'S RIGHT
It doesn't matter what the woman went through with you, you don't become a prisoner so if you fall in love with another girl, let go and make a new love
I met Shawn Michaels at a restaurant once - we’d accidentally been given his table. Apparently he was fond of the restaurant and had a specific table he liked, and the management had messed up and gotten their days wrong, (it was Tuesday and they thought he was coming on Thursday or something like that). Anyway, the manager, completely embarrassed (this is a pretty nice restaurant) comes by and says “I’m so sorry, but we’d like to move you to another table if you could be troubled, and we’ll gladly compensate you for the cost of the meal and any other meal you’d like while you’re in town.” My sister and cousin were both like “Yeah that’s cool.” and I kind of played the asshole a bit. “I’m sorry, I just don’t understand. We’ve been here for 15 minutes - we’ve just ordered. Can’t we finish our meal here?” Then out of nowhere Shawn Michaels shows up next to the manager and says “Paul, these guys can finish. We’ll be at the bar. I got some time.” And I (being a big HBK fan) said “Oh wow, uh… I had no idea. Please feel free to give them the table.” Shawn was grateful, shook my hand and said thanks, then gave me a card with his number on it and told me to give him a call later. After working up the nerve, I gave him a call that night, and to make a long story short, we had a glorious 11 month love affair, man on man, that I shall never forget. Our bodies intertwined as one, and from the beauty of Morocco, to the French Riviera, to the snorkeling in the Galopagos, Shawn Michaels and I made glorious gay love to each other on six of the seven continents.
I met Shawn Michaels at a restaurant once - we’d accidentally been given his table. Apparently he was fond of the restaurant and had a specific table he liked, and the management had messed up and gotten their days wrong, (it was Tuesday and they thought he was coming on Thursday or something like that).
Anyway, the manager, completely embarrassed (this is a pretty nice restaurant) comes by and says “I’m so sorry, but we’d like to move you to another table if you could be troubled, and we’ll gladly compensate you for the cost of the meal and any other meal you’d like while you’re in town.” My sister and cousin were both like “Yeah that’s cool.” and I kind of played the asshole a bit.
“I’m sorry, I just don’t understand. We’ve been here for 15 minutes - we’ve just ordered. Can’t we finish our meal here?”
Then out of nowhere Shawn Michaels shows up next to the manager and says “Paul, these guys can finish. We’ll be at the bar. I got some time.”
And I (being a big HBK fan) said “Oh wow, uh… I had no idea. Please feel free to give them the table.”
Shawn was grateful, shook my hand and said thanks, then gave me a card with his number on it and told me to give him a call later. After working up the nerve, I gave him a call that night, and to make a long story short, we had a glorious 11 month love affair, man on man, that I shall never forget. Our bodies intertwined as one, and from the beauty of Morocco, to the French Riviera, to the snorkeling in the Galopagos, Shawn Michaels and I made glorious gay love to each other on six of the seven continents.
Today when I walked into my economics class I saw something I dread every time I close my eyes. Someone had brought their new gaming laptop to class. The Forklift he used to bring it was still running idle at the back. I started sweating as I sat down and gazed over at the 700lb beast that was his laptop. He had already reinforced his desk with steel support beams and was in the process of finding an outlet for a power cable thicker than Amy Schumer's thigh. I start shaking. I keep telling myself I'm going to be alright and that there's nothing to worry about. He somehow finds a fucking outlet. Tears are running down my cheeks as I send my last texts to my family saying I love them. The teacher starts the lecture, and the student turns his laptop on. The colored lights on his RGB Backlit keyboard flare to life like a nuclear flash, and a deep humming fills my ears and shakes my very soul. The entire city power grid goes dark. The classroom begins to shake as the massive fans begin to spin. In mere seconds my world has gone from vibrant life, to a dark, earth shattering void where my body is getting torn apart by the 150mph gale force winds and the 500 decibel groan of the cooling fans. As my body finally surrenders, I weep, as my school and my city go under. I fucking hate gaming laptops.
