Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.
How do I get my husband to stop going ‘Goblin Mode’ during sex?
TLDR; My husband says ‘Goblin Mode activated’ when we start to have sex, growls and acts like a caveman, and then says ‘Goblin Mode off’ when we stop, and then pretends not to remember afterward.
I really love my husband and he’s always been great in bed. But recently he’s been acting really weird. So, a couple of days ago, my son went on a rampage through our house and said he was in ‘Goblin Mode’. We didn’t really know what to do with him, so we sent him to live with my parents so he can go to a special needs school. My husband a really great relationship with our son and loved him more than anything. Naturally, he was upset when he had to leave. He’s an incredibly tough man, but this was the first time I’ve ever seen him cry. I think since then, he’s been a little emotionally unwell. I’ve heard him muttering, ‘Goblin’ repeatedly when he didn’t notice me, staring blankly into his food, and just going alone by himself to do who knows what. I feel awful for him, but we both agreed that this was for the best. Last night, the day after our son went away, we decided to have sex to relieve our stress. However, my husband said ‘Goblin Mode activated’, starting growling, and went wild having sex with me. Admittedly, it was some of the best and most experimental sex I’ve ever had, but I’m worried that something might be going on with my husband. Any advice?
Edit: The problem isn’t the ‘Goblin Mode’, it’s that he could be ill
Your karma score has decreased by 1 after I read your comment. The fact that your account is 8 years old makes it seem like you’d be capable of wit, but your comment sounds like it was written by a medieval peasant trying to sound smart. Not your fault, per se, some of us are born this way. Hell, I’m a high functioning sociopath and I feel nothing but disdain for most of the people on Reddit for being self entitled, privileged, and milquetoast.
Source: I took psychology and morality class.
P.S. I have bipolar disorder so I might have gone a bit off at you. Same idea, though.
I was sadly laid off from my job a few days ago. My circadian rhythm has been off as a result, so I decided to head down to my local GameStop to mentally reset (and maybe pick up a few Funko Pops & more batteries).
The store looked immaculate (obviously). It even passed what I call 'the white glove test', which is where I put on a single white glove and go around touching things to see if I collect any dust.
After a few minutes of testing, it dawned upon me that the kid working there didn't greet me upon entering, so I strode up to the counter to confront him.
"Everything ok?" I coolly asked, disguising the true rage burning inside of me.
He just sort of nodded, asking if there was anything he could help me with and why I was walking around touching things with gloves on.
"Heh. Just thought I'd pop in to see how my store is doing." I replied. "Looks good. Though, I couldn't help but notice that you failed to greet me when I entered the building, which is a real problem - here at GameStop we greet all of our customers."
Visibly confused, he asked me if I was a corporate employee or something.
"Employee? Not legally. I am however a shareholder, which makes me a part owner and, technically, your boss."
In that moment, he knew that he fucked up; he began to stammer out an apology, but I wasn't having it. This kid just disrespected a shareholder.
"Look, kid," I interrupted, puffing out my chest to look as big and intimidating as I could. "You should be thankful that we've given you the opportunity to work for the most innovative tech giant on the planet. Failing to greet people hurts the customer experience. Hurting the customer experience brings down company profits. My profits. And I'll be dead before a little piss baby like you is gonna fuck with my money. Keep it up, and you won't have to worry about greeting people anymore. Understood?"
I began to leave, all the while he just sort of stared at me, shaking his head and asking what I was talking about.
"Oh, and one more thing," I added, one foot out the door. "I'll be having this Funko Pop on the house." and I grabbed the nearest one and left without paying.
I haven't been back to the store since, but I imagine that the kid now has everything shipshape and has been greeting every customer since. It feels good to help my company!
NO ONE TOLD ME THAT WHEN YOU FLIRTED WITH YOUR CRUSH, FUCKING PRE-CUM WOULD LEAK OUT
I HAD GOTTEN OFF THE PHONE WITH MY CRUSH WHILE WE WERE FLIRTING AND AFTERWARDS I SAID TO MYSELF "damn my crotch feels cold." SO I SCRATCHED IT AND THE TIP FELT WET AND I GOT S00000 FUCKING EMBARRASSED
WHAT THE FUCK
I (31F) have been with my boyfriend (30M) for a year, and we’re moving in together. I do accounting so I’m calculating our finances to estimate what we can afford. I noticed a $1000 charge EVERY month on his statements. I asked about it and he said it’s for OnlyFans woman. He says he's never cheated and never will and he's never met or talked to this woman. She's American so he says there is no chance of anything happening, but there’s no reason to stop paying once we live together.
I'm stunned. My boyfriend is a simp. There are no other words. I do not object to the pornography with consenting adults and I don't care if he looks at it. But we’ve been together for a year. Continued simping when we live together and merge our finances is red flag. I've said I'm uncomfortable and won't live with him if he continues simping, but he just repeats the never cheated act. I feel like I'm being gaslighted because now he's angry I won't live with him. I needed to get this out to process because I was so shocked when I found out my boyfriend is a simp.
I'm on a throwaway since I don't want to talk about this on my main. So about a week ago my wife told me she thought the idea of eating my asshole was hot and she wanted to do it. I thought that was kind of weird so I laughed and said I guess we can try it but I asked her what was do hot about it and either some gentle prodding I got to the heart of the issue. She wanted to try eating my shit.
I love my wife so, so much. We've been married for 6 years, have two beautiful children and a wonderful life together. I figured that I could at least try it even though the thought makes me squeamish. For her. She definitely does sexual things (albeit a bit more "normal" things) for me that don't really get her off so I thought what's the harm?
Well she took the kids to her moms house yesterday and told me to shower. I showed and she had a drink for me when I got out. I drank a couple more then we went to the bathroom and got naked and she laid in the tub (for easy cleanup) and I crouched over her with my asshole exposed. She started kissing and licking it while rubbing my cock which honestly was not unpleasant. Then it got a bit weird. She was moaning and playing with herself while eating my ass then she moaned "Feed me baby. I want your shit. I want it all." I tried to poop but it was really weird and uncomfortable. Right as I started to feel it slipping out I heard her moan "Fuck yes!" then she sucked the small piece of shit right out of my asshole and started eating it. I felt so gross and uncomfortable that I honestly almost started crying. I watched the mother of my children and the woman I love suck a nugget of shit out of my ass and eat it. It was one of the most disgusting experiences of my life and I need to talk to her because she texted me today that she wants to eat more of my "special brownies" and I haven't responded. I'm going to have to sit her down and tell her I don't think I can ever do that again.
