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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


Pasta o chodzeniu po bułki

    Pozytywne chodzenie po bułki

Jak ja bardzo szanuje internetowych hobbystów w tym kraju, karmiłbym ich najlepszymi kurczakami gdybym tylko miał taką możliwość. Chcesz zacząć coś robić, nie wiem na przykład łowić ryby, sklejać samoloty, uczyć psa adoptować , cokolwiek i zadasz entuzjastom na forum pytanie:
Witam, chcę zacząć chodzić po bułki. Czy lepiej do biedronki czy do lidla? Pozdrawiam.
to po 10 sekundach masz:
Witam, wszystko zależy od tego czy bardziej zależy Ci na cenie czy jakości, i od tego jaki sklep masz bliżej. Jeśli oba sklepy są w podobnej odległości od twojego mieszkania, to dla początkująch lepszy jest Lidl, mimo że ceny są nieco wyższe to masz większy wybór pieczyw, łatwiej więc zdobędziesz wiedzę na temat wypieków. Asortyment nie różni się jednak mocno, tak więc jeśli różnica w odległości wynosi więcej niż 1km, wybierz sklep który po prostu jest bliżej. Stosunek ceny do jakości pieczyw zmienia się co parę miesięcy, w miarę wprowadzenia promocji, dlatego zachęcam śledzić dział: Bułki dla początkujących, oraz Lidl i Biedronka porównanie. Temat był wielokrotnie omawiany na forum, więc wiele odpowiedzi na tego typu pytania już znajduje się na forum, możesz je łatwo znaleźć używając opcji SZUKAJ. Pozdrawiam, moderator forum wypieki. net
Chcesz zacząć chodzić po bułki? Super! Na początek wystarczy Ci zwykły ekwipunek i zdrowe ciało, w tym nogi które masz od urodzenia. Jeśli zamierzasz robić to regularnie, polecam kupić odpowiednie buty (koszt około 200-500zł, wydaje się to dużo, w dłuższej perspektywie się opłaci), możesz je zamówić w naszym sklepie internetowych gdzie specjalizujemy się w butach do ekstremalnego chodzenia (z hasłem „Idę po bułki” otrzymasz rabat 15% na pierwszy zakup. Jeśli interesuje Cię najskuteczniejsze sposoby kupowania bułek, to polecam blog [i] Stefana Bułkowskiego, jeśli temat mechaniki chodzenia i taktyk wybierania najszybszej drogi (uwzględniając bezpieczne przechodzenie przez ulicę) bo z samochodami nie ma żartów i głównym błędem większości początkujących jest bycie przejechanym przez Tira to polecam jego autorski poradnik (również dostępny w naszym sklepie, koszt pdf to 15 zł dodatkowo znajdziesz tam fachową analizę całego rynku wypieków, ponieważ nie musisz się ograniczać do Lidla czy Biedronki). Jeżeli chcesz kupować do 6-8 bułek na własne potrzeby to zwykła płótniana torba na, , ale jeżeli 20 bułek i więcej, a w dodaTku chciałbys wspomóc organizacje weteranów przemysłu bułkowego to może zainteresują Cię torby COMBAT z uranu i pajęczej sieci, czasami się pojawiają na allegro. Amerykański żołnierz w Iraku nosi w takiej granaty jak szczela więc to solidny sprzęt, będzie służył latami, dodatkow 30% z każdego zakupu jest przekazywane na organizacje niepełnosprawnych piekarzy . Mam nadzieję, że pomogłem, pozdrawiam!
PANOWIE CORAZ WIĘCEJ AMATORÓW SIĘ PCHA DO ZABAWY, NASZE DZIAŁANIE PRZY PROMOWANIU PASJI DO BUŁEK PRZYNUSI SKUTKI , HEHE MAM NADZIEJĘ, ŻE PRZEJDZIE TA NOWELIZACJA USTAWY I PO BUŁKI BĘDĄ MOGŁY JUŻ CHODZIĆ DZIECI OD 8 ROKU ŻYCIA, BO SERIO JEŚLI NIE NAUCZĄ SIĘ TEGO TERAZ O NIE ZDOBĘDĄ DOŚWIADCZENIA ANI WYOBRAŹNI I NA PRZYKŁAD UPUSZCZĄ W DOROSŁYM ŻYCIU BUŁKĘ NA PODŁOGĘ
hehe pamiętacie obwarzan75 rogalking jak byliśmy w '99 na zlocie pieczywa tostowego w Siedlcach? XD Co tam się działo to głowa mała!!! Całe życie z wariatami XDDD KTO MA WIEDZIEĆ TEN WIE XD

    Open English version

    As much as I respect Internet hobbyists in this country, I would feed them the best chicken if I had the opportunity. Do you want to start doing something, I don't know, for example, fishing, gluing planes, teaching a dog to adopt, whatever, and you ask the enthusiasts on the forum a question:
Hello, I want to start going for rolls. Is it better to go to a ladybug or to a lidl? Regards.
then after 10 seconds you have:
Hello, it all depends on whether you care more about price or quality, and which store is closer to you. If both stores are within a similar distance from your apartment, then Lidl is better for beginners, even though the prices are slightly higher, you have a wider selection of bread, so it's easier to learn about baking. However, the assortment does not differ much, so if the difference in distance is more than 1km, choose a store that is closer. The price-quality ratio of bread changes every few months, as promotions are introduced, so I encourage you to follow the section: Rolls for beginners, and Lidl and Biedronka comparison. The topic has been discussed many times on the forum, so many answers to these types of questions are already on the forum, you can easily find them using the SEARCH function. Regards, forum moderator pastries. net
Do you want to start going for buns? Cool! At the beginning, all you need is the usual equipment and a healthy body, including the legs you have had since birth. If you are going to do it regularly, I recommend buying appropriate shoes (the cost is about PLN 200-500, it seems a lot, in the long run it will pay off), you can order them in our online store where we specialize in shoes for extreme walking (with the slogan "I'm going for rolls" you will receive a 15% discount on your first purchase. If you are interested in the most effective ways to buy rolls, I recommend Stefan Bułkowski's blog, if the subject of walking mechanics and tactics of choosing the fastest way (including safe crossing of the street) because cars are no joke and the main mistake of most beginners is being run over by a truck, then I recommend his author's guide (also available in our store, the pdf cost is PLN 15. In addition, you will find there a professional analysis of the entire baking market, because you do not have to limit yourself to Lidl or Biedronka). 6-8 rolls for your own use is a normal canvas bag, but if you have 20 rolls or more, and you would like to support organizations of veterans of the roll industry, you might be interested in COMBAT bags made of uranium and spider web, sometimes they appear on Allegro. An American soldier in Iraq wears grenades like a seal, so it's solid equipment, it will serve for years, an additional 30% of each purchase is donated to organizations of disabled bakers. Hope I helped, regards!
GENTLEMEN, MORE AND MORE AMATEURS ARE GETTING TO PLAY, OUR ACTIVITIES IN PROMOTING THE PASSION FOR BUNS WILL HAVE EFFECTS, HEHE I HOPE THIS AMENDMENT TO THE ACT WILL BE PASSED AND CHILDREN FROM 8 YEARS OLD WILL BE ABLE TO BUY BUNCHES, BECAUSE SERIOUSLY IF THEY DON'T LEARN THIS NOW ABOUT THEY WILL NOT GAIN EXPERIENCE OR IMAGINATION AND, FOR EXAMPLE, DROP A BUN ON THE FLOOR IN ADULT LIFE
hehe do you remember obwarzan75 rogalking when we were at the toast bread rally in Siedlce in '99? XD What was going on there, little head!!! Whole life with crazy people XDDD WHO SHOULD KNOW KNOWS XD

    Fibra de vidro na camisinha

      Fazem 6 anos que meus pais se divorciaram, e alguns meses atrás, minha mãe arranjou um novo namorado. O filho da puta é um maconheiro, e esse tipo desperta todo tipo de sentimento em mim. A casa depois de alguns dias virou a porra de um fumódromo, não podia mais nem visitar mamãe sem que sentisse um absurdo repulso, a putrefação do lugar era nojento. Em um acesso de raiva, decidi fuder com a vida do maluco.

Rapidamente vasculhei as gavetas até encontrar uma com camisinhas. Percebi que por algum motivo, o idiota as deixava abertas, e não pude desperdiçar a oportunidade. Eu trabalho em uma oficina de carros, e um dos meus ofícios era fazer consertos com fibra de vidro. Tinha alguns baldes com o pó, e coloquei em várias camisinhas.

Passaram-se alguns dias, e nada. Até que então, recebo uma ligação de minha mãe, chorando. O trouxa tinha cortado todo o pau, e estava em um pronto socorro. Naquele dia, senti-me um verdadeiro prankster. Ouvi dizer que teve que amputar a rola, que otário. Fazem já 2 semanas que se matou.

      Open English version

      Fiberglass in condom
It's been 6 years since my parents got divorced, and a few months ago, my mom got a new boyfriend. The motherfucker is a stoner, and that guy triggers all kinds of feelings in me. After a few days the house turned into a fucking smokehouse, I couldn't even visit my mother without feeling an absurd revulsion, the putrefaction of the place was disgusting. In a fit of rage, I decided to fuck the madman's life.
I quickly went through the drawers until I found one with condoms. I realized that for some reason, the idiot had left them open, and I couldn't pass up the opportunity. I work in a car repair shop, and one of my trades was fiberglass repair. I had a few buckets of powder, and I put them in several condoms.
A few days passed, and nothing. Until then, I get a call from my mother, crying. The muggle had cut his entire dick off, and was in an emergency room. That day I felt like a real prankster. I heard he had to have his cock amputated, what a sucker. It's been 2 weeks since he killed himself.

      I helped old people have sex at a nursing home

        Original post
        Tell me about it... I spent the better part of the 2010's as a butt pusher at the nursing home. Ya know, these old folks can't thrust like they used to and so they need a brawny young buck like myself to work those hips how they remember. I'd see a horny couple shuffling down the hall and think, "Oh jeez... No way they're down to fuck again." but you gotta give it up for these old timers. They're constantly boning. So, I'd get my long gloves on, help them to the fuck room, pop the lady in the handi-able sex swing, and then grab ahold of grandpa's leathery hips. He'd take care of the boner himself. I wasn't gonna coax that out of him. That's on him. If ever the old guy wasn't hard enough to plow beef then I'd just leave the room and tell him to call me when he's serious, call me when he can actually fuck. Haha, usually that little emasculation was enough for them to pop a spiteful boner. Whatever, right? When he's bonered and ready, and she's lubed however way is medically appropriate, then I was just there to make sure the shoving is hard, but not too hard. I wanted to make sure these lovebirds could shuffle back to their respective apartments after. I mean, c'mon. It took, what? 10? 15 minutes maybe? And with the adjustability of the sex swing, the variety made the time go by pretty quick. After he'd shot his wad and her barren utey was gooped up, they'd go into a kinda post-nut paralysis and it was part of my job to make sure they didn't hurt themselves during that. Yep, then it was just get her out of the swing, get their clothes back on, and shit, I don't know, go back to wandering the halls, waiting for another tap on the shoulder or something. Terrible job. I really, really hated it, but ya know, I still made sure to do my best. I was proud of how much lovemaking I facilitated and how sensually I was able to gyrate all those old man hips. So, even though I never had sex at the nursing home, I sure assisted in a lot of it.

        Today I messed up by mishearing Porn instead of Corn.

          So I've been dating this girl I met through a matchmater for the past 6 months. She asked me "what type of corn do you like? American or Desi?" So first things first, the word Desi itself made me convinced that she was talking about porn. Second, I asked her in return, "why a sudden question about this?" And she was like, "I just want to know your preference" I then asked her "what's your preference?" She said "American all the way, Desi is disgusting" All the words used by her made up my mind that she was definitely talking about porn. Thankfully I did not say my preference or stuff like that, but instead told her a story about how some guys in my college brought Desi porn and were showing it to others and "I was disgusted by it and it was the last time I watched Desi porn." Before I could move to American porn and spill the beans, she clarified that she was talking about corn and not porn. The next 30min were her laughing her ass out and teasing me about it. I am so embarrassed about it that I can't even talk properly to her now ;___; Fml

          One time I was walking home when a very mean robber approached me

            NewJeans copypasta
            One time I was walking home when a very mean robber approached me. He pulled out a sharp knife and said "Give me all your money, punk! And your phone, too!" I began to comply as I didn't want any trouble, but as I handed him my phone, my thumb unlocked it and the robber was face to face with the handsome dimpled smile on my lockscreen. Seeing the glimmer of awe in his eyes, I said to the robber, "That's Mark Lee. He's in the musical groups NCT 127, NCT U, NCT Dream, NCT Jop, NCT Superpoopoopeepee, NCT Sperm, NCT ABC, NCT XYZ, NCT KFC, NCT KBS, and GOT7! Would you like to learn to jop with me, sir?" Speechless, the robber could do nothing but nod his head enthusiastically. Day and night, he and I practiced tirelessly, honing our choreography until we were perfectly in sync. Now you might think the story ends there, dear reader, but you'll surprised to hear that the robber and I popped up in the public eye again many months later – this time, when the two of us debuted together as 5-member girl group NewJeans!

            I masturbated for 12 hours

              I masterbated for 12 hours

This is weird and I can't tell anyone irl but I have to tell someone.... I masterbated for 12 hours today to find out the effects so you don't have to!

First of all I prepared 3, 32 ounce water bottles, and had a meal of one cup steamed rice and 1 cup mixed vegetables ( peas, carrots and green beans ) with about 1 tablespoon of soy sauce. I also took a basic daily all in one vitamin.

I began by assembling a random collection of different porn clips, porn games and full length movies.

Breakdown:

Full length movies took too long to get to the point. The story "deadspots" made the little soldier begin losing interest so I switched to the next option in the run, for science.

Porn games worked very well for maintaining the heat of the moment, until they didn't. It turns out there are a lot of porn games that are unfinished, and generally run out of content before they reach the point of porn game, rather than the initial date simulation, as well as mini games causing use of two hands that removes your work hand. Also took a while to get up to speed.

Next I moved on to porn clips, which I will day is the holy grail of porn. Short, straight to the point and you can fire off rapid fire clips of things that excite you, reducing "downtime".

Porn movie downtime: 30%

Porn game downtime: 45% ( Still maintained interactivity. )

Porn clips: 2% downtime ( I could see this as easily being the most addictive form of adult media. )

The first 8 hours seemed to fly by with regular breaks for water.

After the initial 8 hours things became interesting, even with regular drink intervals I began having a constant dry mouth, along with that morning breath taste.

Around hour 10 I began developing a headache, along with some eye floaters, likely body not being able to deliver the standard amount of oxygen due to diversion of blood flow to the member.

Hour 11 I increased my water intake, seemed to help a tiny bit but symptoms were persistent until the end. Eye floaters also increased by 100% by the alarm end.

The orgasm that followed the alarm was by and far one of the most extreme I've ever had, coming in at a close 2nd to when having real sex with my wife.

Final notes: the "ploom" of skin below the tip of my penis ( circumcised. ) is slightly swollen, but not dangerously. Arm feels fine, I thought it would be a lot more sore. It took about an hour after completion for my mouth to go back to regular moisture levels. Heart rate was pretty much back to normal within 15 minutes of completion. Headache is now minimal without need of medication.

No immediate health issues have announced themselves. ( this would be different from user to user, due to health issues and whatnot. )

Overall takeaway, it was a fun experiment, that I would not be interested in trying again. Lol.

Tldr; masterbated for 12 hours, tried movies/games/clips, walked away with a minor headache and prefer porn clips to any other media form for constant involvement.