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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.

100% true story. I met Anish in St. Louis.

    Started by u/wildcard174, its a wholesome story on Anish Giri a professional chess player which became a copypasta and later to other shitpost versions.

    Original story

    100% true story. I met Anish in St. Louis. I was walking and carrying my 1-year-old daughter in the Central West End, just down the street from the St. Louis Chess Club/Hall of Fame, and he walked by. I didn't say anything, I didn't want to bother him.

A moment later I noticed one of my daughter's pink shoes had come off. I turned around and Anish Giri was twenty feet away, bent over, picking up the shoe. He handed it to me and said, "Here you go!" And I said, "Thanks!" And that was it, lol. Nice guy.

    Shitpost version

    100% true story. I met Anish in St. Louis. I was walking and carrying my 1-year-old daughter in the Central West End, just down the street from the St. Louis Chess Club/Hall of Fame, and he walked by. I said how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to bother him or anything. He said, "Oh, like you're doing right now?" I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I could feel my face going red from being embarrassed by the Snarkmaster himself, and looked down at the ground in shame.

That's when I noticed one of my daughter's pink shoes had come off and was lying on the ground. I'm not sure if it fell off on its own, or if Anish ripped it off while I was distracted. I reached down to pick it up and put it back on. Suddenly, Anish's hand rapidly shot forward from outside my field of vision to grab it before me, with the well-practiced swiftness I assume could only come from taking the handshake as quickly as possible whenever an opponent offers a draw. "Finders keepers," he taunted, wearing his trademark smug boyish grin. "What do you even want that for??" I demanded. "Alireza isn't the only one who knows about fashion, honey," Giri said as he tore off one of his Crocs shoes. He made a show of attempting to put the tiny pink baby shoe on his foot, but it obviously didn't fit. Shrugging, he ran off with one bare foot, one shoed foot, and two mismatched shoes in hand, leaving me dumbstruck in the sunny St. Louis street.
    100% true story. I went to Papa John's with Anish "1/2-1/2" Giri. He refused to wait for the waiter to take our order and asked to speak with the manager, where, upon their arrival, he promptly ordered three large pizzas and said, "If you don't bake these yourself I will personally roast your fine establishment with several snide tweets." In just 10 minutes, his pizzas arrived. He turned to me and said, "this is why I'm the Twitter GOAT," before rolling each one into a long tube. He then held each pizza-tube up like a funnel, and squeezed the cheese and sauce into his mouth.

Once he sucked out all the drippings, he unrolled the desiccated pizza bread-tube onto my plate and confidently announced, patting his tummy, "This one's on me, kid." He strutted past the counter, refusing to pay for the pizza because "Hans Niemann said GMs shouldn't have to pay."

    They are hiding cheese types from us.

      Source
      I was at a Mexican restaurant and the waiter put a cheese dip with some chips on the table next to us that a family was sitting at. I asked the waiter "What type of dip is that?" and he responded "Not your cheese." Like I knew this wasn't my cheese but I still wanted to know what kind of dip it is so I responded " I know that, but I still want to know what it's called. What's the name of this dip?" He looked me dead in the eyes and told me "Not your cheese." I didn't think he got the question. So I asked he again sternly. "I KNOW that, but what is this cheese called?!" His face turned to confusion and he broke eye contact with me. He then responded harshly "Not your cheese!" I grabbed him him by the collar "WHAT TYPE OF CHEESE IS THAT!!!" A waitress across the room responded to me "Queso!".

Be safe out there guys. They are hiding the truth from us.

      I saw Aaron Paul at an unemployment office in Los Angeles

        Started from a comment on Reddit parodying the “Flying Lotus at a grocery store in LA” story but changed to fit the Xbox One: Aaron Paul ad.

        I saw Aaron Paul at an unemployment office in Los Angeles yesterday. I noticed him but didn’t want to bother him. He obviously saw me because he came up to me. He said, “Please let me give you an autograph, yo, bitch. Please respond.” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “Please respond. Please respond. Xbox, please respond. Bitch.” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my day, and I heard him crying as I walked off. When I came to apply up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen job applications in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be busy and read scripts, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the forms and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually because “I just wish I had more time to play,” and then turned around and cried at me. I don’t even think that’s a career. After she scanned each form and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by saying “Xbox turn on” really loudly.

        I, a real life Human Boy, wore a golden Christian Cross

          I, a real life Human Boy, wore a golden Christian Cross pendant to American Public School and was forced to wear crown of thorns and whipped through the American Public School hallways while teachers chanted Satanism prayers at me and students throwed human feces at me. Then the American Public School Administrator throwed me into public street gutter and said I was suspended for 6 days 6 hours 6 minutes for spreading lies of White Christ. I spoke to 7 other Straight White Male Christian students in Church who had same punishment for wearing golden Christian Cross to American Public Schools! We are being murdered by Satanists!

          I used to be an intern for South Dakota Kristi Noem.

            I used to be an intern for South Dakota Kristi Noem. While interning for her I felt I saw her true nature and to this day I am in hiding

Out of college I was an intern for South Dakota Kristi Noem. At the time she was having an affair with political operative Corey Lewandowski, it was my duty to cover up for their affair

One night I was standing guard outside her office when I heard behind the door Corey say 'I can't do this anymore' and a few seconds later he stormed out. Then I heard crying. I ran into the office, closing the door behind me. I noticed there was a dog costume on the floor, but no matter, Kristi was my concern

'Kristi, what's wrong!?', she looked up at me, and then her sad face slowly turned into an idea face

She told me to put on the dog custome, and then said that intercourse was a part of the job duties. Kristi is a very powerful political figure, and my career in politics could be threatened, so I immediately agreed. I am well versed in intercourse but what threw me off was Kristi ordered me to take off my clothes and get into the dog custom, which had a hole in the crotch for me cock. Is this was Corey went through as well?

After I put it on, Kristi said her favorite foreplay was for me to act like a farm dog, so for about 30 minutes we would pretend the office was a farm and I was hunting birds. This whole time Kristi was masturbating. Then came the intercourse. Afterwards she said 'okay, this is how I like to finish' and brought out a gun behind her desk!

I said 'is that a real gun???' and she said 'yes, but I won't shoot you with it, I will just pretend to shoot to get off'

This sort of role play continued for 6 months until I was able to transfer to Washington DC and leave her office

I thought that was the last of the ordeal, though I always wondered what was the origin that fetish. Until one day I saw this in the newspaper

"Kristi Noem says she shot and killed her 14 month puppy in the face. What to know about the South Dakota governor's recent controversy

As I was reading this, I looked up from the newspaper and there was an assassin in my kitchen! They said 'time to die' and I recognized the voice. 'South Dakota Kristi Noemi???' I said. She then said 'I'm already under water, we can't let news of our affair get out' and fired several more bullets but I dodged them and went into the living room

Thinking quick, I got my stuff dog toy and threw it at her. She caught it, looked at it, then immediately started shooting it in the face with one hand with using the other hand to reach into her pants to start masturbating. I took the distraction to escape

I got in my car and drove back to my hometown of [REDACTED]. To this day I am in hiding from Kristi Noem. Luckily I take a dog stuffie where ever I go in case she finds me, I tell people it's my emotional support stuffed animal

            My husband has become a vim peasant

              Created by u/gentoogirl, its a circlejerk story on the superiority complex of Linux users.

              When I met my husband 10 yrs ago, he was everything I ever wanted. We met on a freenode IRC channel. He was a Gentoo and Linux-from-scratch dual-booter who could install both systems with his eyes closed. We used to have long, romantic conversations well past midnight about tabs vs spaces and open source. Our first fight ever was about MIT vs GPL licensing. On our first date, we shared our tiling manager config files with each other (this was the first time I truly felt love for a man).

However, lately he’s changed into a husk of the man he used to be. He migrated to Linux Mint, because, and I quote, he “just wants to get work done” and he “no longer has time to fiddle with [his] system”. Then, he started using GNOME for the same reason. This was already very suspicious. I mean, if he truly just wanted to start using a full DE, he could have at least picked KDE, right? Even Xfce I’d have been ok with.

Then, the other day, our relationship hit a breaking point. Here I was, working on my 2012 NixOS thinkpad, and hubby calls me over to his office. He said he “wanted to show me something”. I sit down on his chair, and you can imagine my terror as he pulls up vim on his terminal. He had a weird smile on his face, as if something had taken him over. He spent the next few mins “showing off” a variety of vim tricks he’d just learned. I had to turn my face to the side so he wouldn’t see the tears drying on my cheeks. Let me be clear: This was NOT the man I married.

Our relationship has had its ups and downs, but I never imagined my husband would stoop so low as to become a vim peasant. I don’t know what to do. Part me says I should just start divorce proceedings and get it over with, but the other part can’t help but wonder if perhaps my husband is being afflicted by some serious, undiagnosed mental illness.

Please advise reddit, my whole life is in shambles and I don’t know what to do