Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
No dia 30 de fevereiro eu estava em um rolê com uns amigos e minha melhor amiga. Ela soltou um peido sem querer e eu disse: “hmmm, que cheirinho de peidinho gostoso…” e ela ficou tipo “hã?” E eu: “sim, seu peidinho é muito gostoso. Eu deixaria você peidar com meu nariz enfiado nas suas nádegas.” Ela ficou estilo facepalm enquanto olhava para o chão, e eu aproveitei pra soltar mais uma pérola. Falei: “Aaahhh, vagabunda, para de drama e vamos fazer logo um sexo vaginal”. Depois disso, nunca mais vi ela.
English version
On the 30th of February I was hanging out with some friends and my best friend. She accidentally let out a fart and I said “hmmm, that smells like a nice little fart…” and she was like “huh?” And I: “yes, your fart is very tasty. I would let you fart with my nose in your ass.” She went facepalm style while looking at the floor, and I took the opportunity to drop another pearl. I said: “Aaahhh, bitch, stop the drama and let's have vaginal sex”. After that, I never saw her again.
I don't want this to be weird, so I'll try to keep this as normal as possible.
A few days back, I was watching a video on YT, about a man solving an integration question asked in an MIT exam. The question looked so complex, it was scary honestly. I tried to solve it using my 2 years of half-assed JEE prep, and I failed. I felt angry at the question, it made me feel violated and submissive. However, when the lecturer started solving it, I became flabbergasted. The way he simplified a complex trigonometric function into a basic 10th-grade level, I felt butterflies in my stomach on seeing his way of thinking. It was so unique, I got a feeling like when you think of your crush for the entire day at home and you see her at school the next day and your stomach just tightens and feels light. To my surprise, he wasn't finished. He laughed and said, "This can be simplified further, watch me". He grabbed the question by reaching further in and started to harass it, squeezing out everything hidden inside its fragile body, and finally blew his entire load of knowledge onto it. By the time he was done, I noticed that the question had transformed into a basic 6th-grade algebraic equation. "Polar coordinates, they're useful."- He sighed. As soon as those words hit me, the feeling in my stomach jumped into my throat, and I felt my knees get weak. I felt my penile opening tense up and start to vibrate, in resonance with my sperm glands. Right when I was at the peak of satisfaction, his lips murmured - "Aaand, we can't forget the +C!". As those words hit my ears, my heart exploded. I felt love again. Seeing such a smart person solve such a complex question, my God. Before I knew it, my prostate started to violently pulsate, and I realized that my pants were oozing cum. I just ejaculated to Mathematics, and I've never felt happier.
Does anyone else feel attracted to people who solve complex maths? Something about their way of thinking is so arousing. I am thinking of marrying someone with a masters in math.
Meu pênis tem 26cm de comprimento, 16 de circunferência, e uns 420ml de volume. Mesmo mole, ele bate coisa de uns 16cm.
Usei cueca de compressão pela maior parte da minha vida. Parei uns meses atrás quando conheci as de bolso, e liguei o foda-se pras olhadas na rua. Não posso vestir a maioria das coisas que ficariam legais num homem comum, tipo calça skinny, sem ficar com uma impressão gigante de piroca. Tudo marca, tudo aparece, e depois que eu emagreci, ficou ainda pior. Pra completar, eu tenho 1,68. Sabe o L invertido? É real.
Alguns meses atrás, perguntei ao meu urologista se havia possibilidade de reduzir. Ele pediu alguns exames que meu plano não cobre, então demorei pra conseguir fazer todos. Hoje fui levar pra ele. Resumindo muito, não posso reduzir. O pedaço da parte interna que eles geralmente usam pra tirar, que a maioria dos homens desenvolve só parcialmente, eu desenvolvi por inteiro. Causaria dano permanente à minha uretra.
Eu só queria ter uma vida sexual normal, e poder vestir umas paradas diferentes. Mas lá se foram ambas essas possibilidades, e eu tô me sentindo um a absoluta porcaria.
English version
My penis is 26 cm long, 16 cm in circumference, and about 420 ml in volume. Even soft, it beats about 16 cm.
I wore compression underwear for most of my life. I stopped a few months ago when I met the pocket ones, and turned on the fuck to the looks on the street. I can't wear most of the things that would look cool on an average man, like skinny jeans, without getting a giant dick impression. Everything marks, everything appears, and after I lost weight, it got even worse. To top it off, I'm 1.68. Do you know the inverted L? It's real.
A few months ago I asked my urologist if there was a possibility of reducing. He asked for some exams that my plan doesn't cover, so it took me a while to get them all done. Today I went to take him. To sum up a lot, I cannot reduce. The piece of the inside that they usually use to remove, which most men develop only partially, I developed in full. It would cause permanent damage to my urethra.
I just wanted to have a normal sex life and be able to wear some different stuff. But gone are both those possibilities, and I feel like absolute crap.
So the other day, I was playing rainbow six siege, and I heard one of my teammates make a callout in the voice chat. It was a real life gamer girl. God, I kid you not, I just stopped playing and pulled my dick out. “fuck, Fuck!” I was yelling in voice chat. I just wanted to hear her voice again. “Please,” I moaned. But she left the lobby. I was crying and covered in my own cum, but I remembered that I could find recent teammates in the ubiplay friends tab. I frantically closed down siege and opened the tab, to find out she had TTV IN HER NAME!!! She was streaming, and only had 100 viewers!!! The competition was low, so I made the first move and donated my months rent to her. I was already about to pre. She read my donation in the chat. God this is the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I did a little research, and found out where she goes to school, but I am a little nervous to talk to her in person, and need support. Any advice before my Uber gets to her middle school?
So I was just surfing the web looking for gay midget porn, when I came across this thing called “black people”. Apparently they have dark skin and love chicken. I am mortified. I will not accept anyone who is not a white person. Who made these black people? Who can I contact them and get them to stop? Are they considered people? We can’t stand for this anymore! The blacks have taken to much of out our economy! They took our jobs, our lifestyles, even our wives! I only have 3 wives left! And I don’t even fuck the other 2! Their just for cleaning and cooking! God I fucking hate America.
Edit: Guys holy shit stop downvoting me it’s just my opinion
Edit: Guys did you even read it? Stop telling me I’m racist when you clearly haven’t read the whole thing!
Edit: Jesus fucking Christ you guys are retarded. How delusional are you people???
Edit: Okay you people are fucking going to far. I’m NOT racist. I litteraly didn’t even say the n word once.
As usual yesterday I was quietly watching the replay of The Witcher on TV. Suddenly my girlfriend comes, sits calmly on the couch. She was in a sheer miniskirt, she spread her legs and I could almost see her lace.
Suddenly she takes off her undershirt to leave only her bra, she lets out sighs of fatigue and comes to put her head on my thighs to sleep, she was pressing my penis really hard, I could clearly discern her breasts and her butt.
I began to have a horse erection, and it was felt. She gets up, and says "don't get hard on me, jerk!" before scuttling furiously. She's angry and don't want to speak to me since because she think I'm a pervert. But to be honest, I was only hard because there was Henry Cavill on the screen.
