Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
It happened in science class. The cheerleaders had just gotten back from practice and I was sitting directly behind the girl I had a crush on. Her bag was placed behind her and I saw where the bag wasn't fully zipped up and a pair of her panties were sprouting out the side. When I'm horny I barely think straight.. the lights were off and we were watching a science documentary on the projector so I thought I'd be able to get them without anyone seeing, I took them out slowly and kept an eye out. I thought I was successful.. I did many ungodly things with those panties.
By 3rd period at school the next day, all of the guys were calling me "panty boy" and I of course already knew what that was about.. the nickname stuck for the rest of the year and I'm still called it occasionally, mostly by friends. Me and that girl were kind of friends before and I was trying to build up the courage to ask her out prior, but I knew that was no longer possible. She never said anything about it, but she avoided me at all costs.. a lot of the guys would tease her for what I did, there were times I thought that I should stand up for her, but I was too much of a coward and didn't want to look "uncool" besides, how could the guy that did the pervy act be the good guy in the situation? So I just left it alone. What had happened was very humiliating for me, but I'm sure that what I felt was only half of what she must have felt..
I'm going to be a junior this year and I still can't stop thinking about it.. I feel disgusting for being such a little perv. I'm really contemplating reaching out to her and apologizing. Is that a good idea? or should I just leave it in the past?
So the other day, me and my homie were out and about, just vibin' and chattin', when I suddenly got hit with a stroke of genius. I was like, "Bro, I dare you to moan like a loli in these public bathrooms for 20 dollars." (NO HOMO)
Now, my friend was like, "Bruh, what kinda wild shit are you on? You think I'm a bitch, huh? Ain't nobody tryna hear me hollerin' like an anime girl in here." But I was like, "Nah, you ain't a bitch but you're close enough."
So we head into the bathrooms, and I start spinnin' this elaborate tale about "hentai basics"
My friend was skeptical at first, but I kept ratcheting up the tension and adding all these extra details about how lolis were known as sluts for saying uwu and those kinds of shit...
Next thing you know, my boy is sweating bullets, eyes wide as saucers, and I can tell he's about to lose it.
I hit him with the classic, "what's wrong, are you scared? You ain't gotta do it if you don't want to," but he wasn't backing down.
He takes a deep breath, looks himself dead in the mirror of the boys' bathroom and lets out the most ear-piercing, high pitched moans you could ever imagine.
People start banging on the doors, laughing while others are shouting... security's called, chaos is everywhere.
And me? I'm just standing outside the bathroom door, laughing my ass off and filming the whole thing for my cringe collection.
My friend comes stumbling out a few minutes later, looking like he just survived a near-death experience, and I'm like, "Bro, you just made my day. That shit was hilarious, take your 20 dollars."
Needless to say, we got the fuck outta there real quick before anyone could figure out what the heck was going on.
But man, I'll never forget the look on my friend's face when he let out those loli moans. It's such a classic.
Literalmente todos os velhos, velhas, crianças, e adolescentes vagabundos na calçada tavam olhando pra mim de boca aberta como se eu tivesse acabado de matar um muleque. Não tou exagerando nem nada quando digo que teve umas 100 pessoas que estavam parando o que tavam fazendo só pra ficarem olhando pra mim. Os olhos julgamentais desse povinho me deu uma sensação de mal estar.
Não é Porto Alegre a cidade sem conservadorismo, e sem vergonha? Não é Porto Alegre supostamente uma metrópole? Esse é o melhor que nós brasileiros podemos fazer?
É merda desse tipo que me faz querer fugir desse sul e ir para algum canto tipo Rio de Janeiro ou Recife. Fale o que quiser desses locais, mas certeza que me sentiria mais em casa do que essa bosta de canto
Minha namorada começou a chorar quando cheguei em casa. Os filhos dela tão tudo horrorizadas. Minha vó acabou de ter um ataque fulminante, e até agora quem me aceita de verdade é a vizinha do condominio que visito a cama dela todo dia
O Rio Grande do Sul não é um local seguro para homens calvos de meia-idade que querem se sentir livres ao caminhar. Por que o povo não aceita a gente usar sutiã esportivo e shortinho?
Agnt tava em call discutindo sobre tamanho ideal pra pênis, se tamanho importa etc e no meio da discussão ela disse que o ex ficante dela tinha 15cm e que era pequeno, chamou ele de broxa e talz.
Eu achei extremamente desnecessário ficar explanando o tamanho do pau dos caras pra gente aleatoria e falei que 15cm não só é considerado acima da média como também é considerado grande em certos países
Ela disse que essa "média" não tem fundamento nenhum e que achava pequeno sim e basicamente cagou pra todos os meus argumentos
Acabei me irritando e perguntei "será que ele tem o pau pequeno mesmo ou será que você é um poço?" E tbm chamei ela de buraco negro, fossa das marianas e de arrombada. Ela saiu da call e tá até agora sem falar comigo e ignorando minhas mensagens.
English version
Am I an asshole for calling my friend a black hole?
Agnt was on the call discussing the ideal size for the penis, if size matters etc and in the middle of the discussion she said that her boyfriend's ex was 15cm and that he was small, she called him a bitch and such.
I thought it was extremely unnecessary to keep explaining the size of guys' dicks to random people and I said that 15cm is not only considered above average but is also considered big in certain countries
She said that this "average" has no foundation and that she thought it was small and basically gave a shit about all my arguments
I ended up getting annoyed and asked "does he really have a small dick or are you a well?" And I also called it a black hole, a Mariana Trench and a break-in. She left the call and is still not talking to me and ignoring my messages.
When my son was 4 years old I took away his mattress and forced him to sleep on the floor every night.
If he did his chores, I closed his window.
If he got straight A's, I gave him a blanket.
If he got in a fight at school and won, I wouldn't force him to take his shower cold.
One day, he asked me,
"dad, why is that no matter how hard I work, I can't seem to earn a bed?"
I slapped him, first - every question carries a price - then responded,
"son, you can work as hard as you can in this world, it doesn't always mean you're going to get what you want."
Then I asked him,
"is there a bed in our house?"
He answered,
"yes, but it's yours, isn't it?"
I punched him again - for the question - then told him
"yes. If you want a bed, you need to fight me for it."
Our president is 80 years old.
The average age of our senate is 64 years old.
Young people expect the older generations to give them everything, they are never raised to fight for and take what they want, so they deserve nothing.
Waking up to my 7 year old with a blade held to my throat was the proudest I'd ever been.
As I slept on the floor, shivering that night in the cold (he also took my blanket and broke my window), I rested soundly, knowing I'd taught him well.
Hello everyone, my name is Felix, and I work as a mailman. Anyway, I noticed one of the houses in my path is full of pigeons, shitting and...moaning, like sexually. I was very confused, as the whole house was now covered in bird shit, feathers,...and semen. The house smelled so bad that it made me gag, yet I was concerned for the residents, and anyway I had to deliver their mail. So I knocked on the door. No answer, just a strange rhythm. I peeked at the window. I will never forget what I saw.
A juicy, zesty, muscular black man was on his couch, driving a pigeon up and down his crotch, the pigeon was moaning like an overexaggerated porno, the man was moaning too, and I was having the time of my life, watching the man fuck pigeons. I immediately stripped naked and started to pump my schlong aggressively, semen coming out like water from a fire hydrant. I grabbed a pigeon, and started fucking the hell out of it, and it seems like my 10in cock was too much for the little guy, and he exploded into a million pieces of flesh, blood, and semen. For weeks, I am outside this house, endlessly fucking pigeons and throwing away their exploded remains, the neighborhood has done anything to stop me. They protested, called the police, yet no human or pain can take me away from my beloved. Pigeons.
