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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


This game is making me go ballistic

    This game is making me go ballistic. I was at a bar with my friends last weekend when my friend mentioned how many trophies he was at. I played it cool and lied about how many I was at but he had passed me on trophy road and I had to play so i went to the bathroom and of course my first game I match against hog and my phone dies half way through. I was so mad and had to play so I walked to a gas station and bought a charger but had no where to plug it in and was bored of the bar and in a rage I just didn’t care anymore and unplugged the cooler with all the ice cream in it and sat on the floor waiting for it to charge and started playing. I couldn’t win because I kept playing firecracker and hog and skarol and by the time the employee caught on the dipping dots and multiple other ice cream items were melted and deformed inside the package. I told him I didn’t care and in comes a cop who proceeded to arrest me confiscate my fake id and put me on a 6 hour hold in a cell. This is the worst game ever and on the way there all I could think about was getting emoted on when I lost to lavahound I didn’t even care I was arrested this is the biggest rage game I’ve ever played. How am I supposed to win when I’m getting hard countered in every match?

    My girlfriend’s ass worms went inside my peehole

      So me and my girl decided to do some ass sex earlier today, she was all giddy and excited and so she was naked and got on all fours and wiggled her ass. I was super excited too so i went in there no condom and no lube, i went full force in there and she moaned like an elephant, im just pounding away and theres no poo on my dick. But then i look down and see a bunch of little worms on her anus and crawling on my penis, i pull out quickly and go to wash it off in the washroom but i notice one trying to get inside my peehole, i try to grab it but its too small and it goes inside. My girlfriend is frantic apologizing and we dunno wtf to do and im panicking hardcore. Then my girlfriend is like "u need to jizz right now to blow it out before it lays eggs inside of ur dick!" Thats quick thinking by my worm infested girlfriend.

So i start to jerk it hard as fuk super fast, and within like 30 seconds im close to climax. Fuk my girlfriend though disgusting girl she should wash her anus better, I jump in the air and jizz right in her face as she squirms, i then see like a dozen worms fly out my peehole and land on her face. She starts screaming as they enter her nose and mouth. I only thought 1 went in but apparently a ton went in when i did her in the butt. wut a weird day man im never doing anal without a condom again.

      My girlfriend called out a “twitch streamer’s” name during sex

        Burner account so my girlfriend doesn’t find this. I (24m) have been dating my girlfriend (26f) for a couple of months now, and things have been great. We immediately hit it off with each other, sharing a lot of the same common interests and going on a couple of really great dates. We started spending all of our time at each other’s places, and we've even been talking about moving in together. There’s just one complication that arose a few days ago, when we were fooling around and eventually going all the way with each other. I was about to finish and I knew she was too, but when she was hitting climax, she called out another man’s name. I was a little confused at first, and I didn’t really process it until after the fact. The name she called out was weird as hell too (Jerma). I thought she maybe just butchered my name since it also starts with a J, but it was also weirdly specific to be a random mistake. She seemed adamant about avoiding the subject when I tried to bring it up with her, so I stopped and kept it to myself for the time being. It was after she fell asleep that I searched her followers on instagram and twitter to see if this was some guy she had been talking to. The only thing I found was this account on twitter called “Jerma985”. The guy apparently has thousands of followers and is also on other websites like twitch and youtube. I didn't really know what to do with this information so I just kind of went to bed and waited to talk about it the next day. When that morning arrived, I tried just asking about the name again and she started crying and profusely apologizing. I wasn’t really mad, and I told her as much to help her calm down a little. She explained to me that this “Jerma” character is a “twitch streamer” that she follows and likes a lot, and it was a total mistake on her part when she yelled his name. She said she’s been obsessed with him lately, but that I didn’t have anything to worry about. I told her it was fine and that I didn’t mind as long as it wasn’t going to be a regular thing. The issue is, I can’t stop thinking about what happened. I don’t like seeming insecure, especially over this guy that neither of us have ever met, but it’s really weighing on me and I can tell our relationship hasn’t been the same ever since. Jerma is unknowingly ruining our relationship and I’m not sure how to fix it.

        Infinite Cum

          Infinite Cum is a classic copypasta that started from 4chan
          Infinite cum. You sit on the toilet to jack off, but you begin to cum uncontrollably. After ten spurts you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of semen. You desperately shove your dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only makes your balls hurt. The cum accelerates. It’s been three minutes. You can’t stop cumming. Your bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to cum into the shower drain but it builds up too fast. You try the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. You lock the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates. You slip and fall in your own sperm. The cum is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own cum. The cum accelerates. You struggle to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel you backwards as if you were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide. Still on your knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning you open the bathroom door. The deluge of man juice reminds you of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. The cum accelerates. It’s been two hours. Your children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. Your youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. You plead to God to end your suffering. The cum accelerates. You squeeze your dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of your asshole instead. You let go. The force of the cum tears your urethra open, leaving only a gaping hole in your crotch that spews semen. Your body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. You smash through the wall, hurtling into the sky at thirty miles an hour. From a bird’s eye view you see your house is completely white. Your neighbor calls the cops. The cum accelerates. As you continue to ascend, you spot police cars racing towards your house. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but stray loads of cum hit them in the eyes, blinding them. The cum accelerates. You are now at an altitude of 1000 feet. The SWAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle you. Hundreds of bullets pierce your body at once, yet you stay conscious. Your testicles have now grown into a substitute brain. The cum accelerates. It has been two days. With your body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. You break the sound barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase you down, but the impact of your cum sends one plane crashing to the ground. The government decides to let you leave the earth. You feel your gonads start to burn up as you reach the edges of the atmosphere. You narrowly miss the ISS, giving it a new white paint job as you fly past. Physicists struggle to calculate your erratic trajectory. The cum accelerates. The cum begins to gravitate towards itself, forming a comet trail of semen. Astronomers begin calling you the “Cummet.” You are stuck in space forever, stripped of your body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, you stop thinking.

          Infinite Poop

          So as a joke, I went to my friend’s house while wearing Lappland clothes

            So as a joke, I went to my friend's house while wearing Lappland clothes,make-up and etc. I could barely stop my laughter as he went as red as a tomato and looked at me from head to toe with a bit of drool in his mouth. The way he stared made me feel a bit funny too, but I decided to tease him more by taking off my clothes. He asked me, "Are you serious?" and I said, "Yup." He went silent for what seemed like forever, so I asked him, "What's the matter?" He said he's confused, but then his boner got really hard, which made me take off his clothes. I expected him to scream, "Stop!" as I kissed him and stroked his cock, but he instead shouted, "Oh God, LAPPLAND!" which made me get a boner myself. Before I knew it, I was blowing him for the first time till he came. His semen was so thick, it got stuck inside my throat no matter how hard I swallowed. He then said, "I want to fuck you now!" and seeing that we've already gone that far and we were both naked, I obliged. A few hours later, the jerk went all pale and said to me, "Why did we do that? Now I'm totally geh" But he looked so cute all confused like that, so I took pity on him and reassured while wiping his c*m off my face, "Let's just pretend I'm still Lappland, Dokutah"

            17 dias sem punheta

              The original copypasta
              17 dias sem punheta, entrei na farmácia pra comprar um Halls, aí a menina do caixa falou assim: “boa noite, posso ajudar?” Mano, quem fala isso? Todo mundo sabe que meninas do caixa só falam “boa noite/bom dia/boa tarde” mas pra mim ela falou logo “Boa noite, posso ajudar?”, safada, ela tá muito na minha. Aí peguei um Halls vermelho e disse “quero um Halls de morango” aí ela disse “esse aí é o de cereja, o de morango é o mais rosinha” olha que safada, mano, inacreditável, a mina teve a audácia de falar que o Halls vermelho não é o de morango só pra puxar assunto comigo, decidi ver até onde a cara de pau dela ia, então eu disse “ah é tudo a mesma coisa” então ela deu uma risadinha. Mano, não foi uma piada, não tinha motivo pra ela rir, ela riu pra me deixar à vontade e pedir o meu zap, tenho certeza. Então fiquei olhando pra ela calado por uns 40 segundos pra fazer um elo no flerte porque não era justo ela fazer tudo, ela perguntando “é... deseja mais alguma coisa senhor?” Olha que safada se oferecendo pra mim no horário de trabalho, então eu fiquei só com o Halls na mão olhando pra ela, ela começou a olhar para os lados pra ver se alguém tava olhando para ela pedir o meu zap, ela tava tão eufórica com a minha presença que tava começando a suar e encher os olhos de água, certamente imaginando nosso futuro casados. Dois minutos após eu só segurar a Halls e olhar nos olhos dela eu pus a mão o bolso para pegar a carteira e ela falou “por favor não me machuque”, certamente imaginando um sexo selvagem por eu ser esse macho alpha que sou. Então peguei a carteira, abri um sorriso, peguei dois reais e paguei a Halls. Aí eu disse “eu voltarei” e uma lágrima desceu pelo rosto dela. Certamente ela está completamente apaixonada por mim e chorando de felicidade.

              Open English translated

              17 days without jerking off, I went to the pharmacy to buy a halls, then the cashier said "good night, can I help?" Man who says that? Everyone knows that cashier girls just say "good night/good morning/good afternoon" but for me she said "Good night, can I help", naughty she's super into mine. Then I took a red halls and said "I want a strawberry halls" then she said "this one is cherry, the strawberry one is the pinkest" look how naughty, bro, unbelievable, the girl had the audacity to say that the halls red isn't strawberry just to make conversation with me, I decided to see how far her straight face would go, so I said "ah it's all the same" then she giggled. Bro it wasn't a joke, there was no reason for her to laugh, she laughed to put me at ease and ask for my whatsapp, I'm sure. So I stared at her silent face for about 40 seconds to make a flirting link because it wasn't fair for her to just do everything, she asking "yeah... do you want anything else sir?" Look at that naughty offering to me during work hours, so I just kept the halls in my hand looking at her, she started to look around to see if anyone was looking at her to ask for my whatsapp, she was so euphoric with my presence who was starting to sweat and watering in her eyes, surely imagining our married future. Two minutes after I just held the halls and looked into her eyes I reached into my pocket for my wallet and she said "please don't hurt me", certainly imagining wild sex for me being the alpha male that I am. So I took my wallet, opened a smile, took 2 dollars and paid the halls. Then I said "I'll be back" and a tear ran down her face. Surely she is completely in love with me and crying with happiness.