Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
I, a real life Human Boy, wore a golden Christian Cross pendant to American Public School and was forced to wear crown of thorns and whipped through the American Public School hallways while teachers chanted Satanism prayers at me and students throwed human feces at me. Then the American Public School Administrator throwed me into public street gutter and said I was suspended for 6 days 6 hours 6 minutes for spreading lies of White Christ. I spoke to 7 other Straight White Male Christian students in Church who had same punishment for wearing golden Christian Cross to American Public Schools! We are being murdered by Satanists!
"Yo, are these catboys straight?" I mutter to my buddy while uncomfortably adjusting my position on the bench.
"No, of course not." my buddy, Josh, responds with out looking at me, a confused sneer frozen on his face as he watches the baseball team full of catboys roll around on the grass and pounce on each other before bumbling the ball back to the skinny, scared pitcher. He hisses as he picks up the ball as if it's the first time he's had to throw one even though this game has been going on for 3 hours already.
"I don't know." I squirm, "I mean, I... well. I mean I think they could... they could be straight, ya know?"
"Definitely not, man. They're pouncing on each other and hugging each other and licking each other. These dudes are super gay." Josh throws his head back and looks up to the darkening sky. "I was supposed to leave 20 minutes ago."
He has some obligation with his girlfriend no doubt. "Well, ya know. Cats are gay. So maybe you're confusing these catboys with real cats when in fact they're only catboys."
"Nope."
Our batter who's up at the plate backs off and sighs heavily. He slings his bat over his shoulder and calls over to us. "Guys. We just gotta call it. We gotta forfeit."
The pitcher's mound turns into a catboy pile as all the catboys do that thing where cats arch their backs and rub against each other. Some how from this writhing purr pile, the ball launches towards our unprepared batter for another strike, his third. In resigned disbelief, he trudges back to the dugout and sits down on the bench.
"I can't believe it." the out-batter says.
Josh on the bench throws his hat to the ground. "We can't quit, dammit! We can't lose to these fucking catboys!" There's a quaver in his frustrated voice. I think he doesn't understand why exactly he's so upset to be losing to the catboys. Neither do I. I can't understand my feelings towards the catboys either.
Head in his hands, shaking his head, he continues, "These fucking catboys..."
I clear my throat to get his attention and then grab his shoulder. "Yeah, these fucking catboys. Look. The catboys are fucking."
At the pitcher's mound, the purr pile has turned into a fuck pile. The catboys have stripped themselves of their little baseball uniforms and all their lithe, pallid bodies are writhing and grinding together. The meows and hisses and screeches are almost unbearable. Almost...
One of our teammates stands up and walks right on past, present, and future by us, unbuttoning his shirt.
"Jesse? No, man. Don't do it. If they fuck long enough, that's gotta be a forfeit. We can still win this thing."
"S-sorry..." Jesse says. He makes a sound like he was going to say something else, like he was about to justify what he's about to do, but no. He simply strips naked and hops in the cat pile to a chorus of cheerful meows. They welcome him greedily.
I'm drenched in sweat, heart pounding. I feel like I have a fluffy tail curled up in my getting-tighter-by-the-moment pants.
"Josh, I uhh..." I don't want to let him down. I don't want to let the team down, but... It's a fur fuck pile.
Josh sighs, "Just fucking go fuck with the catboys... I'll be there in a minute... I just gotta call my girlfriend and tell her I'll be late..." he says while untying his cleats.
I'm relieved and ashamed, but excited as I hurriedly wrench loose my sweaty uniform. As I stumble in a lustful stupor, practicing my own meow, I hear Josh muttering to himself.
"These fucking catboys got us again."
the catboys i signed for my all-catboy baseball team dont know what baseball is and theyre actively loudly sobbing whenever they miss a swing and whenever they dive to catch a ball it bonks them on the head and they go "uweh" and our pitcher closes his eyes whenever he throws because hes scared and we're beating every other team in the league
I used to be an intern for South Dakota Kristi Noem. While interning for her I felt I saw her true nature and to this day I am in hiding
Out of college I was an intern for South Dakota Kristi Noem. At the time she was having an affair with political operative Corey Lewandowski, it was my duty to cover up for their affair
One night I was standing guard outside her office when I heard behind the door Corey say 'I can't do this anymore' and a few seconds later he stormed out. Then I heard crying. I ran into the office, closing the door behind me. I noticed there was a dog costume on the floor, but no matter, Kristi was my concern
'Kristi, what's wrong!?', she looked up at me, and then her sad face slowly turned into an idea face
She told me to put on the dog custome, and then said that intercourse was a part of the job duties. Kristi is a very powerful political figure, and my career in politics could be threatened, so I immediately agreed. I am well versed in intercourse but what threw me off was Kristi ordered me to take off my clothes and get into the dog custom, which had a hole in the crotch for me cock. Is this was Corey went through as well?
After I put it on, Kristi said her favorite foreplay was for me to act like a farm dog, so for about 30 minutes we would pretend the office was a farm and I was hunting birds. This whole time Kristi was masturbating. Then came the intercourse. Afterwards she said 'okay, this is how I like to finish' and brought out a gun behind her desk!
I said 'is that a real gun???' and she said 'yes, but I won't shoot you with it, I will just pretend to shoot to get off'
This sort of role play continued for 6 months until I was able to transfer to Washington DC and leave her office
I thought that was the last of the ordeal, though I always wondered what was the origin that fetish. Until one day I saw this in the newspaper
"Kristi Noem says she shot and killed her 14 month puppy in the face. What to know about the South Dakota governor's recent controversy
As I was reading this, I looked up from the newspaper and there was an assassin in my kitchen! They said 'time to die' and I recognized the voice. 'South Dakota Kristi Noemi???' I said. She then said 'I'm already under water, we can't let news of our affair get out' and fired several more bullets but I dodged them and went into the living room
Thinking quick, I got my stuff dog toy and threw it at her. She caught it, looked at it, then immediately started shooting it in the face with one hand with using the other hand to reach into her pants to start masturbating. I took the distraction to escape
I got in my car and drove back to my hometown of [REDACTED]. To this day I am in hiding from Kristi Noem. Luckily I take a dog stuffie where ever I go in case she finds me, I tell people it's my emotional support stuffed animal
Created by u/gentoogirl, its a circlejerk story on the superiority complex of Linux users.
When I met my husband 10 yrs ago, he was everything I ever wanted. We met on a freenode IRC channel. He was a Gentoo and Linux-from-scratch dual-booter who could install both systems with his eyes closed. We used to have long, romantic conversations well past midnight about tabs vs spaces and open source. Our first fight ever was about MIT vs GPL licensing. On our first date, we shared our tiling manager config files with each other (this was the first time I truly felt love for a man).
However, lately he’s changed into a husk of the man he used to be. He migrated to Linux Mint, because, and I quote, he “just wants to get work done” and he “no longer has time to fiddle with [his] system”. Then, he started using GNOME for the same reason. This was already very suspicious. I mean, if he truly just wanted to start using a full DE, he could have at least picked KDE, right? Even Xfce I’d have been ok with.
Then, the other day, our relationship hit a breaking point. Here I was, working on my 2012 NixOS thinkpad, and hubby calls me over to his office. He said he “wanted to show me something”. I sit down on his chair, and you can imagine my terror as he pulls up vim on his terminal. He had a weird smile on his face, as if something had taken him over. He spent the next few mins “showing off” a variety of vim tricks he’d just learned. I had to turn my face to the side so he wouldn’t see the tears drying on my cheeks. Let me be clear: This was NOT the man I married.
Our relationship has had its ups and downs, but I never imagined my husband would stoop so low as to become a vim peasant. I don’t know what to do. Part me says I should just start divorce proceedings and get it over with, but the other part can’t help but wonder if perhaps my husband is being afflicted by some serious, undiagnosed mental illness.
Please advise reddit, my whole life is in shambles and I don’t know what to do
I don't know why everyone seems to think Selena is some sort of angel, she's a horrible person. Everyone seems to think she's a poor girl because she was ''heartbroken by Justin'' and she had Lupus and this and that. What her fans don't like to hear about though, is when she cheated on The Weeknd and how she's still literally obsessed with her exes. So for everyone clueless, in 2017, Selena was spotted and caught on camera hanging out with Justin Bieber, who at the time was dissing The Weeknd on his lives saying ''he's wack'' out of jealousy that The Weeknd was dating Selena. Obviously Selena knew what Justin was saying about The Weeknd but she still hung out with him while dating The Weeknd. And then guess what happened? They broke up and literally right away she dated Justin Bieber again. Now, some of you might say: ''Well people change'' and you're right! Justin now supports the Weeknd so I think there's a large change he's changed and isn't immature anymore. Selena though? Nope. She's still obsessed with him. How? Well, on The Weeknd's birthday he was kissing Simi Khadra. And guess who decides to get in the middle of their business? You guessed it' Selena posted a photo of her, Simi and some other girl and captions it: ''Since 2013 <3'' Or something. Of COURSE she had to post it right then. Like seriously? The Weeknd is so mature and he's long past their relationship. Can't Selena Just Move on like him? To be honest I think she's just using him for clout, because he's up in flames with his new album and no one talks a lot about her anymore; she's basically irrelevant. So she knew doing something like this would finally get her some publicity and make her relevant just for a short amount of time. Her fans need to realize that within the realm of Selena, Justin, and Abel - Selena isn't some angel who did nothing wrong and got heartbroken by both of them and is too good for them and that's why she single. She's single because she cheated on her ex and she's someone who uses her ex for clout when she becomes irrelevant. Ariana has gone through way more than Selena and doesn't even get the credit and sympathy she deserves while everyone is crying for Selena when she did it all to herself. (Minus the Lupus.) Her fans just say ''lol you don't know anything she didn't cheat'' while accusing JB and Abel of cheating on her with no proof whatsoever... There's proof she cheated on The Weeknd and honestly it's her loss and she's realized that now since she's using him for clout... I really don't get why everyone thinks she's a sweet innocent girl.
I was there. Behind the building around 3pm there were quite a few guys in all black, black masks, trying to do something by the air conditioning unit. I asked them what they were doing and this big guy in a metal helmet told me to get out of there. All of a sudden, this yellow Ford Transit pulled up and 4 anthropomorphic turtles get out and start beating the hell out of these dudes. Really whooping ass. Amongst the chaos, I saw the dude in the metal mask take off on a rocket and the turtles escaped into a sewer while this big ass rat held open the manhole cover. Wild Tuesday afternoon. I talked to some reporter named April O'Neal and she said our piece would air tonight.
