Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.
No? You know what? Just go away.
Every time someone posts a picture, a gif, a video, a screenshot, or just anything really that involves some kind of "corporate" thing - A video game, a logo, or probably just even the town hall of a city given how overboard you dummies go, you have to r/HailCorporate it.
I'm done. I've had enough. You can't just spam r/HailCorporate and expect an upvote. You can't just be like "dude, you're playing a game?" and post r/HailCorporate. You just can't.
I doubt you even work for corporate given how against them you are. You live in a cardboard box, typing on your CrapBook Pro, feeling good about yourself because you think you just "called someone else out" for being a corporate shrill.
Just who do you think you are? Some epic 12-year-old on the internet with le cool fedora posting about how "corporate shrill hails this, corporate shrill hails that?" Well, I've got news for you. You aren't anything. You aren't epic, you aren't a 12-year-old, and your fedora certainly isn't le cool.
I hope in time you will learn that not everybody and everything is a corporate shrill.
I shall take no wife and father no children. I shall wear no condoms and slay no pussy. I shall live and die in my virginity. I am the penis in the nothing. I am the watcher of the Naruto, Netflix, and porn. I am the shield that guards the women from me. I pledge my debauchery and extreme (Borat Accent)¡retardations! to the Dank Watch, for this night and all the nights to come.
First off: I am not joking. I wish I was joking.
I've been with my wonderful boyfriend Greg for over 4 years now, and this Christmas was our third spent together. He's so much fun to be around, handsome, charming, and our sex life is great. Except for one small problem.
Every year now starting in December he starts referring to his cum as "Greggnog." When I first heard him say this, it was in the context of a joke, so I laughed, and then I forgot about it. A few days after this, we're exchanging some spicy texts before he gets home from work he says to me, in all seriousness, "I can't wait to pour Greggnog all over your face." I could not believe he just said that to me, but I didn't know what else to do at the time but go along with it.
Fast forward to this December. This phrase re-enters his vocabulary at the same time every year. It makes me cringe beyond belief, but until this year he used it sparingly enough for me to just be able to laugh and say "shut the fuck up."
I'm sure that 2020 has done at least some irreparable psychic damage to all people, but unfortunately, for my boyfriend, this has manifested in the form of him referring to his cum as "Greggnog" non-stop. This month he has been using the term almost exclusively, in all contexts, and it is driving me batshit insane. I sat him down to talk last week, and I asked him very clearly and directly to stop. At the time, he said he would, and it did slow down for a few days, but it is now four days after Christmas and he's back at it again with no end in sight.
He absolutely means the world to me, and I saw myself spending the rest of my life with him, but I have serious doubts now whether or not I can if every Christmas is going to be like this. So please, reddit, what do I do to make this stop for good?
It all started on May 15th 2004. As you can probably guess, I (420 months old) was watching Ukranian singer Ruslana bust out a filthy performance of "Wild Dances" for the Eurovision Song Contest Finale. I could feel a chub cumming on, but by the 69th smack of her tambourine it had turned into a beast of an erection. At first I tried to fight it back down. Yet, after 3 hours of meditation, listening to NPR, and replaying that one scene from The Passion of the Christ where Jesus gets nailed to the cross over and over, I realized this was no ordinary boner...
This was an everlasting knob-whopper.
I decided to keep it going as long as possible. Maybe get into the Guinness Book of World Records and finally prove to my deadbeat father that I was more than just "what you'd get if an autistic moose broke into a Taco Bell storeroom and subsequently cloned itself with shit."
Here is a list of the times it was hardest to stay erect (in order):
1. When Bush got re-elected
2. My grandma's funeral
3. Had a nightmare where I was the middle dude in the human centipede (this was before I learned to lucid dream)
4. Homeless guy kicked me in the nuts after I got kidnapped by gang members, tortured, and tossed out of a moving truck in the rain.
5. Colonoscopy
On the other hand, I came way too close to nutting when:
1. A stranger unexpectedly smacked my ass in Target when I bent down to look for stray quarters
2. Prostate exam in '09 (didn't know there were girl doctors - was caught off guard)
3. Watching the Dark Knight
4. When the cashier looked at me for more than 2 seconds in the checkout line at Spencers holding the mega thicc 19" monster dildo I bought.
5. When I came 69th in a Fortnite match (highest score ever)
Last night I finally decided to end it after watching my fave Only Fans performer lick jam off her feet for half an hour. The release was monstrous. My penis contracted so hard my shaft vacuum sealed and caused such pressure to build up that the next jizz rocket slammed a hole through my ceiling. I blacked out after that, and woke up in a pool of my own brogurt dazed and confused, but somehow, at peace.
Then I got thrown out of the Starbucks.
AMA!
Ok, so today I was talking to my friend over text. I asked him what's his favorite anime but then he told me that he doesn't watch it and thinks it's boring. I was confused as to why he didn't watch anime. I told him about how much I like to watch anime "for the plot" but he didn't really show much interest. I then asked him if we could play Among Us later but then he said he has to go to church this afternoon. I never knew he was a Christian. I was asking him why he believed in God and he didn't reply so I told him he's intellectually inferior to me and that his parents indoctrinated him into believing in God. I was sending him scientific studies that show proof that atheists are more intellectually superior to people who believe in religion. I later found out that he was attending a funeral at the church.
Edit: Why do I find it hard to make friends?
