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Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.


TIFU by using Belle Delphine’s Gamer Girl condoms

    Quick backstory to why I even had one in the first place (I'm not a simp I swear)

A couple weeks ago it was my irl cake day and as a joke/gag gift, my friend bought 2 gamer girl condoms as he knew my gf and I were getting it on and wanted to embarrass us (we all laughed and no one was upset). I open up the small package and see the 2 of them just sitting there and couldn't control my laughter. But that's not why you're here to. Let's fast forward 2 days. My gf and I are starting to get steamy and right as we get that feeling, I realize I don't have any condoms and didn't buy any recently. So, in my stroke of genius, I remember the gift and go to my closet, take one, do a mental happy tap dance, and proceed (anyone over the age of 13 knows what happened next). Alright, let's now fast forward to yesterday. The past couple days my gf has been feeling off. Mostly an upset stomach. She also said she had this weird feeling as she said she was supposed to be on her girls days a few days ago (I don't know how they know that stuff). Then she looks at me with fear in her eyes as she nearly yells Oh GOD and say we have to go to the drugstore right now. So we do that, she goes into the bathroom, and. She's. Pregnant. My first thought was holy shit ima be a dad, then how would we support the kid. My gf hugs me and we just sit there, not knowing what to do. She isn't sure she's ready for a for a kid. But I'm going to fast forward again 5 minutes to when I wonder how this happened in the first place. Then I remember the condom. So I return to my closet, open the second one, put my finger in it and rub it against my hand. In 5 minutes, I can see tears start to appear (I had a bit of lube of it to recreate the circumstances). And I knew that's how it happened. That's how I fucked up by using Gamer girl condoms. Thank you if u managed to read this far, fuckin legend.

TL:DR I got my gf pregnant bc of sucky condoms

Edit: I'll give an update in a few days to a week.

    AITA for telling my black friend that his existence is an example of forced diversity?

      To put it simply, I'm a gamer, a die hard one in fact. I'm someone who absolutely despises politics in my video games. I remember coming home from school ready to play apolitical gems such as Bioshock and MGS with a nice plate of chicken nuggies (my mom made) at my side.

But those days are over, now its normal for a black person to not be a walking stereotype, and for women to no longer just be sex objects. Whenever I see 2 women kissing in my games (not in porn) I almost cry and think of how the neo-Marxist-SJW-gay agenda has ruined video games and traditional gaming values.

And after learning about this, I realize that my only black friend I have is political! It's sad to say that as we've been friends since the good ol MW2 lobbies. He didn't approve of me saying the n-word constantly but we still got along!

So I decided to tell him that I didn't approve of him inserting his political agenda into my life and I cut all ties with him. Although he didn't really seem to care when I told him, he just called me a racist basement dweller without a job. (Him calling me a racist is the only part that isn't true) Our relationship kinda fell out of place when I accidentally called him a racial slur. (Heated gamer moment)

Anyways I just wrote this to see if you guys think I did the right thing.

      AITA for not telling my wife about all the hitchhikers I killed in the 70s?

        Back when I (68M) was a young and dumb twenty-something, I spent a few carefree years in Southern California raping, torturing, and murdering hitchhikers. I don't want any judgement from SJWs about this, please, if you didn't live in Cali in the 1970s, you wouldn't understand. It was just what we did back in those days. Eventually I grew up, got married, had three beautiful kids, and was content to just get off to my trophies and polaroids, and maybe kill the occasional drifter on special occasions.

The other day, my wife (37F) found the hidden panel in my basement wall where I keep all the old memories, and she went ballistic. I tried to calm her down, explained that, firstly, they were all dudes, so she shouldn't exactly be getting jealous. Second, they're all dead, so it's not like she's going to have to worry about me leaving her for any of them. Third, there were like three or four other guys doing the same thing around then, and they took the credit for most of my kills. I was very careful, covered my tracks, rarely finished inside them. I don't know why she's got her knickers in such a twist.

Quite frankly, I'm feeling really hurt about the whole thing. We've been together for nearly thirty years, and she's thinking about leaving me over something like this? Maybe I should have been more honest, but I was raised to see this as men's business, not something you involve your old lady in.

Am I the asshole?

        MY CAT DIED, POKIMANE DIDNT SAY MY NAME AFTER A 1000$ DONATION AND THEN MY FAMILY AND I DIED IN A CAR CRASH, CAN THIS GET 20,000 UPDOOTS AN F AND REDDIT GOLD?

          Sorry for my bad english. Also I’m typing on mobile, if im make any spelling mistakes im sorry.

So i was browsing reddit. i did my daily deed by creating my 420th account to downvote EA’s comment about microtransactions (EPIC). and then i saw a hilarious meme about dying in a car crash on r/dankmemes. i decided to try it out. So me, being the typical redditor decided to take my wife and children with me (SPOILER, THIS WAS A MISTAKE). Not with standing, we were in the car and saw a big truck. Now i’m a fan of big trucks, let me tell you, but the driver was clearly an insta normie. We crashed into the truck going 250 mph. My wife was vaporised immediately. The car flipped 69 times (nice). Cum, everywhere. My cock and balls, tortured. My reddit gold, gone. r/wooosh.  now you might have noticed the truck driver has uploaded this accident on r/watchpeopledie after committing 4 counts of vehicular manslaughter. This guy is a repeat offender when it comes to reposting. I could name several instances in which he reposted in r/blursedimages and r/aww. Typically he reigns in 20% karma gains as compared to the original posts. This is outrageous. But what is more outrageous is this man, this normie decides to repost on to instagram! Unforgivable! Onto his instagram account, i have noticed several posts causing me to believe he is a boomer! Not just this, but a simp! He supports the orange man and kills children! To relieve my stress after this scarring incident, I decided to donate my life savings to pokemane. Now this bitch, didn't even say my name! I cant believe this! And then, to top it all off, after uploading my cat to r/chonkers HE DIES! It was right after his 12th meal of the day, so at least he died happily. Could it be the cat food? Has anyone else experienced this? After my cat dying i asked my crush out and she said no! My wifes boyfriend called me a cuck and insulted my neckbeard. I was sad. I covered my tears with my fedora. “M’lady”, i whispered, “please forgive me, i have failed you”. After this i went onto r/pewdiepiesubmissions to defend a woman being bullied by evil men. They called me a simp, but i knew that i was actually a protector of the female gender from the patriarchy! 

TLDR: Keanu chungus updoot raid reddit gold platinum UWU wholesome what are your greatest cumshots OWO r/whoosh r/pewdiepiesubmissions r/incel r/funny r/AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA r/askreddit r/incel r/funny r/AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA r/askreddit

Edit 1: Thank you for the gold, kind stranger!

Edit 2: WOW! My first platinum? Incredible! 

Edit 3: 69 thousand updoots? We did it reddit!

Edit 4: Keanu would be proud! Thank you!

Edit 5: WOW! 100 thousand upvotes! I came!!!!

Edit 6: Incredible! The amount of upvotes I have is almost as many murders as I have committed in Syria!

Update 1: I am in jail due to my war crimes in Syria. AMA

          Search Results Web results A Day In The Life Of Kanye West

            After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest. Then to school to take his Kanye Test. He forgot to brush his teeth. Did he run out of Kanye Crest? His neighbor stole it, what a Kanye Pest.