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Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.


My girlfriend has this police fantasy but as a libertarian it really bothers me.

    I posted this to r/libertarian but it got removed, thought here would be better. Ideally there would be an r/libertarianBDSM where we fight against government restriction on the sale and ownership of sex toys, but I digress.

My girlfriend, a sub, wants me to handcuff her, and enact this fantasy of giving her a strip search, moving onto a cavity search, in which I become suspicious and conduct a “further investigation using my penis” (her words). While I am very much attracted to her, my libertarian ideals mean that I just don’t think I can consent to this scene. The idea of my very own girlfriend giving into and being taken advantage of by a piggy (law enforcement officer) just makes me totally soft. Plus with the symbolism of getting fucked by a cop rattling around in my head I don’t think I’ll be able to focus on cumming.

I want to make her happy, this has been a long time fantasy of hers, but I just can’t get over the idea of my girlfriend being a bootlicker, let alone take advantage and blow my load thanks to the oppressive power structures that benefit government thugs.

    When your normie class doesn’t understand Reddit and memes

      I did an epic troll on my normie class

My class if full of NORMIES! So I trolled them

So we had a substitute teacher and he went to get something from the back room. I decided to pin a picture of small Keanu Reeves along with big Chungus on the wall. Everyone starts saying “Sit down fucking idiot.” I say “No u” along with “destruction 100.” I’m on the floor dying right now while the class cannot understand the funny reference. Then I see some girl next to me on her phone. So I decide to lean and see what she’s doing. Turns out, she’s an INSTANormie and I yell “FUCKING NORMIE (with Pepe angry face) REEEEEE. USE REDDIT YOU FUCKING TUMOR!” Everyone is uncultured and looks at me like a weirdo. The girl says “The fuck is wrong with you? I don’t care about your stupid opinions.” I reply by making a Joe Joe reference “DIE NORMIE! (Here comes Joe Joe reference) MUDA MUDA MUDA!” My class starts yelling at me calling me autistic because they don’t know memes. The sub comes back and sees Keanu Chungus and this happens.

Sub: Who did this

Me: Oh I think it was Joe

Sub: What?

Me: JOE Mama

I start Rolf (rolling on the floor laughing) and Xding (XD is an emoticon for laughing, better than cancer emojis FYI.) My sub gives the entire class lunch detention and everyone is mad at me but at least it was epic lol. Just wish people were more cultured in Reddit.

I’d like to remind everyone that after school everyone was talking shit abt me. So I stood in front of them on the planter T posing going “mmmmmmmmmmm” and “DOOT DOOT.” Fucking everyone calls me a weirdo. I see a group of kids on their phones, so I walked and they were playing Fortnite like faggots (term by 4chan). So I call them a bunch of autists and how Minecraft is better. They walked away like a bunch fucking noons. People STARE at me when I tap them saying “CREEPER....” It’s a Minecraft parody that’s not that bad musically but they’re supposed to respond with “Aww man.” But nobody ever does.

      Reddit should start their own country.

        Reddit should start their own country. Think about it: it would have a much higher IQ than most other countries. We could ban tik tok and fortnite, and every computer sold has to come with Minecraft preinstalled. We could also ban emojis too.

We all have very good ideas about society and government, so I think we would be far more efficient. I've seen so many posts with so many good ideas, not to mention our country would be the most progressive and other countries would look to us for direction. We would easily become the next superpower. If everyone left America for a new country, we would easily surpass America.

We could make Keanu our president and have PewDiePie on the flag. It would be the most wholesome country too!

Those are just some ideas I have and my own opinion.

        TIFU by going a little too hard during sex

          Ok so some info before we get started

(M)e: Penis size- 6.9 inches (sex number (nice)) Looks- 9 Wit and Charm: 10 IQ: 140

G(F) Age- 18 Looks- 10 (Fat ass too) Wit and Charm: 3 IQ: 135 (thankfully lower and within 5 of mine)

So one day I woke up with a throbbing erection and I grabbed my hot GF and told her I wanted to have sex very sexily with her. She said ohhh baby I want to have lots of sexy sex with you because I am in a sexy mood, but I have a bit of a headache. I said I don’t care and shoved my sexy sword right into her sex sheathe and there was lots of sweaty sex and stuff and she had a baby too.

Once we finished sexy time I told her to go make me some food. She finished and made me some really good food and I told her it was time for round 2. I lasted about 15 minutes, but she was already sexily orgasming within 10 seconds, because I’m just so good at sex with crazy libido.

TL;DR: Sex

          Found on r/HydroHomies

            That's where you're wrong partner. You've never seen me guzzle a full 4L in one go. By the time the first litre is gone, every pair of panties in the room has already hit the floor; every female human in a 12 kilometre radius explodes with a sexual fury likened to that of a monsoon. And for the males? They are made to look like little boys, shaking in their little boy boots. Scientists say you should only drink 250ml of water every 15 minutes to prevent oversaturation of the electrolytic cells, but I am a man of faith, a man of God, and this allows my body to accommodate the most egregious amounts of water without risk of death. So tell me, you casual; are you intimidated by me? You should be. God forbid I drink even a small cup of water around your female girlfriend, because if that were the case.... you'd be sleeping alone tonight, partner.

            r/ratemypoo is an absolute JOKE.

              r/ratemypoo is an absolute JOKE. How is one supposed to accurately rate a poo merely by the picture of it?

Does a candle connoisseur judge a candle based on it's appearance alone, without giving it a sniff? Does a food critic write their review purely on the merit of the aesthetic of the plating of the dish, without tasting? Does a sculptor select clay for what is to be a priceless piece of art without first feeling its texture and density?

No.

So how am I ever to fairly "rate your poo" if I do not experience your poo with a variety of senses. Just going off a picture I will miss out on many things about your poo: the nutty and oaky hints in it's scent. I would never know its sweet flavor, yet acidic after taste. I would miss your poos sticky, almost stretchy texture.

I would miss all of those qualities in your poo, and countless other subtleties invisible to the eye. All I would have to go off of is the picture of it floating cheerlessly in it's porcelain pool, waiting to be mercilessly whisped into the unknown of the pipes. How am I supposed to feel good giving such a soulless, uninformed rating of your poo?