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Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.


I can hear my roommate masturbating through the walls, should I walk in on her?

    Source
    I rent an apartment with a friend. At night I can sometimes hear her breathing heavily and masturbating. Not through the room, but the walls. For some reason, sound travels easily through these walls. I noticed it when I lay in bed one night and leaned the side of my head to the wall making my ear sit right next to the wall. She is kind of shy and reserved. I of course have to masturbate as well when I hear her doing it since it's so incredibly hot.

What I've been thinking about is kind of just walking in on her with a bulging boner asking her if she needs help. That or maybe just telling her how hot it is. I don't know...

Not sure what the results are going to be though.

EDIT: I decided to walk in on her. It went okay.

    What a beautiful day for cooming to TIFU posts

      Your average TIFU redditor
      (Wakes up) The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, my dick is throbbing, what a beautiful day for cooming to TIFU posts. Good morning Reddit, I've been awake for 20 whole seconds and I haven't coomed yet. It's time to hop on my porn throne and machine gun jackhammer my bloodshot death-grip bloodshot semi chub with my roided doomfist once again! (Types on keyboard). I-s...is that a NSFW tag?? HMMGH, I-I MUST UPVOTE, GOOD SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIR OH GOD (FAPFAPFAPFAP) FUCCKK, HUHGHU, UPVOTE, HUHGJGUHHGUGHU (SMASHES DESK) I-I-IM COOOMING!!!!! IM COOMING, IM COOMING IM COOOMING IM COOOOOMING COOOOOOOOOOM, COOOMING, FUCCKKK, AHHAFHHAHUHG, COOOOOM, AW FUCK ITS EVERYWHERE, COOOOOM, AWGAHUGHAHG. Aw fuck, aw fuck. oh jesus. ahhghhha, there you are, my slippery white goo to the world, my son, my son...Well, it's time to get breakfast...well a little coom first wouldn't hurt.

      TIFU by having sex with my dominant girlfriend

        TIFU is an internet slang term that stands for “Today I F***ed Up.”
        first off, im a bisexual female.

I fucked up by doing something a little awkward while having sex. the fuck up is actually making up a story so horny redditors can have a wank over something which never happened. PLEASE, give me expensive reddit awards so i can browse reddit without having to deal with those stupid ads.

TL;DR: the tl dr is basically just a pun which is even more misleading than the title.

        Just unsubbed from r/FemBoys

          A femboy is a slang term used to describe a young, cisgender male who displays feminine characteristics.
          Receny revisited r/FemBoys and i was blown away by how little the sub has gone down. It must be either unmoderated or the mods dont care, becuase contrary to the name of the subreddit it has almost no actual cisgender men. 70% of the content there is transgender women. There is a seperate porn subbreddit for transgender women. When i go to a subreddit for fememine men, I expect feminene men, not women. In fact I find it ridiculous that this is allowed under reddit rules, as the implication that trans women are simply femenine men feels really transphobic.

          Here is a totally scary fact for all of reddit:

            amogus backwards is still amogus
            if you go to walmart at 3 AM naked, and scream "AMONG US SUS" 69 times, these mysterious figures known as "The Police" will knock you out, and you'll end up in a cell with a man nicknamed "BIG JOHN".

pretty scary, right?

            TIFU by accidentally flashing my enormous cum-producing cock and balls to a teenage Target employee

              NTA your cock your rules
              I may have accidentally committed a felony today by inadvertently exposing myself to a teenage girl.

I recently had a baby, and in an effort to maximize time, I often pump for cum while I'm driving. Earlier today I had to pick up a Target drive-up order just as I was finishing my pumping session.

I pulled into the parking spot and clicked the "I'm here" button in the app, figuring I'd have a few minutes to get pumping wrapped up and put away. I shouldn't have underestimated Target's customer service.

Within 20 seconds a pubescent teen girl was staring at me through my drivers seat window, mere inches from my cum splattered, grotesque postpartum cock and balls (which could probably more accurately be described as big jim and the twins).

Her face told an epic story only a seasoned author could conjure:

1.    Confusion.

2.    Skeptical confusion as she starred directly at my tip being sucked into the transparent flanges like a profane cow

3.    Horror

4.    Massive embarrassment.

I have a feeling she will be conjuring this story to a therapist someday, LOL!

TL:DR: I didn't get my pumping session wrapped up soon enough and flashed a teenage Target employee with my cum producing cock and balls.