Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.
if you go to walmart at 3 AM naked, and scream "AMONG US SUS" 69 times, these mysterious figures known as "The Police" will knock you out, and you'll end up in a cell with a man nicknamed "BIG JOHN".
pretty scary, right?
I may have accidentally committed a felony today by inadvertently exposing myself to a teenage girl.
I recently had a baby, and in an effort to maximize time, I often pump for cum while I'm driving. Earlier today I had to pick up a Target drive-up order just as I was finishing my pumping session.
I pulled into the parking spot and clicked the "I'm here" button in the app, figuring I'd have a few minutes to get pumping wrapped up and put away. I shouldn't have underestimated Target's customer service.
Within 20 seconds a pubescent teen girl was staring at me through my drivers seat window, mere inches from my cum splattered, grotesque postpartum cock and balls (which could probably more accurately be described as big jim and the twins).
Her face told an epic story only a seasoned author could conjure:
1. Confusion.
2. Skeptical confusion as she starred directly at my tip being sucked into the transparent flanges like a profane cow
3. Horror
4. Massive embarrassment.
I have a feeling she will be conjuring this story to a therapist someday, LOL!
TL:DR: I didn't get my pumping session wrapped up soon enough and flashed a teenage Target employee with my cum producing cock and balls.
I have an unhealthy habit of imagining my dick as a 6 speed manual transmission, and shifting gears with it.
I do it every time I have a rock hard boner especially when I'm in no mood to jerk off.
Last week, I was at my parents house for dinner. So, after I was done with my dinner, I was horny so decided to head back to my old room and have a little sausage massage session.
I put on some ebony porn, and started to slowly play with myself. Halfway through, I lost interest, but I had a rock solid boner, so I decided to shift gears with it. So, I put on some manual transmission car racing videos on my TV, and shifted gears with my dick whenever the guys in the video shifted the gears. I was trying to match the timing, and it was fun.
The fun lasted for 10 minutes, until my dad barged into my room to ask me if I would fancy some ice cream. The puzzled look on his face said everything.
tl;dr :- My dad caught me shifting gears with my dick to car racing videos.FAQ What does this mean? The amount of cum (semen) on my phone and Reddit phone has increased by one. Why did you do this? There are several reasons I may deem a comment to be worthy of cum. These include, but are not limited to: • you being a femboy, • Spreading sti infections, • Sarcasm correctly flagged with a /s. Am I banned from the Reddit? No. But you should make comments like this in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to not cum. I don't believe my comment deserved a nut. Can you un-nut to it? Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I undo a nut. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot your nut on me. I tend to respond to Being shot with nut within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of nut appeals are rejected, and yours is likely no exception. How can I prevent this from happening in the future? Accept the nut and move on. your behavior will be nutted to on Reddit.com. I will continue to nut until you stop boing so hot 😩 Remember: I’m horny uwu
This monster cockroach had taken up residence in my bathroom for like the last year but whenever I tried to catch him he would always slip my grasp. About 10 minutes ago I finally corner the bastard in a cartoon box. I find a way to maneuver the roach into the toilet without wasting any time, and a sense of victory washes over me. But is this enough? Oh hell no I want this fucker to suffer. I decide I'm going to drop a load on him before I flush him, a dishonorable sendoff. So I get on the toilet and start going to work. It starts coming out and this is one solid log I had been holding on to for about half an hour (because xbox) I aim by looking through my legs, all is going well, the log is right on coarse. Eventually it makes contact, and this is when all hell breaks lose. The roach goes full rambo and climbs UP MY SHIT towards my butthole! I panic and start jumping around like a 50's housewife who just spotted a rat. Mind you my log hadn't been broken yet so I'm spreading that shit all over the bathroom in the process. Best part? The little bastard got away. Now I'm sitting on my computer procrastinating cleaning my bathroom covered in fecal matter.
OMG! You got me! Take my damn award and leave. Get the hell out. Collapse my reply right this second! You must take every course of action possible to distance yourself from me after you have frustrated me into coughing up this worthless Reddit emoji. Leave this subreddit at once! Delete your account and the Reddit app. Smash your phone and laptop and terminate your home WiFi connection. Take whatever you can carry on your back and flee far far away, as far as you can go on your own two feet. Then, once you tire, you must find an alternate mode of transportation to travel even farther, for you have truly flummoxed and bamboozled me with the stunning ingenuity of your comment. I must ensure that I have no chance of ever seeing you again, for I would be put to utter shame by your endless glory in the off chance that we crossed paths. Go get on a plane, taxi, bus, ship, motorcycle, or whatever you desire and travel until you reach the nearest space station. From here, you must enter training for several long years to become an astronaut so that you may leave this planet forever. I have no doubt you would be able to complete the training program fluidly despite lacking all relevant work or education experience due to the cutting-edge wordplay you have exhibited in the meticulous creation of your comment. Once you finish training, and embark on your first mission to space, you must use your incredible genius to hijack the space shuttle, hack the ground computer control systems, and pilot yourself in a trajectory away from our solar system and deep into interstellar space. Only by sending yourself to the farthest corners of not just our galaxy, our galaxy cluster, nor local supercluster, but to the edge of the observable universe may I be safe from being dissolved to atoms by the mere aura of your presence.